Another Day closer
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Posted:Aug 16, 2005 6:57 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1012 Views
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Thanks to Songbird, a lot was accomplished yesterday. I'm a lot closer to being ready for this move!
I couldnt sleep last night. My mind kept wandering to the events of the past four years. Seems like a lifetime.
2001 changed so many lives with Sept 11 and in my little corner of the world, a chain of events began that profoundly changed the rest of my life as well.
Although i joined Affairlook in 1999 it was August of 2001 when i met folks from Affairlook for the first time. That was only four years ago!! Omg, it seems like i have known M from Va for decades!!
Funny, that was a strange flight to Washington. Almost prophetic as it was just a few weeks before 9/11.
I was separated at the time, and Bob {hubby} came to the house to stay with the boys. I drove to the airport so scared i could barely function. I hadnt been on a plane in ten years, let alone fly hundreds of miles to meet folks i only knew online! When i got to the Manchester airport and checked in {things were still pretty loose pre 9/11} I was told there was a delay. That delay stretched to five hours while we sat and looked at our plane out on the tarmack swarming with the repair crew!
I kept in touch with M via cell phone, wandered around drinking coffee, needed to use the facilities and chose the wrong door. I walked in to the mens room, lol. There were guys standing at the urinals, i beat feet quickly!!!!!
Arrangements had been made for "Mikey" to pick me up at Reagan. All i knew was to look for a tall guy wearing a baseball cap. Where did i get the nerve to do this, I'll never know. M kept telling me that he'd be there, a five or six hour delay or not, she was sure he'd be there. When i finally arrived, six hours after my supposed arrival time, i was sure I'd be stranded in Washington and was trying to figure out how i'd change my ticket to a return flight that night. I exited the plane, and there he was. That tall man leaning against a pole, wearing a baseball cap!!! I would have known him anywhere!!
We got lost in Washington! Jokingly M had said, dont let him drop you off in Dupont Circle , after we passed that area about six times, lol I was laughing and it remains a source of chuckles to this day!
When we arrived in Va, M came out, we hugged and it was like i had always known her.
I spent that weekend meeting many affers that i had come to know online. They were all just like they seemed online. One of the highlites had to be when we were sitting on M's deck and heard a voice say "How do i get in to join this gig". Looked down and there stood a "biker dude," It was Col!!
I left that after that weekend with a bond forged with many of those folks. A bond that is as strong today!!
Mikey took me to the airport, stayed with me till we boarded the plane, kisses and huggs and his whisper in my ear "Now you've met real people." No one knows how important those few words were to me. See, I had been on Affairlook as a total fake for two years. This was my first venture as "Reality" and the fact that i had been forgiven my deception and was loved and accepted as myself was almost too much to bear.
One footnote to this story. We were again delayed on the tarmack after we boarded the plane. After sitting there for several minutes a group of about five men, all dressed in black, rushed onto the plane, tossed their stuff in the overhead bins and the door closed behind them. The plane then took off. I didnt think twice about this, but i sure did two weeks later!! This was a bowling team or something like that. How easily it could have been something very different!!!
I remember how beautiful this flight was, especially arriving in Washington and banking along the Potomac. Little did we know, what was to transpire a few short weeks later!!
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so transparent
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Posted:Aug 15, 2005 5:06 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
871 Views
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I find it amazing that folks can be so obvious in their attempt to disrupt things and cause turmoil.
I peeked in neg this am, pretty quiet, postings are far and few between. But, yet again, one of the T's posts to instigate. Is it only obvious to me? I wonder. MrT posts, "now some have stopped posting this group is at peace even tho they continue to bash the moderator elsewhere." Can no one but me see that it was MsT who began the latest dissention by posting her "another one disappears thread." Funny, it goes on and on but its instigated by so few. Then they sit back and watch the show and proclaim their desire for peace. Give me a break!!
An intelligent and respectful conversation began with a thread by LilRed entitled" gossip. " No one bashed or called names, simply voiced opinions. Yet MsT posts in another thread that she doesnt go into that thread cuz its the "same ol shit."
I don't feel the need to defend myself but i do so appreciate this forum, where i can set the record straight, for my own satisfaction. Seeing my thoughts in print, with no fear of skewing or misinterpreting is cathartic.
I havnt seen any bashing of the moderator elsewhere and i hope i don't. To suggest that seems pretty immature to me. But then again, why should it be any different from much of what i've seen lately.
Anyway, a busy day ahead! Song is coming up to help as i have to be ready to move very soon. I'm taking this opportunity to "downsize" and have made a pact with myself to take only that which i actually need. Amazing how much is accumulated!!
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Its Like a Jungle out There!
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Posted:Aug 13, 2005 4:02 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1037 Views
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Literally! Its rainy, tropical, just not a very welcoming day!
I have so much to do, really doesnt matter what its like outside, but i do feel for the people who begin vacations today!
After all the time i've spent waiting, it boggles my mind that i will be moving in a week or two. Ugh, sorting, packing, what a job!!
I was looking at the mood drop down that Affairlook provides for blogs. I wonder, how can one be in a "bisexual" mood????? LOL, wake up, roll over and think, hmmmmm i just feel bisexual today? I dunno, it escapes me!
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T.G.I.F, and what a Friday it was!
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Posted:Aug 12, 2005 6:29 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
945 Views
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Angel and "loverboy" came to visit!! Was so nice to see them!!
Then , later in the afternoon, i got the call i've been waiting for. The apartment i wanted will be available within two weeks!!
It was a good day all around!!
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Happy Friday!
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Posted:Aug 12, 2005 6:04 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1020 Views
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Another good time in chat this am!! I really do like mornings *S*
took a peek in the neg group. I think thats a good acronym, "NEG" cuz it is a negative place!
So glad i am no longer a part of that. I see folks just picking a new target, its as if a few in there thrive on fighting. One can almost predict what will be said and by whom. Eventually, I'll get bored with it and i wont bother going there to read the latest testoserone war at least i sincerely hope i do!!
You have MrT thinking his lil barbs are clever, lol, they are so not! And then theres the "I was only joking" comeback when a nasty is printed.
I wish there was a way of blocking access to places i dont really wanna go. But, its like a train wreck , cant help but look!
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"They"
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Posted:Aug 11, 2005 7:23 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
898 Views
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yes, i did read the latest post, by dreamer, in the neg group.
I was directed there, so i went and read it altho my plan is to stay away from groups other than the one i am a member of. I am as curious as the next person.
They, hmmmm there is no "they". Songbird and I are friends. We discuss issues, we fight, we disagree and we make suggestions to one another. But we arent "they"
Song had been blogging and she suggested that i avail myself of the feature. She's suggested this before with blogs in general not necessarily the one offered here.
I've never been a journal keeper but i see the advantage now. Its a wonderful way to commit to memory the thoughts and feelings one has on any given day. Its not a place where one writes and expects or asks for opinions. If they're offered, so be it.
That i began this journal right after a "war of words" between dreamer and Song is not relevant. I didnt participate in that exchange but yes, it was a catalyst. I had grown weary of the fighting, bored with the silly innuendi offered by the tasty's and totally disillusioned by Journey. For anyone to think i left the groups in some sort of conspiracy with Song to make a point is not only untrue but so absurd its almost as laughable as anyone thinking they "drove me out."
As a matter of fact, let me say here that Song and I disagree on our style of writing. I wont use innuendo, if i have something i want to say here, and it involves another person, i'll use the name rather than insinuate. She thinks before she types while i type from the heart and sometimes offend when i dont mean to. The only thing we have in common as far as posting goes, is that we are both honest. We say what we feel regardless of how popular or unpopular that may be.
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Gratifying
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Posted:Aug 11, 2005 6:34 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
900 Views
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I visited the chatroom this mornin. Its nice to know that most see the group garbage for what it is.
I've been on Affairlook for a long time and have seen many join only to try to "take over" They do so by seeking out those of us who have made a niche for ourselves over time, and try to destroy that.
It never works! Not because they seek to dethrone royalty as they often accuse us of. But that they try to defeat real friendships with namecalling, lies and innuendi.
None of the good people i have met on Affairlook consider themselves "room queens" "leaders," "members of a clique" or any of the other cliches that are tossed our way.
What we are, is a group of people who have come together, gotten to know one another and are comfortable chatting, disagreeing, debating and working things out if necessary.
Then, along comes someone who, in their arrogance, believe they have to ascend to the"throne". the throne that doesnt exist btw. Lol I see folks who, in the beginning, are respectful and able to have intelligent debate sink to the level they once abhorred.
I dont have any illusions of grandeur where Affairlook is concerned. Whether i'm liked or not is based on who i am and i will not change that for anyone.
So many misconceptions, people rush to opinions are so off mark, its amazing what some people have to do to impart an importance on their very existence online.
dreamer writes in group, that i was trying to hurt "him" by leaving his group. Of course followed with a rotflmao like its a huge joke.
I belonged to several groups, the calendar group, the motorcycle group, dreamers group, the neg group and others. I left them all with one exception, the group i helped found. Who moderates a group is of no consequence to me and my reasons for leaving any group has nothing whatever to do with trying to "hurt" anyone. I dont have to give a reason for anything i choose to do. To even suggest that is simply ridiculous.
I havnt lost respect for dreamer's online persona. I've always thought of him as an intelligent poster with a lot to add. Lately i do find his posts a lot less dispassionate and analytical and more steeped in emotion. I'm not sure why this is, nor is it my business. Just an observation.
THIS IS A BLOG! my blog!! It sat empty from February till now! How or why people found it so quickly is beyond me. I tired of the accusations, the cheap shots, the fighting and the misery folks seem to want to inflict on others. This is my place to express my feelings and i plan to continue doing so whenever i choose!
I did mention dreamer in passing in my first entry. I think i said, i watched Journey feign innocence and watched dreamer rush to her defense. I dunno,something like that, its here, all one has to do is read it. Dreamer found it necessary to chastise me for using his name. Well, get over yourself! This isnt a venue where anyone can dictate to me what i can or cannot say.
I just got a call from my "" and they are estatic that they got the apartment they were seeking. They are doing well, working hard, getting well deserved raises and the future looks bright! They are gonna visit tonight. The gal i helped is doing well and a good friend from here is visiting on Friday. Those are the things that count!!
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An Angel is coming to visit!!
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Posted:Aug 10, 2005 6:07 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
832 Views
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Wooohooo!! Just heard from "angel" She's so happy!! Was good to hear that!!
They're coming to visit on Friday , i can't wait!
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What a nice day its been!!
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Posted:Aug 10, 2005 1:34 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
868 Views
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After being online early morning, I went outside and enjoyed the gorgeous day!!
Had a visit from my former houseguest and another friend. Was good to see them and hear that things are going well!
Soon i'll be thinking about dinner and the vegetables are fresh! I love this time of year.
Packed a few more boxes, sent a few home with K.
The only soap operas i watched were on TV *S* How nice, how refreshing!!
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Wow!! I'm liking this!
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Posted:Aug 10, 2005 8:10 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1072 Views
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I didnt keep a diary when i was a . I now think i was missing out!!!!
This is great. A place to put to paper, my thoughts and feelings! I do believe it be a healing place for me!
Yesterday, a neighbor who is moving out offered some boxes of lamps, kitchen items etc to my who is getting ready to set up housekeeping. I met her at the door and took the box despite her protestations that she would bring it in. Lol, i took it and immediately started to "go over" due to the weight. Thankfully my was right there and rescued me.
Thats the hardest part of this "health" place i find myself in. I'm used to being strong and self reliant. How frustrating it is to be weak physically!!
I have less than half a functioning heart, grrrr, its just so aggravating to be limited. but limited i am so i need to deal with it. The hardest part for me is giving in to it. I have a handicap sticker for my car, and when i use it, i hang my head cuz I suspect folks are saying "Look at her, nothin wrong with her, why is she using a handicap parking space."
I spoke to my brother last night. I have two brothers, one has undergone heart surgery and one who is the epitome of health!! Tom, the one i spoke to, has recently been diagnosed with heart disease as well. This even tho he has always maintained himself, run in marathons, eats a extremely heathy diet and maintains his weight carefully and hasnt smoked in eons. Just goes to show ya, you can do your best to overcome genetics, but you cannot change the cards you were dealt. My Dad died of a massive heart attack at 56, his brother at 50 and their Father was young also. My father had his first attack at 35, guess we beat the odds to a degree,. my siblings and I are in our forties and fifties so
When i was growing up my brothers made my life miserable. They would call me "lazy" when i would lag behind. No one knew that i had a big ol hole in my heart that didnt show up until they cracked my chest open. Funny, i had an Uncle who died at seventeen. He'd be in his eighties now had he lived. They knew he had a hole in his heart, my GrandMother knew i did. She used to say "she has the same look that Sonny did" Doctors didnt find it, shoulda listened to Gram! lol
I think i'll put my mood as embarrassed cuz this whole invalid thing embarrasses me.
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Payback is sometimes "not a bitch"
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Posted:Aug 10, 2005 7:10 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
864 Views
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Recently i had the opportunity to "payback" for some of the kindnesses extended to me from Affers., it felt good!
Its true that this is a sex site,but the friendships and mutual care offered to us as people is truly amazing.
I was able to offer safe haven to a distraught member and gave the opportunity to forge out a new beginning for this person.
We should all be so lucky, to be able to make a difference!!
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Its begun already
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Posted:Aug 10, 2005 6:04 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
833 Views
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I woke up this am to discover that my blog has become an extension of the NEG group.
I began this thing a long time ago and never posted in it, i really felt that it would be a private place as most must have given up after seeing blank pages for so long.
It will not be reduced to that however, i have control here, and i will exercise it!
My feelings toward Journey are ones of disbelief and sadness and i need to vent them so I can get past them. I loved her, loved her like a "Sis" and i'm sad and disillusioned by her actions. I'm allowed.
I have not, and i will not expose things that can only hurt her and others, but i will express my feelings here and no one is going to intimidate me into anything less.
When are people going to figure out that one can see things for what they are, voice an opinion on subjects and do it without making a personal judgement on someone.
Anything i write in here concerns Journey as a moderator and a chatter, not as a human being! My friendship with her evolved here and it ends here. Her character outside the walls of Affairlook is not in question, I dont know her well enough outside this venue, therefore I base my feelings on what goes on here, nowhere else
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The first steps toward freedom
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Posted:Aug 9, 2005 8:40 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
793 Views
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I have taken some small but significant steps tonight.
I removed myself from groups that do nothing to enhance my life. It feels liberating and i can only hope that I have the resolve to stay out of them, nothing written there is worth the feelings of sadness and loss that overcome me.
Affairlook has been a big part of my life in recent years, some not so healthy but the rest worth every minute of it. I have such dear friends . Why do i let the loss of a false friend bother me so? Its happened before and i have no doubt it will happen again. The real and true friends make taking a chance worth it.
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To link to this blog (rm__Reality_) use [blog rm__Reality_] in your messages.
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