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THE NURSE'S FOURPLAY TREAT FOR ME.	Posted:Jan 14, 2013 10:05 am Last Updated:May 11, 2024 4:30 am 5482 Views
Back in the summer of 2000, I had one of those interesting nights when it all just fell into place. I had been working with my favorite sub for about 11 years and had her trained to perfection. I tend to be monogamous during training, but I had met a lovely young lady in a local club that was interested in the lifestyle and a dear friend that I nicknamed The Lipstick Lesbian dropped into town and wanted to walk on the wildside. So, I decided to combine all three's interests into a single session. A bit of history, The Nurse was a petite little arm load, well rounded with short hair that was totally into the lifestyle. In 11 years I had gotten her into every fantasy she had ever imagined and a couple she had never dreamed of. She enjoyed being tied up,cuffed,whipped, spanked, and her absolute favorite was a cock in her mouth, a vibrater in her pussy and a dildo in her ass while I whipped her with her own custom made cat. It was a braided cat with wooden beads in the braid and a feather at the end of each stripe. The only place she drew a line was having a cock in her butt, other then that, anything was fine with her.She had never been with a woman, but was curious. The Lipstick Lesbian was an old friend from college that enjoyed being tied up and spanked, occasionally whipped and she sucked dick better then any woman I had ever been with. She had not had a cock inside her in over 10 years, but she would play with vibrators and dildos.She was medium height and slender, with shoulder length hair and she never wore underwear. The Historian was tall and very stacked, about 5'9" and with her 38c-24-34 build and waist length blond hair, she was defintiiely a keeper.She had a long term lesbian relationship in college that lasted for 3 years but had recently gone back to men. She had some experiance with spanking but had never gotten into bondage.She had never even seen a vibrator in her life. I really had not planned on getting all three of them togather,actually, I was scared shitless when I was sitting at the local brewpub with the Historian and my dear Nurse came in with two of her friends. They joined us for a pitcher or two and then the friends had to leave.The Nurse and the Historian and I were talking about nothing of importance, but Nurse was getting very amorous and was running her hand over my cock under the table. The problem was, Historian was running her foot up my pants leg.I was just starting to wonder if I could put togather a three way when LL walked into the bar, came up to the table, laid a major liplock on me and asked where I was hiding my toybag these days.The nurse knew all about the toybag, but Historian did not.And of course, she asked. Of course, the other two ladies were more then happy to inform her of my hand made whips and other toys.Oh, shit. I thought about making a run for it,but instead made an excuse to go toss darts and I left the three ladies to talk amongst themselves.This was a major mistake.When I got back to the table, the three of them informed me that they were all interested in a session. The rules were as follows,I could do anything I wanted to Nurse, including turning LL loose on her. LL would let me play with her or with the Nurse, but I could not penetrate her other then orally. The Historian just wanted to observe, but reserved the option of changing her mind. I told her that if she did,she could specify what we could do with her,but I would decide when it happened.I also said that observers would be restrained. The three agreed to the terms and we went to the Nurses house, which fronted on a major street and down into the basement we went. I told the three of them to strip and I would dress them. The Historian was a bit shy at first, but when she saw the Lipstick Lesbian strip off immediately, she warmed to the idea. I dressed the Historian in gossamer white silk, totally see through. There was a 4" strip front and back hanging from her belly chain, worn very low on her hips, to the floor. It covered what concerned her and concealed nothing.I took a longer strip of the same material and made a halter top for her that went around the back of her neck, crossed over her chest and then cupped her breasts and tied in back. Her nipples were so hard they almost tore through the fabric.I tied her wrists togather with a strip of silk and tied her hands to a beam over her head, so that her back was against a steel support post.I tied her ankles togather and tied them to the support post. Then, bastard that I am,I blindfolded her and gagged her. She was less then amused, but she also was hot and wet. The Lipstick Lesbian got tied into a rope harness with some rather serious breast bondage and wearing a leather thong, which I cinched up tight, just so I wasn't tempted to break he rules. She was wearing knee high black boots with a stilletto heel and 25 feet of 1/8th inch rope.Her hands were cuffed in front of her and threaded through her harness, so she could play with herself, but she could not leave her knees. The Nurse was blindfolded and naked, with her hands cuffed behind her back and her ankles shackled with about 18" of slack.She was very greedy and started to suck me off as I put the toys on her. I really needed one, so I told her she could finish me off, but that I would then give her 25 strokes for being so presumptuous.She sucked me deep into her throat and had me off in a matter of minutes. I took her to the middle of the room, cuffed her hands to the ceiling, spread her legs wide, and gave her 25 achingly slow stokes from a simple cat. I alternated hard strokes with light ones and worked over her ass, thighs,stomach and breasts.The Lesbian about went nuts listening and watching it and the Historian was very concerned, but could not interfere in any way. It took almost a quarter of an hour for me to finish those 25 strokes, and she was weeping she wanted to come so badly. I attached nipple clips, and then came in from behind, my cock sliding over her pussy lips and I slowly,gently played with her clit until she was grinding hard against me and begging me to finish her,begging me to fuck her hard and deep. I really wasn't sure I was going to, but figured, what the hell.I pulled back just enough to access her wet hole, and just as I entered her,I pulled off the nipple clips and slapped her clit with a hand full of ice.She came like crazy,she bucked, she ground, she whimpered, she screamed. And the entire time,the Lipstick Lesbian was masturbating herself with that look on her face.I was feeling real good, so, I left the nurse hanging there and went over to the Lesbian. After a bit of grab ass and suck titty, I removed her cuffs and turned her loose on the nurse. The nurse did not immediately realize she was being eaten by a woman, but when that fact was realized, she did not mind a bit.The lesbian was so good at what she did and she brought my poor nurse to the very edge and then held her there, begging and crying. She spanked her, she tongued every inch of her. She even got out the vibrators and held it, clit to clit. It was the most erotic moment I had seen in some time as the two of them played with each other and my toys.The nurse started begging for something inside her and the Lesbian got out the two headed dildo.She inserted one end in herself, the other in the nurse and the two of them ground against each other, kissing deep and the lesbian was licking and biting the nurses' nipples. I took the Lesbian's cuffs and attached them to the nurse's cuffs so both had their arms above their heads. I was feeling particularly evil,so I slipped the Nurse's favorite butt vibrator in her ass and secured it with duct tape.I then slipped a large vibrator between the girls,just so the very realistic head was touching their clits,and attached nipple clips with a lenght of chain between them.I told them they were going to get 50 strokes with a braided cat and who ever pulled off the nipple clips was going to service me with a full penetration lap dance. At stroke 35, the clip slipped off the Lesbian and she orgasmed so hard she bit into the nurse's tit and brought her off.I finished the remaining strokes and both girls came again. They were both trembling, barely able to breathe. I let them get their breath back and regain some composure.I asked the Lesbian if she was ready to pay her debt. She begged to be let loose, to give me what no man had been given in 10 years. I released her and sat on the couch. First, she started at my toes and feet, licking and sucking each in turn while running her hands over her breast and body. She slowly worked her way up my legs until she had my cock in her mouth. She sucked me hard,fast and deep and at no point did she touch me with anything but her lips and tongue. The nurse had a vibrator in her ass and one in her pussy and she was working both of them as hard as she could, considering her hands were cuffed over her head. She was giving them both hell. The Lesbian finally worked her way up until her shaved crotch was hard against me and she worked her hips to the music playing.I cuffed her hands behind her back and took her nipples in my mouth, licking and sucking them until they were hard as diamonds. I told her when she was ready, she could take me inside her.It was a damn tight fit, but she worked my cock deep inside her wet pussy and worked herself into a frenzy. She came again and again as I bite her tits and slapped her ass in time to the music.She was on top of me for almost an hour and she must of had a dozen orgasms in that time.The nurse was also enjoying multiple orgasms as she listened to the games I made the Lesbian play. The two of them were soaking wet with sweat and exhausted by the time I finally shot my load over the Lesbians belly and breasts.I released the nurse and cuffed her arms around the lesbian,then cuffing the Lesbians arms around the nurse. I left the two of them wet and naked on the couch, mouth to mouth, tit to tit,clit to clit. Remember the Historian? She was still chained to a pole,blindfolded and gagged.I went over to her and removed her gag. She begged, pleaded for me to take her, to do anything I wanted to her, just touch her, dammit.I needed a bit of time to recover, so I replaced the gag and told her if she could hold a vibrator between her legs for 10 minutes, I would do anything she wanted. But, if it hit the floor, she would never know my touch that night.That was a total lie, as I had not had her in my bed as yet and, did I want to. I took a medium sized metal vibrator,placed it between her thighs, just so it ran between her lips and just barely tickled her clit.I hit the switch and watched as she tried to hold it in place and grind against it simultaneously. Then, I went outside for a smoke. The Lesbian and the Nurse were deeply involved with each other and were watching and listening to the Historians moans. When I came back, the vibrator had slipped and she caught it between her ankles. The head was just touching the carpet and she was crying and moaning.I removed her gag and she begged, she apologized, she promised. By this time, I was so hard,if the wind blew, I was going to come.I told her she was bad and needed to be punished. I turned her to face the post and spanked her pefect ass hard, 20 strokes, ten to a side, slowly, with a 30 second pause between swats. She came at 12 and again at 19.I told her that I would play with her, but she had to earn a fuck. I played with her tits, licking and biting her nipples, I fingered her clit and pussy and a ground my cock between her legs and her ass cheeks. The entire time, she was begging me to be inside her.I finally relented, but told her that after I took her, I was going to use a whip on her for being such a greedy little slut. After all,when the game started, she did not intend to actually get involved.She agreed to anything and everything. With her hands still tied above her head and facing me, I lifted her leg, slid her silk away and ever so slowly entered her.It took more then ten minutes before my balls slapped against her thigh.Her ankle was behind my back and she was working against me as hard as she could, given her position. I grabbed her ass, pulled her in tight and told her that she would do all the work, and she had 15 minutes to make me come.With none of the old in/out, she had me off in less then 10 and damn near tore my dick right off my frame. I stayed inside her until she had come twice,slapping her ass or biting her at appropriate moments. She really went nuts when I slipped a small cylinder of ice inside her dripping wet cunt,with my cock. She made a noise I had never heard before and practically went into convulsions.Which really felt good. I just waited until she came back to herself and asked if she was ready for the whip.I could barely hear her breathless yes. And she moaned in agony as I slipped out of her shaved pussy.I knew she had never been whipped before and I had a special one for newbies. It was a cat made of white doeskin and black mink, braided tight, with a bit of ostrich plume at the end of each stripe and with beads along the length to give it some torgue. I started off slow and light and made her ask for harder strokes. Each stroke was seperated by a minute of slow caresses and kisses to the back of her neck and behind her ears.She took one hundred strokes her first time out and the last ten were as hard as I have hit anyone.(But,the whip does not leave a mark and is rather wimpy, but very good for first timers). I have no idea how many times she came, but she begged for every stroke and directed them to her tits,her belly,her ass, and between her legs.I finally stopped when she had a completely insane orgasm, her eyes rolled back into her head and she passed out cold, hanging from the retraints that held her to the ceiling joist.Scared the hell out of me, actually. I released her and got her down on the floor,checking to see if she was still breathing. She was.I released the nurse and she took vitals.The historian was okay, just in mild shock from the hardest orgasm she had ever had in her life.So, we put her on the couch, covered her and checked on her regularly throughout the rest of the night.When she woke the next morning, she could barely move, but she had this "I have a secret" smirk on her face that was purely obscene. The nurse and the Lesbian and I spent the rest of the night playing on various bits of furniture in the basement and trying new and interesting positions three people can get into.We had incredilbe sex, took showers, the girls even played with each other in the back yard, which was clearly visible to the street and the paper boy.I watched him watching the girls for about 20 minutes before the girls realized he was there.They did not mind at all. By about 7 am,we had to start clearing games away as the Nurses' would be home by 10. I packed up the toy bag while the three girls took a last shower togather,(a rather long one) and I cooked a huge high calorie breakfast for us. We pulled out of her drive way and got less then a block down the street when I saw the Nurse's mother turn the corner and pull into the drive way in my rear veiw mirror. We just missed getting caught.I ran the Lesbian to the house she was staying at and the Historian to her apartment.I walked in my front door at 11 am. I had not been home since Happy Hour the night before and had been putting three hot and horny young ladies through their paces since 9 pm. I made the mistake of getting in the shower.I did not realize the amount of damage that had been done to my dick.It was practically skinned raw. The last scream of the night was mine and it was not one of pleasure. I crawled to my bed, pulled the covers over my head and vowed, "Never Again." But, of course, anytime the situation presented itself, the four of us got togather that whole summer, in infinite combination. They damn near broke Mr. Happy right off.A lovely summer that will bring an odd smile to my face when I am sitting in the nursing home in years to come.But nothing like the satiated grins the girls get from time to time. That is my tale and I hope you enjoyed it as much as we did. If you found it inspirational, try to top it and then, tell me about it.I dare you
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THE PHOTO SHOOT.	Posted:Jan 14, 2013 9:56 am Last Updated:May 11, 2024 4:30 am 5291 Views
One fine winter's day,a dear friend asked if I would do a "fantasy' photo shoot for her, something in the line of Frazetta/Boris/Bell style. In short, lots of sci fi and sword and sandal style shots,with a lot of visible skin. Now, the lady in question was 5'8", with waist length ash blond hair,blue eyes, a 36c with a tiny 22" waist and long lovely legs. And she was quite familiar with costuming and role playing. But,up to this time,we had just been platonic. So, I showed up to her house and started moving furniture so I had a clear area to work.After a few beers, we got to work. Her first set of photos was a Barbarella like spoof, with weapons.She was wearing a green pep squad leotard, with gold and white piping,lots of jewelry, and knee high white boots. I had a 20' dagger tucked into her boot top, a ray pistol in one hand and a modified super soaker squirt gun rifle in the other. The first set of shots went well and she was enjoying the work, and the beer. The second set was a Warrier Woman shot, in black.She was in a very lacy, see through bra and briefs set, knee high black suede boots, with a full black cape with a high collar.She had a fantasy scimitar in hand,a daggar in her belt,and lots of chains and bracelets. She looked really fine and was totally getting into the shoot. What I didn't know was how intoxicated she was getting. It was hot under the lights and she was putting some beer away. By the time we got to the Frazetta ice Queen shot, she was getting very friendly and very brave with her poses. For this shot, she was in dark blue ankle high boots with a 4" heel, a blue scarf wrapped around her hips and tyed off at her left hip bone over a blue g string of the skimpiestproportions. It was a good thing that she was shaved in a european style, because there was about an eighth inch from her clit to the waist band of that g string.She had a transparent blue baby doll top, that just barely covered her ass and a transparent blue half robe that tied at her waist.She was wearing elbow length blue silk gloves and carrying a blue feather fan of ivory and ostrich plume, about a foot tall and 22" fully open.There was an oval blue stone taped to the middle of her forehead and feathers in her hair. With her very pale skin tone, she looked fantastic in this outfit, all the silk and lace looked like a blue mist wrapped around her naked body. Everything was totally visible,and it was obvious that she was getting very turned on by the photography and her near nudity.She also got very familiar with thefan, running it over her body, between her breasts, over her clit and lips.She was getting very turned on and I caught her masturbating when I changed film.She was quite embaassed about getting caught, and she stepped into her bedroom to "change clothes" but I could hear her breathing change as she touched herself, bringing herself off in minutes. The next series of shots she was dressed like Princess Leia from the third Star Wars, where she is a slave to Jabba the Hut.Just think of a White halter top and a six inch wide srip of clothfront and back with lots of bracelets. I put handcuffs on each limb,making each look like a slave bracelet. She moaned when I put the cuffs on her wrists, but she nearly orgasmed when I put them on her ankles. I had made a very realistic Darth Vader out of a Darth Maul inflatable chair and some clothes and a Vader mask. By hanging him from the ceiling and adding pants and boots, it looked very good. I told her to beg for her life, to seduce Lord Vader so that she may live. She went off the end of the earth, cuddling up to his chest, wrapping a leg around him. One shot, she is on her knees, looking up begging, one hand on Darth's lowest ribs, the other in a place that would suggest they had an "oral" agreement.I had her dance for her life, and she got so into it that she was playing her with herself as she danced, her hands all over her breasts and thighs, twisting her nipples and fingering her clit.I suggested we take a break before the final shoot.She disappeared into the bedroom again. For the final shot, she wanted to be a "Conan sacrifice vistim".She was wearing a very sheer black bra and a black silk g string, with a sheer black lace scarves tucked into the waist of the g string front andback. I took the kitchen table, opened it to its longest size, covered it with black fabric and then handcffed her to the table legs, all four limbs. She started writhing as the cuffs clicked shut,and she moaned deeply. I shot a roll of film, and it was great, about half way through, she suggested we replace the bra with another black scarf, looped around her neck and then twisted between her breasts and tied in back. It concealed nothing and her nipples were huge and hard.She also wanted the table shortened.By this time, I had a five candle candleabra on a low table in front of her, and another one just to the left of her head.I did not notice she had slipped out or her g string while I was adjusting the table and folded the scarves over her hips until they were double layered but only 6'across. She tucked the ends into the belly chain low on her hips and for all pusposes, she was totally naked. She got back on the table and I finished the shoot. I was going to unlock herwhen I inadvertantly breathed across her wet pussy and she moaned, and then begged for me to take her.I was feeling just a bit mean and told her I would,if she put on a blind fold. It was on in a second.And I put on the Darth Vader outfit, knee high boots, black robe to just above my knees, a black cape with high collar and the mask.I played with her lips,slowly, with just a finger and watched her writh and grind. She was so hot and in such need. And I was feeling contrary.So, I slipped my cock into her,and then took her as slowly as possible.She was going crazy, shewanted me to pound her hard and fast and I am going from head to balls in a slow, deep, hard fuck. She was bouncing off the table before I speed up my stroke. But,I eventually has going into her as hard as I could and faster then i'd gone before.Just as she was climaxing, I pulled off her blindfold and she is looking right into Lord Vader's face.She wrapped one leg around my back and had an incredibly hard orgasm.I stripped everything off her, and took her again, still dressed in boots, robe and cape, but no pants. In time, she got so vocal about things that i thought her neighbors would call the police. When she told me her neighbors were gone for the weekend, I got out the whips.I had onefine whip withmink braided into the stripes, andshe loved how it felt over her tits and between her legs.I played with her for six hours, handcuffed to the table. And she begged for every stroke, every strike of the whip, the nipple clips and the leash leads I attached to them. By the time I finally got up on the table and straddled her face for a little fellatio, she was covered in a fine sheen of sweat and was absolutely wild.I told her to finish me off, but she would beg for where I came.nice try, sheclamped down at the moment of truth and I came in her mouth. She smiled about that for some time. She spent the night with her hands cuffed behind heback, sleeping on her side with my cock inside her.It was a wonderful way to wake up, with her grinding back against me, trying to get me deeper inside her.My only regret is that I only had a still camera that night,a digital video cam would have made me a very happy man. That was many years ago, and she has moved to the coast since then. But,she still calls late some nights,askingfor Lord Vader to tell her what to do next.Her phone sex is better then most women's physical attempts.How I miss her
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Another Nurse's Tale	Posted:Jan 14, 2013 9:51 am Last Updated:May 11, 2024 4:30 am 4836 Views
One summer night I get a call from the Nurse about coming over for a session. She was a bit hesitant and I knew she wanted something special.She finally admitted that a young colleague of her's from the hospital wanted to see what the lifestyle was all about.Would I allow her to watch? Well, I asked the Nurse what the rules of Engagement would be for her friend. I could hear them discussing it in the background. Finally,my Nurse came back with,"She doesn't want to have sex with you or get whipped or anything like that, she just wants to be there, get an idea what it's all about. " Which is exactly what she received. heh-heh The girls arrived on time and my nurse was ready for what she thought would be immediate action in g string and bustier, stockings and heels.Her friend was wearing a t shirt and a short, full skirt of a similar material. Her under garment appeared to be a teddy. The Nurse dropped her trench coat just inside the door and dropped in front of me to begin her service. Instead, I had her take her friend upstairs and seat her, serve her refreshments. I went upstairs and discussed the terms we agreed to,exactly as stated.i then agreed to her terms, but she must agree to mine, which were hers, as stated.She agreed. I have a wooden antique rocking , without rockers, sitting on my bed room floor. I had the friend sit on it as it had a great veiw of the bed. I then had the Nurse handcuff the friend to the 's tail,one pair of cuffs per wrist.. She could just barely reach her tits, or her clit, but not both at the same time. I then had the nurse gag her with a bandana.She never said anything about being restrained or gagged. Then, the nurse blindfolded her. She never did say she wanted to watch,just that she "wanted to be there." The nurse had her legs spread and tied to the corner posts, her arms tied behind her back from elbows to wrist.I attached a lead to the head board which clipped to her nipple clips, just tight enough.I was rubbing over her, kissing and teasing and she still thought she was getting cock right away.When I had her totally secured, I slipped a blindfold on her and then placed a vibrator over her clit and turned it on.And sat back.When she realized I wasn't going to hold the vibrator, she began to rock and twist against it, all the while begging for me to place it inside her. I watched her friend and when she began playing with herself, in a very sneaky manner, I slipped that 8" in slow and deep and braced it against the footboard with a bamboo rod. The nurse went crazy,she couldn't get the vibrator as deep as she wanted, and she couldn't go as fast as she wanted, but she gave that fake dick hell. And as she pumped down onto it, the lead pulled her nipple clips until she was constantly moaning and begging for my touch. When her friend moved from her tits to her wet pussy, I gave the Nurse my cock in her mouth, with the warning I had better cum before she did. She tried, but the angle was not optimmum and I gave her a sweet five strokes of the cat just in time for her to have her first of many orgasms, about a minute before me.She was at her usual vocal best when I gave her the first stroke, and when I came over her face and lips, she greedily licked up every drop, still trying to take all of the vibrator without ripping the nipple clips off.By this time, her friend is playing with her nipples and grinding against the rocking , getting a good rythem going and obviously aroused more then she was used to. Obviously, the nurse had to be punished for climaxing before me.I stood her up, with her hands behind her back, her legs spread wide, and a leash clipped to a chain between her nipple clips that was pulled tight between her lips, looped around her handcuffs and then clipped to her chain collar.I gave her ten hard swats with the cat in a figure eight motion, coming down hard on each cheek, with feather light touches for four to six passes in between. Then,I reversed drection and gave her ten in upward motion, slapping her inner thighs and over her pussy. She was moaning and groaning as she counted out each stroke, asking for it harder or in a slightly different place.Her orgasm put her down on her knees as she shreicked out her pleasure. Her friend had figured out how to rise up high enough to get her fingers inside her dripping wet teddy and was giving herself three fingers, deep and slow. I put the Nurse back on the bed, on her knees, and tied her hands to the head board,her ankles to the foot posts, and reattached her nipple clips to the lead. I got behind her with a vibrator strapped above my cock. I whispered to her she needed to take both at once,and when she had, I would ride her like a Triple Crown Contender. She worked so hard,grinding and bucking, backing into that double penetration until she had her ass tight against my belly,she was rocking back and forth as fast and hard as she could, every back stoke pulling those nipple clips until she nearly screamed with each hard pump.I took her hair in both hands and pounded her pussy and ass, almost pulling out and then giving her the full length hard, deep and pushing her hard forward. She was nearly coming when I slipped ice over her clit and her orgasm was astounding. The fact she had a witness, and could watch the action in a mirror was turning her on more then she had been in some time. Her friend could barely keep both hands going in her pussy and her clit and she was obviously ready for some real action. When i gave the Nurse five hard across her ass, every body came. The nurse was all for more games,but I took the gag away from her friend,who instantly began begging for me to fuck her like the nurse got.Which is when I hit her with the Terms of our agreement.She would not have sex with me, and she would not get whipped. But, the nurse could do anything she wanted to her for the next hour. She agreed immediately, but the nurse was not happy about not getting all the cock that night. After a short discussion on the toys available and the games that COULD be played within the Terms,she readily agreed. I will discuss that part of the evening in Part Two. Enjoy.
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THE PHANTOM OF BUGG'AR HALL	Posted:Jan 13, 2013 5:11 pm Last Updated:Jan 13, 2013 8:27 pm 5892 Views
THE FOLLOWING FICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES AND SUBJECT MATTER.IF A FRANK AND HONEST VEIW OF SEXUALITY IS OFFENSIVE,WHY ARE YOU HERE? Alex was having a hell of a time finding the "Manor House" on her list.Every year some ostensibly noble family with land riches and not much more, the crumbling contents of their decaying country 'Manor's" barely counted. If they had anything worth much, they wouldn't be petitioning the Inland Historical Registry for the "privalage" of opening their ancestral homes as bed and breakfasts.The Midland manors were the worst,mostly less then 250 or 300 years old with minimal history or architectureal relevance. Most were just Georgian or Victorian brick piles with all the mod cons of electric and plumbing, both done in the Edwardian,with perhaps a scrawny telly aerial poking from a turret roof. Bugg'er Hall was reported to be of Pre-Roman origin,with various buildings and wings ranging back to 100 bc. "Bullocks" she thought."I'll bet no part of it is older then the Tudors."" And Bugg'er Hall, what type of tourist would stay at a hotel named after a gay sexual act. Other then coastal Americans, of course." Her thin smile was as dark and cold as the heavy rain falling about her. Finally, she saw the turn to the manor house and drove down the oak lined lane leading to a large cobbled drive in front of a dark rough stoned wall, compelete with portacullis and drawbridge.If her mood had been better, she would have been astonished by the varying styles and periods eveidant from the courtyard in front of the Great Doors. All she wanted was a hot bath, a stout whiskey and bed. And to get the hell out of the Midlands. She sounded the horn a good five minutes before she realized she would be parking her own car and carrying her own luggage. The chances of Bugg'er Hall to open as anything more then a rock quarry were dimenishing rapidly. Luckily the huge, ten meter doors were unlocked and properly balenced,the one Alex opened swing wide and nearly swept her from the step. Her mood was getting much darker.She entered the mosaic tiled floor of the Entry and had yet to meet anyone in charge. "Small wonder they haven't the means to keep such an estate, they allow any passer by the ability to walk off with the furnishings." she thought.'Obviously they drink." "Hello, is there anyone about. It's Alex Gaunt from the Inland Historical Registry. Hello?" her inquire echoed down the long hallways until,"Allo Lass, been waiting for ye since noon.Be right with ye, just making a cuppa" The thick accent was nearly unrecognizable as speech,anywhere but the midlands. An elderly man of good stature wearing worn gameskeeper gear came into the entry, his wellington's squinching water with every step. "Alex Gaunt is it? I'm Ian Shagworthy, 16th and last Earl of Shagworthy, welcome to Boogg'er Hall." He picked up her suitcases as if they were a stack of tea cozies." I imagine you want a hot bit and a sip and straight to bed then.I've taken the liberty of having it delivered to your room, if ye'll follow me this way." He strode off down a hallway, leaving Alex standing with her mouth agape at his brusque manner.Well, he'll have no chance of opening now, she thought.One does not leave the representative of the Inland Historical Registry standing in the hall hat in hand. She ran to catch up to him and realized he was giving her a history of the manor, without her actual prescence. "Eh-a,the lower foundations of the barns are Roman,a stable for a legion I'd imagine. At least,it would appear to have been such.But, the real treasure is the pre roman mounds out toward the hills. It's where the Hall gets its name ye see.Back in the druid era, a horrible troll or giant lived these lands, Bugg', and they named the hill after him." Alex noticed his pronounciation finally." You call it BO-O-Ogg'er Hall, bog, like a swamp? Then why is named after a sex act that gets every person giggling like naughty schoolboys?"The ice of her tone made clear her thoughts on the name. ", ah, well.The troll or whatever, Bogg, was a true demon of his time. kidnapped damsels, killed whole armies, ate human flesh.Only a true knight could kill him and did so up on this hill.Hence the name, Bogg's er, Bogg's Hill. It's just that the language took a turn and what was once a simple honest name became, well, a butt of a joke." They were walking up the sweeping staircase, its walls covered by third and fourth rate portraits of various ancestors of various times. Some of the Elizabethan paintings were of decent quality, but others were barely childish dabbings,she had seen better magneted to the frig. But, at the top of the stairs was a portrait of a man, early napoleanic era, and what a man! He was in the uniform of the Famous Light Brigade, but obviously 20 or more years before its Final Charge. He was tall, broad of shoulder, narrow of waist, with a strong determined chin with a most distinctive cleft, high cheek bones and forehead,dark auburn or mahogany hair with a lock that obviously fell constantly across his brow, that lock dark black as a raven's wing, matching his nearly coal black eyes, peircing eyes of an Officer and a Gentleman,the true Nobility of the Empire. "Ah, ye have a goood eye miss. Tha's the famous member of the Family, Lord Aethelrod Reginald Shagworthy, served the Empire with honor in India, China, The Sudan. Died on his way to the Crimea, poor man. If he'd been in Command of the Brigade, they'd never have charged the cannon." Every one tries to claim a famous ancestor or three,but Alex never had one offered that was so obviously easy to check. She resolved that if Aethelrod did not exist, this rockpile would not either. A good car park or camp ground, just the thing for the neighborhood.she thought. Ian opened a door in a long wing of similar doors. "The Master's Suite, the Finest Room in the house for ye ma'am.The very room of his Lordship Aethelrod. He had been around the world, fighting in the worst posts of Her Majesties Empire, and had even finally taken a wife,much later then he should of, but she was a jewel, the light of his life. He wrote her two letters a day when on campaign and would never leave her side when he was in Manor.He swore that he would always return to her, even from hell itself if need. When he got orders to the War, he nearly resigned his commission. But, one last campaign would have ensured a most comfortable pension,at a time when the Shagworthy fortunes were not quite so flush. So, he went to war, with his young bride carrying an heir. She died in childbirth two months later.His Lordship passed three days later,shot from his bya sniper, never knowing that she was gone or that he had a .The servants of the time swore that he would walk the halls of this wing, looking for his love.That he had kept his promise to come back to her, but she wasn't here to return to, now, was she?" More Bullocks, Alex thought.First a famous ancestor and then a love storyand a ghost story to go with him.Bloodybullocks.Laying it on just too thick by half. "Ye'll find a private bath in there by the fire place. You have a nice nosh on the table and a bottle of brandy and soda.it's well past my bed time and I'll leave ye for yourself till the morning." And with that, he was gone. Alex was aghast. She had never been treated so rudely,with such contempt in her life.Most homeowners would have fawned over her every word, watched every expression on her face treating her to four star ambience,looking, hopeing for the mark of Distinction tht would allow them to hold on to a moldering manor. She threw her bags across the bed, slammed her purse to the table and , with great trepidation lifted the cover of the meal. Bangers and mashed, but at least it was hot. In her hunger, she made do with a meal she would not have handed out the back door to a tinker. First, because she would never have had such plebian fare in her home, and second, because she would never have offered a tradesman more then his orders for the day.There is a natural order to things, people must know their place. After a good long hot soak in a most wonderful modern bath, a major shock,and a good brandy and soda during, Alex was feeling nearly ready to face the room she'd be sleeping in.Amazingly, it was quite nice, with a large canopied four poster bed and furniture from the late 1700's. All of the peices were of excellant quality. She slipped her simple night dress over her head, over her towel, and then dropped the towel after her night dress was properly arranged.One never knew what kind of persons would run an establishment like a B and B, and rather less then the best types of people would lodge there. So, the night clothes were modest and severe, in case of a fire alarm in the night. No virgin she, but no one had seen her completely naked either.It just is not proper to be on display, not even for a lover.There are standards after all. She tossed off the last of her brandy, insured that the door was bolted and locked, slide between the fine linen sheets under the goose down comforter and was asleep almost immediately. Perhaps not quite asleep. Alex found she was in that almost sleep, aware of every noise and shadow in the room, but with no real interest to open her eyes. Time is endless and meaningless in tht state, she did not know if she had laid there five minutes or five hours when she heard the first shuffling steps, like bare feet crossing the floor. She opened her eyes, but she was obviously alone in the room.Old buildings, theycreak, they shift,there are always noises. Her heavy lids fell and she cuddled deeper into her blankets. When she felt the first touch,a hand on her shoulder, she was deep enough into sleep to think it a dream. And a nice dream. She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, light but firm. A gentle caress that ran down her arm and back, warm fingers felt through her thin shift. She shivered a bit.The bed shifted, as if a person had just joined her.Alarmed, but still mostly asleep, her hand swept the bed,meeting no resistance.She was alone in the bed, but not alone. She could feel a mass, a shape spoon up next to her, a man's firm chest against her back, his thighs against her bum, and arm encircling her, a hand lightly placed on her belly,between breasts and navel. But, when she reached for that hand, it was not there. When Alex attempted to touch her ghostly guest,there was nothing there and his touch faded till being near imperceptible. But,when she closed her eyes and just let it happen,(Close your eyes and think of England, she giggled. Thanks Vicky.)the caresses became more firm,more tangible.She could smell the scent of a man of the fields, the sweat and dirt and leather and oil of a career soldiar. She felt light, tender kisses along the nape of her neck,a hand gentle, slowly moving along her belly and ribs,stopping just below her breast,just above her privates, but each slow sweep left her a bit more aroused, a bit more intoxicated by her dream. her wonderful dream and that wonderful ghost,Aethelrod Shagworthy, with his chin and eyes.A man any woman would give herself to and glad of it.Alex wiggled back into the body she felt but could not touch,allowing access to her neck and breasts. Those hands, those wonderfully strong perfect aristocratic hands knew how to touch her, where to sweep with fingertip light touch and when to grasp fully and firmly,her breath had increased in rythem and lessened in depth.Fast and shallow,she began to move with the hands upon her.Slow at first, she would writhe back against her phantom lover, while pressing her full and firmly erect nipples into the palm she could feel with such clarity. Her entire body was alive,aroused, beads of sweat pooling and adhereing her night clothes to her thighs,her breasts, her back. No man had been so patient, so meticulous in his handling of her body and she was feeling passion she'd always ridiculed though secretly longed to know. The hands were all over her now, from breast to knees, but her thighs were still ,not quite so firmly, pressed togather.But the hands, those gentle magic hands kept pressing,slowly sliding between her thighs and then slipping away. Her breasts ached, her breathing was ragged and needy, she was so damned horny, what a terrible dream to have alone.But she was not alone. She had her Shagworthy. No longer able to deny the longing, the hunger within, she rolled slightly. Now on her back, she could feel both hands ranging across her body, with total access, total abandon.She felt the light touch of breath across her throat,the lingering brush of a kiss in the hollow.A tongue, circled her hard nipple and she moaned deep in her throat.She rocked in concert with the hands, moving against them, pressing her flesh and her desire into those unknown hands.Her back arched, her hips rolled and bucked.Who ever, whatever she shared her bed with, she had to have him and have him now.She desperately needed this apparition, this grand ghost story inside her. Unbidden, her knees came up, her thighs came apart, as she opened herself to............. THE PHANTOM OF BUGG'AR HALL-PART TWO as she opened herself to her ectoplasmic paramour. Her sweat soaked night dress was dripping, bunched about her waist, and so wet as to be totally transparent. She reached out for her lover, to place him where she so desperately needed him to be.Her hands passed unimpeded as she groped, frustrated, angry, bewildered. She could not stay like this! She could not live so aroused and unfulfilled. Lord Shagworthy needed to be filling her and damn quick! Her eyes slit open enough to see the large beveled mirror on the wall across from the bed. For the first time, she saw herself nearly naked, fully aroused, ( bitch in heat) the voices in her head hissed.( )(slut) as she saw for the first time her hard, erect nipples, her sweating quivering abdomen, her trembling thighs. She had never seen herself in full rut and it attracted her and repelled in equal measure. Her right proper English upbringing made attempts to end her pleasure, to bring her back to the plain, severe, passionless English lass in modest array and sensible shoes. But to return to that person of proper standards meant giving up this, with so much left to know, so much left undone.Her fingers brushed across her well shaven mons, and the sensation electrified her from toenails to scalp. Every nerve was alive, and in need, and screaming for release.She again ran her hand over her secrets, wondering if she must again finish what a man had started. The light breeze of warm,nay, hot human breath tht wafted across her lips startled her as she arched harder and higher into the air.Her shaving to "tidy' her unruly area was such a lie, such a blatent barren lie. She had so diligently shaved for this moment,this activity. Sometimes, in her deepest darkest dreams she had barely flitted past such thoughts. Now, she wondered if she could live without it, or, more to the point,if she could survive. The incredible sensitivity of her body was such that even thought was felt on her breasts, across her heaving belly, along her straining legs. And those lips, those sensual English lips, with just a hint of tongue,achingly slowly progressed from her left knee north,slowly taking her beyond arousal into near madness. (no proper english woman would enjoy this)(this is wrong, it is naughty, nanny says)(The bible says, )(intercourse is for procreation only, it is a sin to enjoy it)Alex heard all the arguments in her mind, she must stop this,but she must not.She had to decide, now, here and forever who she was.Prim english prude or a real, sexual woman.(no woman of culture and breeding would enjoy or even allow herself to be...eaten) In that instant, she took the neck of her night gown in her hands and ripped it to shreds off of her body.She watched as it fluttered across the room, draping a moment like a disapproving nurse, then falling to a heap.Her last inhibitions fell with her clothes and she was as wildly desperate as any opiate addict in need of her high. She planted the soles of her feet firmly on the mattress, took the now tangible head of her incubus in her hands, twining her fingers deep into the lush, full curls, and then THRUST up to meet that wickedly talented mouth and tongue, her labia laying open like orchid petels in gentle rain. Time ended. Moments, minutes,millenium passed as she watched herself in the mirror, near horrified at her wanton enjoyment of this...delightful depravity."Small wonder that church and soceity forbids this, it's far too good for the likes of them." she thought. She watched as her hips bucked and heaved, bumped and ground against the transparent face she could feel against her,spread wider then any medical exam, she was howling, moaning deep in her chest, growling like a a wounded predator.Her head whipped side to side with each stroke of his tongue, each deep soulful kiss, each probing lick . Her approaching climax started at her toenails, ripping and rippling through her body,every tendon streched taut, every muscle in full spasm, she trembled in a grand mal seizure of incredible pleasures.Her legs had raised and spread till her toes were en pointe at oppossing ceiling corners., She screamed her delight to the world, moaning and begging in whispery half heard words, "don't stop, oh please, don't dare stop." His last deep kiss upon her clit sent her into oblivion, light so bright as to be solid, darkness so deep as the bottom of the earth.His hands cupped her ass as she swooned, the world going near dark. She could feel his smooth cheekbones against her inner thighs,his chiseled chin resting , nay, just parting her ass.For a moment, she knew no more. Slowly,as the world returned,she knew that she had to finish this,go all the way to the end.But, a man's first erection is never, quite , long enough. In duration.It always fades so achingly close. With her few human lovers,her clever hands could slip past that first short coming to a more enduring prowess. But, that was for her weak little men. Her Ghostly God of Love deserved something more, something completely beyond anything of her experiance. And she wasn't sure exactly where to begin. She abruptly sat up,eyes half lidded, and reached out to..nothing.Tears of regret and frustration welled in her eyes.She opened her mouth to cry out and felt the lightest brush aginst her lips. No more encouagement did she need. Alex opened her mouth wide and lunged forward, feeling on her lips, her tongue,the back of her throat what she had never known before. A with a lemon pop would not have licked so meticulously from base to tip as she, slowly savoring the taste of Him.No hard working in Piccadilly could have engulfed a man so rapidly, as deeply, and with such single minded attention as she gave her Light Brigadier. Her deep moans in perfect harmony with her tempo, she gripped His perfect hard ass in her hands and hauled him closer to her, taking him deeper and with more fervent need with each passing second. She could feel the tiny tight curls of the hair on his butt cheeks, his testicles bouncing off her chin in amusing, if distracting counter tempo,but His prescence in her mouth was just right,not too big so she'd choke, not so small as to be superfluous. And it tasted like life. She felt fingers on her face, cupping her head, and a slight small forward thrust met hers in harmony.She was taking his entire length in each stroke,faster with each repatition. Her own passion was also rising, and she felt another climax approach. Her breasts ached for his hands,her loins begged for his firmness. The sudden pleasant warmth tht exploded in her mouth and down to her belly was brandy on a cold winter's day, hitting bottom and spreading to her fingertips and toes and back, leaving a lovely little fire behind and below her belly button. Her own climax dwarfed his by magnitudes exponential,silently,as her mouth was full, and no lady would shreik with her mouth full. And nothing to wipe from her lips. She threw herself back, spreading wider as she gripped those cavalry thighs, hard and powerful as the they once commanded.She guided him surely to her own saddle, to be ridden to the chase and beyond. Her hands still filled with his flesh, but with less heft,less reality, brought him hard against her wet waiting body.She could feel his length to her naval and more.She writhed to place him, strained to lift him or move him or just, "Bloody HELL, when would he take her?"()(freak)(necrophiliac)(you are fucking a ghost,a DEAD MAN)The final inhibitions, her last rational mind tried to keep her from this irrevocable step.Whimpering in arousal that was becoming .well, painful, wonderfully, frighteningly painful. until the sheets tore beneath her and still she was losing her stud."Please, OH GOD, PLEASE, JUST, JUST, T-T-T-T-A-A-A-A-A-A-K-K-K-K-K-E-E-E-E-E MM-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-E-E-E-E-E"Her scream ripped off dressed stone walls,echoing like a damned soul. It was as a baby's coo compared to her moan as he placed hmself within, and in a malevolently slow 30 second stoke, totally impaled her. AND SHE HOWLED.He was perfectly right, not so narrow as to bang about, not so thick as to hurt, all THAT much, and well long enough to meet unexplored territory. , Every moment of Alex's lust was reflected in the mirror and the more she witnessed, the more she had to do. AND SHE WENT WILD.The backs of his knees cradled her heels, his perfect hard flexing ass in her hands as she found his tempo, found it wanting,and literally rode his shaft to her liking.Every inch of her body felt his hands, his kiss. Her mouth knew his mouth, and his satisfying firmness. She was doing everything at once and doing nothing at all, but just experianceing the wonder of telling the world to Bugger All. She felt his chest against her face, kissed him, then nibbled, and then bit down hard. His rythm increased and the thrusts somehow deepened, and the spiraling joy of harder and faster left her unable to draw breath, unable to think.Just the feeling of flesh.The wonderful, wicked,feelings of the flesh.Her screams muffled by his pec clenched tight in her teeth,she watched the BED ACTUALLY CRATERING, THE MATTRESs HITTING THE FLOOR BENEATH THEM AND THE CANOPY POSTS DIPPING TO CENTER,with every stroke like an honor gaurd dipping their banners for the Queen. "I am going to destroy a fucking 200 year old heirloom." That final thought sent her over the edge.Total Physical Overload. Like her laptop hooked into a lighttenning bolt, She could not take any more. Her awakening, veiwed from the mirror, equally cat in the canary cage and school boys caught in the act.The canopy above her sagged from a near diagonal head post. The sheets had long past been shredded and the goose down mattress had seen better nights, during the Blitz.The comforter had mysteriously made for the door, as if to leave with some segment of human decency. The pillows were a memory of cotton ticking and goose down and the air was filled with faux snow flakes. Alex stretched, a long full body strech that relaxed, excited and aroused in unmanageable amount. "Well, in for a penny,in fora Crown.", she thought.She rolled over onto her stomach, took the headrails in white knuckle grip, left knee moving up,tucked tight against her ribs. With tight clenched eyes and quivering chin,she turned her head to her left shoulder, her trembling lips barely visible past her long blond hair. In a voice near imperceptible, an anemic whisper, she licked her lips, exhaled her...."please"........... THE PHANTOM OF BUGG'AR HALL-PART THREE ""That single word seemed to echo within the chamber. Alex nearly regretted the utterence, but she had to know, to try just one more thing,take one more step into the wild side tht she had repressed for so long. She waited. And nothing happened! Afraid to open her eyes, afraid to move, she waited, open, vulnerable, achingly waiting for...for what? Then, the least little pressure between her cheeks, the lightest whisper of breath parting her, touching her, spreading open the final taboo.She winced, expecting a tearing pain as he took her. She felt something inserted, her flesh easily parting for..what? No larger then a spaghetti! It slipped into her, nesting comfortably."Well. bullocks! Is that it?" she exclaimed. There was a bump against her butt, like that of a man behind her.. And the prescence inside her began to grow. In long, slow, excrutiatingly patient strokes, she felt it slowly beginning to grow, larger in girth, longer, and that wonderful filling was so terribly gentle, warm and tight. And she could feel his hands upon her, caressing her hips, running over her cheeks, as he took ever so long to pull his entire length from her and then, "Oh, God, it IS getting bigger."Such a long and wonderful time, time with no meaning, and she began to slowly rock in concert with each inward stroke, writhing and grinding upon her impaling pole that slowly felt so much deeper, so much bigger with each decreasingly gentle stroke. She began to push back against him, taking him deeper and faster, trying desperately to regain the tempo of earlier, the wild abandon of the night. He felt as if he was deep within her chest, his uncut head between her lungs, pushing against her very heart,in perfect rythem, her pulse and his strokes became one. And she wanted more. "Oh god, be brutal, Please, Be brutal with me." she cried, her tears of need and shame and joy welling from her eyes, pooling on the mattress beneath her. She was rocking on her knees now, pushing hard against the headrails, taking a larger and heavier and thicker organ within her with every stoke. "My God, He IS HUGE, (and more then a bit painful)", but she no longer cared about anything but finishing this act, surviving this night, taking all that Shagworthy could give and coming out the other side. His entire length was outside her, then filling her until it felt as if she was going to choke on him, it filled her throat, tickling the back of her tongue? "My god,if he should ejaculate, I shall look very much like a lawn sprinkler!"She thought. The image of ectogism fountaining from her ears,nose and mouth started giggles that turned into hard, wild, desperate fucking groans.There was nothing remotely refined or proper now, she bucked and roiled, writhed and heaved with every thrust of her Rider.When the first hard swat cracked across her right ass cheek, the inch thick English Oak dowels in her white knuckled grasp exploded to toothpicks."yes, God, YES, BEAT ME, BEAT ME NOW!!!"She screamed. With every fifth stroke of his magnificently molded cock was accompanied with a hard, rein calloused palm smacking her butt cheeks, alternating left, then right. Head rails were popping and splintering around her fingers as she tried to find purchase to push back into this wonderful depravity, this long awaited rush of being utterly and totally depraved. She could feel his hands all over, as if he had several more then regulated. One hand kept perfect tempo on her ass, a swat every fifth stroke. Was that the 50th or the 550th? She had no idea nor care. just that it was everything and nothing like she had ever imagined. Another pair of hands cupped her breasts, hard gripping hands kneeding her flesh, pinching and twisting her nipples until every breath was a herculean effort to inhale. She was beyond moans, beyond screams, she had entered sex so good she was literally speechless. Even her barely perceptible breathes got lost in the hard sharp crackng spanking she received, the sounds of flesh on flesh, sliding in to perfect tight fit,so lovely, so filling, so huge, everything she had never known and it just couldn't get any better then this. And then it did. With a hard hand spanking her, and two hands gripping her tits savagely, another strange hand fell, flat palmed across her lips, circling her clit. There was no place left to go but into sweet release. Her howls of ecstasy as she climaxed started within human hearing at painful decibles and rose into the ultra sonic. Bats for miles started and fled as she felt the waves of a damn good butt fucking sweep over her, her hands grippng the last two rails, the cords in her arms, neck and thighs in such high relief as to look permanently deformed.She was beyond trembling, it looked and felt as if she was convulsing, every muscle in such terrible overload as to have her entire body in motion, her skin flicking and twitching and quivering like a shooing a fly. "BUT ALL OVER AND I CAN'T STOP!!!!!"(why would you stop this?) And for one tiny second, she had contol enough to INHALE and her shreicks of pain/pleasure echoed and reechoed through Bugg'ar Hall. And the waves just wouldn't stop!"one is glad to be of Service" she heard in her ear as one last hard hand on her butt, one last deep stroke clear to her eyebrows swept her from the known world and into deep,dark, blissful oblivion. THE PHANTOM OF BUGG'AR HALL-Part four "Amazing what smart shops one can find in these out of the way villages." Alex thought as she walked to her car. Bugg'er Hall had amply passed the Registry's requirements and she had made quite sure to book His Lordship's Suite for the Grand Opening Weekend. Surprisingly,she had awoke to a room undamaged, only the bedclothes had been scattered about,and her nightdress was rent in two and hanging from a wall sconce.Her new sandals clicked authoritatively on the cobbles. With a three inch heel and roman lacings to the knee, they were totally impractical for driving, but she wore them so well.And they looked so good with her denim micro mini,that most likely had begun as American 501 jeans with the buttons down the front and five pockets and invigeratingly short fraying hem. But it allowed a long, confident stride,arousing and breezy. Her tight black silk cami top caressed and clung to her unfettered breasts, raising her nipples and spirits equally as she hopped into her rental, a sporty Cooper Roadster Convertible rather then the Ford sub compact in which she arrived. She wiggled her newly enthonged bum into a more intimate contact with the leather upholstery, fired up the 300 plus horsepower engine, who's rumbling throb of power was unerringly transmitted directly to her driver's seat. "Bugg'er 'All. Quite." she thought." I shall endeaver to be more Shagworthy from now on.". Slamming the car into gear and warming with appreciation for every shifting gear, she accelerated into the fast lane to London. The afternoon sun meeting her half lidded feline smirk of insatiable satisfaction. "RELEASE ME! RELEASE ME!"the voice most monsterous was barely matched in horror by the hideously malformed beast from which it emanated. Above 7 feet in height if fully erect,it's twisted face could barely top one half of that. The curve of its horrifically hunched right shoulder was a full foot above its gnarled howling visage. Its left eye was a white glaze of cataracts, its bloodshot right a whirlpool of rage. Poorly healed scars criss crossed its head and body,leaving weeping gashes and gaps, opening its cheek enough to reveal broken black and missing molars. The right arm was normal enough, though of great size and the hand was horny and rough as a dry stack wall. The left arm was pulled and broken, ending in a three finger hand of talon gauntness. The hugely muscled right leg bore its weight as the oft broken and diseased left leg ended in a clubfoot that flopped uselessly. Its only gait was a shuffling, dragging three point stride in the dark, dripping, moss covered tunneled caverns deep beneath the patios of Shagworthy Estate. "RELEASE ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the beast, its echoing words rolling and rebounding from the endless miles of subterranean labyrinth. And in that echo came the words he knew all so well. BUGG'ER SHAGGE WORT, YE DID HAUNT THESE LANDS AS HIGHWAY MAN AND BRIGAND FOR 30 YEARS. 12, 592 INNOCENT SOULS DIED AS YOUR ENTERTAINMENT AND SUP.8,285 WOMEN FROM TODDLING BABES TO GAUNT AND TOOTHLESS GRANNIES DIED BENEATH YOU AT YOUR WHIM. YOUR VERY NAME IS SYNONOMOUS WITH THE INFAMOUS ACT YE USED TO MURDER ALL THOSE SUFFERING PILGRIMS,WHO DIED IN YOUR BED FOR YOUR LARDER. HORRIBLE DEGRADING YOU DO KNOW, HONEST LOVE IS BEYOND YOUR KEN, BUT SEDUCTION YOU WILL LEARN.THAT NUMBER PLUS ONE WILL YOU KNOW BY A SLOW HAND AND A GENTLE WAY, UNTIL THERE IS A SATISFIED, FULFILLED LOVER FOR EVERY PERSON YE DEFILED.OR ELSE,YOU CAN STAY DOWN HERE IN THE DUNGEONS. WITH US. YOUR VICTIMS.FOREVER. His voice started low, then rose in volume and force as his rage took his reason.'their moanings are meaningless, their groans without source,They Never Beg For My Mercy,THEY DO NOT SCREAM TO CLIMAX. THEY...DO..NOT...YODEL!!!!" His howls were the agonies of the eternally damned. "IT'S...NO...GOOD..For... Me..if.. they.. do not...(whispered) yodel. He crawled past the stalactites fanging the tunnel ceiling and dragged himself into the dark, wet,mossy darkness.
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SHE WENT OFF THE RESERVATION AND NOW SHE IS IN TROUBLE	Posted:Jan 13, 2013 3:43 pm Last Updated:May 11, 2024 4:30 am 4672 Views
The Nurse came back into my life after a rather long period apart. We have been reconnecting but she has made several errors in judgement. Last night jan 12 2013 she REALLY blew it. She went out to a sports bar with some co-workers and left her phone on the table. WHEN I called, the picture on her phone for me is her handcuffs. since she had broken a rule of ur relationship, be discrete, she was told to excuse herself, go to the bathroom with her purse, and place the vibrato inside herself and to attach the nipple clips and await my next call. She complied BUT she had been drinking some god aweful pomagranate martini and that damages her judgement.o, instead of awaiting my call, she had "a black out" and went off reservation. I have been far too indulgent of her and this needs correction. so, she is currently at mass with her mother with a dildo inserted and nipple clips on and cranked. She is to repeat her new mantra, 'WHY GO OUT FOR VANILLA WHEN I CAN HAVE ROCKY ROAD DELIVERED."And she will spend several hours tongith hanging on the edge or orgasm without release. And after she got a new flogger, a feather tickler and a nice glass cock I can put in the freezer for christmas. I have been far too indulgent of her out of state vanilla escapades. This will be corrected.
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Throwing a Rod on Center Street	Posted:Nov 5, 2006 12:03 am Last Updated:Dec 16, 2006 10:48 pm 4856 Views
I ran across an old friend in a website and we got to remembering our glory days.She reminded me of a moving day of..interesting end. We were helping a mutual acquintance move an incredible amount of crap, including several glass display cases, a truck load of museum quality fossils,most hot, and a number of appliances. For some reason, my pickup got the two stoves, two frigs and washer and dryer along with other items. And a young lady in the cab with me while her ex rode in the very back of the truck bed.This was in the summer,just about an hour before sundown. Now, the young lady and I had a previous history and she was in a playful mood. So, within about a block of this move, she has my sweat pants down and my cock in her mouth. I drive to a stop sign, and she has my balls in one hand, my dickhalf way down her throat and I turn onto the main street of town, just as the bars and movie theaters are opening up,in full daylight. With a truck load of appliances our only real sheild from veiw, and her ex old man can't see shit because of the refrigerators. And the truck is a standard transmission. Now, first, I have a hell of a lot more weight on this truck then its suspension or engine can handle.So, I need to ease into stops and starts, with a stick shift. Second, she's really getting me deep down her throat and and applying some serious suction.And we could get caught at any moment by any vehicle as tall as mine, or the ex, or somebody looking out a second story window. It was a one mile drive with three stop lights between house one and house two.Trust me, I was aware of every inch of distance and every agonizing stop (she never did break suction for gear shifts, she just rolled her head out of the way) and every god awful start. And damn if she didn't manage to get me to blow my wad, and swallow, before we got there. I also threw my number eight rod right through the side of the engine block. Never even noticed. Now,gentleman, what kind of head would it take for you to miss throwing a rod in a short block 350? Yes, yes,I was a most lucky bastard. And no one ever knew...well, except when we rushed through unloading the truck and then having to go back to the first house to find a "lost wallet". Ever fuck like rabid bunnies in a completely empty house? The echos are inspiring.Danke, Das Fasching,
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trading	Posted:Oct 5, 2006 9:26 pm Last Updated:May 11, 2024 4:30 am 4674 Views
Thre are days, like today, when I would gladly trade two age nephews for a loyal and a good .Of course, there are also days when I would trade two age nephews for a pair of mangy, flea ridden cats and a pellet gun.I now truly understand why third world nations hand agers automatic weapons. It is not so much that the are indestructible know it alls with no sense of self preservation as it is an issue of finding the most expediant method of getting the little brats far away from civilized soceity.And the two I get to deal with will never be cannon fodder because of asthma and ADHD. The US military won't take either. And just where in the hell is Mephistopheles when you want to cut a deal?
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and then there are those fantasies just a step too far	Posted:Oct 1, 2006 11:37 pm Last Updated:Feb 2, 2009 10:24 am 5032 Views
I received a letter from the current boyfriend of an ex lover today.As soon as he mentioned whom he was with, I knew exactly what the problem was.She has a fetish that is...troubling. Now, I have had problems with some lovers in the past and interests that I just could not or would not get into.There is a difference between BDSM and beating the shit out of someone.And I have had a lover in the past who took SM to extremes.I had a long term relationship with a gasper that finally scared hell out of me. It was one thing when she played games with oxygen deprivation in the hot tub, the pool, or face down into a pillow.But, when she asked to be choked during sex, this is a step too far.And when she wanted a plastic bag over her head, adios baby.Certain games and sex just do not work. The danger levels are just too damn high. And Safe,sane, consensual sex is the way to go, or I am not going to play. Now, with that said, the problem with the lady in question and the letter. The young lady is 11 years younger then I and was 29 to my 40. She was very well educated with a doctorate from a european university and an absolute knock out, waist length blond hair, fairly tall with curves in all the right places and long lovely well muscled legs.She was definitely not supermodel material, because supermodels wouldn't have carried that much luscious curvage.Eyes as blue as the wyoming sky before a storm and a sexual appetite that had me popping vitamin e twice a day and wondering about viagra just to keep up. In short, every man's perfect fantasy. Her only short comings, at the beginning, were,she had a european capacity for alcohol, which I did not even try to match. She could outdrink me two or three to one. And second, she had a need to throw costume parties, even as often as once and twice a month.She would find any reason to throw a costume party, the sinking of the Titanic, the shootout at the OK Corral, the death of the Red Baron,are just three examples of a years worth of parties.(The weirdest one was when she had a party for the Battle of the Little Bighorn and she came dressed as George Armstrong Custer,and expected sex IN COSTUME)Dating a Historian can be....difficult. Now, I like role playing and costuming as much as the next freak,I have a bag full of my favorite outfits I enjoy seeing women in and taking off. But, she made it almost tedious with her wild range of costumes and games. She was also a Star Wars fan to a point that was almost maddening.(I am a Star Trek fan, more into hard science then fantasy,and that was a conflict that started many the odd fight that always ended in some outrageous make up sex,always in costume and charecter.I should have seen the signs, but a stiff dick does not see the crazy that is coming.)And then came the night that was the beginning of the end of our year long fling. It was a hot summer night and she told me that she had a wonderful night planned, if I had a Darth Vader costume.Ok,I'll try anything once.And I actually did have a Vader costume, with the full head rubber mask and cloak,cape, black pants, boots and leather gloves.So, I dressed up and drove over, putting on the mask just as I knocked on her door. She opened the door and was wearing a costume very much like Princess Leia's from the third movie, where she was a slave to Jabba the Hut.Imagine a gossamer sheer halter top, completely transparent, with a four inch wide strip of the same fabric fore and aft, which concealed nothing, bracelets on her wrists and ankles with snap rings, a metal slave collar around her neck and a chain around her incredibly lovely belly.Oh, god, even today, it makes me hard to think of her that night. The apartment was dark, lit only with candles in front of mirrors, and she had me stand with my arms crossed, not speaking, as she knelt before me and begged for her life. Ok,odd, but I can get into it. I told her to amuse me.She rose to her feet and began the most erotic, sensual dance i have ever seen, and I have been an aficionado of terpsichorean ecdysiasts for far too many years.It was a combination of mideastern belly dancing with moves from Bali and southeast asia, from India and Kashmir, a little bit of modern strippers moves and moves as old as the human race. I was rock hard in seconds, butI could not move, could not touch her, and could only speak in the heavy breathing style of Lord Vader. Which was pretty damn easy considering that fucking mask. Let me digress for a moment to discuss costuming. Costumes and sex go togather so well,but there should be two very important considerations.Am I going to fucking die having sex in this outfit and what kind of jokes will the EMT's be making at my expense when they come to collect the body? If the answer to either is yes, rethink the damn game.Or deal with the fact emergency personal will be getting free drinks telling stories about you for decades. Now, she again fell to her knees in front of me, wrapped her arms around my hips and asked if there was any way she could please me.Considering what was just about lip high..,.OH YES.She slipped my cock out of the black pants I was wearing, through the fly, and engulfed me with those perfect red lips. And she really went to work. It was the best blow job I had ever experianced, the passion, the expertise. She most definitely knew how best to smoke a penis.But, still, I am in this damn costume and because of the leather gloves, I can't feel anything.And she won't let me come.Every time I get just ready, she slows down or lets me fall from her mouth.Postponing climax too long can be painful and by this time, I was in agony. She finally turned around, got on her hands and knees, lifted the "skirt" out of the way and said,'Take me Lord Vader, anyway you wish,I am yours to use in all ways."Okay, I was in her so fast I left vapor trails. And she was wild.Again, she knew how to get the best out of a man, moving her hips in just the right ways, contracting her inner muscles at just the right moment , saying the right things.And the only contact I have is my dick,no other physical contact because of the damn costume. And because of the damn mask, I am rebreathing a goodly amount of my own carbon dioxide, which is giving me a hell of a hypoxia rush. Now, for those of you who are a Star Wars fan and know the story, you also may have already gotten to the punch line of this tale.Leia is Luke Skywalker's twin sister.And the of Anakin Skywalker aka, Darth Vader.Okay, so she has a mild Electra complex and works through it in role playing movie charecters. Not too weird, right? Wrong, at first it was Lord Vader, then Darth Vader, as in "Fuck me, Vader, make me your slave, give it to me harder" etc etc.And then it was Daddy Vader.I was a bit busy at that point and didn't realize what she had said. When she reached back betwen her legs, removed me from where I was most happy and gratified to be, and moved me to a higher and tighter site, I was a bit surprised. But when she said,"Oh, yes, daddy give me what I want." and several other comments that obviously went from Vader to Father, it made maintaining an erection more then a bit difficult.It was quite disconcerting.Okay, it flat freaked me out.Because it put a whole new spin on some stories she had told me, about dancing naked with her parents under a full moon with the fireflies and other similar tales in a different and not all togather palatable light. The topper of that evening, however, was when I finished, and she had orgasmed repeatedly. She pulled forward, let me fall out. Then she linked the snap rings on her bracelets so that her wrists and ankles were attached togather behind her back, knees bent and her heels against her perfect ass. She turned on her side, told me to turn off the lights and lock the door when I left, and promptly went to sleep. Let us just say my ego and my dick were equally deflated. We did not last much longer after that, in about a month we went our seperate ways. And now, the letter.Her current boyfriend is in politics and works in a congressional office in Washington.He found my name and mailing address in her address book and,after many months of careful consideration,he finally wrote to ask me about my experiances with her. It seems her costuming and role playing has gotten even more extreme and her need to be taken anally, by a surrogate father figure is becoming a very regular part of her sexual repertoire.And her costuming is getting very age specific, frilly pinafore dresses, lacy ankle socks and mary jane shoes. In short, some very scary game playing, especially for someone in the public eye. He asked my opinion.I had only three comments. First, is the screwing you are getting worth the screwing you are getting? Second, can you survive the scandal if your games become public knowledge? Three, Are you fucking someone crazier then you?(Never, ever fuck someone crazier then yourself, that way leads to the abyss.been there, done that, got the souvenirs.) I have no idea what he will do and I really do not want to know. And I sure as hell do not want her to know that he contacted me.She walked out of my life many years ago and as far as I am concerned, I am happy I survived the experiance. But, I am always going to wonder just what games she has been playing and why and what demons she attempts to exorcise by playing them. I am much better off never knowing, but, still I do wonder. And now, I am going to take a very hot shower with a very stiff brush and the strongest commercial cleaner my skin can handle, because at the moment, I feel .....unclean.It has not been a good day.
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The Great American Breast Debate	Posted:Aug 2, 2006 10:34 am Last Updated:Aug 21, 2006 10:52 pm 5015 Views
In one day, I ran across three articles in the local paper that illustrates how insane America really is.The three articles in question covered the following topics. First,there was a conflict over the cover of Baby Talk magazine, a free periodical for new parents that featured a baby breast feeding. The second article was about float trips on the San Antonio river in Texas, the third was the arrests of streakers at the Jackson Domolition derby. Concerning the first issue, the baby breast feeding. Let me preface this by saying that I am and will always be a big fan of breasts, I doubt there has ever been a bigger fan of the female charecteristic, except maybe Reubens or Helmut Newton.The most important aspect of the article was the insane back lash of people who were offended by the sight of a bare breast with a baby attached to the nipple.Considering the context of the magazine, I fail to see the 'obscenity" so many others saw. One person quoted claimed that a breast is "always a sexual' object and as such should always be kept from veiw. This is the same blue nose puritanism that resulted from the Janet Jackson Super Bowl "wardrobe malfunction", which was a tempest in a B-cup if there ever was one, and overly enhanced at that.A breast is a breast, but a breast with a baby attached is a wonder to behold, only because of the miracle of life and the mother- connnection.Now, admittedly, Lee Marvin once went nuts in "Paint Your Wagon" when he saw "a women pressing her breast to a baby" butI would hope we had evolved beyond the Victorian Era Mountain Man mentality of people who rarely ever saw a breast and thought that the female from had to be covered like furniture.Obviously,we have not. There are two interesting issues here. One, a breast with a baby attached is not a sexual object, the sex occured quite some time before and that baby sees a breast as a very warm and pliable lunch box.And daddy is probably jealous as hell that he doesn't get a turn as often as he would like.Second, topless and nude beaches are common all over the world, especially in Europe and the South Pacific. A breast is a breast, it is not a "sexual object' and given the context, the people who feaked out over a bare breast, in profile, with a baby attached have got some very serious issues of their own to deal with before they can start telling the rest of the world how to behave. The second issue is much the same. It would seem that near New Bruenfels Texas, it is possible to book a float trip down the San Antonio river in the company of very lovely and personable strippers.Now, the section of river being run is quite far from habitation,there is no way that "innocent " could see what is going on and nobody except other floaters would ever have the opportunity of witnessing the scandel of nearly naked women floating down the river on a raft.However, indecent exposure and public lewdness was not the concern.The prime quote of this story was that local police were concerned that this activity was taking place on a sunday "when people should be in church." Excuse me? When did this country make church attendance mandatory? And didn't we have a war back in the day so that the people did not have to support a state sanctioned religion? Now, my dad was a licensed and ordained minister for more then 30 years and back in the '70's I did so much work with my churche's youth group that I won a four year free ride to Baylor University's Seminary.Then, I made the mistake of actually reading something other then the dogma of the Southern Baptists and have never been back. I can see some more important issues about men, strippers and alcohol on a large pontoon raft in the wilds of Texas, and church attendance or public decency are way fucking low on the list. I would think that drownings or sexual assaults would be of prime importance, not the fact that a bunch of people are floating a river naked instead of bleating to the mythological supreme being of Texas' choice. Now, the Streakers at the jackson Hole Demoliton derby. Again, we have a problem of indecent exposure, but this time at a venue that would allow small to be present.But, it is a long way from the stands to the pit and unless the have vision like an eagle, I doubt thay are going to see anything that will tramatize their little psyches.If a group of drunken idiots want to air their shortcomings in public, let them run.Hell,the crowd can all laugh and we can pass out squirt guns loaded with fertilizer to the women so they can hose down those saplings in the hope that they might grow. Although, once a bonsai,always a bonsai.Not much hope there. Why not just let the streakers run at the end of the derby, as a way of saying that "The end has come.'(Please insert your own smart ass comment here, I have far too many to include at this time) Now, I remember the streaking craze of the 1970's (damn dated myself there) and I admit that I truly enjoyed the spectacle. Nothing of my mispent youth rivals the memory of the Wonderful Wanton Winter Sister's (Kelly and Wende) running naked through a football game, or a few years later the Sexy Shapely Shipley Sisters (April, Michelle, and Kim) trotting naked through the yard during a kegger. The naked human body, if in reasonable shape, is a wonder to behold,(I wish I was be holding some more often, again, a whole other tale.) But, when the police use a Taser to put a naked man to the turf just because he wants to wiggle his wee wee in front of a few hundred people,where exactly are the priorities?An arrest won't stop that kind of asinine behavior. Now, the sight of the entire crowd standing and laughing at said indescretion would send the nudie slinking back to his momma's basment, never to be seen in light of day again. What is the common thread in all of these cases? The idea that the human body is somehow shameful and bad and must never be seen in light of day by anyone other then a legally married spouse of the correct gender.The human body is not obscene, there are far more obscene items being packed as entertainment every day. I offer as exhibit A, Fear Factor,(somebody is going to die on that stupid show,and I hope it happens live and without a seven second delay), Jerry Springer and his hillbilly guests airing thier sordid lives in public, the Slyvia Brown/John Edwards "psychic scam, and so much more. What kind of a world is it when the naked human body is considered obscene, but murders, , and terrorism are entertainment on every prime time of the week? Csi(Vegas, Miami, New York) Law and Order and 24 are far more obscene then any naked body could ever be.(Well, okay,I'd qualify that in that there are obviously some bodies that should never be seen naked, but those are issues of esthetics and hygiene, not of public decency. The sight of some 300+ pounder parading naked in the streets is an image that inspires me to gouge out my short term memory with a melon baller.) Europe is much more liberal in this regard. I have seen nude beaches on the banks of rivers in Germany,the beaches in France, and in the the Netherlands,a walk through the Red Light district is like going through a buffet line.By the time you finish walking a block, one is ready for a cigerette and a nap.And the beaches in Austrailia are fucking fantastic. I spent a glorious day feigning sleep just watching some of the most awe inspiring bodies pass my vantage point.I had quite the sundial going that day. Wish I had remembered to put sunscreen on it.Again, a tale for another time. This country is hopeless doomed, because the Religous right have all the power and those of us who are rational have not the numbers or power to shut down the nutcases running this nation into the Taliban West it is slowly becoming.A naked body is a naked body, it only becomes sexual in a specific context, and the American Religous Right needs to realize, nudity does not equal sex, not in all cases and not in all contexts.Real obsceneity is in the mind, not the body.
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It is just annoying	Posted:May 21, 2006 10:11 pm Last Updated:Apr 22, 2007 10:19 am 4992 Views
One of the more interesting aspects of the internet is the ability to meet and talk with people from all over the world.However, one of the more annoying parts of the net is the scammers and con artists that have made this communication medium their own.I offer as exhibit A,the Russian mail order bride scam. Firstly,let me preface this by admiting, I have a serious Russian jones.I have a degree in soviet studies and a library of Russian material that is almost frightening.History, literature,biography, there is not much of the Russian culture I haven't at least a nodding acquintance with.Which makes the number of scammers that much more annoying, because I know what Russians beleive and how they behave, it was my area of study back at University. It is flattering when some alleged twenty something hard body writes to a Wyoming ridge runner like myself.And the photos they send,though doubtfully authentic,are awe inspiring. There is something about Slavic women that is nearly Pavlovian in its ability to make me a drooling idiot. I am not sure if it is the face, the eyes,or just the total package of racial diversity,but Slavics have a hook deep in my soul. Which is what makes the scam all that much more irritating. In the past year,I have had correspondance with a dozen alleged Russian women, and they all follow the same pattern.The first few letters are informative and modest, but within a week, they begin "falling in love " with me.The worst ones will never answer a direct question nor will they give you a full name.But,it always works out that within two weks,they have declared their undying love and want to fly to Wyoming to meet me.Do I have "FOOL" tattooed on my forehead?(No, I have Marvin the Martian tattooed on my ankle,but that was another tale all togather.)Of course, regardless of where in Russia they pretend to live,they have a complete list of visa, passport,airfares, and other expenses that they need to cover before they can come and "offer their all" to me in connubial bliss.Unfortuantely,I have friends that work in Immigration and Customs Enforcement and there have been new regulations passed just this past April, which has not made the rounds of the former Soviet Union yet.But, said regs would be carefully explained to any legitimate person applying for a visa at the embassy in Moscow. It really is funny when they tell me they love me before they even tell me their full name, or when they slip and sign a letter with the wrong name.One genius even managed to address a letter to me, but the content refered to another guy.Cut and paste letters and they don't really pay much attention to what they are doing. And then they wonder why the Federal government found it necessary to write new legislation making it more difficult for foreign woman, especially from the former Soviet Union, the Phillipines and China to get visas to come to America.It is not a matter of racism on our part as it is, the feds are just tired of having to prosecute the large number of scammers siphoning money out of the pockets of dumb American men.Russia will not prosecute the perps at all,but since they are using Western Union in their transfers, it becomes a serious American problem.The Russian bride scam is one of the largest sources of hard currency into the Soviet states and the money wired DAILY amounts to several million dollars. I find it amusing to read their letters and look for the mistakes. It is very much like my exercises back in grad school,when I used to read Pravda and look for the lies.In the worst days of the Cold War,the KGB used to utilize "Swans" and Swallows".These were very useful operatives with one marketable talent,sexuality. Swans were the male operatives, so named for their "elegance", and Swallows were female operatives, so named because they did...swallow.At one time, said operatives were used to compromise a target with illicit sex and then to turn that person as an agent.Today, the game is even more interesting as the same tactics are used to get large amounts of cash out of some idiot's account. Only in the new game,no actual physical contact is ever made, it is all electronic messaging and photographs.It really does not make the experiance anymore pleasant when every single woman writing follows almost the same plan of action, even down to the "little confessions" of indiscretions or behavior unbecoming to a lady that they "let slip" in a letter. But, it all works out the same, within two weeks of initial contact,the plea for money is made. Sometimes, it really isn't worth the trouble to interact with the human race in any way. But,after dealing with a dozen of these wonderful women in the past year, and having four of them writing to me at the same time, I am ready to pull the plug on the computer, curl up in my easy chair with a big thick book,and let the entire human race line up single file to kiss my rosy red irish ass. The one charecteristic I demand from a relationship is trust, if I can't trust a person, I really do not need them around.Each one of these scammers erodes that trust in humanity just a bit more, until the ediface falls into gravel and dust.Which is a pity, because just one truly honest one would rebuild that same trust back to the idealistic and romantic young fool I once was, some quarter centuary ago.I am not holding my breath.
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honey-do days are just hell on earth	Posted:Apr 13, 2006 3:45 pm Last Updated:May 11, 2024 4:30 am 4955 Views
Sisyphus pushing his stone up the hill and Judas, Brutus, and Cassis being ground between the teeth of a three faced monster got off lightly compared to that modern hell on earth known as "the honey-do" day. With the warmer weather and longer days,we guys are finding ourselves being "volunteered" to do those various removations about the house that our ladies find so direly imperative. Now, its bad enough when we are doing this for the wife, girlfriend or other significant other.At least with someone we live with, there are certain perks to the job.But, trying doing such renovations for your mother and you understand the frustration of my current existance. I understand now why dad used to wait until mom went to visit relatives before beginning a major project.By the time she got home, it was done and she couldn't very well rip it out and start over. Although, she has done exactly that over time.(She once started a sliding glass door project by taking out 8 feet of wall with a chain saw, in may.Dad and I put that door in the day after September's first hard frost.) But, having the "foreman" standing directly over your shoulder while trying to peice togather a very tight and fiddling bit of work is it's own special type of hell. It has been said that if there were no women, men would live like bears with furniture.I only partially agree.Our garages and workships would be quite nicely appointed, as well as any room with a tv set.(We would still have to have televised sports, although the porn industry without women is far too frightening to even consider.) Kitchens would be minimal at best and bathrooms would be..a hole in the backyard and a bucket with holes punched for showers? The worst, however, would be the male bedroom. Only women keep us from turning a bedroom into a boar's nest.Bless their little hearts. So, we get home from a long day of trying to avoid killing the boss and stuffing his body in a dumpster, only to discover we have a major project to do, with a tight schedule and tighter budget. Any whining about, "I'm too tired", or "Not tonight", and we find ourselves sleeping on the couch and eating drive through. Women think this is punishment. It just reminds us of college. Add in a keg on ice in the bathtub and a half dozen Tri-Delts sunbathing topless in the backyard and it is the old frat house all over again. (And don't we miss those wonderful carefree days of our mispent youth?) And if your do get right after that nasty little job and get it done to her satisfaction the first time out,(Yeah, right), do we get any reward that made all the fiddling and nagging worthwhile?A big fat prime rib perhaps? No,because it is bad for the heart and adds pounds they don't think we need.(Damn, woman, it's been a long winter.)Or maybe our favorite beer and a sporting event on tv? Nope,because that also is bad for our health and nothing annoys a woman faster then a man in front of sports. And the one thing we do get from the wife, girlfriend, or significant other female type just means more hard work for us at a time when we just want to be flat on our backs with a cold one in hand.(Insert your own smart ass comment here.) So, we troop off to do what ever little chore we have "volunteered" for and there she is, breathing down our neck, adding various bits of suggestion and criticism as we manage to hit a thumb with the hammer, nip the web of the hand with pliers, cut a good size gash in an arm with the miter saw,(better our arm then waste the material making a mistake there) and so forth until that magical moment when you look at the woman breathing down your neck and you have that fantasy of how they would look with a hammer handle protruding from their forehead like a unicorn's horn. This is the moment you need to step away from the job. Any excuse will do. You need to run get some parts, you need a special tool.Anything that gets you away before you commit a felony.If you find yourself thinking,"A jury of all married men would never convict me." Remember the opposite,"A jury of all married women will give you the chair." Then GET OUT, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!! Take a half hour and wander around the hardware department, play with the new gadgets and try to remember why you moved her into your house in the first place. It may be a bit difficult to recall at the beginning, but something will come to mind eventually.Then, fortified with strong waters and barley pop, go back, finish the job and simply answer,"Yes, dear" to whatever suggestion or criticism she makes about your handiwork. You will get your revenge during the World Series and Superbowl. Of course, that works for married guys, but I am finishing projects started before dad died and mothers are a special breed of pain in the ass.You can't tell your mother to take a flying leap at a rolling doughnut.Nor can you storm out of the house for any length of time without getting a guilt trip of hebraic proportions. So, bite deep into that lip, finish the job, and then go find the tallest, coldest beer in the world. It works for me. Order at least three. The nephew's bedroom is getting painted in the New England Patriots color scheme and with molding, door frames and other little odds and ends, it will take all of Easter Weekend to finish.His birthday is the 16th, it is a birthday present. After having to fiddle with a door frame today, and having dear mother adjust it 1/64th of an inch (I used the damn laser to ascertain that little factoid), it is going to be a long weekend.But, I will get fed. However, if at any point over the next four days, you turn on the news and hear about a man running naked through the streets with a bloody hammer in one hand,a miter saw in the other and a paint brush hanging out his ass, screaming "SHE'S CRAZIER THEN A SHITHOUSE RAT AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.", It's just me going to the bar after another long and fulfilling day of finishing mom's house. Pray for me.
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What the hell am I doing here	Posted:Apr 8, 2006 1:43 am Last Updated:Apr 8, 2006 2:58 am 4786 Views
Once again looking back at my mispent youth and all the wonderful insanity I got away with back in the day,I was reminded of a great summer when I was digging odds and ends out of mom's house.Having to deal with a senior citizen and two teenagers really cuts into one's personal time.But, I was pulling boxes out from storage and found photos from my college graduation party. It was one of those times when I wonder how in the hell I survived.The photo at the house is off about a dozen 20 somethings, all dressed in grown up clothes that none of them wore with any real conviction. Suits,jackets, three peice lawyer costumes and the like.And the women were all in rather demure dresses, god knows why. After the requisite attendence at the parent's, we all went to the local club, where we proceeded to have just too much fun. It takes some doing to get tossed from some clubs in Casper, but getting thrown out of the Moonlight and The Wonderbar in a single night is truly an accomplishment.It was either the fire breathing act I was doing with 151 rum, or the"dirty dancing" that the girls were doing with each other "just to get our attention."Anyway, by midnight we were finding ourselves at Fred's house up on Navarre street. It was a nice place, except the back yard had an incredible slope to it, more of a drop off, and we had a shoe pit along the back fence. By this time, there were about four men and 6 women left to the party and the women were up to something.So,the guys, well fortified with strong waters and barley pop,(and other intoxicants of less legal nature),went out to toss shoes,by sonar.You see,the back porch light did not reach down into the pit area, so we were tossing shoes by having some one hit the post with a stick and then throwing for the clang. Surprisingly,we were actually doing quite well. Only one real injury, when a clanger did not get out of the way quite quick enough and got a ringer around his left ankle. Needless to say, the girlfriends were less then amused.They had other plans that did not include tossing chunks of steel in the dark. Over the course of about an hour or so, various of the women, in various states of dress, came down to the pit to entice us men into the house. For some long forgotten reason, we had all decided to be assholes about it and postponed going into the house, until we needed more beer. I ran up the slope and into the kitchen for another case, tossing horseshoes is thirsty work in late may, and poked my head into the living room to see what the women had gotten up to. The 6 women were watching a porn,had all stripped down,and gotten out a collection of vibraters and dildos that I had no idea Fred's girlfriend owned.Surprised me enough, I almost dropped the beer. Almost. So, out the house I run, practicly incoherent. It took a bit to get out that every woman in the place was totally starkers and going tofu (meat substitute)to a Johnny Wadd Holmes video. And every single man in the pit called me a baldfaced liar. So, after the odd beer or three as we discussed whether or not our women would actually do something of that nature, the four of us trooped up the slope, around the house and peeked in the windows. Sure as hell,the tv is on, the women are naked, and both fucking doors are locked. They had been waiting for someone to come in before locking us out in the early spring chill. And leaving just enough gap in the curtains for us to stand/kneel like a totem pole and watch what we could have had. So,stacked up like see no evil,hear no evil, speak no evil,have no fun, we watched as six lovely young ladies dimmed the lights, got down on the carpet and proceeded to have a pussy wallow worthy of several Academy Awards. The whipped cream came out,various flavored love jellies and massage oils, and all of it going on less then ten feet away.On the wrong side of plate glass. And regardless how much we tapped on the glass, they were not going to let us in the house. Luckily, I was the second tallest, so I was second from the top of the pyramid.Brother Miles managed to drop a hand rolled cigerette substitute into my ponytail,which went unnoticed until it burned into my neck.Without shifting my attention, I pulled it off my singed hide and finished it in a single huge hit.Fred,being the shortest, was at the bottom of the totem pole and managed to get baptized by beer and other less savory items that dripped from our gaping mouths.Needless to say,he was a reeking wreck. Especially when his girlfriend, Tonya,(a very well endowed nurse with knockers a man could hang his hat on, if his hat size was impossibly formidable),my girlfriend Sherri(a long lean brunette with no body hair and incredibly long legs), and the sweet little stripper Thea,(a very petite latina that weighed about 99 pounds and half of that was breasts and come fuck me boots) got positioned for a most amusing little round robin event.Fred almost went through the window. By this time we were trying to figure how to get in the house, without keys and without breaking a window. I remembered that all the windows were of the wooden sash type, Except for the bathroom window, which was a metal frame type and I had tools in my truck.You never saw four men run so fast out to the street and start tearing through a tool box in your life. Armed with a selection of various types of screwdrivers,we trooped around the house to the bathroom window, which was a metal frame held in place with about 12 screws.And, just out of reach of any one standing on the ground. Miles could just reach the lowest two, barely.They were out in a second, in the dark. Fred dropped to all fours as a work scaffold, and Eric, the lightest went up on his back and started pulling phillips head screws by braille.Miles and I held the window and the parts went flying. Now, if you were one of the evil women in this tale, what would you have done to make our lives just a bit more difficult? You got it, the shower was turned on, full blast, COLD.And the four of us are wearing suits, or at least the slacks and vests to suits.Dry clean only. Well, it didn't take long to shuck out of the clothes down to our skivvies and making a human platform to get into the window.Just as Miles is going in the window, we get spotlighted by Casper's finest. The next door neighbors had called the cops on us.Breaking and entering. So, four men in their underwear are trying to get in a bathroom window, one guy is half in that window, trying to reach the damn tub faucet and turn off the shower head, and there are two cops with flash lights and guns drawn.I'll wait while you all have a good laugh at our expense. I hope you all had a good laugh.Now that you have your breath back, how could it of gotten worse?Luckily, Fred had his wallet in his pants pocket, but explaining why WE weren't in our pants was ...difficult. We explained we were locked out and the shower was on. They understood that. But why were we all in our underwear? Why not send one guy through the window and let him get wet? We had no idea.It just seemed to make more sense the way we did it.I did mention the amount of alcohol and other goodies imbibed? The ladies could have saved our asses, and did not. They could of fried our asses and did not.They did not answer the doorbell when the cops rang it, thinking it was us.(And we did not mention that they were in there).It was about the only thing that went right. That and the fact they didn't search our pockets. So, the cops go away, We toss Eric through the window, he turns off the shower, we toss Fred and I toss Miles through and they pull me into the bathroom. We are in the house,but due to the intervention of the police,we are less then inclined for intercourse.(okay, stop laughing) but we figure that we can remedy that in a few minutes with our ladies fair. We charge out of the bathroom, down the hall to the living room,where.....all six women are curled up around each other sound asleep.Passed out cold. It is about 4am and there is no beer, no hard liquor and the only solace we four have is the meager remains of rightous herb sitting on the table, in the ashtray.And the living room smells like payday at Hormone Hall.And nothing we do is going to wake those 6 women up,they are totally and completely blotto. Needless to say, there are better nights then others. But, the four of us sat in the rec room, and watched tv.When the ladies awoke in the morning,well,we were clean, sober, had made breakfast, and had set up various fantasy sites about the house for their enjoyment. In short,We were their slaves for the next 18 hours.And did they make us earn our reward. But,they also videotaped their little orgy of the night before, which was the standard to which we were expected to perform. Let us just say that our performance exceeded expectations.Eventually. okay, you can stop laughing now.
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A bit of verse	Posted:Apr 4, 2006 11:21 pm Last Updated:Jul 29, 2006 2:50 pm 2336 Views
There was a girl from South Carolina who put fiddle strings across her vagina. With the proper size cocks, what was sex became Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor The cabin boy, the cabin boy Damn the little nipper. He lined his ass with broken glass and circumsized our skipper She was doing 90 down the highway when the chain on her motorcycle broke. They found her in the grass with the muffler up her ass and her titties playing "Wipeout" on the spokes. Okay, I am a BAAAAAAD boy.But it is getting to be springtime and I really have a case of cabin fever. C'mon hiking season, I want to go play in the trees.
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