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too happy to update
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Posted:Oct 5, 2009 9:02 am
Last Updated:Dec 1, 2009 10:33 am
3400 Views
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Wow, i had no idea it had been a month since i blogged. i guess time really does fly when you're having 'fun'. He is strict and demanding and controlling, ...and also forgiving. Shortly after my last post, he contacted me to clear up a few misconceptions i had. aka, knock some sense into me..we talked things out and he gave me the honor of another chance. As he said a time or two, i think too much. it was a miserable 10 days that i spent thinking i would never serve him again, berating myself for doing something so stupid and causing him to walk away, and wishing i could take it back.
Now that he has straightened me out.. again... i am back to doing what i love best, serving him.
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Just in case
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Posted:Sep 3, 2009 11:42 pm
Last Updated:May 12, 2024 11:9 am
3478 Views
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Right before our last encounter, we discussed a special project that fell into the category of 'weird bad shit' and I have since found a resource to complete that project. Since we haven't spoken in 10 days, I can only assume that he is no longer interested in putting me through that ordeal, or any others for that matter.
Does he know that I am still willing to do anything he asks, is what I wonder. The part of me that thinks it was for the best to end things is a lot smaller then the part of me that knows he was the only one capable of giving me what I need, the only one willing and able to take me down the paths I need to go. I wish he would reconsider and take into account the state I was in, mentally and physically. I doubt that he will, he does not forgive easily, but just in case he does, I will be able to perform the task we discussed, and start down that path again.
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Healing begins with acceptance
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Posted:Aug 29, 2009 12:05 pm
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2009 9:39 pm
3435 Views
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So, I finally got it into my thick skull that I really do deserve to be appreciated, desired, and maybe even cherished. I had realized months ago that he didn't feel any of those things, but told myself I had enough self-esteem to serve him without them, as I get plenty of ego stroking from others. Gradually it became clear that providing that level of devotion was taking a toll on me, so I told myself that he was growing fond of me and would eventually express it. That didn't work very long, as is obvious from my previous post. It was very painful to see it in print that he hadn't grown any fonder of me than he felt the first time. I am now over the pain. It was a wonderful fantasy and I have accepted not only that it is over, but also that it was for the best. He would clearly get along much better with a doormat that thinks little to nothing of herself, and won't have issues with degrading herself for a man who will never think anything of her. If he does find her, I hope he is satisfied with her.
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Crushed doesn't even come close
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Posted:Aug 26, 2009 6:14 pm
Last Updated:Aug 27, 2009 10:46 pm
3603 Views
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Does doing monstrous things make Him a monster? NO! Aug 25, 2009 11:30 pm
Mood: crushed, 14 Views
He doesn't ask much of me, a clean room in which to play. As much as i would like to make excuses, He is right, i should have cleaned it. It doesn't matter that i spend an hour cleaning it, come home from work at 1030, and find it a mess again. He said he might be coming over this morning and i should have done what he asked. My husband's desire to have other rooms tidied, laundry caught up and my Mary Kay inventory transferred to another area, should not have been my first priority. i am a slave, i am His slave, and the half-assed job i did 15 minutes before His arrival was substandard, unacceptable and disrespectful. In the 4 months we have been playing, it has been His only request. i failed, and He punished me for it; brutally, severely and memorably. at first, i hated him for hurting me so much and felt the brutality was undeserved. when i could move again, i realized that nothing less would have brought the message home so powerfully. yes, Sir, you got your point across, loud and clear. Loud as my screams, clear as the welts you left on my skin. I have never in my 8 years as a masochist, been beaten like this. All i can say is 'thank you'. The worst punishment he could have imposed would be to turn around and walk back out without touching me. He has given me another chance, and will forgive me when he sees that i have done that one thing he has asked of me.
He asked if i was having second thoughts and i said not anymore. Then i asked if he would have walked away if i was and he said yes. i should have stopped there but i had to know why and he said i was replaceable. i want to mean something to the person i am devoted to, and i thought i did. after 4 months of growing, learning, serving and pleasing, i still mean no more to him than i did on day one. a replaceable object that he has casually discarded without a look back.
having been through this before does not make it any easier. i feel broken and i can't breathe, or eat, or sleep or function.
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the things i'll do to cum
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Posted:Jan 31, 2007 8:47 am
Last Updated:Sep 24, 2013 6:16 pm
4428 Views
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He let me in the door and greeted me his standard way, by grabbing both nipples and twisting hard. Of course that put me on tippy toes like it usually does. He let go of them and grabbed double handfulls of breast , making me gasp and whimper in pain. He let go and told me to kneel and i knew he was going to allow me the pleasure of his cock. I thanked him as i sank to my knees and opened his belt. I moaned in pleasure as i took his cock in my mouth and lust as he grabbed me by the hair, slapped my face and pushed his cock deep in the back of my throat. i gagged and pulled back and he slapped me again and pushed it in deeper. I got the message and stayed put as he face fucked me, pushing my gag reflex limits. I sucked and slobbered on his cock for a few minutes, gagging several times and going back for more. He knows how much i love to hear 'good girl' and he is not opposed to taking advantage of that knowledge by having me do unpleasant things to earn it. After a while, he directed me to stand and walk to the dungeon and strip. He laid on the bed near where the toys were laid out and told me to get sucking again. He was in a position where he could reach his riding crop and hit me with it on my back. When i pulled back to scream, he pinned me with his leg and free hand and gagged me on his cock again, saying he just found the perfect way to keep me quiet. He likes it sloppy and uncomfortable for me and said he was proud that i figured out to get right back to sucking after taking a breath. At one point he reminded me of a place i had missed and i did something with my tongue i had vowed to never do again, but when he said deeper, i hesitated. He warned me of what would happen if i ever did that again and i spread him and went as deep as i could. He called me good girl and i knew i would do anything he asked to hear those words. When we set up this meeting, it had been a long time since i had an orgasm i didn't give myself so i begged him to allow me an orgasm and being the fair Dom that he is, he allowed me to climb up and start fucking him. He told me i would have to wait until he was ready to let me cum so he hit me with the crop, his hands, his fists and whatever else was handy just at the brink of orgasm, over and over until i was begging and crying and ready to agree to anything for the pleasure. At one point he pinched both inner thighs at the same time causing me to scream out. He hit my cheek with the crop and i turned in reflex, to avoid the blow. He said, 'you didn't just turn away did you' and made me lean closer so he could slap me first on one side then the other. i cried, but held still, earning another 'good girl' i asked him if he wanted to mark my face and he said no, as it was a limit, but i later admitted that if he wanted to, i would hold still and wear it proudly. He allowed me to get close to orgasm several times then told me that if i wanted to cum sooner than late that afternoon that i could earn it by showing him the depths of depravity i was willing to sink for him. His goal is to bring me as low as i will go while returning for more. He wants me to crave his cock to the point that i will wonder what he will have in store for me next time, how he will taste and what he will make me do. i think he realizes now that its not just his cock that i crave, but the pain and humiliation he has me suffer to earn that cock. My first master once told me that i needed to find a master with a dark side as dark or darker than my own and i agreed. i believe that i have found that person and have surprised us both with what i will do for him. He told me he was proud of me as he touched my face in a caress, it was probably the first time he touched me without pain and i felt that i have finally found the one that will bring me down paths i need to go. He didn't think that i would carry out the price he set for my orgasms, but i take them very seriously and would never renege on a promise i made on the brink of orgasm. What if i pissed off the godess of multiple orgasms, what if Sir never allowed me to orgasm again? He did find out what i would do for him and said he may never ask that of me again, but the fact that i did it, made him proud.
He had told me during our first session that he wanted me to the point that i will crave his cock and do the most nasty sick things he asked of me to get that cock. i am to that point. i not only crave his cock, but i also crave the pain and humiliation he gives me to earn it. He wants me to wonder how he will taste next time, what he will have me do, how much it will hurt or humiliate me. He asked if i was trully ready for no limits play with a 'sick fucker' like him and i said that yes, i was. When he asked me if i was sure i would do as he asked, i begged him not to make it my decision. He laughed as he thought about what he would require of me and how i would feel obeying him, and what a depraved little slave he was making of me.
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the remote control orgasm
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Posted:Dec 28, 2006 7:27 pm
Last Updated:May 12, 2024 11:9 am
3738 Views
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He has not been feeling well so I haven't seen him since our session. I am concerned that he is sick and feeling helpless that I can't do anything for him. I hope he feels better soon because I care. He has exerted his control by requiring that I ask permission to orgasm, which I did the other day. He gave me conditions under which I could, and then reconsidered my request under my circumstances and gave me even more leniency. I was extremely appreciative that he allowed me that pleasure and of course obeyed his commands. As i shoved the 3rd full size dildo into my already painfully full pussy i envisioned him standing over me telling me to push harder and me telling him how much it hurt and pushing it further for his amusement. i thought about the first time he whispered good girl into my ear while he was ramming his cock in my previously neglected asshole and his hand over my mouth to keep me from scaring the neighbors. thinking about the feel of him both inside me and holding me tight, i came and called out his name several times, the next one louder than the last. his requirement for my orgasm was to shove the biggest thing i could into his fuckhole and to call out his name as i orgasmed. the pain was intense but not like when his clenched fist was inside me. when i yanked out all 3 dildos at the same time, it was much like when he pulled his fist from me. i screamed in pain and called out his name once more, thanking him for that special gift of an orgasm with pain.
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the silliest question i ever heard is 'will you be back for more'
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Posted:Dec 20, 2006 11:45 am
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2007 2:10 pm
3652 Views
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well, of course i will be back for more. it was an incredible 3 hours and i am excitedly looking forward to the next encounter. scared too, but excited. i was nervous while driving there which is why i missed his house, and almost hit two cars. trembling, i managed to grab both bags and walk up the porch stairs. he opened the door for me and i dropped to my knees in front of him. he directed me to get up and go further in the house so the neighbors didn't see. i had forgotton to remove my panties before i arrived, so the first thing i did was take them off and drop them to the floor with my coat. he made me pick them back up and hand them to him. of course they went in my mouth to stiffle the first screams from the punishment to remind me to never cover his fuck holes again.
he has some wicked instruments which he used to cover my ass and tits in welts and bruises. of course i loved every minute of that. He used all 3 of his fuck holes which i will feel for a week. i am reminded of that line from Bad Santa "the last time i was with you i couldn't shit right for a month" at first i couldn't take it and started to scream. he slammed his huge masculine hand over my mouth, grabbed me and told me to shut the fuck up...i still get hot just thinking of that. he allowed me to get accustomed to his size, which took a while, of course, but before long i was loving every minute of it, even thrusting back to him and matching his intensity. one of my soft limits is now off the list with him, which i won't divulge here, suffice it to say, he tastes and smells as good as he looks and feels. in a word, lickable.
i did find myself in a playfull rather than submissive mood for a few minutes and was disrespectfull, which was not my intention and i am trully sorry and will never ever do again and i thank him from the bottom of my heart and loins for not sending me away then, which would have been his right. i am really really sorry.
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hoping he puts more marks on me before these fade
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Posted:Dec 18, 2006 10:11 am
Last Updated:Dec 20, 2006 11:53 am
3730 Views
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so i was noticing this morning in the shower that my nipples still have whats left of the marks he made on them and i started thinking about how they got there. how he pinched them both through my dress and skin to skin. i can still feel his strong hands and fingers now, and its giving me chills. he wanted to know my limits and what would bring me to my knees. of course a word or look would make me kneel, but as far as my limits....its been so long, i have no idea where they are. he could tell by my response how much it hurt and how it turned me on and the look on is face told me he was pleased. i had mentioned something about being stubborn, but thats not necessarily the case. i think that my desire to please and my submission will stop me from ever using my safe word. i feel that i want to take all the pain he can give me and come begging for more. i can see his face in my mind, how he looked when he was slapping my tits and pinching my nipples and how hot he was making me. how i wished he would throw me to the floor and rip into me. i want to wear his marks, i want to worship him, i want to feel him inside me, i want to take all he can give.
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what stands out most, not necessarily in that order
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Posted:Dec 17, 2006 2:31 pm
Last Updated:Dec 20, 2006 11:54 am
3712 Views
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what i remember most of course was him slamming his cock down my throat and slapping my face... god that gets me hot. and of couse calling me a good little cocksucker. everytime he praised me for my training little shivers went through me. i love to please, and i love to be told how much i please. a little praise goes a long way. his expert fingers probing and inspecting my holes almost brought me to orgasm and when he told me how he wants to tear into my pretty little asshole, i melted.
the one time i hesitated following an order was due to my own insecurities. he told me to take off my dress. i was scared to death he wasn't going to like what it revealed and i started and stopped several times, not looking at him. when i did meet his eyes and saw his expression, i knew i had to obey. i held my breath and took it off, again thinking 'please let him be pleased'
apparently he was as his next words were 'you'll do nicely' did i leave a puddle? um yeah. as he reached down between my legs and touched what he would later refer to as his holes, he felt how wet and hot i was. then made me taste how wet and hot i was. i can't wait to taste myself on him again. be it finger, hand, cock, fist, object or foot, i am looking forward to being stretched to the limits by him.
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the first words He spoke were 'you'll do' and i shivered
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Posted:Dec 17, 2006 12:58 am
Last Updated:Aug 31, 2009 6:16 am
3760 Views
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i hadn't seen yet what the dress looked like on, but judging from His reaction, im glad i chose it.
i couldn't meet his eyes as i opened the door wider and He walked in the first time. of course the ran over to see who it was, so i couldn't kneel before him, although the urge to do so was almost overpowering. my hands clasped each other in front of me as i thought to myself, please let him be pleased. i felt his hand in my hair and heard him whisper to me and i felt the heat start from my pussy and spread all through me. i almost went to my knees then, but fought the need. he whispered turn around and i did, not looking in his eyes. he pulled me closer by my hair and told me to look at him. i looked in his eyes as i met his body with mine and felt for the first time what i will learn to crave and worship.
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To link to this blog (subbietess) use [blog subbietess] in your messages.
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