When told NOT INTERESTED
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Posted:Sep 5, 2017 11:48 am
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2022 4:02 pm
4826 Views
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You have not read my profile, please read it!!! I say exactly what I look for, want in my life and how I want it sexually.
For exampled, I told Vcand30 that I was NOT INTERESTED and that he had enough "friends". He got pissed off and blasted me, then blocked me. I don't care what you nasty comment is or was, I was NOT INTERESTED, stop contacting me!
This site has become so disrespectful to women: nasty foul mouth words, send pictures when I never asked for them. I would like a adult site with straight men [not bi, cheating, not gay] Ok, you like men but I don't share. I am one-on-one, a friend, someone to talk to, hang out and be honest.
I remember back in the day of talk in the FLORIDA ROOM and having MEET n GREETS. Great honest people, so much fun and have good friends in the end. I miss you all and hope you are well.
I am seeking friends, that is it and not interested in rude white guys.
OK I am done
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The Cat In The Hat On Aging
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Posted:Apr 7, 2016 6:23 pm
Last Updated:Sep 28, 2017 8:48 pm
4613 Views
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I cannot see.
I cannot pee.
I cannot chew.
I cannot screw.
Oh my God, what can I do?
My memory shrinks,
My hearing stinks,
No sense of smell,
I look like hell.
My mood is bad--can you tell!
My body's drooping,
Have trouble pooping,
THE GOLDEN YEARS have come at last,
THE GOLDEN YEARS can kiss my ass!
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Little Blue Pill
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Posted:Mar 16, 2014 11:12 am
Last Updated:Sep 28, 2017 8:49 pm
9272 Views
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This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine.
The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, ''Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive.''
The doctor smiled and said, ''Have you tried to give him Viagra?''
The lady frowned. ''Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,'' she claimed.
''Well,'' the doctor continued, ''Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing.''
The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.
Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong.
She shook her head. ''How did it go?'' the doctor asked.
''Terrible, doctor, terrible.''
''Did it not work?''
''Yes,'' the old lady said, ''It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years.''
''Then what is the problem, ma'am?''
''Well,'' she said. ''I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again.
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The Bet
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Posted:Mar 16, 2014 11:11 am
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2017 1:47 am
9240 Views
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A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right)! The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my
balls are not square!"
The little old lady than said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 A.M., the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office.
She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet" "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
"Well, okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of
money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 A.M. today, I'd have the Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."
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Sperm Count
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Posted:Mar 16, 2014 11:00 am
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2017 1:50 am
9243 Views
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An 80 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a semen sample tomorrow.
The next day the 80 year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. "She even tried her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still we even called up Earleen, the lady next door.
Earleen tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeez'n it between her knees, but still nothing. Then they both tried together!
"The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor? "The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried we still couldn't get the damn jar open!"
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The house
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Posted:Aug 11, 2013 7:20 am
Last Updated:Oct 26, 2013 8:59 am
10204 Views
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After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.
His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multimillion dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed.
He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases.
On the 2nd day she had to movers come and collect her things.
On the 3rd day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly the house began to smell. They tried everything cleaning mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even replaced the expensive wool carpeting. NOTHING WORKED.
People stopped coming over to visit. Repairman refused to work in the house.
The Maid quit.
Finally they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later even through they had cut their price in half they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house ha been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.
INCLUDING THE CURTAIN RODS.
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$20.00
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Posted:Aug 6, 2013 3:33 pm
Last Updated:Oct 26, 2013 9:00 am
10279 Views
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On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state,her husband readily agreed. >>!
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed. >>!
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what he had been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than 40 years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which was worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!'
That's when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut
Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often. But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!
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Senior Sex
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Posted:Aug 1, 2013 4:33 pm
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2022 4:04 pm
11105 Views
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Senior Sex
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
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Steamy Facts About orgasms
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Posted:Jul 28, 2013 5:20 am
Last Updated:Sep 28, 2017 8:51 pm
12164 Views
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Steamy Facts About orgasms
1 Insecurity Is Their Kryptonite
Sexual climaxes are shy creatures. Seymour Fisher, author of "The Female O" famously wrote that feelings of insecurity about your body or your relationship can delay them or prevent them altogether.
2 They Make You Thinner (ok - I have to work on this hahahahaha)
Studies have shown that a climax can stop your cravings for junk food. Some have even found that they can replace cigarette cravings.
3 They Were Used to Treat "Hysteria"
Seriously. Women would go to a clinic where a doctor would help them to the big "o" with equipment like early vibrators. Want another fun fact? Maggie Gyllenhaal starred in a movie about it.
4 They Fight Hangovers
Right after they happen, they flood your brain with the feel-good chemicals oxytocin and endorphins. It'll make you feel better and improve your mood.
5 They Boost Your Immunity
Have them frequently and you're less susceptible to the common cold and other easy to fight illnesses.
6 Sometimes They Just Won't Stop (ok - now I know why)
It's called Permanent Arousal Syndrome, it affects women and it's pretty terrible. Their average day can be interrupted by over 200 big O's that make living a normal life pretty tough.
7 They Can Extend Your Lifespan
If you're a man that is. A recent study revealed that men who experience the big "O" two times per week or more live longer than men who get there less frequently.
8 They Mess With Your Brain
In fact, it is impossible for you to feel any emotion while you're having one. That's because they shut down the part of your brain in charge of emotions until the moment is over. Evolution is weird.
9 Did you know that pigs have climaxes that last around 30 minutes? That's almost as long as it takes to cook a rump roast.
10 They're All About Speed
Each male climax sends sperm forth at rather startling 28mph speeds according to research by the Kinsey Institute. That's faster than any human being on earth can run.
11 They Don't Require Physical Contact
Did you know that about 0.06% of men can reach their happy place without the help of any physical contact via their own hands or anyone else's. Are they using the force?
12 They Really Do Make You Sleepy
After a man's big moment, his brain releases a chemical called prolactin which makes him zonk out. Think of it as sexy narcolepsy.
13 They Can Kill
The French call the big o "le petit mort". That's because they do on occasion kill people by instigating heart failure. Some people just faint every time so they're lucky we guess.
14 They Cure Headaches
This is going to ruin an age-old excuse for a lot of ladies. But half of the people undergoing a study of regular headache sufferers found that sexual climax quickly took away their pain faster than painkillers did.
15 Some Women Have a Lot of Them (whew - I thought something was wrong with me)
Sexologists and authors of the book "The Fundamentals of Sex" claim that some ladies can get there over 100 times in an hour. That's one every 36 seconds and it sounds pretty exhausting.
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Sister Mathematical and Sister Logical
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Posted:May 25, 2013 4:16 am
Last Updated:Jul 28, 2013 5:13 am
10344 Views
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There were two nuns…
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical [SM], and the other one was known as Sister Logical [SL]
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It’s logical. He wants to have his way with us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It’s not working.
SL: Of course it’s not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn’t follow us both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn’t it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Mary’s.
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Typical Medical Request
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Posted:Mar 2, 2012 3:24 pm
Last Updated:Jan 2, 2015 5:14 am
11559 Views
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A woman was in a coma, she had been in it for months.
Nurses were in her room giving her a blanket bath.
One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight
response on the monitor when she touched her.
They tried it again and sure enough there was a small, recognizable movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy
as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.'
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy.
The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minute's the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.
The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried.
The husband said, 'I'm not sure, maybe she choked'.
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There are four kinds of sex
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Posted:Feb 3, 2012 10:43 am
Last Updated:Jan 2, 2015 5:14 am
12200 Views
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HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
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BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your spouse and the lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.
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Honeymoon
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Posted:Feb 3, 2012 10:14 am
Last Updated:May 12, 2024 9:19 am
11230 Views
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A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" >>!
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." happyf;
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job." 
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To link to this blog (salsagirl822) use [blog salsagirl822] in your messages.
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