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| Chronicles of my journey from closet to open CDing...
A short intro:
Been crossdressing since I was 5 and it has been a very lonely journey. As a young boy, going full drag in my mother's clothes was easy. I self-discovered musturbation and the joys my genitals can bring at 10 years of age.
I felt very guilty and ashamed of myself hence no one knew of my CDing. I would dress up in my mother's clothes whenever she was not around and wear her bras to bed.
Only in the recent years did my CDing activities became more active. It started with my purchase of my first lingerine during a trip to Thailand and that marks the start of many purchases of femenine goods. At that time my girlfriend of 7 years left me for another man and I was emotionally unstable.
Soon, my cupboards were filled with dresses and skirts and my drawers were filled with women's underwear, all bought in shops. Still, all activities were confined to my room.
I bought a pair of breastforms and they have pushed up my CDing by a notch. Soon I started to buy heels, wigs and makeup.
Now, I've accepted myself as what I am and no longer feel guilty to CD. But it'll take much time, courage and support for me to open up especially in Singapore's conservative culture.
My progress so far has been pretty steady. I'm now comfortable enough to go out and take public transport myself. Though I still feel a great inertia just before stepping out of the house, I can manage better now. My make up techniques are constantly being refined and i feel more comfortable to just "be myself".
I hope to find fellow CDing sisters to share experiences with and to support each other. You are not alone!
~ "People ask me why I crossdress. To me, crossdressing is like an art and me, an artist. And as an artist, my goal is to create a piece of beauty. While a painter has his canvass and a sculptor has his stone, for me, I'm both a sculptor and painter; My body the stone and my face, the canvass." |
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My horns are growing...
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Posted:Oct 3, 2007 12:14 pm
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2007 6:22 am
3302 Views
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I can't help it. I'm going to be 25 this year and I have still yet to feel the warmth of a woman. I'm not looking for a shag but the primitive and carnal urge to make out with a hot female is never too far from my mind.
I have to musturbate everyday to manage my desires . The very principles that keep my morals in check are being challenged by the ever increasing hunger that builds up from deprativity. However, I will never resort to approaching a . My principles have not eroded to that extent, yet.
I find myself drifting further away from the prospect of ever having a normal B-G relationship with a woman that I will love. I find that I lost the ability to approach and date females the conventional way anymore. But being a CDer, I'm hardly conventional to begin with...
I feel like a hamster on a wheel. I will keep on going but never find the end. A wheel is a circle... It has no end. Its not like a triangle with edges that will...nvm, I watch too much shows.
If this goes on, I may just have to die a virgin. Lol, imagine 50 years more of jerking off... XD
~Tommy
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An Idle Mind can be Scary...
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Posted:Oct 3, 2007 11:40 am
Last Updated:Oct 3, 2007 11:52 am
2625 Views
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I was idling today and for some reason, an idea came to my mind.
Can't afford or too shy to purchase a dildo or anal beads? Read on...
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Can't Shake it off!
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Posted:Sep 30, 2007 1:47 am
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2007 6:23 am
2694 Views
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After being in Affairlook for some time, i realised that I made a small error. I am a straight CDer and during my account registration, I put "T" as my gender. However, after being around for these few months, I realised that I am more "M" than "T". It seems like "T" for CDers are mainly those who are attracted to men. As a result, I get guys approaching me and practically zero female interest...
So I decided to change the gender to "M". To my disgust, I realised that I have to pay USD$15 just to change it... waste of money I'll say. =.= I think I'll just leave it as it is. Next payday I'll prob get a gold membership. 
I prob got myself to blame too for the poor female response. My criteria is a bit stringent... age between 19-31, slim to mid build, pref tall, not married and must be able to apreciate my CDing. How many of those are around... XD
~Tommy
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Kok ok, Prata ok, but...
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Posted:Sep 29, 2007 2:33 pm
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2007 6:24 am
2730 Views
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Just came back from a session of KOK with some Affairlook buddies. Had the usual drinks and loads of fun though the group is much smaller this time round.
I tried a stunt... I went out as Tomi today in a nice black dress and coat. However, I decided not to bring a change of guy clothes as my parents are on a holiday and I was hoping that my bro would be asleep by the time I reached home(btw, thanks for the ride!). He wasn't.
I had to sneak into the house in full CD attire while he was busy with his game. I rushed to the toilet to de-CD myself and take a shower. Thankfully he did not notice me. (I think...)
After the KoK session, we went to Duku road(not Dufu road) for some prata. We were happily chatting away, showing each other our drivers' license and ic. When we were about to go off, I saw something unpleasent.
Remember in one of my previous blog entry where I mentioned that I suspect some of the youths in the east coast Mac were taking my pictures? Well, I actually saw (or rather, caught him red handed) this guy sitting behing John# taking a picture of me on the sly.
Now this guy is not very bright... He positioned his E65 such that it seemed like he was going to take a pic of himself but the lens was obviously pointing at me. I am a highly sensitive person and I can actually "feel" it if someone is trying to pull such stunt on me.
To top it up, after taking the pic, he held up his hp to see the picture of me he had just taken. Dumb jerk...
I can understand the curious looks people give me when I am in public, but this picture thing is just rude.  However, I did not bring up the matter as I did not want to spoil the happy mood and we were about to leave anyway.
Other than that spoiler incident, I was a great evening! Gotta rest now, still got to meet .
~Tomi
N.B This is a pic of me after a sneaked into the house and entered the toilet. XD
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Damn it...
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Posted:Sep 29, 2007 2:13 pm
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2008 10:03 am
2576 Views
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I just spent half an hour typing a nice blog entry and after clicking add, the page fails to load and my effort is all washed down the toilet. This is really fucked up....
SEMULA!
~Tommy
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Cash Converters
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Posted:Sep 5, 2007 10:19 am
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2007 6:25 am
2567 Views
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I was shopping around at cash converters today. Didn't had anything I need to get in particular but I love to see the junk on sale. I stumbled upon something particularly interesting. Breast massagers.
Now, there were two types. The cheaper one was a pair of vibrators that look like your regular bra paddings except that it is hard. That didn't need much imagination on its use and since its only afew dollars, i bought a pair to play with.
The slightly more expensive one at $14 is more interesting. When I opened the package, i expected to see a pair of fancier vibrators. To my suprise, it contained a pair of thin silicone like cups which can be connected to a main controller.
When I turned on the power, the cups did not vibrate. Thinking that the thing is not working, i pumped up the intensity and touched the inside of the cup. I got a shock of my life... literaly. Seems like this thing works by sending a weak current to the area it contacts. i.e. The breast.
Feeling intrigued, I bought the thing and tried it on my flat chest (at home of course!). Nothing. Seems like this works only on real breasts. Anyone want to try it and tell me how it feels?
You can have it if you really like what it does for you...
~Tommy
I should never shop with Cash Converters. I end up buying lots of junk...
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Its that time of the year....
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Posted:Sep 4, 2007 10:15 am
Last Updated:Sep 5, 2007 10:06 am
2483 Views
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Its happening again...
It happens every year...
People are buying food items at war-time blackmarket prices.
Rice: S$20/kg
Orange: S$20/pc
Pineapple: S$33/pc
Cake: S$60/kg
A standing fan was sold for S$128.
But, we are not at war...
So, Whats the reason?
~Tommy
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I know what you wore last night...
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Posted:Aug 28, 2007 10:26 am
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2007 6:25 am
2505 Views
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I had a shock of my life a couple of nights ago...
As usual, I went to bed fully CD in my fav black nightgown and LOCKED my door. After falling asleep, I suddenly woke up. My door was ajar. Someone opened it with a key. So without thinking, I got up and tried to close the door. To my horror, my brother was in my room at my computer! It was dark but I could swear that he would be able to notice my "features". 
I quickly crawed under my quilt and prayed that he saw nothing out of the ordinary... The next day, he never mentioned anything about it. Hopefully the matter rests as such, nothing....
~Tomi
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Its Chalet FUN Time!
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Posted:Aug 28, 2007 10:16 am
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2007 10:39 am
2657 Views
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Finally had the time to sit down and blog about the chalet trip last weekend. That was prob the first time in my life I actually spent the whole day CDed! I actually wanted to go there in the afternoon on friday but due to work(and over and hour of choosing what clothes to bring), I reached the chalet at about 930pm.
Upon reacing, i straight away took a shower and changed into my female clothes. It was quite an exciting event as that was the first time I wore a mini skirt in public.
It was very difficult to put on makeup properly. The toilet light was yellow and everything seemed yellow. My blue eyeshadows look green and I could not differentiate the lighter blusher from the darker one. Hopefully the makeup wasn't too terrible that night. We chatted till 6am and got to meet a few new friends! I even had a chance to catch a retro movie which I've always heard about but never got the chance to see! *wink*
Sat was really exciting! I was the last to wake up(oops) so had to rush through the makeup again. I washed off last night's one before going to sleep(Duh!). I put on a pretty white dress and a beige cardi (in the picture). We went to Giant and gosh, there were alot of people there and I started to feel very self concious again. Thankfully IN comforted me and offered to be my boyfriend and protect me. 
We stocked up on food supplies for the BBQ later in the night and I bought myself a new lip gloss. 
The BBq went very well although it threatened to rain at some point. The food was excellent and the alcohol flowed freely. It won't take long for people to settle down and start playing Dai Dee. I played with FWKL, Ling and "the Devil" and had a few rounds of relexing game until someone suggested to turn it into a drinking game.... Everybody's "stance" suddenly changed and I ended up losing the first round and had to drink half a cup of "cuppachino" which smelled like almond jelly... "waking up" after that loss, I tried very hard not to be the loser(cos loser drink...)and managed to stay out of the red for most games. However, Ling got the worst of it and end up she had to retire early.
Sunday, we checked out and had buffet lunch at CSC(thanks for the meal IN!)With tired eyes, we made our way home while I had to rush home to wash up and meet a . Truly an unforgettable weekend!
~Tomi
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BADminton nite!
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Posted:Aug 13, 2007 12:29 am
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2007 9:04 am
2441 Views
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Ok, this post may be a couple of days late so please forgive me. My right arm and butt is still sore from saturday's game, I even have difficulty holding up my mug.... However, I had a great time playing and having a real workout!
It was the first time I met the SR group as Tommy. I had a beanie and a pair of sunshades on when I met up with IN and the rest for lunch. The first thing she asked me was,"Do we know you?" Erm... Yes and no... They were just messing with me. Snowy was already waving to me even before I reached their table.
The game itself was a real eye opener. I never knew the shuttlecock can fly so fast... Half the time I was caught rooted to the ground as the shuttlecock zoomed over my shoulder. Need more practice...
I realised that i do not have a habit of moving my lower body when playing. This most like stems from the fact that I grew up playing table tennis which requires intensive upper body movements but less footwork. Hmmm, maybe can organise table tennis game...
~Tommy
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KOK part dos!
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Posted:Jul 29, 2007 9:35 am
Last Updated:Aug 5, 2007 8:46 am
2768 Views
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Yesterday's KOK night has been another adventure for me! The plan was simple: Wake up at 11am, change, put on make up and leave the house by 2pm. However, things don't usually go as planned...
I woke up at 11am but end up playing my MMORPG until about 1230pm before I realised it. I spent about an hour trying out the different combinations of clothes to wear and eventually stuck with my first combi. (The one in my previous posting) By the time I wanted to put on my make up, my parents returned home... So I had to do some inventory work and took my "equipment" out with me and change outside.
This is when I realised something. CDing from your home and step out is one thing. CDing from a public handicap toilet and opening the door to a crowded shopping centre is another.
You have no back up / alternatives if something does not go as planned. E.g. My heels. They were new and SEEMED to fit ok when I tried them on at home. But when I actually wore them and walked around normally, they were painful and slippery. To make things worse, some of the straps snapped but thankfully the remaining ones held on. (I threw them away in a fit of anger when I reached home that night. NEVER BUY CHEAP HEELS!)
I had the chance to do a little bit of shopping enfemme for the first time! I could only spare the time to get myself a simple belt and a new cardi (which I wore that night). I really should have gotten another pair of heels then...
The MRT ride was nerve wrecking. This time I was alone and I noticed people looking at me curiously. IN told me to take a cab from Paya Lebar.I tried to take bus 70 but ended up at kallang stadium and STILL have to take a cab. I'm suprised that the cab driver didn't look any bit suprised when I told him to go CSC in my normal voice.
The KOK itself was pretty interesting. I met the fabled JR and Froggy..., I mean, FG for the first time! Even had the chance to play a round of pool with him. The moderators for the SR group were all there in full force!
The Mac supper after the KOK was even more funny. Whats so funny? Imagine accessing your Affairlook account on a public computer with ten adults huddled around that one com. It was quite a sight to behold.
The Mac was full of youngsters that night and I felt less than comfortable with them all looking at me with upmost curiousity. I suspect some of them may have taken my picture...
By the time I reached home it alreay 5am. Must sleep... I really thank all the members who have shown me so much encouragement!
~Tomi
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Its that time again...
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Posted:Jul 22, 2007 9:41 am
Last Updated:Jul 29, 2007 7:51 am
2567 Views
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Yes, its that time of the year again where I have to serve my dues for being born as a male Singaporean. I going for my reservist from monday onwards till sat 280707 so I won't be active much.
Tonight I am going to CD and play with myself as much as I want before booking in early tmr morn. Wish me all the best!
~Tommy
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Packed packed packed!
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Posted:Jul 17, 2007 9:33 am
Last Updated:Sep 24, 2007 10:05 pm
2713 Views
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Gosh, it has been really busy for the past week. Since my training kicked off on monday, it has been full days for me so far and my schedule for the rest of the week is no better.
On top of my training from 9-5, there are formal appointments with my friends to help evaluate and plan their financial needs. Next week's reservist actually serves as a break for me!
Last friday I was home alone. As usual I cross dressed for a personal photography session. The door bell rang, it was the postman. I remembered that I ordered some stuff online and in my excitment, I answered the door - enfemme. 
It was too late when I realised what situation I've just put myself into... Its usually the same postman that delivers mail to my block and I had always answered the door as a guy. She stared at me and kept asking me if the addressee was correct! I did not dare to speak out, just nodded my head, smiled, took the package and closed the door before she could see my real blush behind my blusher...
Thankfully my makeup was complete. Here is a pic of my dressup that day. What you guys think? Its the set of clothes that I bought at This Fashion. I mentioned it in my last blog.
~Tomi
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To link to this blog (tommygun198212) use [blog tommygun198212] in your messages.
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