Watch and Wait
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Posted:Mar 19, 2010 12:18 am
Last Updated:May 20, 2024 9:30 pm
573 Views
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I find myself at a local dungeon, flying solo as I often do. Some might say I'm hunting. Perhaps. But "game" is hardly plentiful. Oh, there are girls. But what am I looking for?
One comes up and stands in front of me. I look her in the eyes until she becomes uncomfortable, looks down, and then kneels at my feet. "How may I serve you?" I can only tell her what I must: "by your complete surrender to my every wish; by abandoning the word "no" for the night; by taking whatever I may decide to inflict upon you -- whether pain, or humiliation (I might put you in a cage while I go elsewhere for a bit)." She again shifts her eyes downward and I take her chin and raise it (she resists me slightly but complies) until she is looking directly into my eyes.
What is she thinking? I think she does not believe me, or at least does not believe the implications of what I am saying. I see a little fear, and a little dare. Yes, this one may have possibilities. "Is there something you want to ask me?"
"Yes, but I do not know how you want me to address you".
"Sir will do just fine."
"Not Master?"
"Master is pretention unless you are truly my slave. As of now we barely know each other. 'Sir' will do just fine."
"Very well ... Sir. What about limits?"
"Here are my rules, girl. I have 5 limits, and 5 only. No , no animals, no scat (I find it too messy), no broken bones, and no marks on your face that you have to make up lame stories about at the office on Monday".
She smiled, almost to herself. "I telecommute, and spend days at a time without seeing anyone", she said. "Ah", I replied. Then that becomes a soft limit?" She settled back on her heels and looked at me, seemingly relaxed for the first time. "I can accept that," she said.
And then, "Do I get to set any limits of my own?" "I don't exactly play by the rules "as written", girl" I said. "If you have any limits beyond what I have stated you may express them, but I decide if they are acceptable or not. Let's be clear: I will make you bleed; I will penetrate you at will; I will bruise you and batter you and perhaps at times you will wish this had never started, but you will not be able to stop it. Your only escape is a safe word: "Red". Say that word, and I stop. No other word will make me stop. And that word will only make me stop whatever I am doing right at the moment you say it."
She knelt there, and closed her eyes. "You do not describe a very loving scene, Sir".
"It is not about love for me, girl. It is about tearing through all of your pretensions and defenses, all your intellect, all your reasons why and why not, and leaving you stripped bare inside and out with only my hands to find you and bring you back together. That is your surrender and my power."
She stayed silent, breathing deeply and slowly. After a minute I spoke:
"There is no point in wasting my time our yours, girl. This is the moment. If your answer is 'no', then stand up and walk away. That will be the end of it. If you do not stand up and walk away now then your answer is 'yes', and I will take you as I please. No words, just do or do not."
She remained kneeling, then put her arms forward until her forearms rested on her knees, and let her head sink between her arms.
I stood up and took a big handful of her hair, yanking her to her feet. She almost shrieked and her eyes went wide. "You are mine now, girl, I said." Still holding her by the hair I picked up my bag of toys. "Come with me."
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Dark Nights of the Soul
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Posted:Mar 17, 2010 11:19 pm
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2010 11:47 pm
645 Views
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And I wonder what it is that has come to possess and drive me so. Looking back I know it has always been there, and bit by bit the lesser desires have been chipped away and all that is left is the essential.
I recently learned that when a human baby is born it has no electrical brain wave function for about 2 days. We're the only mammal that can afford to have our babies born stupid, I guess. But that is not to say the baby has no responses.
Primal responses do not require the ability to think. The center for such responses is in fact a distinct part of the brain structure called the amygdyla. All that happens there is simple stimulus and response: you hear a bang and you duck, long before the brain processes the possibility of danger.
And at the earliest age the two most primal human stimuli are pain (or at least discomfort) and pleasure. As we grow older and more intelligent we separate the two: pain is "bad" and pleasure is "good", but the reality is that neither is bad and neither is good. They just are ... and are the two most primal emotions we know. The beauty lies in perceiving their unity and shared purpose. Separate from each other each is incomplete. Taken together they create the most profound sensual experience imaginable, to the point where one can no longer discern the difference between them.
All that said, I'll say simply that I am a sexual sadist. No, you won't find any bodies packed in oil drums at my place. A line exists in me somewhere that I guess you can call conscience.
But I like it rough. I enjoy inflicting (and sometimes receiving) pain. This is not because I am angry or hateful. It is because I am sensually empathic, which means that I feel what my partner is feeling. Her pain travels up the flogger or cane into my hands and arms, and charges me. There is nothing I know like it.
I meet a woman and am always polite, courteous and congenial. But as I look at her I see a toy -- breasts to be tortured, an ass to be spanked, legs and back to be caned. I wonder to myself how much she can take. When I make her ask permission to cum, how long can she hold out? I wonder, if I take her to the edge, what will her terror feel like to me?
The good news is that over all these years I have never lost control, though I have come close. For all the pain I have inflicted, all the breath play, all the blade play, I have never injured anyone, even women who were at the time so far gone they would not have known what I was doing anyway and would have been helpless to defend themselves if they had to. That's the ultimate sense of power, you see -- the ability to know when I've gone far enough and to stop even before my partner knows that I must.
As I say, this has been my life. My babysitter rode me when I was 5. I tasted my first pussy at 7. I read "O" at 14 and "Justine" at 15. It's all I really know. Yes, I can do the "vanilla" thing, but it doesn't really move me. I need to dive deeply into my partner, find her core -- and I only know one way to do it.
The beast awaits.
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