The Dash
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Posted:Aug 10, 2006 10:37 am
Last Updated:Aug 23, 2006 8:55 am
28642 Views
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If you've been reading my blog this week, you will know that I have been heart broken over my husband.....who, while not suicidal, has stopped all medications and indicated that he has lost the will to live. Oh....he told me that he loved me when he kissed me goodbye this morning. But it was as flat and devoid of emotion as I've ever seen him before.
My husband had a car accident this morning on the interstate. His car is totaled and he had to sit for more than an hour before they could get him out. He says he's okay.....just very shaken up. I was on my way to make the 90 minute drive to get him when he called back to say that they had given him another car and he would drive himself home.
I had to ask........
I felt terrible doing it.
But I had to ask........did he do this on purpose? But he said straight from his heart that he had not.....and that he was lucky to be alive. So, my hope and my prayers are that he remembers whats really important in this life....and that we really only have a very short time to spend our "dash".
THE DASH
I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning.....to the end.
Ne noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke of the following date with tears
But he said what mattered the most of all
Was the dash between these years.
For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth
And now only those who loved her
Knew what that little line was worth.
For it matters not how much we own
The cars....the house....the cash
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider whats true and real
And always try to understand
How other people feel.
And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more.
And love the people in our lives.
Like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
May only last awhile.
So, when your eulogy's being read
With your life's actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?
1996 Linda Ellis
So.....my friends.....how are you spending your "dash" today?
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14
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Internet Friends
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Posted:Aug 9, 2006 9:12 pm
Last Updated:Aug 12, 2006 9:36 pm
26980 Views
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Friendship is not so easy to describe. In some languages, there are hundreds of words for something as simple as snow. But in the English language we're just stuck with adjectives. Close friend. Best friend. Childhood friend. Beloved friend. Intimate friend. Internet friend.
But whether you use adjectives, or different words, you cannot deny the deep, spiritual meaning in such a simple word.......friend.
Friends are very special people. We can't pick our family. And society rather dictates that we select a single mate. But our friends can be as diverse as the adjectives we choose. Our friends, in a very real sense, reflect the choices we make in life.......the person that we truly are and the person we hope to be as we grow.
A Tear Fell
I shed a tear today
Silently, I felt it fall
You caught it
shared it
held it
felt it
then
suddenly
it wasn't
so big
after all
by Marge Tindal
Thank you for your friendship Blogland!
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10
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Masturbate With Someone You Love
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Posted:Aug 9, 2006 6:30 am
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2006 6:11 am
25876 Views
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Thank you to all of you for the incredible comments yesterday. I want you to know that I'm on my way to the doctor today to get some advice about counseling. And just know that I WILL be okay. I love this man.....and if it can be worked out, it will.
But in the meantime.....it looks like I'll be taking care of my own sexual needs. So....today, lets laugh a little about masturbation!
What does it mean when a man makes a fist and kisses each knuckle?
Foreplay before masturbation!
Sex is like bridge.....you either need a good partner, or a good hand.
You know you masturbate in the shower too much when you get an erection every time it rains!
There once was a man whose religion said that he had to be naked all the time. Not wanting to go against his religion, he went everywhere naked – even to the supermarket. One day he went shopping for Lifesavers and gum. As he was heading toward the counter to pay for his candy, he saw three nuns come into the store. He thought, "I don't want these nuns to see me and preach to me about how I should wear clothes." Not having anywhere to hide, he stood very still and pretended to be a mannequin. The three nuns walked up to him and were very curious. The first one went up and yanked on the man's penis, and the man dropped the Lifesavers. The nun picked them up and showed them to the others saying, "Look, I got Lifesavers." The second nun went up to the man and pulled on his penis, and the man dropped his gum. The nun picked it up and said, "Look, I got gum." Not wanting to go home empty-handed, the last nun went up to the man, yanked on his penis, and said, "Look, I got hand lotion."
Q. What is the ultimate kind of rejection?
A. When you're masturbating, and your hand falls asleep
Finally, remember my friends......when you masturbate you are always having sex with someone you love!
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7
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Failure
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Posted:Aug 8, 2006 6:12 am
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2006 3:17 am
27085 Views
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I'm going to blog about my husband today. He is NOT an ogre, or someone who has beat me or anything like that. He is a man who has to deal with many frustrations that life hands us.....and he is tired of dealing with it.
He's an angry man....inside and sometimes outside. Always, or almost always, his anger is directed at himself. For many years when our girls were little, he would leave us in crumpled emotional heaps with his outburst of self anger....and go take a nap. When he would get up, he'd feel fine! He had had his angry outburst and now felt better! He genuinely didn't understand why the girls and I were just not ready to welcome him back into the fold with open arms. We were still emotionally shattered.
There came a point in our relationship when I had to deal with cancer that I literally shut him out. It was a "survival" mode for me. We began to sleep in separate bedrooms for many reasons.....and the times we had sex became fewer and fewer. Now, I want you to know that through all of this......this man stuck it out. He never stopped trying and he never stopped loving me. For years we literally lived more like roommates than husband and wife.
I WANTED to detach from him! It just didn't hurt as much when he had his periods of anger. There is no way that I can't take them personally.
Finally, we convinced him that he was depressed. You see, my husband has Multiple Sclerosis. Now, he is one of the fortunate ones that has had it for years, and has had no crippling effects of it. But depression, memory loss and focus disorders are also part of MS. So, he went on medication......and became, once again the man I loved. But......BIG BUT......the medication had sexual side effects. Didn't take away the desire, but the ability to orgasm. So, this very sexual man would often go off the meds on his own because he couldn't stand this side effect. Well, we always knew when he was off the meds....because that angry man inside of him would surface! So, he would dutifully go back on his meds.......but inside, it would piss him off that I always knew when he was off the medication.
So, now, there are better medications for depression, and a doctor who cares that the ability to orgasm for a man is important....and the depression medication does its' job. Last year, about this time, because of my experience, we grabbed ahold again of what was really important in our life......our marriage and our relationship with each other. We moved back into the same bedroom.....and more importantly....I wanted to be with him once again inside and outside the bedroom. Our daughters noticed the change immediately.
So, what happened yesterday? Are you ready? Really ready to hear this? The truck had a flat tire. In trying to get the tire off to change it, we discovered that we needed a lug key that we didn't have....have never had....didn't even know that we needed one. My husband....for whatever fucking reason....went completely mental. Somehow, this must all be his fault, right? He ranted, he raved, his anger was unprecedented. He wanted to die....he didn't want to live anymore....he hated himself. He was trashing the truck......he wanted to die.
He finally admitted that he took himself off all his meds a week ago.....even the MS medication. And I felt myself detaching again.....I can't do this anymore. If I can't make this man happy enough that he would want to live for me.....if not for himself.....then I have failed. He wants to die....and then he tries to convince me that it has nothing to do with me? That he loves me? This is love?
The world is full of problems.....the electricity bill is too high....we're out of money. Everything that could need repaired this month needed to be repaired. Life sucks sometimes....and all of us experience this. The one thing that should remain true is that two people who love each other can walk through these hard times together hand in hand. And when one is down...the other should be able to pick them up. My man just wants to die. I have failed.
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14
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A Solitary Tear
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Posted:Aug 7, 2006 6:07 pm
Last Updated:Aug 12, 2006 5:44 am
24187 Views
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On my blog, I am headed towards 12,000 comments.....I think I have 11,923 right now.
Which is the number of days that I have loved the same man. And sadly, today is the last of those days. This man has lost his will to live. My love is not enough for him....and perhaps never has been. All of the love of decades....since I was 12 years old......all shed in one solitary tear.
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8
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Brunettes Remember It The Next Day!
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Posted:Aug 7, 2006 6:33 am
Last Updated:Aug 12, 2006 9:11 pm
23861 Views
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I'm in a little funk lately. I don't know know why......but I am. If I stop to think about it, I can attribute it to a very busy week.....being ill....antibiotics, and the resulting intestinal upset.....and hormones.
It's a funny thing....since my hysterectomy....it's almost like I keep waiting for my period to come. And I always had my hormonal period, PMS, and my period in tune with the full moon. So...it's a full moon coming and I still feel that hormonal pull. As a nurse I don't completely understand it.....as a woman...well, we are driven by our emotions and our hormones, or lack thereof.
Hence we come to the title of this blog. I had a very busy weekend with more social events and obligations stuffed into two days than anyone should have! But during this time, I had the opportunity to be a people watcher...and you know that I love to watch people.
So, I saw alot of beautiful women and good looking men along the way this weekend. I watched the men at a large social gathering.....and yes, that includes my husband. The way men can't seem to help themselves oogling a woman that takes their fancy. It is in their eyes....that sexual hunger. They are so fucking obvious in the way they look that they might as well let their tongues hang out and drool run down their chins. In some instances men.....it is almost pathetic. And the women they are oogling.....they could care less. These men have not a chance in hell of getting close to them.
So, why do you do this men? In many cases, the very men who had to adjust themselves after their drooling episode had a beautiful woman right beside them on their arm......their wife! Now, as a woman who will probably never be oogled that way.....I'd just like to say here......
Blondes may have more fun....but brunettes will remember it the next day!
Some of you dogs are barking up the wrong tree....and missing out on a good thing as well.
Disclaimer: This post is not meant in any way to reflect on blondes.....as I am one from time to time myself! lol
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13
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Alice Don't Live Here Anymore!
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Posted:Aug 4, 2006 3:32 am
Last Updated:Aug 13, 2006 4:37 pm
28601 Views
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Ok...lets try this post one more time!
I'm a little like Alice in Wonderland here. I know that I'm older than most of you...but it seems like every day I learn something new from you "youngun's"......as [blog Mzhunyhole] would say! If I had found a place like this 20 years ago.....I'd have run circles around most of you here. But am I too old to be here now?
I am the first to admit that I neglect my email here. I spend most of the time I have on the computer here in blogland and sometimes don't real my email for days.....and then I don't always answer it. Most people just send me real nice emails....but yesterday I got this email from someone who apparently thinks I'm too old to be here.
"I emailed you before but you don't write back. Your to old to be here anyhow. Who wants to fuck a grandma? I dont think you are who you say you are anyhow. You probably some man pretending to be a woman. Why dont you go back to you knitting and leave the fun to other people? No one want to fuck you anyhow."
So, for those of you who have met me in real life, or talk to me regularly.....do you think I misrepresent myself here? Do you think I am who I say I am???? I'm not the oldest woman on Affairlook.....I'm keeping good company with some other fine ladies here. Do you resent having someone old enough to be your mother on here?
Do you think I should find a rocker and knit the rest of my life away???
PS. The cakes are done. And just for your information......I'm crocheting a blanket for the new grandbaby...not knitting.
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17
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CRAP!
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Posted:Aug 3, 2006 1:01 pm
Last Updated:Aug 7, 2006 6:06 am
24464 Views
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I've tried to add my post now three times and it keeps getting lost! What's the matter with this site anyways? I'll try again later.
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5
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Too hot!
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Posted:Aug 3, 2006 5:20 am
Last Updated:Aug 7, 2006 6:07 am
24618 Views
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God help me! It's going to be 115 here today and I have to bake!
My students graduate tomorrow night....and we welcome a whole new set of students into the program which starts on the 23rd of August. So....cakes for tomorrow night! And then a cake for a baby shower on Sunday.
But it's too hot to bake......and I'm off to the store to get all the ingredients so the baking can get done early this morning. Otherwise, maybe I could just put the pans outside and bake them there. Even the pool water is too hot.......93 degrees!
I'll be back later.....I have a thought on my mind to blog about later. So, stand by! If I don't melt in this heat....I'll write more later.
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3
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Big Butts
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Posted:Aug 2, 2006 6:04 am
Last Updated:Dec 20, 2012 2:15 pm
26807 Views
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This one is for [blog ZZ_Todd] who posted a picture of his bare butt on a dare...and now thinks that the camera added ten pounds and his butt is too big.
I just heard that thanks to J Lo, and Beyonce and some other stars, that women (and men too obviously) are coming to embrace and accept....yes, even desire........a big rear end. I don't know.....do you think the clothing manufacturers will step onto that bandwagon??? Somehow, I don't think so!
I guess we all have pieces and parts we're not exactly happy with. What part of your body would you change if you could????
And if every single man answers that he'd want a bigger cock....I'm gonna scream!
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15
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Open Your Mouth and Say AHHHHHHH!
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Posted:Aug 1, 2006 10:21 am
Last Updated:Aug 7, 2006 6:07 am
23160 Views
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Back from the doctors.....I have strep throat and pneumonia. I always say that I rarely get sick enough to go to bed....but when I do, I do it up right.
So......after saying "ahhhhhhhh" and getting my sore throat swabbed......I had to bend over and get a shot in the rear end! Owwwwwwwwwwwie!!!
I'm hot, and my butt hurts.....so, I'm going to jump in the pool naked.....no one's home....and then go to bed! I love you guys! 
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8
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Thank You Blogland!
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Posted:Aug 1, 2006 5:09 am
Last Updated:Aug 7, 2006 4:34 pm
22006 Views
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Sometimes our light goes out, but it is blown again into flame by an encounter with another human being. Each of us owes the deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this inner light
Albert Scweitzer
This morning I was playing my heart out on the piano.....a song called "Who Needs To Dream". The words were running through my head as my fingers touched the keys....... "Who needs to dream when there is you? Who needs to dream? You're my dream come true".
It made me think of all of you. I was a very different person when I came here almost a year ago. This month I'll celebrate that one year anniversary. This time last year was not a happy time for me......in many ways.
But then I met you all.....and you rekindled my inner light. And for that.......I thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Now....off to the doctor.....this cold has made it hard to breath.
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6
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No Charge For Love
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Posted:Jul 31, 2006 7:32 am
Last Updated:Aug 8, 2006 1:21 pm
23439 Views
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Here's what I'm asking you to do this fine Monday morning. As you read this story, I want you to think of someone who needs for you to understand.....and needs to know they are loved. And then go, and show them that you care!
A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell.. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups. And set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.
"Mister," he said, "I want to buy "one of your puppies."
"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"
Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran
Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.
The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.
As the dogs made their way to the fence,
the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up....
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, ", you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg, attaching itself to a specially made shoe.
Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."
With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.
"Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.
"How much" asked the little boy.
"No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."
The world is full of people who need someone who understands.
Please leave the photo on editors.
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7
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To link to this blog (angelofmercy5) use [blog angelofmercy5] in your messages.
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