Random Thoughts & Musings.....
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Posted:Apr 3, 2006 8:03 pm
Last Updated:Apr 8, 2013 6:27 pm
7372 Views
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I guess these are becoming a tradition on my space here - sometimes my thoughts just won't settle on one thing and so I just have to open up and empty out. Please humor me...
1. The storm is coming. They've been telling us all day, they've been warning us that it could be ugly. I can hear the wind picking up in my little patio; I can feel the pressure building and long for the release. I know now the reason for the headache that has tortured me for two days. More than that...I feel the storm building in my soul, the raw power of need and longing. Needs I find I can't even name that drive me to the brink of desperation, of pleading, of begging. Needs that leave me raw with vulnerability. Needs that lay me open and leave me defenseless against the cruel battering of his indifference. I long for the raging storm to cleanse this from my soul.
2. Maggie and I walked on the beach yesterday ‒ it was such a lovely day and the sand was warm. It was good to take my shoes off and just slide my feet down into the soft sand. It was even better to watch Maggie forget that she is 9 years old and see her running with joy, hopping like Tigger, and just throwing her body into the sand with total abandon. Digging like a wild woman just because she can and sticking her nose in the coolness that she unveiled. This is her favorite part of walking at the beach. She knows that if she’s a good girl on leash that eventually I will take her into the sand and unsnap the tie that binds her to me giving her complete freedom. The most beautiful thing about that of course…is that she does not choose to run away from me, but instead chooses to remain by my side in quiet companionship as we watch our worries slide away with each wave that recedes from the shore.
3. Today is my sister and her husband’s 19th wedding anniversary. Today I spent a few minutes thinking about the weaving of life and how each one of us, through our actions, or inactions, bring other things to life. See…all those many years ago when I ran from home and joined the Navy instead of going to Theater school, I had no way of knowing that my actions would bring my sister’s greatest joy. Her husband with whom she is celebrating, was my Chief (my boss for those who don’t do military lingo), and she met him for the first time when she came to Charleston, SC to visit me. Oh, she was married at the time, a very unhappy and unhealthy marriage, but I remember thinking the first time I saw them together that “this” was right. “This” was meant to be. It was like they had an aura completely around them. It took a few years for the fates to weave, but damn, you should see the masterpiece they created.
4. I find myself in a very melancholy mood. I’m not sure if it’s due to all the astrological happenings from the past few days, or from my inability to accept that sometimes no matter how much you want something, you just can’t have it. I know there’s a lesson here for me, and I hate that I have such a hard time figuring it out. I hate feeling all tender and vulnerable. I hate feeling lonely in my self-imposed separation. I hate that I’d like nothing more than to have strong arms around me, and a tender voice whispering in my ear, “it’s going to be ok baby.” I hate that in times like this, I want to be someone’s “baby”.
That’s it…I’m done. The storm has come, the rain is pounding against my doors and I can hear the voice of the lightening echoing off the trees. It is beautiful in its rage. Perhaps if I could rage in a similar way my soul would be cleansed and I could get on with being impish once again. Ah well…in time.
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Ouch.....
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Posted:Apr 2, 2006 7:23 pm
Last Updated:Apr 4, 2006 3:06 pm
7144 Views
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My head is hurting so damn bad...could someone please, please, please come and just make the pain go away??? (And if it works...perhaps you could make my heart feel better too?) 
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"Git ta Steppin...."
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Posted:Mar 29, 2006 6:09 pm
Last Updated:Apr 6, 2006 3:11 pm
7200 Views
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So I'm rambling through Blogland the other day and end up at my buddy digdug41 door. It's always good to visit diggy - he's a very powerful writer and I always learn something there. Diggy has a very open and honest blog, he tells it like it is and he doesn't hide the ugly things, so when I read something he's wrote I tend to pay attention. No surprise that this day would be any different than the others.
To quaintly summarize the feel of his post,[post 285544] , he's pretty much talking to us females about the way we view our bodies. You know...sometimes we just need to hear it from someone who knows what he likes. Right? Do yourself a huge favor and run right over there and read it. Then come back and pull up a chair and let's chew on it a bit.
"I just luv yer guts, you need to do the same for yourselves, and that's it..." Wise words from Mr. Diggs, so why do we have such a problem looking in the mirror and not seeing "beautiful"? Why don't we see a stretch mark as a mark of honor? Something we earned while carrying a priceless treasure close to our hearts? Why don't we see those "jiggly parts" as soft and inviting curves for a man to explore? Why don't we see those wrinkles for the wise lines of age that life has carved ever so artfully into our characters?
I remember when I first signed onto this site, you're filling out the various info blocks and you come to the "physical body type" block. In case you don't remember...you get a choice of either, Average, Slim/Petite, Athletic, Ample, A little extra padding, and Large. Now when you figure that the "average" woman is a size 14 per industry standards - then I suppose most of us would be "average". But I'm not average. I'm more like Tiger Woods and his mixed heritage, I'm a little bit of everything. Let me "unpack" that for ya just a little....
I'm "average" by standards, but, I'm also a short little shit, so that makes me "petite". If you're looking at my hooties...well..then I'd be quite "ample", but if you're looking at my rear...sorry guys...it's kinda slim. I don't have a "six pack" belly, more on the side of a "little extra padding", (great for laying your head on though  or so I've been told), some would call my calf's "athletic", and my feet are somewhere in the middle of small to large. Depending of course on which way you're looking at them. So what does that make me? How can you possibly get a clue to me with all those little pieces? With that description I'd be a Picasso for sure.
I've long told people when they asked me to describe myself that it just depends on which they prefer, if you like riding a dirt bike...you're probably not gonna like me. I'm more like the Harley Soft Tail. If you like resting on a piece of plywood, again, not me. I'm more like that feather mattress at Grandma's house. But more than that, I tell them that though my body has it's share of scars, marks of honor, jiggly parts and wrinkles it's been a good body to me. This body has brought me massive amounts of pleasure, and it's given the same. It's taken me a long time understand that, but in the understanding I've found a sense of utter peace...and quite unexpectedly...a huge dose of "sexy".
Thanks Diggy, for reminding me of that...and thanks also for my brand new mantra, "Tell a mothafucka whatcha see is whatcha get, ya don't like it, git ta steppin..." It's perfect!
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Damn...Late Again
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Posted:Mar 26, 2006 9:23 pm
Last Updated:Mar 30, 2006 3:41 am
7357 Views
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In my defense, I got myself tagged on Thursday and left town on Friday - so I really didn't have a chance to post my 6 oddities. Not that I have oddities. Well....not anything that seems odd to me anyway. I mean it's not like "I" sniff black sanford markers, or slept with a dwarf, or any of the other really odd things we've learned about each other in this "game". Nope...comparatively speaking...I'm a pretty normal , so, I'm gonna have to dig deep you understand to find 6 "obscure & weird" things to share with you....(giggle)...
1. I am ridiculously terrified of all things buggy. Crickets, bugs, praying mantis', roaches, palmetto bugs...etc, etc. You get the point right? So...you can be very sure that I will NEVER appear on "Fear Factor". There is no amount of money in the world that would convince me to lay in some freaking box and have things "crawling" all over me. I can't even stand to squish them with my shoes because I'm convinced the suckers are gonna come up through my shoe and get on me. My preferred way of killing them is to spray them with hairspray until they either stick to the floor and can't move, or they suffocate to death with the sticky spray. Then of course, I have to wait until I have company come to pick the damn things up and throw them down the toilet...because I know...without a doubt that if I went to pick the dead thing up - we'd for sure have a "Carrie" moment, and I'd have a heart attack.
2. I have no problems giving blood or getting shots, but...put a needle in someone I love and I will hit the floor in seconds. There's a vet's office in Newport, RI that I'm sure still has a pic of me passed out cold on their floor after giving fluids to my kitty. I personally didn't think it was that funny but apparently they all enjoyed my moment.
3. I have "texture" problems when it comes to food. I cannot for the life of me get cottage cheese down my throat. Rice Pudding either...it's not the taste of the foods...it's the texture. In light of this, one would certainly find it quite interesting that I am not a "spitter" - but a very enthusiastic "swallower". Makes no sense to me - but...there you have it.
4. I cannot stand mean-spirited people. Just can't abide them. I tend to "feel" the feelings of others and when someone is being intentionally mean to someone I tend to become very protective, and I seriously cannot stand someone who takes advantage of a , or the elderly. A pissed off pixie is not a good thing...
5. I totally judge a potential lover by the way he kisses. If he doesn't know how to kiss, I'm quite sure he doesn't know how to please. Discussions with my fellow "sister's" prove this point, so please...invest the time to learn how to kiss me until my knees turn weak. You'll be glad you did.
6. An accent totally turns me on. Totally.
That's it then. Six little "oddities" about me. I'm assuming that it's too late to tag someone else, but, when I talk to some of the "taggee's" tomorrow if they think it's ok for me to still "tag" I will. Which means of course that YOU're still not SAFE. (wicked laughter.....)
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Time to Pay the Piper...
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Posted:Mar 21, 2006 10:17 pm
Last Updated:Mar 27, 2006 8:37 pm
7339 Views
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Well darn. The day has finally come. I can no longer hide from the long arm of the law. At 9:30 am tomorrow morning I will sit fidgeting nervously in a tiny little courtroom in a tiny little town somewhere between Edenton and Williamston NC, aka, Bertie County, (seriously), awaiting my fate at the hands of a teeny tiny judge.
What terrible crime have I committed you might ask? Did I go crazy and murder someone while suffering the angst of PMS? Nope. Did I go temporarily insane and run through the streets naked? Nope...not that either. Did I walk into Walmart and try to walk out with 3 TV sets, a bed, food and a cat toy? Nope...wrong again. Did I get drunk, get in my car and plow down 5 mailboxes? Nope...sure didn't. And you know, when you think about it those terms, and you put it into perspective...going 75 in a 55 is not really that big of deal. Now is it? Don't know why those highway patrolmen seem to have no sense of humor at all. Must be a class they are required to take.
So darling friends of blogland...if you don't hear from the imp tomorrow night, please get your care packages of chocolates and white undies ready. You can send them to Imp at the "Bertie County Public Jail." Lets hope it doesn't come to that. I mean really...it's just speeding, and can I be blamed because I happen to come from a long line of "heavy footed" peoples. That would almost be like discrimination...right? Hmmm...maybe I should venture that defense?
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Eighteen on the Eighteeth....(though I was really only 17)
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Posted:Mar 18, 2006 8:40 am
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2007 4:19 pm
7498 Views
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At the request of tillerbabe here's my 18 on the 18th.
Looking at this pic makes me smile in so many ways. I thought I knew it all then. I'd love to go back and whisper in her ear of all the things to come. But no...then I might miss out on something all together wonderful...right?
I remember very well the day this pic was taken. For as long as I can remember people have always perceived me as "cute", in high school, this seemed like the kiss of death. Never sexy, never sophisticated, never mature, just "cute & innocent". I know it sounds stupid - but it can be quite frustrating when you're 17. My best friend on the other hand...well...lets just say that she's the one the male teacher's all tried to get to stay "after" class. Even if she was in jeans and a t-shirt she looked much older and mature than me. Her - the hot young sexy woman, Me - the cute little sister. Understand?
So...on the day we went in for our "senior" pic's I dressed as "old" as I could. They called our names and we headed down to the auditorium on just one more leg of the journey till we were officially "graduates", adults ready to set out on our chosen paths. She walks in before me and I as walk up the long aisle I hear the photographer say, "Sorry ma-man...we're not doing teacher's pics until tomorrow", and she in her huskiest voice replies with a soft laugh, "Oh no...I'm not a a teacher, (husky laugh again), I'm just a student." He gushes all over her, even had the decency to blush and takes her pic while they talk and laugh.
Five minutes later I walk up to the stage, he looks at me, softly pinches my ever huge cheeks, says in his most sing songie voice while smiling like an idiot, "OHHHH...and aren't you just the baby of the family?" Hate would probably not be a strong enough word. I think I wished him a long torturous day of burning in the hottest hell. To make matters worse...though even as a senior I was quite well endowed in the boobage area...my shoulders were quite tiny, so when they had placed the little "drapy" thing on me earlier...when he moved me around for the placement, it fell off. Right off my shoulders and down the front. Cute little baby of the family with her boobage popping up in his face. I was mortified...he was surprised and in our equal haste I think he actually copped a feel. Pervert. Did make for a rather good senior pic though as my cheeks were quite rosy.
This is my actual grad day pic. Don't I just look like I'm ready to tackle the world??? 
And oh...btw...age has taught me that looking younger is not such a bad thing after all. Seems like I really do get the last, ahem...husky laugh.
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Moma Said.....
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Posted:Mar 16, 2006 3:56 pm
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2007 4:05 pm
7572 Views
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Moma said that when I was born the skies opened up and Angels sang. Of course, she was still under the influence of the heavy-duty drugs they had given her when they realized that I was not going to be the easy forth delivery that I should have been. Probably should have been a sign to Moma and Daddy that nothing would be "normal" when it came to raising me.
Moma said that because I was born 2 weeks later than I should have been it was permanently ingrained on my physic that telling time by other people's standards would never work for me. She assured me that throughout my childhood I had a perfectly logical reason for my tardiness every time and so after a while she and Daddy just fudged the "time" thing a bit so that my time reflected theirs. She also mentioned that being "late" never seemed to affect me nearly as much as the people who were always waiting on me.
Moma said, for what must have been the millionth time, as we sat in the emergency room awaiting more stitches, or bone settings, "Baby Girl, you're either going to have to get tuffer and smarter, or stop playing with those boys." And so when I was 10 and David C. hit me "accidentally" with the baseball bat, "again", and we were once again in the ER because I hit him so hard I broke my arm, I distinctly remember the smile of pride my Moma wore as she explained to the DR what had happened this time. Of course, because we were southerner's, she also made me march right down to his house when we got back and apologize to him for his very, very black eye. Though I can't be sure, I think she very smugly told him that he should be more careful with his bat next time.
Moma said that I was by far her most dramatic and animated . Therefore, it came as no surprise to her when I found myself in theater classes instead of sports or cheerleading. Nor did it come as a surprise to her that when I starred in one of our major productions and the "scouts" were there that I was invited to audition for entry into the North Carolina School Of the Arts. Being one of the most prestigious schools for arts on the East Coast, with a tuition on the same scale as Duke Medical Center, she knew there was no way we would ever be able to afford it, but she still encouraged me to go, assuring herself that if I was good enough, (and I was), we'd find the money somehow.
Moma said that it was her biggest test in faith when she hugged my neck and watched my best friend Robyn and I, both barely 16, get into my little car and head seven hours up the road to Winston Salem to try our luck with the auditions. If Moma had ever known about the two boys we met while there, and the..ahem...little incident involving the police, foggy windows, and bare chests she would have never let me out of her sight again.
Moma said that if she had not fallen head over heels in love with my daddy when she was 16, she would have probably gone on to school and become a nurse. She assured us that she never regretted the path her life had taken her, she had after all, married the man that she loved with all her heart, and he had given her us. She was also quite vocal in encouraging us not to "settle". When I was 17 and thought I had found the man of my dreams, she was smart enough to stay quiet and allow my heart to be broken so I would more fully understand the "not settling" part. Moma said later that it had broken her heart too.
Moma said when I came home after this whole heartbreak thing and announced that I had joined the Navy but would need her and Daddy to sign for me because I wasn't old enough, that her first reaction was to say NO. Then she realized that I was not just running away from him, but away from all the small men in my very small town who would spend the rest of my life making me small - and she said that would never work for me. She said I needed to spread my wings wide, and though it meant giving me up to the world, she knew I would thrive and I did.
Moma said when I called and told her and Daddy about the man I had met who I knew was going to be my husband, she and Daddy just smiled. When I explained that he didn't know hew was going to be my husband yet she said they laughed and felt just a little bit sorry for the poor unsuspecting man. They smiled again when he called two years later and formally asked them for my hand. Moma said dressing me in my wedding gown was one of the proudest moments of her life. Though she liked and learned to love the man I had picked, she found him a bit stiff and at time uptight for my wild free spirit and my rebellious soul. (Yes, my Moma knew me well.) Over the years as she watched him break my heart over and over again, and yet, because I loved him, she loved him too and kept her thoughts to herself.
Moma said that when she walked into the hospital room and saw me feeding my first born at my breast, the sight was so overwhelming sweet to her that she almost crumbled on the floor. Her baby...with her own baby. I suppose only a mother could fully understand the complete beauty of that moment. I was no longer her "baby girl", I was a mother in my own right, and the crossing over of that line opened my eyes to all that she had experienced and held close to her heart. It's good to be a woman she said.
Moma said that when my rose colored glasses finally fell off in regards to my marriage that she was equal parts relieved and happy for me, but also hurt deeply for me. Many nights after my had fallen asleep I would call her, seeking solace in the comfort of her words. Telling her of my failings, my disappointments, my sorrow for what could have been, but would never be. She told me that my life was not over yet, there was still plenty of time for me to find happiness. She gave me hope and a belief in myself that I had lost long ago. She reminded me of who I was and gently helped me unfold my poor wings, withered almost from lack of use. She pushed me out and over the edge so that I might once again open my heart to the possibilities.
Moma said that when the Doctor told them Daddy had Alzheimer's, she momentarily stumbled down the path of "why us?", until she realized that something as puny as Alzheimer's would never be able to separate her and Daddy's hearts. He's the greatest love of her life she said, and they'll walk down this path just as they've walked down all the other hard rocky paths they've traveled before. She said when they stood in front of each other all those 54 years ago promising to love each other in sickness and health that they had meant it. Come what may, they're in this together until the end.
I said, "I love you Moma". Thank you for teaching me the true meaning of love and loyalty. Thank you for always being my biggest fan and more importantly my biggest cheerleader. Thank you for giving me wings to
fly and a safe place to land when I needed too. Thank you for loving my Daddy, thank you for loving me.
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Random Little Thoughts & Updates....
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Posted:Mar 9, 2006 11:22 pm
Last Updated:Mar 15, 2006 5:04 pm
7556 Views
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1. Well...Today was my two, (yes..count them), two month anniversary as a NON-SMOKER! There were days when I really didn't think I'd make it, days when my nerves were so shot and my cravings, (mental only you understand), were enough to send me over the edge. But...I stood strong. Unfortunately...I traded my cigarette addiction for a chocolate addiction and have freaking gained 6 3/4 pounds. DAMMIT. Time to get over the chocolate. Think I'll suck on Hall's from now on.
2. For those of you who've read my previous post, I promised little updates about my daddy - I'd like to say that he is doing fine but he's actually been in the Hospital for the last two weeks. Seems his blood pressure can't seem to find it's way up the scale. This makes him very weak, and kills his ambition to eat or do anything that take the smallest bit of effort. We almost lost him and I was reminded again, (as if I needed to be), of just how precious he is to me. I'm headed to Carolina this morning, (if I ever get to bed!!), so that I can put my arms around his frail little body and just infuse him with love.
3. I'm also headed home because today is my Moma's 71st birthday. I also have a strong need to wrap my arms around her and just infuse her with love and strength....and even more...with a huge sense of respect and admiration for all that she has given me over the years, and for the incredible role model she's been to me when it comes to love. Though our lives were never the "Leave It To Beaver" kinda of sappiness...I know and understand how very lucky and blessed I am to have grown up in the shadow of their love for each other...and their love for us. My Moma is an incredible woman - and watching her deal with my daddy's disease, knowing that this disease will eventually take him from her - I am blown away by her courage, strength and never failing patience which would cause a lesser woman to run screaming for the hills.
4. It was in fact, the final straw for my sham of a marriage when I watched my parents on their 50th wedding anniversary and my heart realized that I would never have what they had, and I knew that I could no longer accept that. So I suppose I should add that to my profile - because I will never settle for less again. Do you know that every picture we have of them together has them leaning in towards each other as if they cannot stand to be too far apart. This has frightened me at times because my daddy's time here is limited, and I have worried that she will not wish to go on without him. Such is a love so strong that something as puny as death cannot touch.
5. While I'm home, my sister and I will be getting a tattoo together. Her first...my 8th. I'm very excited about it and will share that memory with you when I return. In fact...I plan to blog on my tat's pretty soon anyway and share the stories behind each one. Because of course...they all have one.
6. On my list of "fears" to face, I have so far accomplished 3 of them. My nipple is doing great and in another month I can actually trade my "bar" for a pretty ring. Can't wait. My ex no longer believes me to be someone he can intimidate, in fact, he's learning quite painfully that I can do a bit of intimidating myself. I issued an invitation to people whom I'd never met and it was not only accepted, but one of the best times I've ever had. (Though I will still defend my driving abilities, and I will also vehemently proclaim that luke69iner is a SWEET man.) ANd...Safira really does do the whole Sanford Perm Marker Smelling thing - which when you think about it might be the reason I suddenly stopped in the middle of the road...I mean shock will do that to you. (and to be fair...it might also have something to do with the 6 deer who were on the side of the road...)
7. Maggie and Ava are doing wonderfully - Maggie sends her love to blogland, and well, Ava just wishes Maggie would play with her.
So that's it. That's a quickie update. Life is good as I head to bed to dream sweet dreams of Spring and all that she brings. Blessed Be!
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I Need Spring....
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Posted:Mar 7, 2006 5:51 pm
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2006 10:39 pm
7329 Views
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It's not that this has been my "winter of discontent"...on the contrary, it's been a winter full of joy and new discoveries. But I'm ready for spring. I need spring. I need to put away all my sweaters and coats, all those things that "bundle" me up and hold me in. I need to take my shoes off and wiggle my toes in the fresh green grass, or more importantly, through the warm sun kissed sand. I need to shake off the darkness of winter and see the sun through my windows at 7:00pm. I NEED Spring.
Today, just this morning, when i walked Ms. Maggie out for her morning absolution's, I noticed for the first time that the dogwood tree has buds. As if they just burst out of nowhere overnight and couldn't wait to say good morning to me. As if they knew how badly I needed to see the promise of Spring. As if they knew how my heart ached to see the newness that without fail comes to me every year. A sacred promise that all things live within a season, and that from the bitter cold and darkness of winter comes the brave little buds that will turn into beautiful flowers raising their faces towards the warm gentle sun of Spring.
Just as winter changes into Spring, it is time for changes in my life. A few of these changes make my heart sore just to think of them, for they are the good-bye's that must be said. A very wise man reminded me today that holding onto something that cannot be held is a foolish waste of time. More importantly, when you hold onto something that is not meant to be, you leave no room for the things that you truly want. The deepest desires of your heart.
Like the brave little buds who fearlessly push through while the cold remains because they MUST, like the rugged little daisy that demands to "be" even if it is among the rocks where life is sure to be difficult, it is time for me to reach for Spring. It is time to push through the fear and plant myself in a rock solid place. Yes. It is time. As one of my favorite quotes says....
"And then the time came when the effort and pain to remain tightly furled was more exhausting than just letting go, and so the flower gently unfurled her petals and found the sun to be quite wonderful."
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I'm Coming Over...
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Posted:Mar 3, 2006 9:12 pm
Last Updated:Oct 20, 2014 2:42 pm
7565 Views
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He's gone now. My addiction. The one I cannot get enough of. The one who always leaves me purring like a well fed kitten, but perpetually looking for my next bowl of cream. Everything within me glows red hot when he says those three little words, "I'm coming over." My body goes into hyper-sensitive mode and I can barely stand the minutes it takes for him to reach me.
I go through a whole routine just getting ready for him. Bathe in oil rich water, dry my body with soft fat towels, buffing and further sensitizing, lotion mixed with my personal oils to make my body soft as silk and intoxicating to smell. Earthy oils to drug and induce. Earthy smells to mix with our smell and linger in my bedroom for hours after he's gone. Smells that soak onto my sheets and hold me close at night easing the bitter loneliness when he leaves.
Candles lit everywhere to induce intimacy. Quiet moments shared when the passion has been satisfied for the moment. Small touches, soft words, gentle laughter seducing me into the comfort of being his. If only for a little while. Until he leaves again. Until the wait begins again. Until the needs builds so strongly that again he says, "I'm coming over."
Addicted...
It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
'It's like I'm running from you all the time
and I know I let
you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek
is misery all around
It's like you're a leach
sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
without you inside of me
and I know I let you
have all the power
and I realize I'm never gonna
quit you over time
it's like i can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
it's like I can't think
without you interrupting me
into my thoughts
in my dreams
you've taken over me
it's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I"m lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost
that's haunting me
leave me alone
and I know these voices in
my head are mine alone
and I know I"ll never change my ways
if I don't give you up now
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix, I can't take it
just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
just one more time, then that's it
just a little bit more to get me through this....
-kelly clarkson
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Sin It All Out....for Tomorrow you...ummm...Ash.
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Posted:Feb 28, 2006 8:06 pm
Last Updated:Mar 14, 2006 6:47 pm
7408 Views
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Wow...I didn't realize how long it's been since I posted. Sorry. Life's been a little crazy in the last few days. Can't let Mardi Gras pass without a little of the spoken word though, now can we?
Today, if you didn't know, is Fat Tuesday. The one day of the year that you're just supposed to let loose completely and work out all that sin and pent up guilt. (And this is different from any other day on Affairlook??) But back to the point at hand, FAT Tuesday - woo hoo....or as our brother HornyViking would call it, The Supreme No Guilt Tuesday. So it's ok to do whatever moves you today - BUT - just know in the back of your mind that nothing ever comes for free and tomorrow....ASH Wednesday...is payback time. Darn huh? See the whole premise here is that you live it up crazy and then spend the next 40 days making up for it and rebuilding all the guilt you just let go. And this is supposed to be the "Christian" thing...but then I guess we did evolve from "Jews" huh?
The sad part here is that because of what's been going on in my life the last few days...I haven't really had the chance to live "guilt-free" and I still have to give something up come tomorrow, and damn, for it to really count it's got to be something that will cause me genuine sacrifice. NO...DON'T EVEN THINK IT. I am NOT going to go orgasm-less for the next 40 days, (well, hell...I hope not anyway...giggle), so in my search for the perfect sacrifice I finally came up with the next best perfect thing to give up. And it's really gonna hurt...
Those who know me...will know immediately the absolute sacrifice I am getting ready to inflict on myself and I'm sure some of them will be smart enough to stay away for a few days until the "shaking sweats" have ended. There's only one other thing that gives me as much pleasure as an earth shattering, soul screaming, make my knee's fall out from under me orgasm.
CHOCOLATE
Yes...it's my dirty little secret - I gave up cigarettes and picked up my old addiction chocolate. We've been close for years, but I'd learned to walk away, turn my head and only dip into the chocolate on special occasions. Once I laid the cigg's down...all bets were off and I found myself once again wrapped around the chocolate demon. It owns me now, body and soul. But I'm strong...really...I am. I CAN walk away...I CAN break the hold and stand strong in my "sacrifice" for at least 40 days. I can do it. Really I can.
BUT...just in case...if you hear a blood curdling scream and it sounds like it's coming from far away - send help quick. Chocolate Chip cookies will work in an emergency...but if you really want to help, send chocolate covered cherry's, or the Lindt Raspberry filled chocolates, or Godiva...anything Godiva, or Hershey's kisses with caramel, or fudge, or brownies, or perhaps some Ben & Jerry's chocolate, or well anything...and if you hear whimpering, please be a friend and just open the end of the Hershey's syrup bottle and pour it freely.
Rollin on with the good times...
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It's a Wonderful Day in the Neighborhood
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Posted:Feb 21, 2006 5:23 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
7774 Views
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Who would have ever thought that you could find genuinely wonderful people on a Sex Site? People that when you first met them you felt as if you'd know them forever? I didn't. Surly not when I first joined this site. I joined on a dare. Didn't really think I was ready for an "everything out there" kinda of place, but not willing to back down when my friend dared me. (That "impish" will get me every time.) I've spent this past weekend with four other's off this site, and I've spent some very considerable time being thankful my "impish, dare me and I'll do it" side won out.
Goddess, (Mother Earth as we now call her), and I are lucky in that we only live a town apart, which in "Hampton Roads" is really no big deal. We had taken the jump a week earlier and met for dinner. I was encouraged by that because she's not only absolutely as she portrays herself on her blog - she's even better. This is a STRONG female people. A teeny tiny dynamo who seems to never, ever run out of energy. When I shared with her that I had invited our friend Safira down to the beach she was as excited as I was. We started making our plans right away. I won't tell you what we did on Safira's first night here, I'll leave that to Goddess or her, I will only tell you that it's very, very hard to get up at 7am to go to work when you haven't gotten to bed until 2:30am.
Ah...Safira...well, I can just say that if you've read my previous post on the things you should know about me before coming to visit...then you'll know exactly what I mean when I say that our dear Safira is a bit of an....ahem...."excitement pussy". I would also warn you not to take seriously anything she says in her blog about my driving skills as she just might tend to exaggerate a bit. With that said, and the air cleared - I must also tell you that this woman is pretty awesome. I seriously felt as if I'd met a long lost sister, (in fact....I'm thinking of asking my Daddy if he was in her birth town in 1963). She's one of the most "put together" women I know. Of course, you know what they say about "perfect" women. They do tend to have one little tiny little thing. Now I'm not gonna be the one to "out" our Mistress, but you might want to drop by her blog and ask her why she now has the nickname "Mary Catherine Gallagher". LMAO All kidding aside, she's a wonderful person, and if my opinion's not enough then know that Maggie adored her. Maggie adored her so much that she left her a lovely gift on Saturday night. We've come to the conclusion that Safira is now Maggie's "Bitch". I'm still shaking my head over that particular gift.
When we packed her in her car on Monday morning, (afternoon? whatever...), I must say that my house got very, very quiet. Maggie, Ava and I just kinda sat in the quiet each one of us going over in our minds the wonderful weekend we shared with such a warm sweet person.
My third guest? Our very own dear Loki. Ladies, Luke is still available...I shake my head in wonder at that. I'm not allowed to tell you that he's a sweet, sweet man - I promised I wouldn't' - so I'll just tell you that he's a good man with a very wicked sense of humor and fun. He likes dark coffee and very dark beer and tends to run just a tad bit...ummm...late. He's also very good at dressing down a certain impish pixie for just inviting people from the Internet I don't know from Adam into my home. To which of course, in defense of myself, I acknowledged that I should be more careful, (or as Diggy would say...more "aware"). I also reminded dear Luke that HE came to the house of someone he didn't know from Adam except from the Internet too. So I think that makes us even. Humph! He did give us some very good hints on how to pick up men in the grocery store. I know that more than likely you, like me, have always heard to pick them up in the produce dept - but I never understood why. Luke finally eased my curiosity on that one. It's the influence of the "melons". Yep...you heard me. The melons. So next time you're in the produce dept of your favorite grocer store and you see Mr. Wonderful shopping close by, make sure you catch his eye, and then slowly and seductively pick up a pair of melons and bring then slowly to your nose to smell for ripeness. He swears it'll melt the guy on the spot. He also told us that playing with Bagel's in the bakery will have the same result. So there ya go ladies...straight from the "good" man's lips. (Let me know if this works, will ya?)
HornyViking, who also happens to live in our "neighborhood" joined us on Saturday night. He wasn't able to spend the whole evening with us as his sweet little "Lourdes" had a touch of the bug and being the true Daddy that he is, he didn't want to be away from her too long. Isn't that sexy girlfriends? His sense of obscure humor that you read in his blogs is right on target when you meet this man in real life. He didn't say I couldn't call him sweet, so....if you were wondering, YES, he's a sweetie. Maggie liked him too - of course he didn't wear his horns in the house which might have thrown her off a bit. He's also a very generous Viking. Generous with his words, generous with his laughter, generous with his heart. I'm sure you'll see some of his fine photo's on here too. He's pretty damn good at picking out great restaurants too. Kudos Viking...it was fabulous.
So while it's true that there have been, and more than likely will be more people who come on this site for nothing other than to get fucked and play "mind" games...know also that there are so many more who come here looking for more. Friendship, good times, laughter and if you're truly lucky you might even fall into the arms of your one true love. I'm just really glad I got pushed into the neighborhood. C'mon now, pull up a chair and sit for a spell.
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