Why do men die first?
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Posted:Mar 6, 2009 4:38 am
Last Updated:May 14, 2024 2:7 pm
3625 Views
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Why do men die first?
This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know.
It requires a bit of explanation, first:
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy. If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough ..... you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ..... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ..... it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks ... it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet ...... it's male indifference. If you cry ... you're a wimp. If you don't ...... you're an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without consulting her ....... you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination. If SHE asks you ... it's a favour. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ...... you're a pervert. If you don't ... you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist.. If you don't ... you're unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape ...... you're vain. If you don't ... you're a slob. If you buy her flowers ... you're after something. If you don't ... you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself. If you don't ... you're not ambitious. If she has a headache ... she's tired. If you have a headache ...... you don't love her anymore. If you want it too often.... you're oversexed.. If you don't ... there must be someone else.
Why do men die first?
Because they want to.
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Th eBaby Photograph
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Posted:Feb 19, 2009 4:48 am
Last Updated:May 14, 2024 2:7 pm
3376 Views
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The Smiths had no and decided to use a proxy father to start
> their family. On the day the proxy father was to
arrive,
> Mr.Smith
> kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."
>
> Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
rang
> the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
>
> Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."
>
> "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
>
> "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty
of
> babies."
>
> "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat.
>
> Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing. "Leave everything
to
> me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a
couple
> on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really
> spread out."
>
> "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and
me."
>
> "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if
we
try
> several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm
sure
> you'll be pleased with the results."
>
> "I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.
>
> "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time to please and
make
> good shots.
> I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed
with
> that, I'm sure."
>
> "Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
>
> The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
his
baby
> pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
>
> "Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
>
> "And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their
> mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs.
Smith
> the picture.
>
> "She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
>
> "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the
job
> done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to
get
a
> good look."
>
> "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
>
> "Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The
mother
> was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate on
the
> shots. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally,
when
> the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all
in."
>
> Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your,
> eh......equipment?"
>
> "That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
that
we
> can get to work."
>
> "Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
>
> "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big
for
> me to hold while I'm getting ready to shoot. Madam? Madam?..... Good
Lord,
> she has fainted!!"
>
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I Will Survive - apologies to Gloria Gaynor
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Posted:Feb 16, 2009 4:09 am
Last Updated:Feb 19, 2009 4:44 am
3201 Views
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At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, That I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on...
But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French fry!
I should have known that it was bulls***t, just a sad pathetic dream
Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those Jeans!
Go on now-go! , Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!
Weren't you a brat to think I wouldn't find you out!?
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size don't count??!!
[Chorus]
I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!
It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud!
But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed!
[Chorus]
I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!
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