Idle Thoughts of a Wandering Mind!!
|
Posted:Oct 19, 2007 7:53 am
Last Updated:Jan 18, 2016 4:24 am
14315 Views
|
I had amnesia,I think, once...or twice.
*****
Protons have mass??? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
*****
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
*****
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
******
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
*****
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
*****
Teach a to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
*****
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
*****
One nice thing about egotists...they don't talk about other people.
*****
I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not sure.
*****
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
*****
How can there be self-help groups?
*****
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
*****
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
*****
Is it me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
Experienced!
XO
Labio
 |
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
Fruits of Love
|
Posted:Oct 15, 2007 9:39 am
Last Updated:May 26, 2008 3:43 pm
14229 Views
|
A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains.
They had registered on Saturday and had not been seen for five days.
An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds.
The old man decided to go and see if they were all right.
He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered.
The old man asked if they were OK.
"Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love."
The old man replied, "I thought so... would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window? They're choking my ducks!!!!!"
XO
Labio
|
|
|
7
Comments
|
|
BACK AT WAL-MART..........
|
Posted:Sep 30, 2007 7:21 am
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2008 4:58 pm
13430 Views
|
....we witness the WAL-Mart "returns counter " experience.............
A woman went to a WalMart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,
"PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!"
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager.
In front of a growing crowd of customers, the manager comes to the woman and asks,"Ma'am what's wrong?"
She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,
"PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!"
Which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?"
In a huff, the woman says,
"BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE
MY NIPPLES PINCHED
WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!"
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!
Previous Wal-Mart experiences:
THE PURINA DIET
MEANWHILE, BACK AT WALMART
AND MEANWHILE, BACK AT WALMART
AND I'M BACK AT WALMART
MEANWHILE, THIS UPDATE FROM
XO
Labio
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
"Has anybody seen 'MY cock'?"
|
Posted:Sep 24, 2007 6:49 am
Last Updated:Oct 3, 2007 10:52 am
13520 Views
|
The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about cock
fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church.
During mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"
All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"
Half the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen 'MY cock'?"
Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
XO
Labio
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
PENIS STUDY
|
Posted:Sep 23, 2007 5:56 am
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2008 4:59 pm
13421 Views
|
In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.
After the U.S. published the study, Germany decided to do their own study. After DM 250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
Poland, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of approximately r75.46, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.
XO
Labio
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
DISTRESSED WOMAN!
|
Posted:Sep 14, 2007 10:02 am
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2007 8:11 am
13269 Views
|
A woman is very distressed because she has not been married very long and yet her husband has lost interest in sex.
So, she goes to see her doctor and relays the problem.
The doctor doesn't seem worried at all and tells her that it is nothing serious, that her husband has merely lost his animal instincts. The doctor tells her to crumble some biscuits on her husband's cereal every morning without telling him, and little by little this will bring out the savage beast in him. He wishes her good luck and tells her to come back in a week with a progress report.
A week later the woman returns to the doctor, who asks how her husband is.
"He's dead," she replies.
"Dead?" the doctor asked.
The woman says, "Yes. He was sitting in the driveway licking his balls, and I backed over him with the car!!"
XO
Labio
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
AT THE MENTAL HOSPITAL
|
Posted:Sep 14, 2007 9:56 am
Last Updated:Sep 15, 2007 1:37 pm
13373 Views
|
There was this guy in a mental hospital. All day long he had his ear to the wall, listening.
The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day.
The doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened.
He heard nothing!!
He turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything."
The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know.
SSHHHHH!
It's been like that for months!!!!"
XO
Labio
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
BIKER CHICK
|
Posted:Sep 14, 2007 9:39 am
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2007 4:55 pm
13451 Views
|
A Little 80 year old lady had always wanted to join a local bikers club.
One day she goes up and knocks on a biker's door. A big, hairy bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers.
The guy was quite amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join he explains. The biker asks; 'Do you have a motorcycle?
The little old lady replies, 'Yep, my bike's parked over there' and pointed to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.
The biker asks, 'Do you drink?'
The little old lady replies, 'Yep, drink like a
fish. I'll drink everyone in your club under the table.'
The biker asks, 'Do you smoke?'
The little old lady replies, 'Yep, smoke like a
chimney. At least 2 packs of cigarettes and three
joints a day and a couple more in the evening, while I'm shooting pool.'
The biker is very impressed and asks, 'Last
question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?'
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says,
'Nope, but I've been swung around by my nipples a
few times.'
XO
Labio
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
Where Did Man Go Wrong?
|
Posted:Sep 12, 2007 5:39 pm
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2007 6:14 pm
13452 Views
|
Where Did Man Go Wrong?
Indian Chief, "Two Eagles," was asked by a white government official,"You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and
his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water; women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex."
Then the chief leaned back and smiled. "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
XO
Labio
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
TECHNICAL SUPPORT
|
Posted:Sep 10, 2007 5:33 am
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2008 5:00 pm
13736 Views
|
Hello Operator.....OPERATOR!
OPERATOR??
Actual call center conversations!
Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?'
Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'
Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'
Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia?'
Operator: 'Does the product name give you a clue?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe)
'If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
Customer: 'OK.'
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!'
|
XO
Labio
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
TICKS!
|
Posted:Sep 4, 2007 3:52 pm
Last Updated:Dec 11, 2008 5:20 am
14015 Views
|
I am not a country music fan. The owner of the local grocery is! Five days ago I'd never heard of Brad Paisley.
Paisley's newest album, 5th Gear, was released in the United States on June 19, 2007. "Ticks" is the first single from the album, and it quickly rose to #1 on the country music singles charts.
Five days ago "Ticks" was playing at the grocery store!
And now I can't get "Ticks" outta my head!!
everytime you take a sip
in this smoky atmosphere
you press that bottle to your lips
and i wish i was your beer
and in the small there of your back
your jeans are playing peek a boo
id like to see the other half
of your butterfly tattoo
hey that gives me an idea
lets get out of this bar
and drive out into the country
and find a place to park
cause id like to see you out in the moonlight
id like to kiss you way back in the sticks
id like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
and id like to check you for ticks
i know the perfect little path
out in these woods i used to hunt
dont worry babe ive got your back
and ive also got your front
id hate to waste a night like this
ill keep you safe you wait and see
the only thing allowed to crawl all over you
when we get there is me
you know every guy in here tonight
would like to take you home
but ive got way more class than them
and that aint what i want
cause id like to see you out in the moonlight
id like to kiss you way back in the sticks
id like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
and id like to check you for ticks
oooh you never know where one might be
and oooh theres lots of places that are hard to reach
id like to see you out in the moonlight
id like to kiss you way back in the sticks
id like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
and id like to check you for ticks
oh id sure like to check you for ticks
|
XO
Labio
|
 |
|
|
13
Comments
|
|
ANOTHER DOWN DAY AT Affairlook!!!!!!!!!!!
|
Posted:Aug 4, 2007 11:28 am
Last Updated:Oct 18, 2007 4:02 am
13844 Views
|
"Welcome LabioBent!
It's a fact: premium members get a lot more action. If you haven't upgraded, you might not be getting what you came for. When you're ready for real skin-on-skin encounters, join the sex crowd with one of the offers below! "
I CAME TO BLOG!
Even with 54 Mbps, very strong signal wireless, and Ultra High Speed Internet Connection, I sat here for hours while the little window said, "Opening................................................................................................................................."!
Then I'm told my profile has been lost!
Who cares!
But if I contact TeamATadultfriendfinderDOTcum, I will have a response in 48 hours!
Who cares!
I don't!
As a matter of fact, Don McLean said it best:
So bye-bye, miss american pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."
XO
Labio
 |
|
|
|
11
Comments
|
|
Thoughts for the weekend
|
Posted:Aug 3, 2007 4:00 pm
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2007 9:42 am
13511 Views
|
Thoughts for the weekend
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?
Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen a sleep yet.
My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said..
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
If raising was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
But Most Of All, Remember !
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
XO
Labio
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (LabioBent) use [blog LabioBent] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
151
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
191
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
|
|
|
|
!! For without encouragement, I may cease to be!!!!!
