Tramping on..............
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Posted:Jan 26, 2013 5:03 pm
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2013 3:40 am
3230 Views
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So..............
It's been a while............
And it's been all good, I've been in love, and that hasn't worked. But hey, onwards and upwards. Hmm, the ipod is on random and Zero 7 have just turned up- happy memories 
I fell in love with a kind and gentle man, he treated me with respect and sensitivity. I still find it hard to deal with the fact he is a Dom. Now, please don't get me wrong, I honestly have no issues with his sexual preferences (well I am on this site after all!) but if that was what he was into then why (FFS!!!) did he ever even sleep with me???
He must've known from the very beginning that I was never going to be the kind of woman that he needed ( and I have no issues with that, it really wasn't me, it was him) so how did we continue to have a relationship for 18 months?
Whatever, shit happens. It's just a bit of a bitch that I really thought I'd found the one.
Onwards!!
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Busted!
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Posted:Oct 31, 2009 4:29 pm
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2013 4:23 pm
2971 Views
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Thanks so much for some really lovely and supportive replies to my latest post. As luck would have it I'm utterly broke this month so can't reply to you all in person because I'm a standard member for a while  sad but true
Just to clarify my last post, I had being seeing said bloke for a while, we were getting on really well, (mutually), then he posted a blog implying that he was interested in an exclusive relationship to which I offered my services.
He (very politely) declined. With which I don't have an issue, it's just the whole principle of sending your heart out, optimistic and happy, and then have to see it come home, bewildered and crestfallen and then try to keep some form of perspective. Not easy.
Still, onwards and upwards. Just have to remember that we can't please all of the people all of the time.
xx
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Not for me thanks
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Posted:Oct 27, 2009 5:58 pm
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2013 4:22 pm
4005 Views
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Damn, life's a bitch.
Meet a guy I really like and turns out he doesn't like me quite enough Can't help but take it just a little bit personally.
Is it because we met through Affairlook therefore I'm not quite good enough to be 'proper' girlfriend material? Or am I not slim enough/ not good enough in bed/ smoke too much/ etc/etc?
I'll never know.
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Cold leftovers
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Posted:Oct 13, 2009 7:12 pm
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2013 4:19 pm
3360 Views
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I have no idea what I'm going to write this evening. I just know that I'd really like to talk and I have no one to talk to. The last time I had a day off I didn't speak a single word.
All day I didn't speak. Now, don't get me wrong, I genuinely didn't mind. I'm a very private person and really enjoy a day by myself but when you look at it, the scenario is not good. It's not normal to spend the entire day silent....or is it?
The National Office of Statistics say that (in Britain) in 1971 just 18% of households were people living alone, by 1991 it had risen to 27% and now stands at 7 million people. They predict that by 2021 approx 71% of households will be people living alone.
71%. Thats an ENORMOUS percentage of us. Why is it happening? Is it because we're moving apart and losing the "family ethic"? Is it because we are all having shorter marriages (because we can't be bothered to put the effort in and really strive to make our marriages work?), is it because we are all becoming more suspicious of each other and therefore don't meet so much because we might all be axe-murderers/? Or is it simply that we all work so bloody hard that we can't face getting our sorry arses out on a week night for a date??!!
Better minds than mine have failed to come up with an answer but I'd be very interested to hear your views
xxxx
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The passage of time
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Posted:Oct 1, 2009 4:42 pm
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2013 4:18 pm
3249 Views
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It's been just over two years since I joined the weird and wonderful world of Affairlook.
Have to say the journey has been great so far! I've met some fantastic people and feel as if I've come quite a long way. When I first joined I was at a really low point in my life. The people I've met here have opened my eyes to the possibility that I might be attractive and that's genuinely changed my perspective. I'm still shy and find it difficult to relax straight away with someone but at least now I can actually meet them!!
Thanks
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Cooking vs sex
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Posted:Sep 12, 2009 7:52 pm
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2013 4:16 pm
3397 Views
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You wouldn't think there was a comparison initially but if you look into it a little bit more carefully, you'll see that the feelings are similar.
I cook for an outside catering company and most of our work is for weddings. The build-up is huge. Especially if we've got two or more weddings on the same day. Our most intense weekend was a couple of weeks ago when we had five weddings in two days. The planning took about a month.
On the day, the build-up is exquisite. You start slowly, plenty of time. You can enjoy the moment. Everything is going to plan. Then you begin to realise that things are moving. You begin to work more quickly. You start to feel anticipation and a certain amount of performance anxiety. The outcome is crucial (we're at someone's wedding in case you'd forgotten!) The starter is called and you know there's no turning back, things are in motion now and you can only do your best.
The starter is cleared and you'd better hope you've got main course ready for 160 people....
You serve the main, the meat is pink and perfect, the veg is firm and succulent, the sauce piquant. You are extatic,you have reached your zenith.
So you clear quickly, now for the come-down. Dessert is plated and served, it's SO pretty, you've taken time and effort over it and the people who eat it are delighted.
You smoke a cigarette, drained. You are fulfilled, the waiting staff bring you good feedback.
Now tell me cooking isn't like sex 
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stormy eyes
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Posted:Aug 20, 2009 5:39 pm
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2013 4:15 pm
3130 Views
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What is it about a man's eyes? That down turned crinkly smile just makes me go weak at the knees. Guy's, take it from me, NEVER have Botox!!
And by the way h smith, take comfort from the fact that you CAN do anything you want to. Sorry I haven't replied to you sooner xx
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What was I thinking.....oh yes, Carpe Diem!
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Posted:Jun 1, 2009 8:18 am
Last Updated:Sep 5, 2009 5:25 pm
3143 Views
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At what point did I think that work would be better than sitting around doing nothing  Gaah! Hectic isn't the word. Still, it could be worse, I could be doing a job I don't enjoy. I've never understood how people soldier on for years doing something which makes them miserable - and I guess that relates to relationships as well as work.
From a purely personal point of view if I've been unhappy or bored at work then I've changed my job (Note to self - this is why your CV looks like a car crash). Now, while I understand that a change of job or even a change of career is not practicable for some, there are others who could easily try something new and find a whole new lease of life and I truly believe the same is the case in a stale or loveless relationship.
Take the plunge, after all, if you can ask yourself "What's the worst that can happen?" and death or destitution don't come up as answers then what's to lose?!! I've been leaping into the unknown most of my life and only once have I regretted it
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work vs play
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Posted:May 11, 2009 8:37 am
Last Updated:Sep 5, 2009 5:26 pm
3013 Views
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I've been idle since I got back last week and I'm BORED! Can't wait to get back to work tomorrow. I think you really can have too much time on your hands. it's only fun to be unemployed when you've got enough money to play very hard instead
Tho' it can be fun to play gently too.....
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stereotypes
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Posted:May 1, 2009 7:04 am
Last Updated:Sep 5, 2009 5:23 pm
3307 Views
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So I went to Rome yesterday.
What a sensational place. All the iconic buildings you've ever heard of are so available, you walk around the corner and there's the Trevi Fountain. In the next piazza is the Pantheon. You can amble into the Colusseum and spend hours imagining how the system of hoists worked, just how dark, smoky and horrible it must've been under the arena floor. You can plan how you would've spent your sestercii's in the Forum. Honestly, it's bloody amazing.
The thing about Rome though, is the driving. I honestly tried to come to Ialy without any pre-conceived ideas but all the stereotypes are really true! Italians will do anything to get where they want to go, and I MEAN anything. Two lanes marked on the road? Nah, nothing like enough. Soon becomes five. Traffic come to a standstill? Just hoot, that'll work. No room for your scooter? Well drive on the pavement you idiot!
You've got to love it. There's very little "road-rage" as we think of it in England. Just a sort of grudging admiration if you manage to cut someone up before they do the same to you. It gives a whole new meaning to getting from A to B
The other stereotype I try not to expect but that rears it's ugly head nevertheless, is the human animal. Sadly I've found that male and female sterotypes are not just dreamed up by glossy magazines. I married a man who looked like the typical "thug" with shaved hair, heavy build, loads of tattoos and of Northern Irish descent. He seemed lovely (well I did marry him for a reason) right up until I realised his pathalogical jealousy would indeed lead him to physically bully me. Now I know as well as the next person that one experience is not a good basis for any kind of sweeping statement but I'm going to make it anyway - human stereotypes tend to hold true. So next time you're thinking "She just needs reassurance, she's not that insecure" or "He loves me really, he just doesn't know how to express it", take a step back and stop making excuses. If you have a gut reaction when you first meet someone, chances are it'll be the right one.
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calm before the storm
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Posted:Apr 28, 2009 6:28 pm
Last Updated:May 12, 2009 10:43 am
3094 Views
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So I've been in France for the last five months cooking in chalet for anything from 2 to 12 people. It's been a breeze! Same menu every week, knowing the exact numbers every day, such small numbers!
Down-side being you get to see some of the most astonishingly bad parenting skills. How about the parent who said to their "eat this mouthful and then we'll talk about dessert"
eats mouthful.
Parent then says " eat this mouthful and then we'll talk about dessert" How unfair is that? I mean, I don't have but I'd like to think that if I ever had a in my care at least I'd have the integrity to stick to my word.
Worse (I think) are the parents who use us chalet staff as a threat ie; "eat up or (said chalet staff) will be really cross with you" Jesus, Have the balls to be the bad guy!
So onto those weddings. A triumph of hope over experience. God love their innocent cotton socks. They all think it's going to last for ever (or at least until the ink is dry on the pre-nup).
Thats the human animal for you, a creature of indomitable, if flawed, optimism. Jeez, I could almost stop being a cynic....
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