September 11,2001
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Posted:Sep 11, 2005 8:56 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
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I suppose we all remember where we were and what we were doing when we heard the news that changed the world.
I was still in my house in Hillsborough when the news came on.
I called Cam in North Carolina and woke him up. They blew up the World Trade Center!!!!! He said what??? nooooo, you can't be serious!!!
The world changed that day. As we were glued to the TV we realized how fragile we all are. As baby boomers we grew up believing our shores were inpenetrable. Yes, there was Pearl Harbor, but somehow that wasnt "our shores" in the sense that we could be vulnerable. Our now live in a world where they know we are subject to attack right here at home. Sad, sad, sad
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A nip in the air!
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Posted:Sep 10, 2005 7:50 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
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This mornin gives us a hint of whats to come , brrrrrr!!! Gorgeous tho!! I have such a great view from my tenth floor home. The foliage will be spectacular!
Sami stopped by last night and Frog the other day. Nice to welcome friends to my new home.
The wedding is coming up so soon! I think we're all under control tho. Flowers are ordered, cake is underway. Bride's outfit is complete and the Groom is all set. Traditional this isnt, but the are very happy and thats all that counts!
My puppy arrives on Wednesday. I cant wait, its been too long that i've gone without a dog. She's a little one, but my life has changed enough that a little one is appropos. Friends and I have been mulling over names. Everyone has a favorite and prolly when puppy arrives she'll "look" like something totally different from anything we've thought of!! She's a parti color black&white minnie/toy Poodle. So far, names suggested are as follows;
Angie,Evie,Fiona,Gracie and the newest and thus far most popular, Diva! Lol, i don't know, she'll name herself by her actions i guess.
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Calm Prevails
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Posted:Sep 6, 2005 4:10 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
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I've had time to breathe, relax and enjoy my new digs. Knee is still pretty sore but all in all i'm recovering.
I do like it here! This is the first time in my life that i've had a "nest" all my own. I love my , but they are settled and happy, so i'm free to revel in the fact that i can put things where i want, leave things where i want and answer to only me.
Nate was the hardest to get out on his own. Zach has been there for awhile now but Nate had it easy living with Mom. He wasnt ready to accept adulthood. He enjoyed having all his money to squander as he wished while Mom provided his sustenance. I found him a nice apartment, helped him get into it financially and took a deep breath knowing this was the best thing i could do for him. Its not easy, the "Mom" in us wants to nurture but when they reach adulthood, they no longer need that. Its not doing them any favors allowing it to continue.
I spent the day with my sons yesterday. Took Nate grocery shopping. It was amazing to see! How he used to yell when I tried to save money on groceries! Generic soda, pizza~!! Oh, he'd get so upset! Yesterday was an eye opening experience!!! He saw the prices made choices to save money, I heard, omg thats soooooo expensive!! I didnt say a word!!
Zach and Molly's wedding is closing in fast. The 17th of this month!! I'm helping where I c an but i will say, its nice being the Mother of the Groom!! They are having a simple, outdoor wedding, I'm glad of that, it will be lovely and wont break Molly's parents. Zach and Molly are good for each other. They're young, but I think they'll make it. Wouldnt do any good to counsel them to wait so I've been supportive.
Its nice to finally be content and see the flourish as well
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Enough is enough
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Posted:Aug 30, 2005 4:37 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
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Guess my body is staging a revolution!! Last night, after getting the last of the boxes moved, i tripped over a phone wire and went flat on my face. Luckily the were on the way, so i literally crawled to the door and waited till they arrived. Zach got me up and i'll live. Except for a massive bruised knee and hurt pride, i'm fine.
I'm taking the hint, staying right here today. Gonna play in my new dwelling, putting stuff away and just enjoying it.
Everything is fine, a hurt leg is nothing compared to what Katrina has done to those poor folks in La and Al. My heart goes out to them
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A brand new set of Rules!!
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Posted:Aug 29, 2005 4:19 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1034 Views
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No longer keeping silent about the ones who have proved they are less than honorable.
This blog is sooooo cathartic!!!!
Today is one of those days!! I normally don't speak if I have made up my mind about folks. It takes a lot for me to form a negative opinion about a person, and then, its usually my style to have them "cease to exist" in my world.
Journey is one of those people. We were close, or so i thought. She showed her true side and after expressing my sadness in this venue, I continue to be polite. The fact that she feels the need to vent to others about our parting of the ways is of no consequence to me.
The Tasty's and StrawberryBlondie did their best to try slamming me. Again, of no consequence. I dont' even know these people so their opinions of me mean nothing at all.
However, there is a peep in chat, that every once in awhile just raises the hair on the back of my neck.
Kelidgh! Try as i might, I cannot shake that dislike i feel for her. We were close, so very close but was all based on lies. The lies started in the beginning of our friendship and continued to the end of it. I'm not sure she's capable of knowing the difference between truth and fiction.
I can say with honest conviction that i would rather live with my poor ol half a heart, than exist with one as black as hers is.
Ahhh, maybe now that i've expressed this to myself, i can move on. That she bothers me makes her win and I do not like that!!
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Its done!
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Posted:Aug 28, 2005 4:06 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
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Basically the move is over!! Just have to go back today and make sure the old apartment is clean, motivate the to finish his {he's moving within the building, the third floor} not much of a move!!
Last night I sat on my new balcony {tenth floor} and watched the sunset! I think i'm gonna like it here!
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This bears repeating
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Posted:Aug 25, 2005 3:59 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1051 Views
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I posted the following in Songbirds "People" group, but it is important enough to me to put it here as well.
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SHE REALLY WAS A TRAITOR
A TRAITOR IS ABOUT TO BE HONORED KEEP THIS MOVING ACROSS AMERICA
This is for all the born in the 70's who do not remember, and didn't have to bear the burden that our fathers, mothers and older brothers and sisters had to bear.
Jane Fonda is being honored as one of the "100 Women of the Century."
BY BARBRA WALTERS
Unfortunately, many have forgotten and still countless others have never known how Ms. Fonda betrayed not only the idea of our country, but specific men who served and sacrificed during Vietnam.
The first part of this is from an F-4E pilot. The pilot's name is Jerry Driscoll, a River Rat.
In 1968, the former Commandant of the USAF Survival School was a POW in Ho Lo Prison the "Hanoi Hilton."
Dragged from a stinking cesspit of a cell, cleaned, fed, and dressed in clean PJ's, he was ordered to describe for a visiting American "Peace Activist" the "lenient and humane treatment" he'd received.
He spat at Ms. Fonda, was clubbed, and was dragged away. During the subsequent beating, he fell forward on to the camp Commandant's feet, which sent that officer berserk.
In 1978, the Air Force Colonel still suffered from double vision (which permanently ended his flying career) from the Commandant's frenzied application of a wooden baton.
From 1963-65, Col. Larry Carrigan was in the 47FW/DO (F-4E's). He spent 6 years in the "Hanoi Hilton," the first three of which his family only knew he was "missing in action." His wife lived on faith that he was still alive. His group, too, got the cleaned-up, fed and clothed routine in preparation for a "peace delegation" visit. They, however, had time and devised a plan to get word to the world that they were alive and still survived. Each man secreted a tiny piece of paper, with his Social Security Number on it, in the palm of his hand.
When paraded before Ms. Fonda and a cameraman, she walked the line, shaking each man's hand and asking little encouraging snippets like: "Aren't you sorry you bombed babies?" and "Are you grateful for the humane treatment from your benevolent captors?" Believing this HAD to be an act, they each palmed her their sliver of paper. She took them all without missing a beat. At the end of the line and once the camera stopped rolling, to the shocked disbelief of the POWs, she turned to the officer in charge and handed him all the little pieces of paper.
Three men died from the subsequent beatings. Colonel Carrigan was almost number four but he survived, which is the only reason we know of her actions that day.
I was a civilian economic development advisor in Vietnam, and was captured by the North Vietnamese communists in South Vietnam in 1968, and held prisoner for over 5 years.
I spent 27 months in solitary confinement; one year in a cage in Cambodia; and one year in a "black box" in Hanoi. My North Vietnamese captors deliberately poisoned and murdered a female missionary, a nurse in a leprosarium in Ban me Thuot, South Vietnam, whom I buried in the jungle near the Cambodian border. At one time, I weighed only about 90 lbs. (My normal weight is 170 lbs.)
We were Jane Fonda's "war criminals."
When Jane Fonda was in Hanoi, I was asked by the camp communist political officer if I would be willing to meet with her.
I said yes, for I wanted to tell her about the real treatment we POWs received...and how different it was from the treatment purported by the North Vietnamese, and parroted by her as "humane and lenient."
Because of this, I spent three days on a rocky floor on my knees, with my arms outstretched with large steel weights placed on my hands, and beaten with a bamboo cane.
I had the opportunity to meet with Jane Fonda soon after I was released. I asked her if she would be willing to debate me on TV. She never did answer me.
These first-hand experiences do not exemplify someone who should be honored as part of "100 Years of Great Women." Lest we forget..."100 Years of Great Women" should never include a traitor whose hands are covered with the blood of so many patriots.
There are few things I have strong visceral reactions to, but Hanoi Jane's participation in blatant treason, is one of them. Please take the time to forward to as many people as you possibly can. It will eventually end up on her computer and she needs to know that we will never forget.
RONALD D. SAMPSON, CMSgt, USAF 716 Maintenance Squadron, Chief of Maintenance
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Today is the day!!
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Posted:Aug 24, 2005 3:58 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
817 Views
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I sign on the dotted line today, get the keys and begin my move!
I have such a good feeling about this. I know things are gonna change for the better!
Course, when i look at all the "stuff" I wonder how we'll do it, lol but i'm sure we will!!
I heard from Cam last night *S* i made his birthday better and for that, I'm grateful!
Song is coming up today, always a huge help, i'm glad she can be the first to "see the new place"
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Happy Birthday Cool Change!
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Posted:Aug 23, 2005 3:59 am
Last Updated:May 2, 2006 5:58 am
878 Views
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Today is his birthday! My Southern man!
I'm still not ready to put his story to print, but i needed to acknowledge today.
Once in a lifetime someone comes into your life who touches you as no one else every has or will. This is Cam.
Regardless of how things transpired, I will always hold him in my heart.
He and I are still connected. i would do anything for him without hesitation. he would do the same for me.
I don't think you can ask for more!
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The Move from Hell
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Posted:Aug 22, 2005 11:11 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1027 Views
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I had attended meet and greets thru Affairlook and met many wonderful friends.
One person that i had not met, but knew thru another friend, came to NC and helped move us to VaBeach where he literally gave us his home for a week! The Friend who introduced me to him, HDLady, flew to VaBeach to support me. I am forever graeful to her.
One gal that i met and became very close to made a suggestion to me that could be beneficial to both of us.
She had a handicapped and a young . She suggested that we combine forces to create a better life for all our .
She assured me that she had a nice three bedroom home and a full basement that could be converted into living space for the boys. They could have privacy, their own rooms , it wouldnt take much there was nothing in the basement so renovations could begin.
So, after a week in VaBeach my , two dogs and all our belongings headed to Maryland not all that much since the housefire back in NH} in caravan with the friend we were gonna live with.
When we arrived I was amazed! I had never seen so many condos in one place in my life!! I'm from a rather rural state after all, and had lived on a Island for a year. Row upon row of townhouses and condos and we pulled up to one.
OMG when that door opened!! I have never seen such a filthy place in all of my life!! Two large dogs defecating all over, toys, clothes, junk in every concievable corner! The two were there along with a grown who was also living there. When we opened the basement door, that wonderful space that the boys were going to make their "batchelor pad" you couldnt even negotiate the stairs cuz of the clothes and trash piled up. My looked at me in horror!
I should have kept right on driving. I have no one to blame but myself for that. In 1999 and 2000 I had had heart attacks and I wasnt the strongest physically or emotionally but i was an optimist. I stayed.
This lady didnt have a cent and the cupboards were bare. I was in the same position except that my friends had given me a card with money in it. For a new beginning they said *S* We used this for food for seven people until a paycheck came in. A wonderful and respected friend drove down from Philly within a few days to help make this place habitable. We spent hours upon hours, the four of us {my and my Philly friend and I} carting out trash, scrubbing, scraping. One of my sons designated himself laundry man. There were clothes piled three feet deep in the basement. Instead of washing i guess the family just bought new stuff. He washed and washed, load after load. It didnt do much good however, he would fold it and take it to the bedrooms only to find the same clothes on the floor a few days later. I was so grateful to my Philly friend. Not only did he help me but he was witness to the horror and could attest to it when the story unfolded.
I was, at the time, receiving widow and survivor benefits from my husbands social security. I figured when the first of the following month came and i had the funds, the and I would head home to New Hampshire. We had to stick it out till then. A month of Hell that culminated in drama that , looking back, I wonder how i survived it.
The grown of the woman i had trusted was an alcoholic. he didnt drive, worked at a menial job when he felt like it, and was violent. One night a situation escalated and he violently pushed me . When he put his hands on me all the stress building up in one of my sons for so long erupted. He and the older guy { was 16 albeit a BIG 16, the other guy was 21 and not small} started fighting and it resulted in the older guy with a broken nose. The police were called, the older guys girlfriend who was there and was as bad as the rest of these people, threatened to tell the police that my boy had sexually assaulted her. {She was an adult as well}. I told the police that i was going to leave the house that night. Knowing the family who lived there from previous run ins {the neighbors complained all the time about the smell, the violence and the neglect of the handicapped girl} agreed that we could.
There we were. We packed what we could, gave away lots of stuff to the neighbors rather than leave it there and left. My social security checks were stolen, which is what began the fight. i had sixty dollars in my pocket and car packed to the ceiling, two jammed in with two little dogs and pouring down rain. I hit 95 north and started driving. I dont think i took a breath till we hit the Deleware border. My couldnt move they were so packed in. I drove straight through, all night, ten hours till we got home to New Hampshire. I figured if i could do that, I could do anything!!
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My Bastard and Goat Girl
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Posted:Aug 21, 2005 10:10 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
832 Views
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Yesterday i received a package in the mail. Made me smile *S*, I needed that!!!
Its so nice to know that i'm cared about, even if i don't see them often!
Five Dollah, love you longggggg time!!!!!!
I'm overwhelmed today. The job of packing to move is daunting, especially for me these days.
Called Songbird and had a meltdown, she managed to calm me down and convince me that I can only do what I can do. I'm trying to approach this with a new perspective. Sami brought me some more boxes, will come over later to help with the up high and heavy stuff. I'll get through it!
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A Year in Paradise
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Posted:Aug 19, 2005 4:19 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
895 Views
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We spent a year in North Carolina.
Some of it was Heaven, some was Hell. I guess thats the case in all aspects of life.
I had always been an advocate for my in the school systems. I was able to find them a place in a small, limited enrollment high school geared toward with issues. However, the NC school system is such that the boys didnt begin classes till january.
We spent a couple of months living in Paradise. Indoor pools, weight room, sauna, right on the ocean! Locals were blown away at the northern going in the ocean in December!!
The one drawback with Winter rentals in NC, is that you must vacate in May. The Summer season is when money is made. My condo went from 800 per month all inclusive, to 1200 a week for the months of May till Sept. If i had it to do over again, i would have made a different decision. But at that time, I felt having a "nest" was important for us so I found a duplex, way too expensive, where we could rent year round. It wasnt right on the ocean, but was close enough., and still on the Island. We settled in.
I had been married for almost twenty years, to an alcoholic man who believed women werent worth a lot. He had, unfortunately instilled this in the boys. It was next to impossible for me to step into the role of authority with my sons. They were sixteen by now, bigger than me and not willing to listen to anything i had to say. Sixteen is a hard age to begin with, but when sixteeen year olds with the attitude that Mom had no ability to "rule" it becomes impossible. I did my best, but i found myself in a subordinate role. Sixteen is the age of consent in NC, one of my sons is Bipolar and he refused medication. There was nothing I could do as it was his decision to make. His mood swings were frightening! He's a very big guy {6'3"} 280, and yes, I was afraid of him. Not so much for what he'd do to me, but what he'd do to the rest of his life should he act out towards me with violence.
Affairlook was my lifeline. My friends kept me sane and helped more than I can say. It became apparent that if i stayed on this Island, alone, with two out of control teens, we wouldnt survive. I began making arrangements for another move, one that proved to be "jumping from the frying pan to the fire" but I thought it was a good decison at the time. Everything I did was to try to save the from themselves. I made mistakes, but always with their best interest at heart.
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28 years ago today, we lost a King
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Posted:Aug 17, 2005 5:20 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
861 Views
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When i returned from that wonderful,eyeopening weekend, little did i know my life was about to take a turn i couldnt have predicted.
My estranged husband didnt look good, but he was an alcoholic, tho a functioning one {he worked everyday} so i assumed that was the reason. He was always thin but had a voracious appetite. One went to school near his Fathers apt and often went there to visit. He had said that He could hear Dad hiding bottles when he'd knock on the door. He also said Dad had stopped eating. Frankly, after the years of abuse I had suffered, I wasnt interested in hearing about it. After all, this was the man who, when a housefire burned out the whole upstairs of our home, including burning the roof off, left the and I to cope and moved out after revealing that he hadnt paid the insurance {or the mortgage}.
He called me outside and told me that he had been diagnosed with liver and lung cancer, advanced, and was not given long. I didnt know how to cope with this news. This was a man whom I didnt have any love for, but compassion, yes, of course. I offered to let him move back in, we would take care of him. He declined and said "you live hard, you pay the price." But, what about the ? They loved him, he was their Dad. He wouldnt budge and altho it was very apparent that he needed to be in a hospital he refused my offer to drive him and got in his car and drove to a hospital himself.
From there, he went to a hospice where he was made more comfortable. I faithfully took the to see him , often staying in the car when Bob would get vicious with me in front of the . He said he would see to it that everything was taken out of my hands, that his sister would handle things and he would see to it that his were taken care of. How, i wondered, since his sister already had almost everything we ever owned save a burned out house that was in foreclosure as he had stopped paying the mortgage without my knowledge, long ago. To that end, he offered to give me money to move if i would take the away. He had watched his Father die at home, of cancer, and he didnt want the boys to see him die.
By this time, he had signed a power of attorney over to his "boss" giving him the sole right to determine Bobs care and to handle things afterwards. I was still his legal wife, but as sick as he was, he "stuck" it to me one last time. I was the outsider.
On November 1st, at his insistance, I took the boys and we moved to North Carolina. There is another story involved in that decision, but i'm not ready to put it to print. It was a bittersweet move. I was going forward, to what I perceived to be a perfect life, but at the same time, I had two fifteen years old boys who were losing a Father. Thankfully, they knew this was their Fathers wish so they were at peace with it.
Bob died December 20th. I was not the first informed and when I was informed the only duty I had was to the boys and telling them of their Fathers death. The arrangements were made without our participation as Bob had signed that power of attorney and made his last wishes clear.
Before we left for NC Bob and his sister promised us that all our possessions save the ones I agreed his sister could have, would be placed in storage. I soon discovered that no such thing had happened. I had removed the precious things, my baby pictures etc, to my brothers home, but the majority of our possessions, household furnishings, appleances, tv's, twenty years of accumulation, was gone. My sister in law told me the house had been vandalized after our departure and everything was gone. {When i returned from NC a year later I saw most of it in her house} but, oh well.
That chapter of our lives was over. We needed to heal and North Carolina was the place to do it.
The Love of my life was there!! Out of respect for my , we didnt live together but he was there and a huge part of our lives. Winter rentals in NC are amazing. The and I were in a luxury condo complex complete with indoor pool, sauna, weight room etc. The complex was basically empty, was like a paradise just for us. The could heal there and hopefully leave the trauma of the last few years behind. That was my fervent hope.
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