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Wine, Women, and Thong...Pt 2 The Dick Stops Here
Posted:Sep 24, 2008 4:52 pm
Last Updated:Oct 1, 2008 12:05 am
5192 Views
After I finally settled in on colors for my underwear, I followed Richard to the sales counter so that he could set my stuff aside. Along the way I figured I may as well chit chat a bit.

I looked at him and said, "I am really excited about wearing these. You have no idea how good it feels to finally be able to wear normal underwear!" He looked at me a bit puzzled and foolishly asked, "What do you mean?" Heh heh, the hook is set.

I continued (feigning my best sincerity), "Well Richard, until I was 13 I had to wear corrective underwear. When I was a young boy, every time I went skinny dipping...I swam in a circle. So my parents took me to a specialist and they fitted me with orthopedic underwear. I wore them all the time until I was 13, then only at night until I was 19." Before he could respond (or react) I excused myself to the men's room. 2 reasons. I didn't want him to see me laugh (sometimes I crack me up) nor did I want him to see me pee myself.

When I came out Richard looked puzzled. You see, I have just the right amount of gray and clean up nicely. I can appear rather distinguished. Men who look like me are serious and normal I guess. Hence Richard wasn't sure if I'm serious, messing with him, or a complete whack job. Little did he know that there is a part of all 3 involved.

Now it was time for some slacks. The first stop was dress slacks. WRONG! I have an allergic reaction to anything that isn't denim or man made. A class act eh? Richard cringed. After about 10 minutes of pleading, I agreed and tried on a pair of slacks that was a blend of worsted wool, silk, and moon rocks I think. They felt pretty good. I asked Richard how easy grass stains would come out. He didn't get it.

I caved and bought them and another pair. Off to look at shirts. I told him I was looking for something really classy. Maybe something in a sleeveless floral print. By now Richard has my number. In a fairly firm voice and stopping just short of stomping his foot, he said, "Honey, follow me!" I got scared. He picked out 4 really cool shirts in color co-ordinations I never would have imagined. Really nice. I was pleased.

We rang up everything, I paid and then tipped him. I asked him if he could help my brother out since I am the only one in my family with any fashion sense. He said of course. I talked to my brother today and asked if he wanted to go clothes shopping Saturday. Looks like I may have a really funny blog in the making.
26 Comments   (Page:)
Wine, Women, and Thong
Posted:Sep 24, 2008 3:57 am
Last Updated:Sep 26, 2008 2:43 pm
4270 Views
Yesterday was quite eventful, if I say so myself. My ex and I picked up a car for our daughters (16 & 17 which I'll write about tomorrow) AND...I went clothes shopping. We'll talk about that.

One glance at me you'll recognize something immediately, I am fashion challenged. Terminally. Since I see clothes as something you must have to avoid being arrested in public, I never really developed that keen fashion eye. A second strike I have against me is I live in northern Indiana. Not exactly a fashion capital. We are a little late getting the latest anything.

This time out shopping...I'm thinking I want to look a bit normal. OK, I watch TV. The smart thing to do when shopping is have a gay guy for a salesperson. Right. Around here that's about as common as a penguin stampede. However, look long enough and you shall be rewarded. I found one. Richard. Not Dick...which I figured was somehow befitting, but Richard. Now before you start bombarding me with PC email...this is a true story so gimme a break.

Logically, I should start with underwear. Maybe something that lifts and separates. However, dare I ask a gay guy for aid in selecting underwear? Hell yes. Here's an experience I've never had. Richard was very charming and delicately tried to determine exactly what I was looking for. Those of you who have met me understand that pinning me down is not exactly easy.

I told him that maybe I wanted something sexy. After a surprised look from Richard, we headed off. Along the way Richard tactfully guided some small talk inquiring about my interests or hobbies. Maybe this would come in handy later trying to dress me. Well, I'll have none of that. No making it easy. So I told him I was into photography, penis jousting, and 19th century Russian existentialists. That ought to help him out. Actually, 2 of them really are interests. I did make it a point to help Richard feel comfortable with me. Of course, this may come in handy later too.

Our first stop was to look at the Superman sling. A blue g-string with a blue pouch and the familiar Superman logo in the front. The string that held this thing together was about the same as the cord in mini-blinds. I asked him if it was comfortable. He said yes and offered some insight as to where one can strategically tie knots in the butt crack string. Not being an aficionado of butt crack ripcords, I took a pass.

He asked what I normally wear. I bit my lip. It's really really difficult for me to pass up a perfectly good straight-line. I did and answered honestly. Boxer briefs. I hate those complex access portals that are sewn into men's underwear. I have yet to train my penis how to negotiate those passages, so I have to resort to the over the top floppage. Much faster.

I told him that I cannot do boxers because dangling participles make me paranoid. Besides, I hate those unexpected somersaults that occur when you accidentally step on your scrotum. I think at this point Richard was scared. I ended up with boxer briefs again.

Can you imagine, it took an hour to pickup 6 pairs of underwear? Later today I'll pick up this saga and explain the rest of Richard's Adventure.
14 Comments
Professional Fitness Advice...Be Fit In Mere Weeks!
Posted:Sep 22, 2008 4:10 pm
Last Updated:Sep 24, 2008 9:53 am
4393 Views
As many of you know, I began training again a mere 3 weeks ago. What I am about to share with you is the result of over 49 years knocking around in gyms all over the world, and learning the hard way what works and what doesn't. I have the short cuts that get you the results you want! OK, looking at the photo I may have over done it a tad.

First off, cardio workouts. I hate 'em. It takes wayyyy too long and I have wayyyy too much time to think. I think about how much I hate it, how much it hurts, how I'd much rather be hit by a bus, and, quite frankly, I get tired of praying to Jebus to take me now. However, a ticker workout is important in the big picture. Now...if only there were a beneficial cardiovascular activity that I enjoyed. Maybe even looked forward to. Heh heh...Tall to the rescue . I have just such an exercise. 2 words...speed masturbating. I hit my optimum heart rate in 2 minutes, max heart rate in 2.1 minutes, and then (via spasms, squirming, and flopping around on the floor for 10 minutes) a finishing total body involvement. Is my heart cranking? You bet. Do I look forward to my next workout? You bet. Laughing is also great for the heart. I stare at myself naked for 20 minutes. Every other day. Not into either of these? I have another favorite of mine. Aerobics. I don't do them silly. I watch a DVD of a nude lady doing them. My heart could only handle a few minutes at first, but after only 30 days I can watch for over half an hour!! If your heart is really out of shape, start really slowly. Begin with cracking peanuts.

Does your waistline concern you? Want an easy and safe ab workout? Who doesn't? Well forget about painful sit ups, crunches, and all those costly infomercial gizmos. I have just such a movement for you, easy and SAFE. However, it does require an apparatus. A quart of vodka. Guzzle that sucker down in 2 minutes. Wait an additional minute. As you begin retching you'll feel an incredible ab burn. Strain on your lower back or neck? No way. Beginners can just kneel on the floor and more advanced devotees just stand there. Sometimes I read. 20 30 minutes of that deep burn retching is one heck of a workout. Wait a day...pound another quart. Toss in some cardio and you're in heaven.

Guys...want to look 20 years younger? Sure you do. I advocate a daily facial workout. Working all the facial muscles tones and tightens. The result? Youthful appearance. A good method of working all the facial muscles at once is slamming your testicles in a drawer. Don't have a drawer? A rubber mallet works just as well. I once pulled a facial muscle from a really intense workout. I am a professional guys, so I do not suggest you try dangling the boys over a fan. Ladies you can get a similar facial workout with a mousetrap and a nipple. Wait a few weeks before attempting 2 mousetraps.

More helpful tips may come in the weeks ahead.
18 Comments
Is A 14 Inch Penis Too Big ?
Posted:Sep 21, 2008 10:22 am
Last Updated:Sep 24, 2008 12:56 pm
4882 Views
I just got home after my flight from Philadelphia where I managed to obtain a very rare $5 bill. Actually, I was supposed to get last night but our plane was picketed by a Right To Life group after the pilot aborted a takeoff, thus the delay.

The $5 bill is pictured left and if you click it you can appreciate the beauty of this rare find. It is the scare Mike Tyson 5. Lincoln is shown with all the fine detail noogies one acquires after pretty much any contact with Tyson. The exact value is yet to be determined, however Robin Givens is computing it.

It has been brought to my attention that there just may be a couple of men on this site that really do not understand how to tactfully approach a lady. No fears mate, Tall has some pointers for a successful encounter with the gentle gender. These tips are from my personal experience.

First, be sincere. Do not lie or attempt to deceive her. You may be surprised to know that several women can tell when you're faking an erection. Just don't do it! Most penises do have Popsicle sticks and duct tape.

Talk to your lady during the sex act. Talk softly and directly into her ear as you slowly enter and exit her. Talk about how good you feel, how it's because of her, how hot she makes you. Soon, she will say, "deeper!" At that moment I start talking about Nietzsche. Nothing makes her hotter than the depth of spontaneous Existentialism.

Guys, go to your local paint store and spend 80 bucks on a one gallon electric paint mixer. You know, the ones that shake the can. Now...when you get her into bed, seductively go down on her and secretly tighten that sucker around your head. Take a deep breath. Squint. Turn it on. Trust me...this will be some oral that will get you into her All-Star Hall of Fame!

One of my all-time most successful techniques requires a couple props. An electric extension cord with bare wires and a steam powered train whistle. Hide this stuff in the bedroom. Secretly place one bare wire under her and tape the other to your scrotum. When she starts her orgasm plug in the wire and toot the train whistle. She'll think it's her cumming! Leave the current on for 5 seconds and quickly plug and unplug it for another 5 seconds. Repeat 45 times. Guaranteed to be the longest orgasm she ever had! P.S. your scrotum will usually stop smoking in a few minutes.

Other great oral techniques involve wiggling your ears and flaring your nostrils. Do not attempt the advanced Samatha Stevens nostril move until you have practiced!

If you have questions, contact me.
25 Comments
Breaking News...Bigfoot Revealed!
Posted:Sep 20, 2008 8:20 am
Last Updated:Sep 26, 2008 6:33 pm
4030 Views
Reporters, here at Tall Central, have uncovered information that will set traditional Bigfoot and Yeti thinking on its ear! How could the same creature appear on continents far away from each other at the same time? What follows is a revealing time line and insider information never before known.

The story begins on June 30, 1908 at 6:38 A.M. in a remote region northeast of Khabarovsk, Russia.

Bigfoot had been out drinking all night and awoke with a powerful hangover insiders claim. He rummaged around looking for something to eat. Finding nothing but some beans, cilantro, and flour...he decided on a burrito. He built a fire, cooked his breakfast, and gobbled it down. Dehydrated, and very thirsty, he got up to pour a cup of coffee from the pot on the fire. It was at 7:14 A.M., while bending over, massive flatulence overtook him and he ler loose. Unfortunately, he was next to the fire. The resulting blast propelled him from the Tunguska region in Russia to the Himalayas in Nepal.

Years later "scientists" would inaccurately credit the Tunguska blast to an exploding comet.

Bigfoot (whose real name is Puff-Harry Foot) landed in a woods east of Pokhara, Nepal a tad disheveled and dazed. Stumbling alone a path Bigfoot met a young maiden, Grizelda Pokpok (pictured left). Great great grand to Ms. Pokpok claims that Bigfoot told her grandmother he was in movies and would make her a star. They mated immediately. Bigfoot continued to roam the mountain region for 3½ years getting big laughs from scaring villagers.

Fate took a twist the morning of April 9, 1915. The paths of Bigfoot and Grizelda crossed once again. Grizelda informed Puff-Harry that he had a now 3 yr old and she was suing for support. Not to mention the arrears. Puff-Harry bolted immediately.

Traveling at night across Europe he made his way to England and decided to escape to North America and "get lost". He booked passage.

At 10:40 P.M., April 15, 1912 Puff awoke hungry and headed for the galley. Half-asleep the walked head first into the wall and punctured it! An hour later the Titanic sunk. Puff-Harry swam to the Eastern shores of Canada and disappeared into the woods.

Ultimately winding up just outside a Bunny Ranch in Northern California. Unable to find work (since the social security records could be used in court), Puff built a cabin and became a hermit.

Puff-Harry's lawyers could not be reached for comment.
13 Comments
You Will Never See It The Same...Ever Again!
Posted:Sep 19, 2008 2:50 pm
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2008 7:01 pm
4389 Views
Our lovely BustyBettyBoop has a blog going( ya know george got me thinkin ) picking out the site's best Johnson. It has been overdue I think.

I wanted to enter but am just too modest. I figured I would share a photo of sorts on my Johnson though.

Many of you may not realize this, but I was the model for the original Arby's logo. They toned it down a bit after Pat Robertson bitched. Here's the original.
17 Comments
You Just Never Know Who'll You'll Meet.
Posted:Sep 19, 2008 10:09 am
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2008 8:04 pm
4101 Views
As you can probably tell by my typing, I have a head cold. As to not infect anyone else, I am playing hookie today. As we all know, the one thing that stops a head cold in its tracks is oral sex. But, since I have no one, and obviously I can't do it (or I would have died from dehydration years ago) I'm here. Naturally, I wanted to make this time as productive as possible. I Googled myself.

Under Ken Richmond stunts, about half way down the first page...I found me. It's a video tape of a Ripley's stunt at the castle in St. Augustine. Fairly amusing if I say so myself. (http://Affairlook.com).

Under Ken Richmond Stuntman I found some other footage. You just never know who lives next door. Call the Realtor and move!
17 Comments
The Joy Of Being A Selfish Bastard. Let It Happen To You.
Posted:Sep 18, 2008 11:50 pm
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2008 4:50 pm
4183 Views

If you didn't know, I'll go ahead and confess...I am one of those terminally up people. You know the ones, the creeps that are always smiling. Never down. Always have a rationale for whatever happens. (standing) Hello, my name is Tall. I'm an up person. However, I'm also a selfish bastard and I suggest you become one too.

I see life as merely life. No ups, no downs, just occurrences. My happiness or sadness is dependent on my perception. How I choose to interpret the world around me will determine my happiness. Or lack of it. Sure seems easy enough.

Ever have an experience that totally bummed you out? Then later you discover that the experience was actually for the best? Maybe even more than once you have gone through this? Life is like that. It moves along and we all cling to it with our fingernails, toenails and teeth. Each doing what we can to bring meaning to our existence. Believe me, it has meaning. Look around you. Do you see pain, suffering, confusion, fear?

It's times like these that give us the opportunity to define that meaning and to become true selfish bastards.

Let's take my life for example. I am 3 years younger than dirt and aging as we speak. I am single. No promise of romance on the horizon. I am financially secure as long as I work, but if that should be interrupted my fragile status would surface in a matter of months. I have absolutely no idea what tomorrow will bring. I may well be one of the happiest people alive.

I believe that where ever my life is going...it will get there. In the meantime, I need happiness. I must have it. Here's how I supply it.

I hold doors open for people just to see them smile. I treat waitresses and cashiers as actual people. I tip 25% no matter how I'm doing. I always yield the right of way when driving. I listen to everyone and, if I can, help them. I try to go out of my way to make someone smile. Including you whenever you visit me.

Why do this? Because it makes me feel good. I like to feel good. I'm a selfish bastard. I am addicted to feeling good and must have it. Can you imagine what it would be like if everyone was a selfish bastard? I suggest you try it. Make it a point today to go out of your way to make someone smile. A total stranger. I caution you though...it is addicting.
18 Comments
Homely People Unite. Quick Poll Determines How Homely You Are
Posted:Sep 17, 2008 4:51 pm
Last Updated:Oct 16, 2008 4:31 pm
4074 Views

For years I have felt that Affairlook has had it in for me...and all other homely people. Today confirms it. Forget about what may or may not have gone well today in my life...let's deal with the now. I do better with the now anyway.

I come in, sit down with a fresh cup of heavily creamed hazelnut coffee and want to answer my comments. Am I a dumb fuck or what? Every blog that has comments to be answered has the "click to listen" box. ALL OF THEM. So, nice little compliant homely me clicks to listen. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nothing but a ? in the middle of the Quicktime screen and it freezes.

This HAS to be an attack against the homely. Am I alone? Take the quick poll to see if you are homely too.

If more than one applies to you...you nmight be homely. If more than one apply to you...you Aare homely. If all of them apply to you...we're related.
You actually Must sneak up on water.
When getting on an elevator, they look at you and ask, "Basement?"
A will hump his own leg rather than your's.
When looking out your car window to backup, are you ticketed for mooning?
When you walk into the bank do they turn off the cameras?
When sunbathing do cats bury you?
Have you given Freddie Kruegger a nightmare?
After giving someone your photo, do they put it in their car window as a theft deterant?
10 Comments , 10 votes
Words Of Wisdom From Blogville's Oldest Resident. Possibly
Posted:Sep 16, 2008 1:31 pm
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2008 8:55 pm
4170 Views
You just don't get to my age by being a dummy. OK, maybe that wasn't a real accurate way of putting it. Let's just say that over the years I have learned a thing or two. Granted, I have forgotten most of them, but here are a few I remember. May save you bumps in your journey.

Pets are an investment. In time, money, and emotions. Who has time for that? I have a stuffed dog. He looks good in the window. No maintenance other than dusting. No lawn scooping. Other than occasional sawdust. Never humps my leg. Or vice versa. And when my come over, I let them take him out for a drag.

Ever try to open a can of corn with a power mower? Don't! Your neighbors don't know it...but they're thanking me.

After belching, never say excuse me. Too common. Instead...pound your chest lightly with a closed fist and say inquisitively, "I don't remember eating that!"

Know how to tell when a fly farts? They go in a straight line.

One thing I regret...I cannot remember the rest of the lyrics to "Ta Rah Rah Boom Di Ay."

Oh wait, another regret. I have never actually seen a Mexican hat dance. Did see a couple Puerto Ricans dance on a guy's head once.

Never say that an animal looks "almost human". I have relatives that look "almost human", but have never seen an animal that actually resembled a human. Other than a bulldog.

Penises and Chinese finger puzzles do not play well together! Trust me.

Do not try to ride down a sand dune on a unicycle.

When in an elevator do not make Star Trek door noises.

Never eat something that looks like chocolate.

Never introduce yourself or try to shake hands with, the guy at the next urinal.

I'll give you a chance todigest these. More at a later date.
12 Comments
Who Doesn't Love Tricking Themself? I Know I Do!
Posted:Sep 15, 2008 12:06 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2008 12:54 pm
4430 Views
As Blogville's resident elder, and part-time penis locator to the portly, I have always striven to bring you the latest practical jokes and/or boredom eliminators from my personal arsenal. Today, the old saying "what goes around comes around" came true. I call it Karma. Or sometimes Al.

Some of you may remember, awhile back, I offered up a gag to do at stop lights. When you get to a stop light first...and NO ONE is behind you, and you see a car approaching to stop...remember, people (and you) gauge the deceleration by the stopped vehicle. As they approach...slip it into reverse and backup. LOL, they always slam on the brakes! Sometimes there's even head bonking. I love head bonking. Nothing makes me chuckle faster than heads ricocheting off one another. Except for people slipping on ice. Or a half-dozen other things. But head bonking is up there.

Today I needed some half and half. A dear heart got me addicted to hazelnut coffee a couple years ago and I cannot go more than 5 hours without reloading. I was in need of a fix. However, I absolutely cannot have coffee without those blue packets and half and half. I know, fake sugar and half & half. What's the point? Well, I'm one of those people who order 4 Whopper Jr's, a bonus sized fries, 2 chocolate pie deserts...and a diet cola. Just makes me feel like I'm working at it. And yes...I am delusional about many things. For me delusion is not just a word...it's a lifestyle. I have a t-shirt that says this by the way.

There's a shocker eh? Anyway, I went in and got my half & half, a small bag of carrots, a bag of cookies and some ice cream. I'm into health foods. I came out to the car, tossed my stuff inside and put her in reverse. There was a parked car to my right and the cart coral to my left. I looked right, and started slowly backing out as I looked left and then back to the right.

My glance caught the parked car moving away from me at a rapid pace. (here's my sign)I SLAMMED ON THE BRAKES. Of course, the parked car had someone in it and was pulling forward out of their spot. I began laughing quite loudly as I sat there. I got myself on my own gag. Actually, I probably sat there for 30 seconds well amused. People saw me and grabbed their as they walked by. Never taking their eyes off me. Many of you have met me...can you blame them?

I lover getting tricked. But tricked by my own gag...priceless.
15 Comments
Does Heaven Have An Activities Director?
Posted:Sep 14, 2008 12:47 pm
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2008 6:11 pm
4349 Views
If I may take a moment here...if you are offended by religious satire or poking fun at religious beliefs...RUN AWAY NOW! For those of you that aren't sure...by the time you're finished reading this...50 or 60 Our Father's and a couple hundred Hail Marys ought to clean you up.

As many of you know, I tend to wonder about things that normal people rarely consider...if ever. I attended the Memorial Service for my ex brother-in-law Friday. As I sat there trying to recall my high school Latin, so I could keep up, I began thinking. I have heard oodles about what Heaven is like.

I have heard oodles about what happens when you get to Heaven. I have heard oodles about the people you meet in Heaven. HOWEVER...I haven't heard squat about what you do in heaven. I decided to do a web search about activities in Heaven. Seems nobody knows what people do in Heaven. Kinda odd I think. Well, I have a take on what probably happens.

First off, there must be a reunion with your family members when you arrive in Heaven. I have been to family reunions. I can take about an hour of that crap. OK, I will probably meet ALL my relatives going back to Eve. I'll give it 3 hours tops. Four if there's beer. Let's see...eternity minus 4 hours. Leaves some idle time.

What next? From most accounts there isn't sex in Heaven. What's the point in going? Hmm, maybe there are different Heavens. We have a jillion different religions so why not corresponding Heavens? Maybe there are different ones and maybe once a Parsec or two they all have a mixer. That way the folks that thought they could handle sexless eternity would have an opportunity to jump ship.

I would like to be the Activities Director in the fun Heaven.

This Saturday Night...I Spy Game! Here's what we do. We're angels right? We can go anywhere...pass through walls...nobody can see us. We all pick a different old folk's home. We sneak in when everyone is asleep...and rearrange all their stuff. Including dentures to different rooms. Hide all the Poligrip.

Those of you who showed up late and didn't get a home...you go to adult book store pepshow booths. Just when they're almost there...substitute Gay Porn Footage. The rest of you just go fuck with people who pissed you off before you died.

Sundays are chill day. NO messing with the Big Guy like you did on Earth! You know the story...He created the Heavens and Earth in 6 days and on the 7th He rested. The poor Guy busts His hump all week and on His only day off...everybody goes to His house and asks Him for shit. Not up here. Nope...just chill. Could be a good day for some much needed wing repairs. Maybe head over to Italian heaven and pick up some new sandals.

Mondays suck. Today we just fuck off. Maybe rewire some of the terrorist's bombs so they go off early. Or leak a story to the press about who Bill Clinton is fooling around with now. You could always go back to the old folks and rearrange stuff again. Be productive in your own way. HOWEVER...NO sneaking over to Mennonite Heaven and tossing used condoms and batteries around!

Tuesday is practical joke day. Be creative people. Substituting a shocking halo is always good for a laugh, two left sandals, clipping the last feather on the left wing of your neighbor and watch them tailspin is fun. Takes months to grow back.

What would you want to do for an eternity?
17 Comments
A Few Tips To Help You Pass Time When Bored
Posted:Sep 10, 2008 1:45 pm
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2008 6:11 pm
4574 Views
As many of you know, I try to do my part helping everyone avoid the ho-hums, idle time, and boredom. Here are a few more helpful tips for those "not so exciting" times. (P.S. If any of you should happen to have a sexual encounter with me...it is OK to do these things during the act. Who could blame you?)

Call the QVC, or any other shopping network. When you get the operator...say Thanks...but I'm just looking. Call back. If you get the same operator...say Please quit pressuring me. I'll let you know if I find something. Operators at QVC have my number with a Universal Don't next to it.

Go to Spencer's Gifts. Or any other novelty store. Buy a pair of the Nerd Glasses. These are handy items! They are black rimmed and look like coke bottles. Go to the mall, wear your glasses, walk within 7 inches of the nearest mannequin, and ask directions. You'd be amazed at how many people will help you–after 5 or 10 minutes. Also a good item for restaurants. Be sure to hold the menu against your face but upside down. Also a great item for a blind date or first meeting!

Another great item is the cheapest wig you can find. Something in the $5 range works nicely. I have a couple that I fashioned into toupee's. Slap that rascal on your head and have fun. Combine it with nerd glasses ONLY if you are an Intermediate or Advanced prankster!

Did you know the white canes that are used by blind people are available in the internet? Need I say more? Stand in a parking lot wearing sunglasses and your cane...spend a bunch of time trying to get your key to unlock the door and watch the reaction of people passing by. Good stuff! I like to straddle a sign post wearing my glasses and cane. Tap frantically on the other side of the sign as you press against it trying to walk forward.

Iron on transfers are good items too. You can make your own T-shirts. Here are a few from my collection:

(Big print) Jesus Loves You (small print beneath) the rest of us think you're an asshole. This gets great smiles from a distance. Until they get close

My 's are honor role students. The closest I ever got to a 4 . 0 was blood-alcohol.

(Big print) Love Hurts (small print beneath) and with any luck at all so will sex.

Two wrongs do not make a right. However...3 lefts do.

(Big print) I'm not feeling myself today (small print beneath) mind if I feel you?

(Large print) I Do Not Have A.D.D.!
It's just that I
21 Comments

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