Seeing in the Dark
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Posted:Mar 8, 2020 12:28 am
Last Updated:Apr 29, 2021 2:17 am
1975 Views
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Have any of you ever found yourself in a really dark place in life? Drifting further and further into the abyss until you suddenly realize your totally lost and don’t know how to find your way back? It happened so fast that you have little to no recollection of the trip or how many days you were gone but here you are. Cold. Alone. Worried.. Worried about what everyone else is gonna think Worried about how they’re gonna feel when they find out, your never coming back.. You struggle with these questions, the voices in your head make it harder to think clearly or rationally and you panic You want to cry because you start to believe that this is your life now This is the reality of your situation and it’s all your fault You blame yourself You blame yourself for everything Things you did The things you didn’t do The ones you’ve hurt, lied to, bailed on and even spoken ill of Memories of your past riddled with mistakes made flood your thoughts and it tears you up It hurts almost as much as the thought of never making it home Maybe it’s for the best You didn’t live up to your own standards and maybe they’d be better off without you You take a breath, sit down and put your head into your hands and your mind shuts off as you stare off into nothing You just sit there and, nothing You can’t do anything You can’t even think Everything’s just blank You sit and wait Waiting but you don’t know what for You totally shut down Time and space fade into obscurity At some point you start to feel, cold? You begin to shiver as your mind slowly starts to reboot What time is it You feel like you slept but you have no concept of time You think back on what happened and your worries somehow don't feel the same Your mistakes and your past become less of a burden and the weight slowly falls from your shoulders You wipe the tears from your face and lift your head and you see it A faint light in the distance You try to make it out but for the life of you, you can’t see the source Slowly you stand up and start walking towards it You begin thinking about change Thinking about the person you could be The person you should’ve been Who you tried to be all along before you were crippled by the self loathing and pity that’s been gripping your soul for years And that’s when it hits you Strength You feel a burst of energy and you begin walking with purpose You formulate a plan to better yourself For the people around you But mostly for you Because deep down you know if your not doing right by yourself You can’t do right by anyone Before you know it you begin to recognize your surroundings but Somethings different It all seems brighter Colours become more vibrant And the cold world around you feels warm and cozy The darkness begins to fade when you finally tell yourself I know what I need to do And just as you have your epiphany You find yourself home You stop at the door Stunned You made it You finally found your way out You walk inside and head to the bathroom Splash some water on your face and take a look in the mirror You gaze into your eyes in the reflection And you promise yourself I’m never going back there For only I have the power to make a difference And I’m the only one who knows when I need help Sometimes you just need to ask before it’s too late Sometimes you have to forget about your pride and put your faith in the ones around you And through this experience you’ve learned something You now understand that you can see through the dark if just open your eyes You’ll never find your way if you don’t look for it At times it’s difficult Life won’t always make it easy But there’s always a way Believe in yourself and never give up Because you’ll never be too far To get back where you belong
dralingvengance
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I don’t really know
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Posted:Mar 2, 2020 12:43 am
Last Updated:Apr 29, 2021 12:42 am
2914 Views
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This is first blog on this site and don’t really know how this all works yet.. I guess I’m just testing the water to see what happens, it’s kind of the reoccurring theme of life as of late.. but does anyone really know what they are doing? I get the impression that life is about making a blind decision and learning to deal with the consequences. Every choice we make opens up new possibilities and every new possibility has many outcomes depending on timing and circumstance. Sometimes I wish I had all the answers, but if I had all the answers what would there be to look forward too? Uncertainty is definitely scary. When you ask yourself “is this the right decision?” Often times you won’t know until it’s too late to turn back. But every now and then you just know your on the right path. journey is far from over, but I’ve never been happier and it’s all due to me letting go of fears and accepting what heart and soul has been telling me all this time. When all is said and done, I’ll be able to look myself in the mirror and see my true self staring back at me. No more mask, no more disguise, no more strangers. Just me. Just me and the smile that faded when I was trying to hide me from myself. One day at a time, I’m growing closer to myself. One day at a time, I’m learning to love myself. And one day at a time, I’m learning to accept myself who I am and I no longer feel ashamed. Regardless of who I was, I am who I am and I love myself finally being able to accept it. I’m Jaquie and if I can do it, anyone can! Peace, Love and Happiness friends! We are all beautiful and we’re aloud to be happy in our own skin
dralingvengance
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