L I T T L E B I L L
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Posted:Oct 22, 2010 7:09 pm
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2012 4:31 pm
3144 Views
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FOR HIS BIRTHDAY, LITTLE BILL HAD ASKED FOR A 10-SPEED BICYCLE. HIS FATHER SAID TO HIM, ", WE'D GIVE YOU ONE, BUT THE MORTGAGE ON THIS HOUSE IS $280,000 AND YOUR MOTHER JUST LOST HER JOB. THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN AFFORD IT."
THE NEXT DAY THE FATHER IN THE MORNING, THE FATHER SAW LITTLE BILL HEADING OUT THE FRONT DOOR OF THE HOUSE WITH A SUITCASE. THE FATHER ASKED LITTLE BILL, ", WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" LITTLE BILL, LOOKED UP AT HIS FATHER AND ANSWERED HIM, "I WAS WALKING PAST YOUR BEDROOM LAST NIGHT AND HEARD YOU TELLING MOM YOU WERE PULLING OUT. THEN I HEARD HER TELL YOU TO WAIT BECAUSE SHE WAS COMING TOO. SO DADDY, I'LL BE DAMNED IF I'M STAYING HERE BY MYSELF WITH A $280,000 MORTGAGE AND NO DAMN BIKE!"
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SPAGHETTI
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Posted:Oct 22, 2010 7:03 pm
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2010 10:14 am
3165 Views
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A MAN WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH AN ITALIAN WOMAN IN ITALY. ONE NIGHT THE WOMAN TOLD HIM, SHW WAS PREGNANT. NOT WANTING TO RUIN HIS REPUTATION OR MARRIAGE HE GAVE HER MONEY TO HAVE THE BABY IN ITALY. IF SHE STAYED IN ITALY HE WOULD PROVIDE SUPPORT UNTIL THE WAS 18 YEARS OF AGE.
THE WOMAN AGREED, BUT ASKED HOW HE WOULD KNOW WHEN THE BABY WAS BORN. HE INFORMED TO HER TO DROP OFF A POSTCARD TO HIM WITH THE WORD "SPAGHETTI" ON THE BACK... NINE MONTHS LATER HE CAME HOME AND HIS WIFE SAID TO HIM, "SWEETHEART, YOU GOT A VERY STRANGE CARD TODAY!" HE WALKED OVER TO WHERE THE POSTCARD WAS, HE PICKED UP THE POSTCARD AND HE READ THE CARD, TURNED WHITE AND FAINTED. tHE CAR READ: SPAGHETTI, SPAGHETTI, SPAGHETTI, TWO WITH MEATBALLS AND ONE WITHOUT. PLEASE SEND EXTRA SAUCE!!
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SPEEDING
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Posted:Oct 22, 2010 6:56 pm
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2011 10:17 pm
2993 Views
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A MAN WAS SPEEDING ON THE FREEWAY AT 85 MPH. WHEN HE LOOKED IN HIS REAR VIEW MIRROR HE SEES A COP FOLLOWING HIM WITH HIS LIGHTS FLASHING AND THE SIREN BLARING. THINKING HE COULD OUT RUN THE COP THE MAN SPEEDED UP TO 115 MPH. SUDDENLY, HE REALIZED HIS FOOLISHNESS PULLS OVER TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND STOPS. THE COP PULLS UP BEHIND THE MAN'S CAR, GET OUT, WALKS OVER THE CAR. THE COP LOOKS AT THE MAN AND SAYS, "SIR, MY SHIFT ENDS IN 30 MINUTES, IT IS FRIDAY. IF YOU CAN GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY YOU WERE SPEEDING, THAT I'VE NEVER HEARD BEFORE, I'LL LET YOU GO." THE MAN SCARED, SHAKING INSIDE, LOOKED UP AT THE COP FROM THE DRIVER'S SEAT AND SAID, "LAST WEEK MY WIFE RAN OFF WITH A COP! SO, I THOUGHT YOU WERE HIM, BRINGING HER BACK." THE COP LOOKED AT THE DRIVER AND SAID, "HAVE A NICE DAY, SIR, DRIVE SAFELY".
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THE DIVORCED BARBIE DOLL ! ! !
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Posted:Oct 22, 2010 6:49 pm
Last Updated:Jun 28, 2011 1:58 pm
3364 Views
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ONE DAY A FATHER GETS OUT OF WORK AND ON HIS WAY HOME HE SUDDENLY REMEMBERS THAT IT'S HIS 'S BIRTHDAY.
HE PULLS OVER TO A TOY SHOP, RUNS IN AND ASKS THE SALES PERSON, "HOW MUCH FOR ONE OF THOSE BARBIE'S IN THE DISPLAY WINDOW?"
THE SALESPERSON ANSWER'S WITH A SMILE, "WHICH ONE DO YOU MEAN,SIR? WE HAVE WORK OUT BARBIE FOR $19.95, SHOPPING BARBIE FOR $19.95, BEACH BARBIE FOR $19.95, DISCO BARBIE FOR $19.95, BALLERINA BARBIE FOR $19.95, ASTRONAUT BARBIE FOR $19.95, SKATER BARBIE FOR $19.95 AND DIVORCED BARBIE FOR $265.95."
THE FATHER LOOKED AMAZED AND STUNNED AT THE SALESPERSON. THE FATHER ASKED IN AMAZEMENT "IT'S WHAT?" "WHY IS THE DIVORCE BARBIE $265.95 AND THE OTHERS ONLY $19.95? THE ANNOYED SALESPERSON ROLLS HER EYES, SIGHS AND ANSWERS WITH A SMILE, "SIR .... DIVORCED BARBIE COMES WITH, KEN'S CAR, KEN'S HOUSE, KEN'S BOAT, KEN'S FURNITURE, KEN'S COMPUTER, ONE OF KEN'S FRIENDS, AND A KEY CHAIN MADE WITH KEN'S BALLS."
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DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL
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Posted:Oct 22, 2010 1:51 pm
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2012 4:31 pm
3026 Views
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Well the Arm Forces have the policy of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", they don't want openly Lesbians, Gays, or Bisexuals to tell their sexual preference.
Why not, they have to pay taxes, they are defending their country like anyone else. No matter what are sexuality is, we are able to do the same thing as aeveryone else, we are able to vote, pay taxes, work, and other things just like anyone else. So, why is it so important that if you are a Lesbian, Gay or Bisexual, that you have to keep quite...You are fighting for your country, your freedom and everything else as anyone else. We are strong and are fights just like everyone else.
There are lawyers, judges, congressmen/congresswomen, sentors, mayors, doctors, nurses, construction workers, receptionist, factory workers, selesmen, etc that are Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual and we tell them "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, so why should we tell the men and women in the arm forces to do it...
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ENTERTAINERS BEING CHEAP
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Posted:Oct 22, 2010 1:44 pm
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2011 7:21 pm
2785 Views
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In my life I have met some great entertainers, such as basketball stars, football stars, singers, actors/actress, and even adult video stars.
I have found some to be really cheap... On Saturday, October 16, 2010, I met one that was very cheap and he was cheaper than an other's that I had met that were cheap...
I don't understand why these people that are celebrities think people are to bow down to them, give them whatever they ask for... This man wanted to meet me since I was working the bar. After meeting me, wanting to know my sexuality and ordering shots for him and I. He did not pay for them.. I don't care who you are you ordered a drink, then you should pay for what you ordered.
I have been to a resturant where a R & B Singer came in with their crew, where the resturant did not charge for the food but did not leave a tip, but the check was over $700.00. Now how cheap is that...
Yes, they are celebrities, but they need to realize that people need to make their money and earn a living also, not giving them whatever... Don't believe they are that great to be cheap.
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BE CAREFUL OF LANDLORDS
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Posted:Sep 3, 2010 8:29 pm
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2012 12:23 am
3032 Views
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hELLO, THIS IS TO WARN YOU TO BE CAREFUL OF LANDLANDS. TWO YEARS I MOVED INTO A HOUSE THAT I THOUGHT I WOULD LOVE TO LIVE THERE AND BE HAPPY. BUT IT BECAME A NIGHTMARE.
I WANT TO WARN YOU... IF THE LEASE STATES THE LANDLORD HAS TO HAVE A KEY AND THE LANDLORD LIVES ALSO ON THE PROPERTY, PLEASE PUT CHAINLOCKS WITH THE KEY ON EACH DOOR SO ONLY YOU WILL HAVE ACCESS TO GET IN.... HE/SHE WILL NOT HAVE THAT KEY AND THE LEASE AGREEMENT STATES MUST HAVE A KEY TO THE LOCK ON THE DOOR, NOTHING ABOUT EXTRA LOCKS THAT THEY CAN NOT SEE. WHEN I MOVED IN THE HOUSE, THERE WAS AN ALLEY BEHIND THE HOUSE, SO I PUT NAILS IN EVERY WINDOW SO THEY COULD NOT BE RAISED. I EVEN PUT KNIVES IN THE WINDOWS...I HAD TO PUT CHAINLOCKS ON THE DOORS WHEN I FOUND THINGS MISSING OUT OF THE HOUSE LIKE BEER AND LIQUOR, I FOUND THAT HE HAD FIX THE LIGHT IN MY BATHROOM WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE. AT NIGHT I FELT THAT SOMEONE WAS IN THE HOUSE WHILE I WAS SLEEP. I WOULD WAKE UP SEEING A SHADOW. PEOPLE KEPT TELLING ME THAT I WAS JUST SEEING THINGS. BUT ONE DAY I HAD BAKED 7 CAKES FOR CHURCH, WHICH I HAD SPILLED FLOUR ON THE FLOOR BUT HAD NOT CLEAN ALL THE FLOUR UP FROM THE FLOOR. SO IN THE MORNING, I FOUND FOOTPRINTS LEADING OUT OF MY FRONT DOOR.
THE LANDLORD WHEN I MOVED IN WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO HAD A KEY TO THE LOCK TO THE GARAGE. HE USED MY BAR-B-QUE GRILL AND PATIO FURNITURE WHICH WAS IN THE GARAGE AND LEFT IT OUT IN THE SNOW. I FOUND MY LAWN MOWERS AND BICYCLES MISSING. CALLED THE POLICE, WHICH I MADE A POLICE REPORT, BUT NOTHING WAS DONE. LATER ON OTHER LAWN EQUIPMENT CAME UP MISSING. I WAS TOLD THAT I WAS NOT ABLE TO SMOKE IN THE HOUSE, BUT MY GUEST COULD SMOKE WEED AND HE EVEN ASKED IF MY QUEST COULD GET HIM SOME. ON APRIL 15, 2009, I CAME HOME, UNABLE TO GET IN. MY KEYS WOULD NOT GO INTO THE LOCK. WHEN HE CAME DOWN AFTER OVER 20 MINUTES OF TRYING TO CONTACT HIM, HE TOOK ONE LOOK AT THE DOORKNOB AND ASKED WHO DID I PISS OFF BECAUSE THEY HAD SUPERGLUED THE LOCK...A TIRE IRON WAS ON THE STEPS OF THE BASEMENT WHICH WAS NOT THERE THAT MORNING WHEN I LEFT. HE MADE THE STATEMENT TO ME "IF I HAVE NOT PUT ANYTHING IN THE WINDOW" (WHICH LEAD OFF THE PORCH INTO THE LIVING ROOM) HE COULD USE HIS CROWBAR... WE USED THE TIRE IRON TO RAISE THE WINDOW, I PULLED BACK THE PLASTIC THAT I HAD PUT UP TO KEEP COLD AIR OUT. ONCE I WAS IN, I WENT TO OPEN THE DOOR AND HE WAS AT HIS CAR, TELLING ME TO CHANGE THE LOCKS AND MAKING SURE HE HAD A KEY...I HAD ALSO PUT DOOR STOPS ON THE DOORS ALSO BESIDE THE CHAINLOCKS. ONCE I PUT THESE THINGS ON MY DOOR THINGS STOP COMING UP MISSING AND I DID NOT SEE THAT SHADOW ANYMORE. BUT WITH THE LOCKS, THE SUPERGLUE WAS STILL WET AND WAS ON MY HANDS... THE POLICE WERE CALLED BUT THEY COULD NOT BELIEVE WHY THE LANDLORD WOULD WANT TO DESTROY HIS OWN PROPERTY. HE COULD NOT GET IN MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBER TOLD THE POLICE. WE TOLD THE POLICE EVERYTHING THAT HAD HAPPENED WHILE LIVING THERE FROM JULY 2008 TO APRIL 15, 2009. EVEN AFTER A WEEK OF BEING THERE THE LITTLE OLD LADY NEXT DOOR ASKED HOW LONG WOULD I BE THERE BECAUSE NO ONE STAYS OVER A YEAR. HE PLAYED HIS MUSIC LOUD, HE THROW HIS TRASH BAGS OUT THE WINDOW IN THE WINDOW. TRASH WOULD SIT TWO WEEKS BEFORE HE WOULD MOVE IT IF I HAD NOT MOVED THE TRASH AND THE TRASH CANS WOULD SIT ON THE CURB UNTIL I BROUGHT THEM. AFTER 4 MONTHS OF BEING THERE HE STARTED SENDING TEXT MESSAGES ASKING WILL HE GET THE RENT ON THE FIRST OF THE MONTH, WHEN I HAD PAID HIM, BEFORE THE FIRST AND ON OCTOBER 27, 2008 WHEN I TOLD HIM THAT THERE WAS A GAS LEAK AND THE GAS COMPANY HAD BEEN OUT. HE ASKED FOR AN ADVANCE IN MY RENT TO HAVE THE FURANCE FIXED. HE BROKE THE LEASE AGREEMENT BY ASKING FOR THE ADVANCE AND FOR ASKING FOR RENT BEFORE TIME... HE WOULD COME DOWN ANYTIME OF DAY OR NIGHT TO PICK UP RENT IF YOU TEXT HIM TO INFORM HIM YOU HAD THE RENT...I FOUND THE SCREEN IN THE BACK BEDROOM CUT AND ANOTHER ONE TORN, SHOWING WERE SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO BREAK IN AND WAS UNSUCCESSFUL... THAT IS THE ONLY WAY HE KNEW THAT I HAD PLACED THINGS IN THE WINDOWS AND HE HAD CHECKED OUT THE PLACE WHILE I WAS GONE. ALSO, HE EVEN ASKED ME ONE TIME WHEN WAS I HOME, BECAUSE HE NEVER HEARS ME... I DID NOT OWN A CAR AT THAT TIME. HE ASKED ME WAS I SAVING UP FOR A CAR. A CAR IS A DEAD GIVEAWAY, LETTING SOMEONE KNOW YOU WERE HOME... IF I HAD A CAR AT THAT TIME, I WOULD HAVE TO PARK ON THE STREET IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE BECAUSE THERE WAS NO OTHER PLACE TO PARK.
I FOUND OUT A MONTH BEFORE MOVING THAT THE LIGHTS THAT HE KEPT ON IN THE BASEMENT 24/7 WERE ON MY ELECTRIC LINE AND NOT HIS...HE TOOK ME TO COURT FOR RENT AND DAMAGES... I HAD INFORMED HIM THAT I WAS GOING TO LIVE OFF OF MY DEPOSIT BUT STAYED ONE MONTH LONGER AFTER FINDING OUT ABOUT THE LIGHTS...THE COURTS ON JANUARY 26, 2010 ORDERED ME TO PAY HIM $900.00... 3 PAYMENTS TO BE MAILED AND POSTMARKED ON THE 5TH OF FEBRUARY, MARCH AND APRIL OF $250 & $150.00 IN MAY...SOMEHOW HE DID NOT RECEIVE FEBRUARY PAYMENT WHICH WAS SENT BY CERTIFIED MAIL, BUT WAS SCANNED AT THE POST OFFICE TWICE, HE TRIED TO GARNISH MY WAGES, BUT I HAD THAT STOPPED AND WENT TO COURT. HE HAD CASHED MARCH PAYMENT AND WAS TRYING TO GET $1,000 FROM ME BY GARNISHING MY WAGES. THE COURT STOPPED THE GARNISHMENT. NOW HE HAS TOLD THE COURT THAT HE DID NOT GET THE FEBRUARY AND MAY PAYMENTS AND NOW HE HAS GARNISHED ME ONCE AGAIN...I HAVE KEPT MY RECIEPTS AND EVERYTHING SHOWING I DID AS THE COURT HAD REQUESTED ME TO DO. NOW 15% IS BEING TAKEN OUT OF MY WAGES UNTIL WE GO BACK TO COURT, WHICH THE COURT IS HOLDING UNTIL THAT COURT DATE...
SO MY DARLINGS, BE CARE OF THE LANDLORD, ESPECIALLY IF HE LIVES UPSTAIRS OVER YOU OR DOWNSTAIRS UNDER YOU OR EVEN CLOSE BY... YOU NEVER KNOW, NOW ADAYS...THE LANDLORDS CHECK YOU OUT NOW YOU WILL HAVE TO CHECK THEM OUT. I HAD ONE LANDLORD AT A PROPERTY I LOOKED AT COME TO THE DOOR IN THE NUDE, HE SAW ME WHEN I GOT OUT OF THE CAR. HE HAD A FUCKIN NICE BODY, BUT DID NOT WANT TO MOVE IN THAT PROPERTY, BECAUSE THERE WOULD BE A PROBLEM. WHENEVER I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMEWHERE TO MOVE HE HAD NO OPENING, HE JUST HAPPENED AT THE RIGHT TIME HAD ONE. I HAVE NOW. WHERE I AM NOW, I HAVE KNOWN THE LANDLORD AND THE MANAGER OF THE PROPERTY FOR QUITE SOMETIME.
SO PLEASE BE AWARE OF THE LANDLORD.. WHILE THEY ARE CHECKING YOU OUT, YOU CHECK THEM OUT...
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INGREDIENTS OF A LASTING RELATIONSHIP
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Posted:Aug 8, 2010 2:13 pm
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2012 12:22 am
2992 Views
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WE ALL LOVE FOR LOVE OR A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP... SOME OF US SAY NO I AM JUST LOOKING FOR A FLING, A ONE NIGHT STAND, A BOOTY CALL OR A FRIEND WITH BENEFITS... BUT DEEP DOWN INSIDE WE WANT THAT LASTING RELATIONSHIP IN A SEX PARTNER, A LOVER OR EVEN A FRIEND. NO MATTER WHAT, YOU MIGHT JUST RUN INTO THAT PERSON YOU WANT TO SPEND A LASTING RELATIONSHIP WITH.
WELL HERE IS THE INGREDIENTS OF A LASTING RELATIONSHIP...
1. AGREEMENT: Before making the decision to enter into a lasting relationship, the couple discusses and agrees upon a basic code of behavior they will live by. This code is based upon whatever behaviors are important to each person -- behavior like whether or not sex outside the relationship is acceptable.
2. COMMITMENT: No matter what is going on in their lives separately and together, during the bad times as well as the good, the most important thing is each partner's life is that the two of them stay together.
3. COMMUNICATION: After entering into a relationship, the couple continues to openly discuss and update the code of behavior they will live by, expanding it as they learn more and more about each other, about their personal selves, and as circumstance warrant.
Communication also includes each person's regularly expressing his or her love for the other. Communication includes heated arguments as well as hot sex.
4. COMPROMISE: Because of their commitment to their relationship, the couple handles disagreements by each member's willingness to compromise with the other, compromising to the degree that the compromise truly is acceptable and will benefit the relationship but not to the degree that the compromise is totally unacceptable and will only end up hurting the relationship in the llong run.
Compromise is based upon a win-win outcome for each person and the relationship.
5. ACCEPTANCE: Each member of the couple accepts the other -- flaws: shortcoming and all -- and recognizes how hurtful it can be to a relationship to enter into it with any sort of secret plan to change the other person.
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