_Still the Same-
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Posted:Feb 3, 2007 6:16 am
Last Updated:May 11, 2024 4:27 pm
3043 Views
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I saw Bob Seger in Worcester on Tuesday evening. He's still the same!! Grayer to be sure but still the same energy and voice!!
This was an especially emotional evening for me. I felt Cam's presence, he would have been so happy to see Seger performing again. I have to think he was there listening to "Roll Me Away", "Night Moves" and all the other great Seger stuff!!
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Honestly, could it get any better!!!
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Posted:Dec 26, 2006 5:37 am
Last Updated:Dec 30, 2006 6:54 am
3093 Views
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Christmas this year!! when i think about last year and the trials we faced as a family i am so grateful!!
I began the holiday with lunch, gifts and a great visit with Songbird on Saturday. Christmas Day began with a visit with Mom. My brother and his family were there along with both my and their partners and, of course, my grandbaby!!! We came back to my home for gift exchange and dinner. My were so good to me!!
The culmination of the evening was my prodigal , the redhead, handing me an envelope. When i opened it i began to cry. He gave me tickets to see "Bob Seger" on Jan. 30th!! This gift was a two fold miracle. Firstly anyone who knows me, knows what Seger meant to Cam and me. Cam would have been so thrilled to see Seger touring again after eleven years!! Secondly, that my troubled is in such a good place and that he actually pays enough attention to me to know what this gift would mean!! I am truly blessed.
I look forward to this new year and the wonderful place my family, all of em, find themselves in. In the words of that song reintroduced on Rod Stuarts new c.d.
"Look at me, I am old but I'm happy"
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Today is my Birthday
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Posted:Dec 18, 2006 6:34 am
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2007 9:09 am
3485 Views
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I'm thinking back to last year. My was in jail for possession {he was very very lucky, it could have been possession with intent}The other was doing ok, just married. My health sucked, i honestly thought the doctors were right giving me three years to live after my surgery.
What a difference a year makes!! My learned from his mistakes. He works everyday, has a gf that thinks the world of him. He just called me to wish me a happy birthday and tell me he will be here tonight. The other will be here as well. My baby grandson is here, he spent the night with "Meemaw"
My health is better than it has been in a long time. I told the doctor its my 17 and a half pound vitamin pill, lol. My grandbaby has made all the difference!!
My life is full, i am content. I have good friends {Song you're the best} I have a family that is on the right path, I love my home, my cat and my Divadog.
I'm finally not afraid to be me and i really don't care what folks think so Ricky are you watching? Today is my birthday, I am SIXTY ONE years old today!!!!!!
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Another Baby
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Posted:Sep 26, 2006 4:31 am
Last Updated:Sep 28, 2006 7:22 am
3085 Views
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I found out last night that Layne will have a brother or sister!! He's only four months old and as thrilled as i am to have another grandchild I know how difficult this will be.
The rely on me a great deal, I have the baby a lot and I just pray i'll stay healthy enough to take care of two little ones. I'm all they have, they couldnt afford daycare and i wouldnt want "Layne" to go anyway.
Zach and Molly are so young, they'll be 21 when this second baby arrives. Hard as they work they are not financially stable and with another i fear their dream of owning a home will be hard to fulfill.
Molly's Mother didnt react well. Molly's parents help the out financially and her reaction was "you're ruining everyones life" I'm sure she reacted out of frustration and will soon get used to the idea. I kinda don't blame her, Molly's Dad is 68 years old and still works everyday because he helps so many folks. But, my feeling is what is the point of chastising after the fact. Baby is on its way, nothin will change that and bad feelings have no place in this joyous occasion.
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Happy, Happy Birthday Baby
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Posted:Aug 23, 2006 6:28 am
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2006 7:32 am
3451 Views
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Wind and storm (wah-ooh)
Gone's the sun (wah-ooh)
From the stars (wah-ooh)
My dark has come
You've gone from me, whoa, whoa, tragedy......
Oh, come back (come back)
Have me here (right here)
Hold me love (my love)
Be sincere
You've gone from me, whoa, whoa, tragedy......
Like smoke (like smoke) from a fire (from a fire)
Our love (of love) whoa oh oh whoa
Our dreams (our dreams) have all gone (all gone)
Above (above) whoa oh oh whoa
Blown (blown by wind)
Kissed by the snow
All that's left is the dark be-ee (below)
You've gone from me, whoa, whoa, tragedy
Whoa, whoa, whoa tragedy
__________________________________________________
Don't you know that you are a shooting star
Don't you know
Don't you know that you are a shooting star
And all the world will love you
Just as long, as long as you are
I Miss You!
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A question i don't want to answer
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Posted:Aug 21, 2006 9:04 am
Last Updated:Sep 3, 2006 7:43 am
3343 Views
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Sundays are the day i set aside to tend to my wounded heart. I play old songs, remember Cam but i don't cry!! You asked me today if i did or if i had yet. The answer is no but the tears are so close. His birthday is soon, crying is healthy right? Crying is also frightening because i don't want to cross to the other side and begin the healing process. I feel safe in this cocoon of longing, of missing him. If i cry will i begin to be reborn into a world where I can miss him without feeling pain? Will i hear a new song and not think of him? I'm not ready for that, not sure i ever will be.
Am i wallowing? No, i don't think so. I'm happy, my life is secure, comfortable. I have a new, all consuming love in my first grandchild. Its enough, I don't talk about Cam, i laugh and love and live. I have friends,especially my bestest galpal who knows my heart.
Over the past couple of years my body has betrayed me. Maybe thats part of it, I really find myself limited as to what future i can contemplate. All i know is i need Cam and i cannot wash him away with tears.
I’ve been around this world, Yet I see no end.
All shall fade to black again and again.
This storm that’s broken me, my only friend.
Yeah
In this river all shall fade to black
In this river aint no coming back
In this river all shall fade to black
Aint no coming back
Withdrawn a step away, just to find my self
The door is closed again, the only one left
This storm that’s broken me my only friend
Yeah
In this river all shall fade to black
In this river aint no coming back
In this river all shall fade to black
In this river all shall fade to black
In this river aint no coming back
In this river all shall fade to black
Aint no coming back
In this river all shall fade to black
In this river aint no coming back
In this river all shall fade to black
In this river ain't no coming back
Ain't no coming back
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Wait for Me
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Posted:Jul 30, 2006 9:30 am
Last Updated:May 11, 2024 4:27 pm
3195 Views
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I'm playing Segers new single "Wait for Me" and, of course, thinking about Cam. Sunday seems to be my day for playing songs that bring him back to me.
Cam loved Seger, he would have been thrilled to hear this song and to know that "Face the Promise" has finally happened. We waited so long for Seger to come back to us.
When Cam almost died after being injured while riding his harley Bonnie wrote to Seger, explained the situation and Seger sent a cd to Cam with a personal get well note and autograph. It was one of Cam's treasured items.
I've talked about this before but this is my blog and i can repeat anything i want. Cam and I often sent each other songs to express how we felt. "Our" song was "You'll Accomp'ny Me"
A gypsy wind is blowin warm tonight
The sky is starlit and the time is right
And still you're telling me you have to go
Before you leave there's something you should know
Yeah something you should know babe
I've seen you smiling in the summer sun
I've seen your long hair flying when you run
I've made my mind up that it's meant to be
Someday lady you'll accomp'ny me
Someday lady you'll accomp'ny me
Out where the rivers meet the sounding sea
You're high above me now
You're wild and free ah, but
Someday lady you'll accomp'ny me
Someday lady you'll accomp'ny me
Some people say that love's a losing game
You start with fire
But you lose the flame
The ashes smolder
But the warmth's soon gone
You end up cold and lonely on your own
I'll take my chances babe
I'll risk it all
I'll win your love
Or I'll take the fall
I've made my mind up girl
It's meant to be
Someday lady you'll accomp'ny me
Someday lady you'll accomp'ny me
It's written down somewhere
It's got to be
You're high above me
Flying wild and free
Oh but someday lady you'll accomp'ny me
Someday lady you'll accomp'ny me
Someday lady you'll accomp'ny me
Out where the rivers meet the sounding sea
I feel it in my soul
It's meant to be
Oh someday lady you'll accomp'ny me
When he went out on the boat or rode the bike i would always say goodbye and remember "I'm your shelter against the wind"
I miss him, I want to share Segers return with him. I guess i'll have to believe that he's somewhere in "rocknroll" Heaven listening to Stevie Ray and will turn an ear toward earth, listen and a smile will cross his face
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The first seven weeks and update on my broken heart
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Posted:Jul 2, 2006 7:12 am
Last Updated:Jul 9, 2006 7:13 am
3261 Views
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The baby is doing so well. He stays with Gramma a lot and i revel in his progress. His smile is infectious and he treats me to it everytime he sees my face. Even my spoiled little Diva girl seems to like him. He gives me the reason to get up everyday and face the world with hope and happiness!!
Songbird vacationed in NC last month and she brought a little piece of the ocean back for me to have. Cam piloted a ferry back and forth to Cape Lookout so the tourists could see the light house and walk the beach. Songbird brought back two pictures of the lighthouse she knows i hold so close to my heart. She brought me an art piece of a pelican in flight and a professional photo that is so beautiful it takes your breath away. These things along with shells from the beach i loved so much have given me something to hold on to when my heart seems to broken to work.
I miss Cam, more than words can express. I listen to "our" music and i can feel him still.
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Baby Update
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Posted:Jun 4, 2006 12:44 pm
Last Updated:Jul 15, 2006 6:10 am
3288 Views
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He's so adorable!! He lost 10 oz of his birth weight and has gained that back plus a couple of oz's so he's doing great!!
Everytime i see him he is more alert and cuter if thats possible!
Mom and Dad are wonderful parents and are adjusting to "baby makes three" with ease.
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baby update
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Posted:May 26, 2006 8:11 am
Last Updated:May 11, 2024 4:27 pm
3245 Views
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"Layne" is just over two weeks old! He's so cute!!
Mom and Dad are doing well! There was some trouble getting the baby to nurse but thats resolved. Dad continues to work two jobs, i worry about him. He's young and determined and i know many have done this over the years. He works from 7-3:30 on his regular job as a welder then dons the blue vest and works at Walmart from 4 to midnight. This happens three work days and all weekend. Zach is tired, but proud.
Molly will be going back to work and school, probably in July. I will then share babysitting duties with her Mom. Layne will not be going to daycare as long as we are able to help.
They are a sweet family and love their little sooooooo much!!
Layne is definitely a redhead! Dad is dark but his twin has red hair. Molly has red hair. They hoped the baby would be dark like Dad but he isnt and it doesnt matter a wit, lol.
I so look forward to all that the future holds, life is worth living!
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Baby is Gods promise that the world goes on
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Posted:May 10, 2006 6:14 am
Last Updated:Jun 20, 2006 3:29 pm
3417 Views
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8:40 last evening, May 9,2006 "Layne Robert" entered the world. He's gorgeous! 8 lbs, 19". As he was being passed around from grandparent to grandparent he looked up at us with a calm gaze. No crying, he seemed to know that he was welcomed with all the love in the world.
My in law did so well. She brought her to us naturally, no drugs, no epidural!! My , the proud Daddy was overcome with the miracle this is and the hard work his wife did. He is proud of his little family.
My first grandchild! Wow, this is just such good stuff!!
---------------------------------------------------
Its about 7:30 pm. Just got back from rocking my grandson *S*. My and his bride are so proud and she's already forgotten what she went thru yesterday saying "it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be" lol
Tomorrow, if all goes well, the hospital gives the parents a candlelit dinner and sends the little family home.
I wonder how soon they'll be able to take their back!! She's good but my place is too small for two racing rolicking canines and i havnt seen my cat in two days!!!
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I dont know how to say goodbye
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Posted:May 5, 2006 7:55 am
Last Updated:Aug 21, 2006 4:05 pm
3320 Views
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I've lost people before, people die its the natural progression of life. Cam was too young, he had more life to live, we had more life to live! I want to see him again, hear his voice, feel his arms around me. Next month, so soon. Just one more time, one more month. I'm not sure i will ever get to the place where i can think about him without pain. Right now the only song that even comes close to explaining how i feel.
I can't feel
Feel a thing
I can't shout
I can't scream
Breathe it out
Breathe it in
All this love
From within
I won't cry when you say goodbye
I'm out of tears
I won't die when you wave goodbye
I'm out of tears
Out of tears
I won't drink
I won't eat
I can't hear
I won't speak
Let it out
Let it in
All this pain
From within
And I just can't pour my heart out
To another living thing
I'm a whisper
I'm a shadow
But I'm standing up to sing
I won't cry when you say goodbye
I'm out of tears
I won't die when you wave goodbye
I'm out of tears, yes I am
I won't cry, I swear my eyes are dry
I'm out of tears
I won't cry, I'm going to tell you why
I'm out of tears
Out of tears
Out of tears
Let it out
From within
Some you lose
Some you win
I can drift
I can dream
Til I float
Off your screen
And I just can't pour my heart out
To another living thing
I'm a whisper
I'm a shadow
But I'm standing up to sing
I won't cry when you say goodbye
I'm out of tears
I won't die when you wave goodbye
I'm out of tears
Out of tears
I won't cry, I swear my eyes are dry
I'm out of tears
Out of tears
I won't cry, I'm going to tell you why
I'm out of tears
Out of tears
Out of tears
the baby, my first grandchild due any day. Focus, focus, thank God for this baby. Without that, i dunno
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Full Circle
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Posted:May 4, 2006 4:55 am
Last Updated:May 11, 2024 4:27 pm
3239 Views
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The new year brought new hurdles. Cam paid the price for years of sea and sun. He had lesions removed from his face. He told me that he was slow in writing, forgive him, he was having a hard time getting this new year rolling. Afraid that he was, once again, going to that dark place where "Desperado" dwells I waited to hear from him.
There was something wrong, his letters were still coming but i could sense things werent right.
On Valentines Day I received a beautiful card. Two champagne glasses and a rose "huggsnkisses" Cam.
March, a sense of foreboding, i wrote but after a few days realizing that no answer came, I began to panic. He always answered immediately. I discussed my worries with Song. Why hasnt he answered me???
I checked ebay, there was activity in the early part of March, then nothing. Perhaps something happened to one of his aged parents i should call. Song patiently listened, i was afraid to call. I clung to the idea that he was not answering for some reason i had yet to discover. I checked ebay everyday, nothing. I wrote email after email to e very address i could think of. I wrote to "ask the seller a question" at ebay. Still, i couldnt make myself call. I was so afraid, it was as if i knew what i'd hear and by postponing it, it wouldnt be so.
I convinced myself that one of his parents had died and he was so caught up with dealing with the remaining one he just didnt have time to write. After all, the natural order of things is for the parents to predecease the !! Cam was an only , it would be a difficult time for him. All the while i knew, i just couldnt face it.
Finally i did what i knew i had to do. I typed in the name of the W/S paper. obituaries, type in the number of days you wish to research, 30, type in the name you wish to research. "Arthur Cameron Cashwell Sr." and there it was "Arthur Cameron Cashwell Jr" died March 28,2006 in Forsyth Hospital W/S NC.
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