My new blog
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Posted:Dec 8, 2010 3:31 pm
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2010 3:52 pm
4889 Views
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Hey everyone who takes the time to read my blog. I'm newly single, so I thought I would take the time to tell you about my dates and the women that I'm seeing. I've got a few stories already, they are pretty funny. So if you feel like commenting or if you have any advice please feel free to post.
thanks
Jason
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Fail!
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Posted:Mar 30, 2011 1:26 pm
Last Updated:Apr 6, 2011 5:39 pm
4688 Views
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Say this guys name 3 times fast!
sorry the pic is small
Mike Litoris
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I Broke Her!
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Posted:Mar 20, 2011 5:17 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2011 10:42 pm
5133 Views
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It's been a while since I last posted, it's not from a lack of sex, it just hasn't been with anyone new! I have my regular FWB girls that I have been satisfying, but I like to post about the new ones.
I recently started playing in a coed softball league, We had a season kick off tourney on saturday. I replied to an add on craigslist to a team looking for new players. they needed a pitcher, and someone that could hit. the first time I met everyone was at the tourney, i wasn't able to make it out to any practices, so I was kinda going in blind. When I showed up to the field, there seemed to be a good mix of athletes and some not so much. The girls all looked like they could play and were good looking to boot. We won the first game on a triple I hit in the bottom of the 7th and we rolled over the 2nd team to go to the semi finals. We squeaked out a win to advance to the finals. We had to play the team we beat in the 1st game in the finals. Again it came down to me, there were 2 outs, bottom of the 7th and the bases were loaded and we were down by 2. I'm pretty good at placing my ball when I hit, I noticed the right fielder had cheated into the middle of the field leaving the 1st base line wide open. I changed up my stance and nailed a line drive down the 1st base line. I actually hit a in side the park home run, when the fielder ran after the ball he slipped and it made it easy for me to run the bases. I was mobbed as i crossed home plate!
We won a trophy and I immediately became part of the team, We went into the pub that is across the street from the park and continued to celebrate. I had been chatting up with a couple of the girls on the team during our breaks between games, and now that the alcohol is flowing I could tell one was really interested. I played coy most of the night, but she would follow me around as i interacted with the rest of the people on the team. Every time I turned around or went to the bar for another drink she would follow, she was almost stalking me....lol.
So the next time I went to the bar, she followed and I bought a couple of shots for us. We sat up at the bar and we chatted for about 20mins then she excused herself to use the bathroom. Then another girl from the team came over and said "you're going to get lucky tonight!" She had it all planned out, she had drove with the girl who was now talking to me and she was told to leave her at the bar so that I would have to give her a ride home. If i was going to play on the team, I didn't want it to get weird if it didn't work out or cause any drama. I'm not looking for a commitment, I just want to play. I'm having to much fun being single. She replied, "you don't have to worry about that, she wont be playing with the team this season, they had just picked her up for the tourney" So it was perfect....lol
So the plan is set in motion, I tell the friend I'm in! So the friend leaves and it is getting late so we decide to take off. We decide to go back to my place and we make small chit chat till we get there. We make our way inside, she is still wearing her softball gear, which is a pair of lulu lemon pants(who ever invented those deserves a medal...lol) and her jersey. I have to use the bathroom, so when I get in, I take my jacket and shoes off and take a piss. When I come out she is still struggling with her shoes, she is bent over with her perfect shaped ass facing me! I come right up behind her and cup her ass with both my hands and slide my hands up and down her thighs, she finally gets her shoes off and stands up with her back still facing me, I run my hands over her hard toned tummy, and down the inside of her thighs, she lets out a little moan as my hand rubs against her clit through her pants. She turns around and we instantly lock lips, I keep my hands wandering over her ass and the small of her back. She does the same thing, she runs her hands up the inside of my shirt, playing with my nipples and fondling my chest. We make out standing there feeling each other up for a few minutes, then i take her hand and lead her into the bedroom.
I turn the light on, but she shakes her head and asks if we can keep it off, I don't like fucking with the lights off, I like to see what I'm doing, so as I start taking my pants off, I kick them over to where the door is and my pants hold it open so the light from the hall way shines some light in. She immediately strips down to her bra and panties and jumps into bed and under the covers, I follow and strip down to my boxers and lay in beside her, we begin to make out again. Our hands wander all over each other, I reach around behind her and unhook her bra with the one hand, She has perky little C cup breast with big pink nipples, I begin groping and move down to tongue her hard nipples, I position my self between her legs with me on top. She is pulling and rubbing her hands through my hair as I tweak her nipples with my tongue and fingers.
My cock is so hard at this point, I'm still wearing my boxers and she is still wearing her panties, but i position my cock so the head is pressed against her clit through her panties. I begin to dry fuck, she is almost ready to cum before her panties come off. We begin to start kissing again, while my cock is rubbing her clit, she takes her hands and rubs my cock harder against her clit. I can tell how she grabbed my cock that she didn't realize how big i actually was. she first grabbed the tip, but the took a second and moved her hand slowly down the shaft. She pushed me off and took both her hands and held my cock, she just looked at me in dispalief, there was room on both ends for another hand! she pulled my boxers off and pulled me back on top of her and rubbed my cock against her clit some more.
I reached over and pulled a condom out of the bedside table, and she took her soaked panties off. I slide the condom over my hard cock and slide the tip of my cock inside of her. She was so tight, I didn't want to force my self in to deep right away. I slowly inched my way inside her,she would let out a little moan with every inch that went further, As my cock went in deeper, I started to fuck her faster and harder, she kept on moaning "harder, harder, harder" so I obliged. My cock was slamming into her deep and hard and she loved it! She came instantly! I slowed my pace down a bit and slowly pulled my cock almost all the way out and slide it in a s deep as I could go, it sent shivers throughout her body every time my cock slide back in. Then for some reason my cock went completely limp. I couldn't explain it. But she still wanted my cock, she pulled the condom off and began sucking my cock. She was pretty good at it, she had good rhythm with her hands and mouth. She could take my cock in pretty far too, I've never had someone who could deep throat me, I've had them try, but know one has been able too! It wasn't long before my cock was hard again. So I pulled out another condom and propped her on a pillow to allow me better leverage. She wanted my cock deep and hard again. We started fuck missionary style with her legs spread wide. I guess the position she was in and how hard and deep I was, she let out a huge scream and she wrapped her arms around me and told me not to move! I could feel her squirting, I've had squirters before, I just have to change the sheets when were done. But this was different, I looked down at my bed, and there was blood every where! She was squirting blood, I pulled my cock out and it was covered in blood, My bed looked like a murder scene. The pillow she was propped up on had a pool of blood on it. this wasn't from her being on the rag, I broke her! I've never had that before, I didn't know what to do, she was so embarrassed as well. I didn't want to freak out and scare her. So I grabbed her a towel and sent her to the bathroom. I pulled off the sheets and pillow cases and the towel she used to wipe herself off and through them in the washing machine. I went and had a shower to wash all the blood that had squirted on to my stomach and thighs. When I got out of the shower I put a new sheet on the bed. I could tell she didn't know how to react. I gave her a big hug to ease her, and said that its all good. We went back to bed, I then realized that I had never came, I didn't push that on her by asking for BJ or something like that, I just pulled her close and we fell asleep!
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My Birthday Cougar!
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Posted:Feb 22, 2011 7:08 pm
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2011 10:48 pm
5000 Views
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It was my birthay this past saturday, so I had a big group of friends over to watch the hockey, play some poker, do some drinking and shoot the shit! I ended up having close to 20 people in and out through the night.
After the game was over, some of us headed down to the Sand Piper on the White Rock strip. I love that bar, it's a great mix of people, you get the older crowd who found a baby sitter for the night and are out to rip it up, and you get the younger crowd. There is always a good mix of women to men and everyone there is out to have a good time! Everyone seems to always get along, I have yet to see a fight break out!
There was about 12 of us who made it out to the bar, we got there a little late, we had to wait for the poker game to wrap up before we could leave. because we were a little late heading out to the bar, all the tables were taken. We were spread out throughout the bar, each of us spreading into groups of 3-4 where ever we could find room to stand and striking up conversations with who ever we met.
I noticed a group of ladies who were sitting by the windows, they had a couple of empty seats beside them, so I approached them and asked if my friend and I could join them. My friend isn't the best wing man out there, he is sort of shy and seems to stumble with his words when talking with the opposite sex. So i took it upon myself to introduce the two of us. They were both from the White rock area, but one had moved to Florida and was back visiting for the week. They were both in their late 30's, both had and were now divorced. They didn't get out much due to having .
While I was sitting there, my other friends in the bar were bring by shot after shot for me, Jager bombs seemed to be the shot of the night! Plus the numerous double vodka waters I had been drinking, I was feeling pretty good....lol
I can't sit still when I've had that much to drink, I don't know why, I just get antsy when I've had that much, I like bouncing back in fourth between my groups of friends in the bar and chatting.
The group of friends were thinning out, It was getting late in the night and some were sneaking off to head home. I noticed the two ladies I had been chatting with earlier dancing, so grabbed my friend and headed out on the dance floor. I didn't know which one to go for, I had had a good conversation with both of them. The decision was made for me, the lady from Florida saw me coming through the people on the dance floor and grabbed my hand and spun her self into my arms. I'm not a bad dancer, I'm not shy and I can keep a rhythm. I wouldn't go on dancing with the stars, but I can hold my own!
I was happy my buddy had gotten over his shyness and had occupied the friend. The dance floor was packed and everyone was bumping into each other, It could of been all the alcohol everyone had consumed, or people just not caring who was around them. My dance partner was a pretty good dancer herself, she liked being spun around and was one of the people bumping into everyone. She was also a touchy feelly person, every time I pulled her in close her hands either went up my shirt or ended up on my ass. I didn't mind at all! The night was winding down, and the last song of the night was playing, so I asked what their plans are for the rest of the night. She replied that they have nothing going on and asked what I was doing. As soon as a guy hears that, there is a good chance she will be coming home with him after the bar. If she says anything else your chances of getting laid are pretty much nil. I tell her that some of my friends that are still in the bar will be coming back to my place for more drinks and her and her girlfriends are more then welcome to come by.
So the song ends and the lights come on, We stay out on the dance floor with her in my arms and her girlfriend in my buddies arms. We tell her gf what the plan is after the bar. Both the girls look at each other and say they are going to run to the bathroom. The rest of my buddies are standing at the edge of the dance floor all empty handed. They had no luck picking up any of the other ladies in the bar. They ask what the plan is, I tell them back to my place for some post bar drinking. Some would rather head home because they struck out in the bar and didn't want to be the 3rd wheel in what my other buddy and i had picked up. I have two other buddies that are going to be the 3rd wheel and there might be a chance that they could join in on what was going to happen tonight!
The ladies come back out from the bathroom, they had their girl talk and they wanted to join us back to my place. We headed outside found a couple of cabs and the 6 of us made our way to ,y place. When we got back, my place was a mess, there were empties and poker chips everywhere! I wasn't looking forward to the next day when the hang over was in full effect and I had to clean up. We all headed into the kitchen where I played bartender. Beer and vodka seemed to be the post bar drinks of choice. We were all pretty drunk and my two buddies who didn't pick up a lady were starting to get a little creepy, saying in appropriate things and hinting at an orgy, I wasn't opposed to the idea and it would be fun, but I could tell the girls weren't into that idea. The girl I was with was pretty drunk and asked where my bedroom was so she could lay down. I showed her where it was, that should of been my hint to go with her. But me being a good host I went back out to where the party was. I stayed up and poured more drinks and played dj on my computer. it was now close to 4am and the other girl and my buddy decided to jump in a cab and go back to her place, and my other two buddies were about ready to pass out. i sent them off to bed, 1 on the couch and the other in the spare room. then I headed into my room to join my girl.
When I finally jumped into bed with her, she was passed out cold! She had stripped down to her bra and panties, and she looked so sexy sleeping in my bed. I tried to wake her up but she wasn't going to wake up. I layed down beside her and brought her closer to me, she laid her head on my chest and I rubbed her back hoping she would wake up, but nothing happened.
I had fallen asleep with her cuddling up next to me, I was awoken at 8am to her giving me a blow job! That is the best thing to be woken up by, I took me a few seconds to realize what was happening, I re-gained my composer and let her know I was awake by pushing her hair aside so I could see her mouth slide up and down on my morning hard on! She gave me a little wink and continued to suck on my cock. Her other hand was cupping my balls and rubbing the inside of my thigh. I have no idea how long she had been going at it, I pulled her away from my cock, waking up that way and seeing how sexy she looked in the morning light was getting me to hot and I was ready to burst. I gave her a wet passionate kiss, and unhooked her bra at the same time. Her breast fell free from the bra, she had perky breasts for her age and cute small pink nipples, she was straddling me, so I sat up and began kissing and sucking on her nipples, they must have been really sensitive or she was really horny. She grabbed the back of my head and pulled my hair as I teased her nipples with my tongue. She could feel my cock pressing against her ass as she sat on top of me. the fore play was over, she wanted my cock inside of her. She asked me to hurry up and put a condom on and fuck her. She climbed off while I reached into my bed side table for a condom, when I turned around she had her panties off and was sitting in a doggy style position waiting eagerly for me to get the condom on and my cock to be inside her! I couldn't believe how wet she was, I barely did any fore play, even with how wet she was, my cock didn't slide in that easy, she was very tight. I could see her grip the pillow as I slid my cock in. It took a few seconds for my cock to be able to slide freely back and forth.
I had a good grip of her ass cheeks as I started to fuck her harder, she was moaning and was letting out little cries of pleasure. Then she let out a huge YES and a Oh MY God! She was cumming, I could feel my self about to cum, so I started to fuck her harder, I wanted to orgasm at the same time she did. I was thrusting my cock deep inside her and spreading her pussy wide with every inch of my cock as I penetrated her. She was in mid orgasm when I felt mine about to cum. I gave a coupler of hard thrusts as I could feel my cum exploding into the condom. She collapsed onto the bed and I fell on top of her, my cock still inside, I could feel her muscles inside contracting around my cock, it sent little after shocks of pleasure right through me.
I finally rolled off her and headed into the bathroom, I rounded the corner and one of my buddies was just exiting. I was standing there with a hard on and a condom still on with a big load of cum sitting at the end. I think that was the last thing he wanted to see at that point, he gave me a shake of the head but a smirk of well done at the same time! I flushed the condom and headed back to bed, she had already curled back up under the covers and waited for my return.
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Ten Things to ponder
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Posted:Feb 15, 2011 6:38 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2011 9:45 pm
4793 Views
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1. If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
2. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store
in Hooters.
3. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
4. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
5. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
7. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
8. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
9. If the number 21 is pronounced twenty one, why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
10. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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The Booty call!
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Posted:Feb 15, 2011 3:24 pm
Last Updated:May 16, 2024 2:34 am
5037 Views
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My supplier has been promising me hockey tickets for quite some time. I've been purchasing so much product through him and well he owes me! So he finally handed me two tickets for this past Saturdays game against Calgary and I didn't know who I should take to the game. I was pondering taking a girl or a good buddy who had taken me to a game earlier in the season.
I guess I felt guilty and decided to take my buddy, he doesn't get out much, he is married with 2 , and we have been best friends for over 15 years. He lives in Richmond, So we parked my truck at the river rock and headed downtown via the Canada Line. We went into the sharks club for a few pre-game beers and appys. While sitting at a table shooting the shit, I received a text from a girl I had chatted and met a few times. We had only had a good make out session but had never gone any further. We lost touch with each other for a while, she was seeing someone else and only wanted to see one person. I respected that and moved on. So when I received the text I was kind of thrown off. She asked how things were going with me and wanted to now what I was up to. I told her I was heading to the hockey game. Then nothing!
I forgot about the text until the 1st intermission of the hockey game when I received another text, "how many beers is that for you now?" I replied, "I'm on my 4th and waiting in line for my 5th and 6th!". then nothing!
So it is the 2nd intermission now and I receive another text, "your looking good tonight!" now I'm really wondering what is going on. I reply "WTF, are you here?" then nothing!
The Canucks win the game and now we are wondering what we should do, We head back to the Sharks Club for another beer and figure out what we want to do. We decide that we should go back to the casino and do some gambling. While on the sky train I get another text. "what are you doing now?" I reply "Were heading to the River rock, were you at the game?" I finally get a reply. "Yes I was at the game, Saw you at the sharks club and sat 10 rows behind you" While I'm trying to send her a reply, She calls! She tells me, she was on a date and there was no chemistry between them. She didn't come up and say hi to me cause he was the super jealous type. When she saw me sitting 10 rows in front of her, she started fantasizing about me and wanted me to come to her place for some fun. I tell her I want to come there but I can't for a bit. I can't just ditch my buddy, Its not what friends do!
So now I'm trying to figure a way to get my buddy to want to go home. Well he made it easy, he had been out drinking me 2-1, he was hammered. I could tell he wasn't going to last that much longer, So I suggested we just head out and I will drop him off at home. He agreed, I drop him off and dial Tracy's number. I tell her I'm on my way.
I ring her buzzer and she lets me up, I knock on her door, and she is standing there in a silk robe and nothing else! She grabs my hand and leads me into the bedroom, She has candles lit all over her room and an assortment of toys on the night stand!
I never seen Tracy naked, like I said, we have only had a good make out session. I start undressing while she is still lighting candles. Her robe is short and the way the candles glow in front of her, you can see the silhouette of her sexy frame through the robe and it instantly gives me a hard on! I strip down to my boxers and come up behind her, I pull her in close, and wrap my hands around her, my hand slides in side the robe and I can feel her sexy stomach, I nuzzle my head next to hers and I whisper in her ear how hot she looks, and I'm glad she called! Her hair smalls like vanilla, for some reason vanilla is intoxicating to me. My hands begin to wander, I find the knot on her robe and un-tie it, I open up her robe from behind and let it fall to the ground, Her skin feels so soft and smooth. I again kiss and give a little lick on her neck and ear, I can feel the goose bumps on her arms as my hands slide all over her body.
I lay her down on the bed and notice massage oil on the bed side table, I lay her down on her stomach and lather my hands with the oil. I climb on top of her, straddling her around her hips. I begin massaging her shoulders and she lets out a sexy moan. I have big strong hands and I took a few sport and therapeutic massage courses in university, so I know what I'm doing! I pour a little more massage oil on her back and begin to give her a full body massage, I work my way down both legs, over her sexy ass, and back up to her shoulders and neck. She is becoming to relaxed so I need to get her back into the right frame of mind. so I work my way back down her back to her sexy ass again, I work her soft skin, sliding my hands down the inside of her thighs, every time slowly brushing my fingers against her pussy and clit. I rub my thumb up the crack of her ass, playing with the clit and rimming her anus, I pour a bit more massage oil down her crack, it drips over her anus and down the sides of her pussy. She is squirming and moaning every time my hand brushes against her pussy, I slowly slide 2 fingers inside her, I thought she was going to cum right then. She was soaking wet and it wasn't from the oil.
She had a vibrator that was sitting on the bed side table, turned it on, not to high but a good vibration, I slide it down from her ass to her sexy pussy, I pressed it against her clit, and this time she did cum! her whole body began to shake and pulsate from the vibrator pressing against her clit. My other hand was massaging her anus at the same time, my finger slowly rimming her and dipping inside with her moans and groans!
Now my cock was so hard by this time, my pre-cum was soaking through my boxers, I wanted her to taste my cum and so did she. She then took control! She sat up and pushed me back onto the bed, she seemed possessed, she tore my boxers off and grabbed my cock and began to squeeze it rather hard. She began to stroke my cock, moving her fingers over the tip of my cock and using my pre-cum as lube as she jerked me off. She began to tongue my balls, sucking them and rolling them in her mouth, it felt amazing! She was really rough but it felt so good, I thought she was going to suck my balls right through my sac! She then brought her mouth to the tip of my cock and began to flick the tip with her tongue, and smacking herself in the face with it. She opened wide and tried to stuff it down her throat as far as she could, she held it there for a good 15-20 secounds, then pulled it out with a gasp, her saliva was all over my cock, she then gave a few full strokes of my cock and stuffed it back in her mouth, she grabbed my hand and placed it on the back of her head and wanted me to push. So I balled up a good chunk of her hair and pushed her head down on my cock. she began to gag and pushed my hand back with another gasp. She began to stroke my cock now using her saliva as the lube and began to kiss and suck on my balls again.
She wanted better leverage so my cock could go further down her throat, so she climbed on top of me in the 69 position, she mounted me with her pussy inches away from my face. I placed both of my hands on her ass, and spread her cheeks and began to lick and flick her clit with my tongue. She is still trying to deep throat my cock, and stroking it hard with her hand. My fingers are again are rimming her anus.
She pulls away from my cock and says, I want to feel you cock stretching me wide, So she straddles my cock in the reverse cow girl position and rubs her clit against my hard shaft, and slowly slides it in! She orgasms right away, I can feel her muscles inside her contracting and gripping my cock, she didn't last even a minute. She falls to the side with my cock still inside her. So now we are laying parallel to each other but both of us on our sides, I'm still inside her and now i'm wanting to cum, So I start thrusting my self hard from behind, my arm was tucked under her neck and she grabbed my hand with hers and started to dig her nails into the palm of my hand, she was having another orgasm, I was about to blow my load and told her. She jumped up and said "cum in my mouth, I want to taste you" She grabbed my cock and started to jerk me off rather vigorously and violently, I could feel my self about to burst, she wrapped her lips around my cock and I blew my load inside her, she sucked back every drop of my cum and kept sucking, it was sending after shocks through out my whole body. Just writing and re-living this story has made me hard again!
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The Bro code!
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Posted:Feb 4, 2011 1:45 pm
Last Updated:Feb 20, 2011 2:35 pm
5119 Views
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From how I met your mother)
Article 1
Bros Before Hos
The bond between two men is stronger than the bond between a man and a woman because, on average, men are stronger than women. That's just science.
Book of Barnabas 1:1
And everything of need was provided in the Garden. Fruit water, companionship. But one day, Adam came upon a naked chick, Eve, and desired her olive leaf. And so Adam went behind an apple tree to know Eve, totally ditching his Bro, Phil, who had Knicks tickets. Court side. Long story short, humankind became self-aware, paradise was lost, and well, we all know what happened to the Knicks.
Article 2
A bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his bros are all doing it.
Note: Had Butch Cassidy come charging out of that cabin alone, people would have been like, "Dude, come on." If only one Spanish dude had decided to run down the street in front of a bunch of angry bulls, people would've been like, "dude, come on." If only Tommy Lee had worn eyeliner in the early days of Motley Crue, people would have been like "lady, come on." The license to be stupid is why we have Bros in the first place.
Article 3
If a Bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full-grown.
Corollary: Naming a lapdog after a pro wrestler or a character from a Steve McQueen movie does not absolve a Bro from the spirit of this article.
Article 4
A Bro never divulges the existence of the Bro code to a woman. It is a sacred document not to be shared with chicks for any reason.. no not even that reason.
Note: If you are a women reading this, first, let me apologize: it was never my intention for this to contain so much math.
Article 5
Whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports.
Article 6
A Bro shall not lolly gag if he must get naked in front of other Bros in a gym or locker room.
Corollary: If a bro gets naked in the locker room, all other Bros shall pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is happening while, at the same time, immediately averting their eyes. When in doubt, remember the old adage: "If a towel drops to the floor, so should your eyes."
Article 7
A Bro never admits he can't drive stick. Even after an accident.
Article 8
A Bro never sends a greeting card to another Bro.
There are no sentiments between Bros that cannot be articulated through the convenience and emotional distance of electronic mail. The following are a few emails for any Brocassion that succinctly get the message across without costing you the trouble and expense of having to find and then send an actual greeting card.
Emails for any Broccasion
Sympathy
To: Bro
From: Bro
Subject: Dude
____________________
Sorry, Bro
Congratulations
To: Bro
From: Bro
Subject: Bro!
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Nice, Bro!
Get well soon
To: Bro
From: Bro
Subject: Bro...
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Don't give up, Bro
Happy Birthday
To: Bro
From: Bro
Subject: Dude
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Drinks on me, Bro.
Thinking of you
To: N/A
From: N/A
Subject: N/A
----------------------
N/A
Article 9
Should a Bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow Bros will not make lame jokes such as "Gimme Three!" or "Wow, quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball." It's still a high five and that Bro still has a lot of balls... metaphorically speaking, of course.
Article 10
A Bro will drop whatever he's doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick.
It's normal for a Bro to get confused and disoriented when dumping a chick. For some reason he's worried she'll become agitated or even violent after he calmly explains his desire to have sex with her friends. This when a Bro most needs his bro to remind him that there are plenty of in the ocean, and that a breakup need not be hazardous, stress, or even time consuming.
Side-Bro: How to Dump a chick in six words or less
"Maybe try a side salad instead."
"Cute! You're growing a mustache, too!"
"She looks like a younger you."
"I will finance a boob job."
"Sorry I threw out your shoes."
"Your sister let me do that."
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faceless!
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Posted:Feb 4, 2011 12:59 pm
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2011 1:05 pm
4747 Views
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I laughed pretty good when I saw this
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Tips for the bartender!
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Posted:Feb 3, 2011 2:28 pm
Last Updated:May 16, 2024 2:34 am
5061 Views
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Every once in a while, I moon light as a bartender. A really good friend of mine owns a catering company. He gives me a call when ever he is stuck. I don't mind, its fun doing something new and meeting new people. I've filled in for him for all kinds of events. Weddings, wakes, engagement parties, and work parties. That night it was a party for managers for a well know local restaurant chain. They post-pone their x-mas party to the new year when its slower and not have to interfere with their x-mas rush.
I know quite a few of the staff that i'm working with, my friend is employing his wife some of her friends and a few other mutual friends. I haven't seen many of them in a few months since the last time I worked for them at a wedding. They are expecting about 150 people for the event, and there should be 2 bartenders. So when I show up, its my job to stock up the bar and get everything organized. I'm waiting for the guests to arrive and the other bartender.
All the guests that started arriving seemed to be in a good mood and were in a drinking mood. I soon had a line up 10 people deep. It was a cash bar, but drinks were really cheap. $3.00 for a beer and wine, and $3.50 for the hard bar. My buddy comes in behind the bar and tells me, the other bartender wont be showing up and he was going to send one of the waitresses behind the bar to give me a hand.
He had asked Shelly to give me a hand, I had had a crush on Shelly for quite sometime, She was my buddies wife's maid of honor, while I was in the wedding party. She was married to a real douchebag! Shelly is very petite, with a gorgeous ass. She looks like the girl next door, innocent and cute. But give her a few drinks and she turns into a fowl mouthed trucker! lol
When she comes in behind the bar, I'm busy with a few customers, so we didn't get to exchange hellos, more and more people are congregating around the bar, I get her to take the orders and tell me what to make, most people are having wine and beer. every time I have to grab a beer I have to reach down beside Shelly, She has an intoxicating smell, she smells like vanilla, I don't know what it is about vanilla, I just love the smell.
We get a little lull in the customers, so we take the opportunity to catch up with a little small talk as we clean up after the rush we just had. I'm organizing the empty wine bottles we had already gone through, when I ask her how her husband is. Shelly replies that they had split up, in my head I give a big "WAHOOO" but I give her the "Oh know" and "what happened?" Shelly explains that she was married to young and they both made a mistake. They were still friends but they couldn't stay together. They didn't have any , so it made the divorce easier.
The night carried on, we stayed steadily busy, but nothing like the original rush when everyone started arriving. The guests were really out to have a good time. They switched from beer and wine to hard bar as the night progressed. Then soon after the shots started flowing. We have a pretty stocked bar, the jager bombs a tequila shots start flowing. instead of tipping us, many are buying us shots at the same time. Chris my buddy doesn't have an issue with us drinking as long as we pay for them and do it in moderation. He doesn't want a scene from his staff. If the guests are buying us the drinks, then there is no issue.
I can tell Shelly is getting a bit tippsy,her trucker mouth is starting to come out. I'm starting to feel a bit looser too. It seems after a few, My filter goes away, I tell her that I've had a crush on her for years and never liked her husband. She replied, that she knew how I felt about her and her husband. I had dated one of Shelly's friend for a few months, I guess one drunken night I spilled my guts to her friend my then girl friend. And of course women talk! I guess women talk more then I thought they did. My ex told Shelly about how I was in bed and everything else about my endowment. Shelly then told me something that I didn't expect. She knew her marriage was on the rocks, and they were looking for something to spice up their relationship with, they had talked about bringing a 3rd into the bedroom with them. My name was thrown around quite a bit when it was discussed bringing another male into the bedroom with them. They never went through with it. But she always fantasized about me!
I was a bit thrown back by the comment, and was at a loss for words. Luckily we were interrupted by a customer. it let me think of way to approach her after hearing what she had just said. I didn't want to come across as a creep by saying lets make your fantasy a reality, so I changed the subject and asked where she was living and what she was doing now? She had moved into a condo not far from me, and was still working as a receptionist.
The shots were still flowing between the guests and us. There was so much sexual tension between us, we were tossing back the shots and witty banter back and fourth. I was pouring some shots, Shelly had to reach down to grab a few beers from the fridge below us, She lost her balance and grabbed my leg to brace herself. She re-gained her balance and composer but her hand never left the inside of my thigh. She handed me the 2 beers with her free hand while the other groped the inside of my leg. the bar was kind of high, so the guest couldn't see what was going on behind it. I turned my self slightly towards her so her hand could move more freely. I'm wearing a pair of dress pants, so the material is lose, she moved her hands up and cupped my balls in her small dainty hands. I immediately got a hard on, she could feel my cock growing in her hands, I thought she was going to drop to her knees right there behind the bar. I had to pull her hand away, she was getting me to hot and I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing.
The night was coming to an end, most of the guest were leaving, So we started packing up the bar, We had to load up all the alcohol and take it down to the trailer the had outside. I loaded a cart and took it outside, Chris was down there to help me, I asked him what the deal with Shelly was. Chris tells me that she needs to get fucked, he then tells me this was all a set up, there was no other bartender. It was all his wife's idea to set us up. He then gave me a heads up that his wife is going to ask me to give Shelly a ride home. Shelly had road in with them and they were going to be stuck there cleaning up for another few hours. We finish unloading the first cart of leftover booze, I head back up stairs and approach the bar, Chris' wife is talking to Shelly, I start loading the last of the alcohol, when I get a tap on the shoulder, it Chris' wife "can you take Shelly home for us?" I give a little laugh, and say sure, not a problem! She gives me a sly wink and says "thanks".
Shelly had counted up our tips for the night and split them up, I had finished loading up the remaining booze, so we headed out. We jumped into my truck and headed home, It was quiet for the 1st little while, We were both trying to figure out how to approach the situation, we both knew we were going to fuck, but the small talk prior was killing us. I broke the tension "well that was a fun night, how did you feel about bartending?" Shelly replied " i had a great time, I've never been a bartender before, I'm glad you were there to show me the ropes!" The small talk continued until we reached her place. Of course she invited me up for a drink. We made our way into the elevator, as soon as the door closed, we both looked at each other and began to kiss! She is much shorter then me, so I push her against the elevator wall and pick her up by cupping both her ass cheeks, and bring her to my level. She wraps her arms around my shoulders. The door opens, I continue to hold her up and begin to walk to her door. She fondles with her purse trying to find her keys behind my back, I don't want to let her down, she finds her keys, and unlocks her door while I'm kissing her neck!
We get inside, and close the door behind us, I'm still holding her up, The kitchen is right next to the door, so I carry her over to the counter and place her down. We immediately start undressing each other, She rips off my shirt and starts fondling my chest and nipples. I have her down to her bra and the skirt she was wearing for the uniform. I pick her up again and carry her into the bedroom. I place her on the edge of the bed, but she gets down on her knees and starts un-doing my pants, she pulls then down quite forcefully my cock stands at attention. She gives a little gasp, and looks up at me with a "really" look. "Oh my god she gasps" She holds it in her hand, it looks like a new born holding your finger. I can tell she is secound guessing the situation. She looks up at me a gives a sly smile and begins to lick my shaft, she comes to the head of my cock and pauses. She says "my gf said you were big, but I didn't think you were this big!" "good thing we didn't bring you into the bedroom with my ex, you would have totally embarrassed him". Hearing things like that only strokes my ego even more. She opens her mouth and puts the tip of my cock in, It feels amazing, she can't take it deep but she uses both hands to stroke my shaft as she licks and sucks on the tip.
I'm really enjoying the bow job, but I want to see her naked. I pull her up towards me, and lean in and give her a passionate kiss. I turn her around and start kissing her neck while my hands wander all over her body. I undo her bra exposing her small perky breasts, they are less they are less then a handful, but they suit her perfectly. I find the zipper on her skirt and slide it off her. She is wearing a sexy pink thong, Her ass is absolutely amazing, it a perfect upside down heart, I push her forward on the bed, so she is on her knees with her sexy ass facing me. I rub my hands over her cheeks, you can see she is dripping wet, there is a wet spot on her panties, I continue to just stare at her ass and work my hands all over her. I run my fingers up the inside of her legs, all the way up to her pussy, I split her lips with my thumb through her panties, she lets out a little gasp.
I finally pull her wet panties off her to expose her wet pussy. It looks so hot, she has a very sexy vagina, I couldn't wait to burry my face between those sexy cheeks, I grabbed both her ass cheeks and spread them as far as I could, It opened up her pink pussy even more, I leaned in and gave a big wet lick, I started to flick her clit back and fourth with my tongue, and spreading her lips while my tongue slipped in side of her. She was squirming and was enjoying every minute of it. While my tongue was fucking her, my finger was working on her anus, she grabbed my hand a pulled it away, I guess she didn't like the anal play.
She let out a "oh my god" and her whole body began to shiver, she had goose bumps all over her legs, she had just orgasmed from my tongue. She pulled away and turned around to face me, she pulled me up onto the bed and laid me down. "I want to feel your cock inside me" she said seductively. She climbed on top of me and grabbed the base of my cock and slowly slide it inside of her. It was a very tight fit, she would only take the first few inches at first, and quiver every time it went in even further. She was going really slow, she had this cute look of really trying to concentrate, on my cock inside of her. It took a few sow minutes for her to actually have almost 3/4's of my cock inside of her. Once she reached the comfort point she began to move faster and thrust herself on to my cock. She stopped her self, and said "i want to turn around" She positioned her self in the reverse cow girl position, I love that position, It shows of her sexy ass and I can see how deep and how wide my cock is stretching out her pussy. I grab her by her hips and help with the thrusting on my cock, I love watching my cock being devoured by a sexy pussy. I gave her a hard slap on her ass, which leaves a big hand print, it seemed to give her more energy, she began to rock herself harder and faster. She reached down between her legs and started fingering her clit. She was about to orgasm, she had stopped riding me and let my cock go as deep as she could go, she was almost going in to convulsions, She had cummed hard, she was having little after shocks, with my cock still deep inside her, I could feel all her muscles inside her tightening and contracting around my cock. It took her a few secounds to compose her self, she turned and looked at me with "oh my god, I've never had an orgasm like that before"
She leaned back and curled up beside me, I hadn't cummed yet and she didn't really seem to care, she did and I guess it was all about her! I still had a huge hard on and it wasn't going away, so i began to jerk my self off, I was hoping she would take the hint and give me a hand. I guess she finally realized that I wasn't done, she began to kiss and suck on my nipples and cup my balls as I jerked my self off. I t took me a few minutes to reach an orgasm myself, I began to moan louder, and she played with my balls a little rougher, soon I let out a shower of cum all over my own stomach and chest. I had my own little after shocks of pleasure as I continued to stroke my cock after cuming.
She jumped up to grab me a towel, and asked if I could spend the night, she hadn't had someone sleep beside her since she left her husband and missed having someone there!
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The Aussie Wife!
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Posted:Feb 2, 2011 5:56 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2011 7:30 pm
4895 Views
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Sheila, the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the
bathroom floor.
Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits
and suctioned herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband Bruce.
'Bruce, Bruce' she yelled. Bruce came running in.
'Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor' she said.
'Strewth' Bruce said and tried to pull her up. 'You're stuck fast girl. I'll
go across the road and get Frank.
They came back and they both tried to pull her up. 'No way.
We can't do it, let's try Plan B.' Frank said.
'Plan B?' exclaimed Bruce. 'What's that' ?
'I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we can break the tiles under
her and release the vacuum.' replied Frank.
'Spot on' Bruce said. 'While you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with
her tits.'
'Play with her tits'? Frank said, 'Not exactly a good time for that mate ?'
'No' Bruce replied, 'But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide
her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive'
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2nd encounter with the married women
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Posted:Jan 23, 2011 3:00 pm
Last Updated:Apr 25, 2013 8:09 pm
5281 Views
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Dee loved my last post about her and wanted me to write a new blog about last night when we me up!
She had plans to go out with a big group of her girlfriends, to go out on the town. She was all excited to go buy a new skirt for the night and have a great night teasing the men at the bar. Then she sent me a text saying she is bailing on her friends and is going to go to her friend Jills to have a lazy evening watching the hockey game and the UFC.
Jill is her friend that she uses for an excuse to get away from her husband, So I wasn't sure if that was code for I want to come see me or she was actually going to Jills. Well she was actually going to Jills and wanted me to come over. Jill wanted to meet me!
I came over about 8ish, I brought over a few bottles of wine to lighten the mood and a gift for Jill. Dee wasn't drinking, she had downed to redbulls and was a bit hyper....They were both talking a mile a minute about life and past experiences.
It was a pretty lazy night, they were both wearing lulu's and hoodies, while I wore a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. We lounged on the couch watched the game and contemplated a movie. We settled on a show call Hoarders, OMG how do people live like that....lol.
Jill had to work in the morning, and was feeling tired, Dee and I were comfy lieing on the couch together and we didn't want to really move. We decided to go back to my place, she could be as loud a she wanted there!
Dee followed me back to my place, I live about 10 minutes from Jills. We came inside, and immediately started to make out. We didn't waist anytime making are way to the bedroom. We stood at the edge of the bed making out some more. I jumped on the bed and made her strip for me, She slowly removed her lulu pants, exposing her sexy panties, she then removed her top exposing a beautiful push up bra that made her amazing breasts look even better! She climbed onto the bed, and began to rub her hands all over my body, she stuck her hand up my shirt and rubbed my chest and tweaked my nipples. She stopped and looked at me. "why am I the only one naked?" I jumped up and began to strip for her. I lifted my shirt off, She sat up and eagerly watched me as I peeled my clothes off. When I took my pants down, i had a semi-hard on, she gave a sly smirk as my undies bulged in front of her.
I jumped back into bed with her, she wanted me to tell her what to do " I told her to seduce and tease me" I wanted her to kiss her way down to my cock! She planted a very sexy wet kiss on me and began to kiss and nibble on my ears and neck. She made her way down to my chest and sucked, licked, and teased my nipples, while her hand slipped down under my boxers. Her other hand pulled my boxers down and she through them across the room. She slowly rubbed my cock up and down and just starred at it. she leaned in and gave my head a little lick, there was a bit of pre-cum that stuck to her chin and stretched away as she pulled back. She then opened her mouth and took my whole cock as deep as she could, She wasn`t used to giving blow jobs, and didn`t really like them. If she wanted me to go down on her, then she was going to have to continue. Her hand and mouth were moving together perfectly, she was a bit rough with her hand but I liked it that way! While she had my cock in her mouth I positioned her so I could finger her nice shaved pussy. I slipped my finger inside her, she was so wet! I played with her clit, she began to get a bit squirmy and she wanted me to play with her more. I stopped her from sucking my cock and layed her back on the bed, and instantly pulled her panties off. I moved right in with my tongue, I loved how wet she was and the aroma of her juices smelt so sweet! I spread the lips of her pussy and began toying with her clit with my tongue. She was squeezing and pulling on her nipples and was arching her back, she was loving the moment!
I played with her pussy for a good 20 minutes, I pulled away and asked if she wanted my cock in her! She nodded her head very eagerly, she had wiggled herself in to the corner of the bed and the wall, she had been biting the pillow that was tucked into the corner to mask her moans and screams!, there was a big wet mark from the saliva she produced. I moved my way between her legs and positioned my cock at the tip of her clit, I rubbed it against her clit for a few seconds, then slowly entered her. She gave a little gasp as my cock moved deep inside her. I slowly moved my cock in and out, penetrating her faster and harder as i re-entered. I grabbed her by the ankles and stuck her legs over my shoulders and began to fuck her harder, I had almost folded her in half with the weight of my body on her legs, the angle of my cock entering her made her grab the pillow again! I slamed my cock deep in side her, I was fucking her as hard as I could, she wanted it harder, she screamed "I love how hard you fuck me and how deep your cock goes" It just gave me more motivation to fuck her harder!
I had her pinned in the corner for quite some time, I wanted to penetrate her from behind, I peeled her out of the corner and moved her to the edge of the bed, she stuck her sexy ass out towards me, I pushed her head down towards the bed, which raises her hips higher. I started to ease my way in from behind, She wasn't as wet as before so i poured a little KY on the shaft of my cock to help it ease its way in. I grabbed her by her hips and began to thrust my cock inside her, she had her hands clenched in the sheets, she was holding on as I fucking her pretty hard.
I started to play with her ass again with my fingers as I worked my cock in and out of her tight pussy. She loved the double penetration of my cock and my finger in her ass. My cock slipped out as I thrusted and rested between her ass cheeks, I began to rub the tip of my cock on her anus, she lifted her hips almost to say please fuck my ass without saying a word. I slowly worked the head of my cock inside her, It was very tight, I know I have a big cock, you can't just force your way in, you have to take your time. we paused for a moment, just to let her relax and not for me to hurt her. She pushed back on my cock when she was ready for me to continue to ease my cock inside her. It was so tight, I had to pour more KY on the shaft to ease it in. I slowly worked my cock in and out not going to fast or deep. She said "your going to have to go slow your to big" I accepted that and didn't want to hurt her. She reached back between her legs and began rubbing her clit, she let out a little scream and yelled "no, fuck my ass hard!" So I did, I began to fuck her hard and deep, she began to squirm and moan, she was cumming!
I pulled out of her ass and stuck it back inside her soaking wet pussy. She loved having her pussy stretched wide by my cock, she loved how deep my cock was inside her, We had been fucking for over an hour now, my knees and legs were getting tired....she was the one who was on the redbull, I told her I wanted her to fuck me. I pulled out and layed down beside her. She gave me a sly smile and jumped on top of me! She rocked back and fourth on my cock, and toyed with her clit at the same time. She leaned forward so I could play with her beautiful breasts. I was getting close to cumming. I had built up my energy again watching her fuck me. I asked her if she wanted to get fucked again and how? She jumped off my cock and pushed ass to the edge of the bed! She wanted to be fucked from behind again. It wasn't going to be long till I was going to cum, I grabbed her by the hips and thrusted my cock deep inside her. I pulled out and shot a massive load all over her back and sexy ass.
There was no cuddling of any sorts when we finally finished. It was now almost 2AM, we had be fucking for over an hour and a half, she had to get home. So she quickly got dressed, fixed her hair and was out the door.....It's usually the other way around. Usually the guy as soon as he is done makes something up like " so, i've got this thing tomorrow, and its been fun thanks"....lol
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