How to respond?
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Posted:Apr 2, 2006 5:02 pm
Last Updated:Apr 3, 2006 7:53 pm
388 Views
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How do you respond if someone return your e-mail or wink?
But first I guess you gotta have a cool cyber-space pick up line. If coathanger is right, then the odds are pretty stacked against the hookup in the first place. Darwinism at it's best.
So I guess if in fact you do make it pass the initial no, delete stage then it comes down to, (man this sounds too much like the 'ol sperm swimming thing too) really two ways to approach it.
One, be conservative and gentlemanly. No need to be pushy or overbearing. You don't want to scare anyone off with some freaky sex crazed stalking type rant. Women are to be respected and treated like ladies, even if we want them to be whores in bed! But I guess if you go that route you lose that Affairlook edge that some are on here for?
I guess that takes us to the other side. We're all adults and well, most of us are on here to make connections that lead to sex! We'll I can't actually speak for everyone, but myself. And my take is, this is a dating service just like all the others. We want a hook up and the bait is the possibility of having sex. Instead of putting down, my favorite color is...and long walks etc...we put down stuff like, doggy style, love oral, want to experiment, some even post graphic pictures. It's just a little insight into what a person wants to do if in fact the contacts all work out. In the end there's no guarantees. It's all about the chemistry anyway, just as it is on Match or E Harmony etc...
But what if I'm wrong? What if there's that whole other sub culture of people that are up front and in your face? What if they do exist and that nice gentlemanly response is dismissed as weak. They're probably out there but how do you, how can you tell? Hell I bet they're out there just waiting for freak factor on a reply to get them up and running. I bet a lot of people hook up that way? Or do they?
So why does it work with some on here and others no? That's the contradictions of being on Affairlook. We want the hook up, up front, but you can never tell. What to do? I guess in the end, it's all about having fun with it and just going with the flow. You'll win some and you lose some. And some, will never know.
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talking and then nothing?
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Posted:Mar 30, 2006 7:47 am
Last Updated:Mar 31, 2006 9:40 am
360 Views
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A curious trend that I've experienced lately. I've had a quite a few contacts recently. These contacts included more than a few exchanges of e-mails. The curious thing is how after these correspondences, it all of a sudden stops?
I don't get it? I wonder why anyone would share a few ideas and give no indication that there was not a spark or interest. I guess being on the Internet makes it easier to let it go without any explanation. In the medium where everyone is anonymous, it's jus too easy, to not take into consideration the other persons feelings?
But are there feelings? I think in some cases just sharing ideas can give some people a feeling of knowing, or connection to the person their e-mailing? I won't go into my take on the those out there that are dependent on the cyber community for their social interaction. And those I'd really be worried about going psycho. No, I'm talking about how to deal with my perceived lack of courtesy. Being adults, should we not be able to acknowledge and let the other person know?
I guess to each their own? And I guess it's not any different than the way people act in the regular world too. I guess I had a preconceived idea that in this world, the people would be more responsible? Or at least more upfront and real? If anything , I'd think it be easier to tell someone off, or let them know it's not there? Hell, people usually have trouble doing things face to face. So what's up with this?
Just some lazy thoughts.
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remembering how it feels/how to read signals
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Posted:Mar 15, 2006 11:26 am
Last Updated:Mar 30, 2006 7:50 am
379 Views
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Last night someone came over after a lengthy conversation on the phone about where she was currently in her life and her sexual preferences and tastes. We exchanged several personal tales of our experiences in some what graphic details. Needless to say by the time she agreed to come over I thought well, game on. (know that we have known each other for a few months)
She came over and well, we continued our flirting by continuing to talk about our sexual preferences. But when it came time to finally make that pass, she politely said no.
No, and "I'm not going to fuck you" I can understand. But what I don't see is why go through all that trouble if in the end all she wanted was what?
So today, having not talked to her, (mainly because she left it at maybe we'll see each other again), I'm left depressed and wondering. She says she has a mental model of me that she can't get over. That's on her. But why go through all the trouble? Sure she's trying to end her current relationship , but why go that far and nothing? I guess only in time will we see if maybe becomes more? Or does that mental model prevent her from going on.
As for me, this kinda reminds me of how and why some people get afraid of wanting relationships. The feeling of uncertainty, feeling of unable to control emotions because they become dependent on another persons reaction to you. But I gotta admit, up until last night, all the flirting and subtle comments made me feel so alive. It brings back memories of times when I had a partner. Times when things were, easier? Or I cared less? I don't know.
What goes on from here, and how it makes me feel, I guess, just goes to what makes up life.
I guess what it really is, I'm embarrassed that I showed my hand and she rejected me. I feel like I misread her signals. I think she's out there laughing. Since she's alot younger than I am, I think she used me to validate herself as desirable or maybe it was a set up to use against me? Did I really think she was attracted to me? Did I actually think I could hook up with her? Did she just want to see me try?
What was it? I don't know if I'll ever know. But I do know I thought there was someting there. I got my hopes up and I got my feelings hurt. Any how, I've got to keep moving on. I don't have time to play games. And next time, the next one. Well I'll just keep my cards to myself.
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Great feedback
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Posted:Mar 8, 2006 7:32 pm
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2006 5:14 am
337 Views
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So much has not happened since my last entry. But then so much has also happened. As I have been somewhat diligent in sending out a few winks and e-mails over the last few weeks, I still haven't gotten that hook up.
But then alas, one brave soul gave me some feedback that I just have to address (as well as some other topics that I'll try to ramble about in the next few). Any way, this contact tells me that my "big in Europe" blog may have in fact cock blocked some possible matches because of my poor choice of words to describe and compare American woman to those of the European flavor.
I had never thought that the simple comparison of the two could be taken differently than what I had intended? While there is/are differences physically, one is not necessarily better than the other. Rather just different.
Americans are Americans. And maybe I'm only talking about my frame of reference. Maybe I'm tainted in some way by the ones that I have met and had relationships with? There are plenty of beautiful American women out there and I'm sure eventually, maybe, I'll meet one that will have more substance than style.
Now, I've never dated a European woman so I have no point of reference for them. But I'm sure the same qualities that I've had the unfortunate experience meeting here, exist overseas.
But the real point here is the physical difference I was trying to point out?
I don't know. I think what it was in the end, was my admission that my previous relationships were miserable but that's because of my poor choices not because of the nationality. I guess I was projecting too much and in the same instance potentially offended some people?
For that I am sorry but maybe airing it out will help...well at least for me it does?
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But I'm really big in Europe
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Posted:Jan 19, 2006 5:10 pm
Last Updated:Mar 30, 2006 7:51 am
383 Views
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So while I continue to "not" get any hits locally. I seem to be wanted overseas! No less than two different, what I think to be women, and of legal age (I hope), have tapped into the lazyboy experience. (one from Russia, and another from France!)
I wonder how many men out there have been picked up by these new breed of fishers? Having read their email, I immediately think these ladies are looking for love! Ha, they're looking for a green card! But then I think, "so this is what they mean by mail order brides?" Visions of a young eager lady, that's totally dependent on you for everything, at least to begin with....come to mind. But then I also see, after they get their card they leave their unsuspecting mark for a BBD (bigger better deal)! Unless, they hook up with a BBD to begin with. Or did I see this on Dateline?
Either way, I guess these women, sleep with their hosts in the short-term? And to these pathetic and desperate guys, I guess getting some, for no matter how short a time, makes it all worth it?
But here's the other side of this. I've been to Europe, and these chicks are usually, really, really hot. We're talking most European women make American woman look, like well, American women. They have a different kind of beauty, really lean usually tall (which sucks for me) and very open about their sexuality. Not this American Protestant/Puritan conservative guilt.
The only problem? Who really knows what your getting. Love is Love all over the world, well maybe just the sex!
I guess I better dust off my passport and start planning some trips overseas!
lazyboy1964
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There's more to it than just posting a pictue
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Posted:Jan 17, 2006 7:26 am
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2006 4:38 am
413 Views
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I winked at someone, and they in in turn showed interest in me. When I responded with an e-mail I included a request for a photo. They responded by directing me to a website. Now normally, I would think that directing me to a website was a bad sign. A pay site with pictures of porn stars and who knows what? I guess I'm eventually going to have to subscribe to one because it's unfair of me to describe something I have not experienced for myself,....but I don't have a good feel for them to begin with. Not to mention I automatically dismiss the person as not being real. Maybe that's wrong of me, but maybe someone'll have a different take? Anyway, I knew this was different because the website was for a link to their job.
So having said that, my thoughts turned to what its like for women and men (even like myself and others) that run the risk of being seen on a site like this. For that matter, any dating site. Let me go back and say "a site like this" really refers to what I hope everyone would agree is a more alternative way to date...or just find sex (as I hope to do both). It's a fringe subculture of the mainstream. (maybe another point to debate at another time).
The thought is the conscious decision a person makes to post their face or whatever on the web for the whole world to see? Some must think nothing about it, cheers to those exhibitionists that so drive my clicks to surf endlessly into the day and night. (Many of these have to be real). Others must be scared, ever see those that show themselves in glasses, heads down, or with their backs turned, in the shadows etc. And then there are those that want to participate in anonymity.
We all know that marketing is the key to everything. Whether we're conscious of it or not, or how much we tell ourselves I'm just being myself. The mere acknowledgment of being something puts us into some sort of marketing demographic. The point is, in order to hook up we gotta sell ourselves. The description is our tag line, our attempt to draw someone in hopes they find us interesting enought to hook up with. But even before we look at the tag line and profile...we look at the picture! I'm not going to attempt to think about the whole , that what in a picture draws us in thing, perceived beauty, or even how we choose what picture to put up. (although if someone else wants to rant go on brother)
What motivates someone to take that risk? Is there a risk? What I do as an individual outside work has nothing to do with the job I do!!! What am I afraid of being judged? She is, and I guess I understand. For that matter, I took my photo down too. Hypocrite? don't know. Funny, I gotta go off to work and will leave it to the world to weigh in. maybe when I get back, I'll be persuaded to put it back up?
Any way, I have something to think about today.
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There are real people! All reading blogs?
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Posted:Jan 15, 2006 10:59 pm
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2006 4:15 am
374 Views
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5 responses in less than a day.
I'm encouraged, but why are so many people reading other peoples blogs? I did it because I was curious. I added because I thought I might have a point to share? I get it!
I wanna hear about people who've hooked up by responding to their blog. Or better yet I waiting for someone to hook up with me by reading this! I think there might be more people reading blogs than using the standard search.
Let's see whats out there, I dig women that are cerebral and into expressing their minds.
So lets see how many people have an opinion? Are blogs good for hooking up?
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ANY THOUGHTS?
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Posted:Jan 15, 2006 12:30 pm
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2006 4:16 am
515 Views
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SO I'VE BEEN ON THE SITE FOR A FEW WEEKS NOW. I GUESS NO ONE'S BUYING WHAT I'M SELLING. I HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT IF I SHOULD BE MORE FORWARD OR MORE RESERVED. I'M ACTUALLY JUST BEING MYSELF AND AS HONEST AS I CAN. I WONDER IF EVERY ONE'S HOOKING UP AND AND I'M JUST NOT THAT INTERESTING? COULD BE THE PICTURE? BUT HEY THAT'S ME. THE RESPONSES I AM GETTING ARE FOR LINKS TO LIKE ADULT WEBSITES. (I HAVE NEVER HAD ANY PROBLEM WITH PRON, HELL I'M THE GUY ALL MY MARRIED FRIENDS BORROW FROM!)BUT HEY WHAT'S UP WITH THAT? I'M STILL WAITING FOR THAT REAL FIRST HUMAN RESPONSE THAT'S MEANINGFUL. GETTING ON THIS SITE I THOUGHT WAS MORE OF A FRINGE APPROACH TO DATING. I MEAN, I THOUGHT IT WAS MORE UPFRONT AND OBVIOUS. THE MAINSTREAM CAN LOG ONTO ALL THOSE OTHERS LIKE WHAT CUPID AND MATCH, BUT I THOUGHT SOMEHOW THIS WOULD BE DIFFERENT AND WELL, EASIER TO GET THE HOOK UP. HELL WHO DOESN'T WANT TO GO OUT, GET WINED AND DINED, PARTY AND THEN GET THEIR BRAINS FUCKED OUT? WISHFUL THINKING I GUESS. MAYBE THIS BLOG WILL GET ME SOME FEEDBACK. TALK TO ME?
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