once a year
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Posted:Jun 5, 2009 2:09 am
Last Updated:Aug 10, 2009 8:18 pm
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It's International Be Nice to Me Day!! otherwise known as my birthday.
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She Blinded Me With Science
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Posted:Jun 2, 2009 6:58 pm
Last Updated:Jun 10, 2009 3:55 am
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'Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe I believe I believe I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I had to go to the doctor today. Been back at work for 2 and 1/2 weeks and I'm already sick. I have an immunoglobulin deficiency that makes particularly susceptible to respiratory tract infections. So I got a shot in each hip and an inhaler. I have to work 6 out of the next seven days. UGH.
Anyway, this doc is relatively new to me, but knows all about my past including my drug use. I'd brought him some medical records from when I was so sick cause he'd asked for them. At one time I was on SIXTEEN medications,(now on 3 and nothing for pain!) 3 of those were for pain, one of those was methadone.
I'm gonna go science on ya here, for those of you who do not want to be bored or don't want to be educated about narcotic abuse, you don't even have to raise your hand, you're excused. Even if there is usually more than one in each family.
Addiction is a brain disease. I am convinced that once they figure out how to stop obsessive-compulsive disorder in it's tracks, half the battle will be done for addiction. Opiates can feed the pleasure center in your brain, opiates work by binding to pain receptor sites in your brain. The thing is, your brain grows more receptor sites so your need for whatever drug is being used increases. There are even doctors who will only give narcotics acutely, like after surgery or a big injury because the more narcotic you use the more you will be in pain because your brain is growing more pain receptor sites.
This is also the reason you see people in pain taking mega doses of medication and they are awake and alert as opposed to someone who is using the drug to get high, they'll look like they're nodding off etc.
So anyway, the doctor sees that I was on methadone and asks me how I quit taking it. Methadone is supposed to be one of the hardest drugs to get off of. It was created a heroin substitute. He didn't realize I was on 2 other pain medications at the time. I ran out of methadone and it was never restarted. Pain receptor sites don't know the difference in opiates as far as withdrawal is concerned. If your taking another opiate you won't go through withdrawal if you just stop one. My advice to him was to taper the dose down to where the person is only taking like 20 milligrams three times a day and switch them over to a shorter half life narcotic so that narcotics could be stopped more quickly. Oh, half life is the amount of time it takes your body to metabolize half the dose of the drug.
OK, why am I telling you all this? Roughly 10 percent of America has an addiction problem. People that work in health care have roughly a 20% chance of having an addiction problem. And what's up with the song lyrics at the top of the post?
I was talking to the doctor about my nephew who is like 1000 times the addict I ever was. He's taken everything my mother has ever had. Now my sister and my druggie nephew live with my mom cause they have no where else to go.
I tried to call my sister twice today and both times druggie answered and both times I hung up. I refuse to get caught up in their co-dependent drama, actually all three of them are codependent.
Doc: "He must be hurting awfully bad inside, he really needs to talk to someone who can help him get over what ever it is that's kicking his addiction off."
Me: Thinking, Yeah he really needs to talk to my fist cause I'm so angry with him I could just draw back and cold cock him under the chin.
Me: Picturing me stomping on his toes, making him look down as I deliver a right handed upper cut!
Me: Giggling in my head.
Doc: You've been through all this, have you tried to help him?
Me: Sure but he won't listen.
Me: In my head...I tried to help a long time ago but was worried more about myself and all the chaos that happens when people are in active addiction. Chaos among family members is not a good thing and has driven many alcoholics back to the bottle and many addicts back to (please insert one or more of the following... the needle, the pipe, cough syrup, or pills or even the snort).
Doc: Do you know what his problem is?
Me: He tells me he has to use in order to feel normal.
Doc: More like so he doesn't have to feel anything.
Me: In the end it's all up to him, sobriety is a gift you give to yourself, you have to believe that it's possible, you have to believe you can do it and you have to believe you're worth it. He doesn't believe any of those things at this point.
Doc: Yeah. OK, let me tell the nurse (the same one who attempted a frontal lobotomy with a Q-tip up my nose doing a flu test?) what to give you.
To me, my mother has made her choice. She has taken in someone who has hurt her over and over in so many ways. He's stolen so much from her and made her look like an idiot because she wanted to believe so badly that he really was changing (with her help) when all he was doing was taking her money and buying drugs with it. Her "help" actually enables him to continue to be in active addiction. I think she's just afraid of the other things he could be doing to raise funds to feed his addiction such as robbing other people, which he more than likely does anyway or by pimping himself out.
But what if she's right? What if love is the answer? The doc tells me that the nephew probably won't see the light until he's 30. The experts tell me that when your addiction begins your brain development ends. He's been an addict most of his life, he's 26.
And what if I'm right? That no one else can save him, he has to save himself? That doesn't mean that we can't help him, it means he has to do the work.
Unfortunately, Birmingham is like most bigger cities. There's not enough addiction treatment that's free to go around. I've called in favors before, gotten him a bed through people I know and he's not shown up when or where he's supposed to.
It's very hard to love someone you resent. It's very hard to see love is the answer. I hope love finds a way.
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Give a Little, Take a Little
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Posted:May 30, 2009 12:39 am
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2009 4:11 pm
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If you read my blog with then you know I was unable to work for 6 months or so and that I've been broke seemingly forever. This is why Rocky decided to quit his job and start driving an 18 wheeler again. When he quit his job he had a lot of vacation time built up and they had to pay him for that, so we decided to splurge before he left and actually went out to a sit down dinner.
I love Chinese food and so does he so that's where we went. When we get fortune cookies we do this dumb thing. We add IN BED to whatever the fortune says. Mine said, "You're very appreciative of art and music." I have to twist that one around a little just to make it make sense. There is an art to making love and I really do appreciate it. Music in bed?
I can multitask with the best of 'em, when I'm at work or doing things in the house. When it's about sex... well let's just say I would be of no use with more than one partner at a time. If he's doing something to me, my brain will just disconnect and concentrate on the pleasurable feeling. If I'm having sex, the beat of the music throws me off, plus I listen to the words. I listen to see if what I think they're saying is actually what they're saying. Music is distracting to me.
I don't multitask here well either. I just got off the subject that I was going to get to but I got off the subject. Yeah, ADD to the MAX.
So anyway, we had dinner and we're headed back home. We're talking in the car. I can't remember what we were even talking about at first but it went something like this...
Me: Yeah I think young women just make you stupid and turn you into such a perv you can't even think right.
Rocky: Yeah, they do.
Me: (thinking back on when we first started seeing each other, we had nothing exclusive but somehow he felt guilty and came to my house to tell me he'd had a date with a NINETEEN year old and he was going to see her again the next day. So I did something totally unexpected. I acted like I wasn't mad. and then..... I blew him. Just to give him some perspective.)
Me: Not saying anything.
Him: You're just perfect for me.
Me: How ya figure?
Him: You make me comfortable, I don't have to be anyone but myself when I'm with you.
Me: Smiling but crying at the same time. Trying to stop it with my brain, telling myself stopstopstop. Cause somehow I'm still afraid of how much I love him and sometimes I try to be impervious to emotion. But I can't. I'm only human.
And because he's so sweet, he gets to do some of the stuff he wants to do with me. I just really do NOT get the attraction of sticking your little finger in someone's butt. That is other than Rocky's thinking well she let me put it in there this time and she actually came with my finger in her ass but not actually from my finger being in her ass. Maybe next week I can stick my willie in there? Yes, I did have an orgasm with the little finger in my ass. I would have had a much nicer one had it not been in there. It just feels like I've got a suppository in my ass, trust me this isn't something good associated with a suppository being in me bum. If I put a suppository in there it's usually cause I'm vomiting my toenails up. As long as he gets a thrill from it, I'll allow it from time to time. Seems he used it as a orgasm gauge! Little finger yes, big fat cock, ain't happenin'
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Lil Girl Lost
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Posted:May 28, 2009 9:54 am
Last Updated:May 30, 2009 12:13 am
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Rocky left me this morning.
He left me sleeping in our bed after a night of play.
He was excited about leaving me.
That's what it feels like to me, but not actually what happened.
In Rocky's life before we actually lived together he was a truck driver. While we've been "together" he's been a diesel mechanic. I got to see him every day. I've gotten very used to that. He can make a lot more money driving, so he's gone back to that.
My handle here says absolutelynormal but I think we all know there's no truth in advertising there. I consider myself kinda strange. While I fill my head with worthless knowledge other women are out shopping together or perhaps having lunch and enjoying each others company. I'm just not like that.
I can't add to the conversation about American Idol or America's Next Model or whatever the show is called cause I don't watch them. Not much for reality TV shows. I don't gossip. When I go shopping I go to the place that is most likely to have the item I'm looking for. I go in, I buy it and then I go home.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that without him here with me, I'll be lonely. He's one of 2-3 people who actually get me. I put all my eggs in one basket, and now the basket has gone to Orlando.but will be back next week.
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My Name is Wendy and I'm a Knowledge Junkie
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Posted:May 26, 2009 11:40 am
Last Updated:May 30, 2009 12:43 am
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You know there's a pay off for everything we do. It may not make any sense to anyone else but there is always a reward for any behavior. Sometimes it's a good reward, you study hard for a test and make an A on it. Your payoff is a good grade.
You grew up in a household where beatings were a common or even daily occurrence. If you're a little girl watching this behavior you assume that it's a normal thing. So when she grows up she picks the kind of man who will beat her because that's what she's used to. Her payoff is staying in her comfort zone. She may even equate the beating as feeling loved. He beats her, then feels guilty, apologizes and says he loves her.
I work till 330 AM, the ER gets to be not so busy in the wee hours of the morning. I'm at the National Geographic website. One of the techs walks by and says something like, "what are you doing there? I never had you figured for a nerd." I assured him that yes indeed, I am a knowledge .
Then I had the strangest thought. What if I die and leave all this knowledge unlearned?
I love animals. This is where most of my useless knowledge lies.
Make me a line up of big cats and I can identify everyone of them from ocelot to Siberian tiger. I can tell you what they eat. How many cubs they have at a time. For example, 80% of a cheetah's diet is Thompson gazelle. There are male lions in a certain part of Africa who do not grow huge manes like other male lions do.
It's been pointed out to me that I don't like to have "feeling" emotions. I've been told that I use knowledge to fill the void left by not being willing to feel my emotions. I don't do anger well. Growing up, by watching my parents and siblings I learned that emotions were bad things, even the happy emotions.
Let's say I'm 10, I have some sort of toy that I'm playing with and I'm smiling while I'm playing. My sister sees this and turns my smile into a vulnerability. She takes the toy and refuses to give it back.
I go crying to my mom who is on the phone, smoking a cigarette In the same position she's been in for 2 hours. She puts her hand over the phone and asks if I am hurt physically. I'm not. She goes back to her conversation without intervening. Later, my sister breaks my toy. She tells my mom that I did it. My mom says, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS BREAK YOUR TOYS? I know better than to blame my sister who'll beat the crap outta me if I do. So I just shrug and my mom tells me to go to bed without supper. I stop by the bookcase first and grab a couple of encyclopedias to read. ( no joke)
So what's my payoff?
I get to make both of them look stupid if Jeopardy is on? I get to say, "ohhh did you see that episode of blahblahblah on animal Planet? while at a party?
Maybe it's that if I keep my brain busy with my quest for "knowledge" then I don't have the above scenes from my childhood playing in my head?
How bout you? Do you have a collection of really worthless shit somewhere in the basement of your mind?
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GRRRRRRRR
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Posted:May 26, 2009 10:48 am
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2009 4:11 pm
5358 Views
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JUST FUCKING GREAT, WAY TO DELETE MY ENTIRE POST Affairlook!!!
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Weird, True and Freaky
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Posted:May 21, 2009 10:08 pm
Last Updated:May 31, 2009 7:14 pm
5566 Views
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Oh great, now I'm even tireder which means that this will probably turn out stupid. I forget to tell you about my cat. I know you guys never get enough of my pussy stories 
I think I've told ya'll about how my cat loves to drink running water. He'll knock the door down (seriously) to get to the tub or sink. He'd drink from the tap 1000 times a day if I let him.
So the other day I'm getting ready to go to work. Putting my hair up in a pony tail. In walks the cat. He looks at me with that pleading look and I say OK come on up. He hops up on the counter, starts drinking from the tap. I'm busy doing my thing, not paying any attention to him.
He leaves, I turn off the water. I walk into the living room. There's the cat, and I am NOT kidding, brushing his teeth with MY toothbrush! He holds it with his paws and chews the bristles. Then he holds the toothbrush some more and marks it with his face like a million times. I swear, I need to put this shit on tubeyou but there's noway I can compete with the Vanetian Princess.
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E L E C T R I C I T Y
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Posted:May 21, 2009 8:38 pm
Last Updated:May 31, 2009 7:14 pm
5576 Views
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I'm home alone tonight. is watching a movie at a friend's house. E's pooch had to have surgery today, an infected lymph node. Been on antibiotics but no improvement. Poor thing's just been laying around sleeping all the time.
OK, so Frank says he likes it when my blogs have absolutely no point and ramble. I do that when I'm tired. I'm tired.
Watching TV tonight and saw a whole new purpose for the spinal cord stimulator. This was on Discovery Health. Some anesthesiologist noted that when he put the stimulator in women patients, they got all tingly in the right places. They're used to control intractable pain. The theory is if you interrupt the signal from wherever it hurts to the brain, the brain doesn't get the message that whatever is hurting.
The show started out with 3 women in their 50's, two of whom had never had an orgasm. The stimulator only worked for one, they had some time left on the show but I changed the channel cause I was tired of one of them whining her head off. But then, if I couldn't have an orgasm and I was in my 50's I'd cry too. Hell, I'd cry now.
One of them had never had an orgasm with her hubby but could get there with her battery operated boyfriend. Somehow those orgasms just didn't even count. I've yet to meet a man that was jealous of BOB. 99% of 'em would love to watch.
The hubbies were extremely supportive throughout all of this. Would any of you guys be upset with your significant other if she had an orgasm with a toy, especially if you were smooching her mouth and other assorted, various other body parts when she did?
I didn't think so.
There was one scene where the women were in a restaurant talking. One of the British chicks says to the VERY southern woman, can you have an orgasm through oral sex? Southern woman gets offended. She said something like, "gross, I can't do that." No wonder she can't have an orgasm.
There are times when it just ain't happening. "Female orgasms are more complex than male orgasms." says the researcher who has a woman in a CAT scan machine who can literally think herself into an orgasm. No physical stimulation at all, she just thinks about and voila, orgasm. She's laying in the CAT scan tube on her back and tells them when to take "pictures" by making the OK sign. I can't imagine being able to cum like that, let alone sharing my ability with scientists. The chick says "I concentrate on the area of my brain where orgasms occur, I picture it just behind my eyes in the midbrain." WHAT? How does anyone get off thinking about brains?
Yeah brains are nice, especially when they do the job they're intended for. (sorry that's a jab at the southern woman in the show for being such a dork!) Brains ARE nice but somehow they just don't do it for me. I have a nice fantasy life somewhere in the frontal lobe. Now, I may be fantasizing about someone who has a nice brain cause I just can't fuck a dumbass. But during the fantasy, his brain is the last thing I'm thinking about.
I'm sitting here trying to think of what I think about when I get BOB out. But the thoughts appear quicker than my fingers can type. Perhaps more feeling than thought? Nah, yeah, oh I dunno. Smiles, kisses, COCK, tongues, his scent, the feel of his skin on mine, did I mention COCK?, hands with fingers that do magical things, you get the idea? Did I mention COCK?
But, like I said, sometimes it's just not happening. Sometimes my brain just doesn't scream COCK, it wants all the other cliche` shit like being close, being held and feeling oh so safe. Sometimes that kind of peace of mind outweighs the big O.
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Speak to Me
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Posted:May 19, 2009 10:40 pm
Last Updated:May 21, 2009 9:55 pm
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Sometimes I can type without looking at the keys but since my left hand went bonkers I type with all of my right fingers and only my left thumb. You ever look up at what you just typed and it appears to be some foreign language?
I wish I could really speak some kinda foreign language. I'd love to be able to speak something exotic, maybe Russian.
I know enough medical Spanish to find out what's going on with a patient usually, but when they start putting machetes and electricity together it's time for me to call the interpreter. She had what appeared to be just a cut on the end of her finger, but sometimes electrical injuries can look like that too. Electricity + machete = electric saw, lol.
When I was a we made up languages. Openglopish and Ong to be precise. Spoken Openglopish sounds like you're really speaking some woopdedo, really strange language but actually all you do is put an op between syllables. ie Adopult Fropiend Fopindoper.
Then there was Ong. You just put ong on the consonants. ie Adongulongtong Frongrongienongdong Fonginongdongerong!
I also know some of the finer points of American Sign Language. I can say fuck you, asshole without saying a word. But most of what I know is just the ABC's. I always get Q and P mixed up though.
When I was in the 7th and 8th grade I was the only girl in a class of 15 in a private school (now you know what's wrong with me). So my best friend at school had to be a guy and Alan couldn't spell for shit! We'd have these dumb ass spelling bees on Fridays, dumb because I always won. We'd line up around the walls pf the room. I'd make sure he was directly across from me and I'd sign the word to him. Got caught on canoe.
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Reported For Duty!
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Posted:May 18, 2009 10:46 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2009 10:09 pm
5486 Views
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I worked Friday, YAY! I worked from 1 pm to 1 am. I'm used to working from 7 in the morning to 7 at night, so when 7 o'clock came 'round, I was ready to go! All went well except for the velcro on the blood pressure cuff keeps attacking the end of my shortened index finger so I must regrow skin before Friday, when I work again.
We have a computerized machine at work that keeps up with which patients get which medication. I had a with a high fever so I wanted to get some ibuprofen for him. Only thing was, you have to type in a pass word and then give the machine a fingerprint. I don't have a fingerprint on my left index finger anymore and that's what's programmed into the machine. I had to ask another nurse to get it out for me, she got tickled about it and couldn't stop laughing. Somehow that made me feel better 
We went to see Star Trek on Sunday. I'm not a trekkie kinda person but Rocky wanted to see it, so we went. I think I must've been a foley artist in a past life. That's the fancy term for sound effects person. I'm sitting there watching the movie, Spock and Kirk break out their phaser thingies and start shooting the place up. They make pretty much the same noise that they did on the show. I'm thinking to myself, how did the foley guy come up with that sound? Did he or she take the noise a regular bullet makes and speed it up like a billion times? I catch things in commercials and on television that don't make the right sound. For example, they show a zebra and it whinnies like a , they sound more like a cross between a donkey and a hyena.
I also found myself wondering how things explode in space when there's no oxygen. And how the hell did they get that guy to look so much like the original Spock? Overall a decent movie, worth a 7 buck ticket I suppose. Would've rather seen Angels and Demons.
Speaking of those two things, did you watch Paranormal State tonight? The ghost in a log cabin was a cross dresser named Rocky and his female alter ego, you guessed it, me!
If you wanna see something funny, you're gonna have to string this together to get the webby thing. I can has cheezburger dottie com. Remove the tie and use all small letters.
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Posted:May 15, 2009 5:53 pm
Last Updated:May 17, 2009 10:42 pm
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I'll blog while my is gone to WalMart for a new wireless router!
Just so everyone knows, I am not like my previous blog entry. The point of the whole post was to point out that we the people of countries with lots of money, basically do nothing to help the less fortunate. There are those that go above and beyond and then there's people like me, who know the right thing to do would be to volunteer, raise money etc. I read somewhere that more than half the population of Seattle volunteers their time for worthy causes.Something for any community to aspire to.
I consider myself a good person. I'm generally pretty calm, don't get into bar fights,never stabbed anyone with anything bigger than a 14 gauge needle or a 26 French Foley catheter. (ouch) I believe in what goes around comes around. My brain keeps repeating some of the words from the title, "all it takes is for good men to nothing." Thank God I'm not a man
I have GREAT!!! news. I go back to work tomorrow, in the ER no less!! Unfortunately is 3PM -3AM, bur the good news about that is that I get paid more money for working that shift. At this point I could use all the money I can get.
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You're Gonna Hate Me aka Life From a Realist's Point of View
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Posted:May 14, 2009 9:54 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2009 5:28 pm
5343 Views
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My friend Ready4U_SV says "Live simply so others can simply live" I think this is a great thought, but does anyone in countries that are no longer considered third world, do this? Should we?
Yeah, I'm well aware that theoretically there is enough food in the world to feed all of us. But getting all the food sent all around the world is a logistical nightmare. Corruption runs rampant and more than likely the food will end up going to the highest bidder.
As America gets older, other countries become younger and younger with average ages of 16. (Mexico) So what happens in 30 years if there is a war? All countries should adopt my way of thinking about war... send all the men 80 and up. All countries would do this. But wait, no, cause that would mean young people would survive and there's be more mouths to feed, not only them but their progeny too.
Commercials on the tube beg you to "save a by donating only 24 dollars a month". I watch and think, shouldn't corporate America be doing this? The companies with the deep pockets? Why are you asking me to do this, don't you know "I" don't have a job at the moment, and even if I did I wouldn't send the money to your company that has so much money it can advertise on television.
I think it's something like 23,000 die a day of preventable causes. Usually something like diarrhea from drinking contaminated water, malaria, measles. All preventable.
What would happen if we saved all these ? Cause ya know we could save almost entirely all of them. All 8 million plus per year. And folks wonder why flora and fauna is disappearing, there are too many people already!
There's a worldwide water shortage. There is? How? We have a closed system. The water evaporates, makes clouds and then it rains again, right? Human beings are 70% water, that's where the water is.
I'm sitting here using up natural resources like crazy. My AC is on, my ceiling fan is on. There are lights burning right now that I just haven't turned off because I'm too fucking lazy. I have a second load of dishes in the dishwasher just from today.
I cooked supper tonight. I cooked what my baby girl asked for... chicken fingers (hand breaded by me of course), mac and cheese and black-eyed peas. There was enough food to feed she and I plus 4-5 starving whoevers.
The same baby girl who was born about a month early and spent a few days in the NICU. If I was born in Guatemala, we both would have died. Hell, I would've died as an infant.
It all goes back to, Whoever told you life is fair?
Life is not fair, I don't know why I was born in a country that can't be considered anything but gluttonous. Ya know what? I'm glad. I'm glad my were born here and lead a pretty much carefree kinda life. I'm glad I don't have to go to a rice field and work. I'm glad that my family's future doesn't depend on what I can grow and harvest or what I can go out and kill. I would SUCK at being a farmer, there's noway I could raise cattle and then send one to the butcher and know it was a cow that I raised but...I LOVE MEAT! If I had to go vegetarian or carnivore, can't be an omnivore, CARNIVORE IT IS!!!
I don't like to get sweaty. I don't like to be cold. I don't like to be hungry. I don't have to be those things because someone, somewhere else is doing it for me. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a to preventable disease, someone else did that for me too.
And I'm glad.
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Trial by E (name withheld to protect the not so innocent)
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Posted:May 14, 2009 3:11 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2009 12:31 pm
5402 Views
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I haven't been here in a few days, more than a few, 5 maybe. My baby girl,(E) came in on Sunday. It's been one fiasco after another!
She has a Mac and for some reason my wireless won't communicate with her computer, so she fooled with it and the next thing ya know, none of us has internet access. Rocky fixed ours but she still has no access from her computer.
She brought her home with her. I have 2 cats. I'd warned her that the girl cat would probably smack her pooch around. However, the girl kitty rubs up against him like they're long lost friends and the boy cat is the one who challenges the several times a day.
I have a squirt bottle filled with water for such occasions. I must've hosed my poor feline down 10 times and that was just last night! He's hilarious, you can show him the bottle and he squints, sometimes just showing it to him is enough to make his stop what he's doing, sometimes he's gonna do it come hell or high water!
I looked down the hall last night and here comes said kitty carrying a bag of Beggin Strips like it's a baby. I know what you're thinking! My cats have treats of their own! I wish I'd taken a picture of him. I thought E was going to wet her pants she was laughing so hard.
Luckily we've (the dawg)not experienced any of that bladder leaking nonsense in the house! One fiasco I DO NOT need!
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To link to this blog (absolutelynormal) use [blog absolutelynormal] in your messages.
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