Weight loss issues
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Posted:Jun 24, 2012 8:09 am
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2012 8:04 pm
4295 Views
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Good News: I am losing weight again! Yaay me! Tried on some pants that I bought tailored to fit. Now they are falling off! Belt that I wear with them (usually wear sweats) had to move down several notches. Blood sugars are really stable and near normal (readings have been around 110 lately). COOL!
Bad News: Not losing fast enough. Legs, feet and ankles hurt nearly all the time. If I could walk I could lose faster and it would mean work (DJ - moving equipment) would be easier as well. Sitting in the wrong chair is painful and it is difficult standing for any length of time as well. Restricting my play time is NOT fun! Dammit!
Musings never understood those guys that sat in the house and got so fat they had to be airlifted out. Couldn't get to the bathroom without help and stuff. I get it now. It's not that you WANT to be so out of it, but at a certain point, why fight anymore? It is convenient to sit and have people cater to your every need (when they will) and not go out in public. Out of the home folks either 1) stare and make snide remarks, or 2) take pity and try to help. No one really wants to be pitied or bullied so why not just stay at home?
Well I am NOT that kind of person. I don't want extra help unless needed and I have no problem asking for it. I don't want your pity, I feel pitiful enough all by myself thank you! I don't want your understanding... you really can't understand UNLESS you have been this size before. (I hate those folks that were 6' tall and 280 talking to me about obesity, I could lose one of you and STILL weigh more than you! LO I don't want your fabulous ancient-chinese weight loss secret... been there, done that and they ALL work to some extent. (Glad it worked for you - but it ain't gonna solve my issues, okay?)
What it will take now is what you see before you. A work in progress on the inside, a mental drive to replace my reward/punishment system. I need to work on the mental health so I can function within this self deprecating mindset I have. It would help if people would approach me occasionally for more than a hug, conversation helps. It does help when you laugh at my jokes... friends and an audience are great for me (I am a performer at heart - deal with it). I also need more real friends. People that invite me and encourage me to participate. Believe it or not, when I am not entertaining (singing, telling jokes) I am really quite shy. Never got over that fat stage of life I guess. I often have to be pulled into things. If you see me sitting somewhere not doing... give me something to do. It helps me feel wanted. I recently changed my orientation to switch because I realized I have a need to bottom and serve the right loving, caring mistress. (Shameless plug and solicitation... hahaah)
For those that care to read this, I write for my mental health. I am making changes not just jotting notes but these notes help me chart my progress along the way. If you care to comment...okay. If you want to help... okay. If you don't, just getting it down in coherent form has already helped me... and that's okay too!
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Look what you do to me!
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Posted:Jun 11, 2012 9:18 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 2:6 pm
3968 Views
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The morning finds me lying next to you... my thoughts of the night's festivities make me horny again. I know you need your rest, but I can't help myself as my hands run over your body. You stir and sigh as I touch every part of your body... lightly at first, then with more urgency and intensity as you begin to stir. Your breathing quickens and mine deepens, my lips kiss your ear, your neck, your shoulders and move down to take your nipples into my mouth... first one, then the other. My hands part your legs to feel your heat and the wetness that lies there.... Mmmm. Can I resist.....???
... I feel you begin to respond to my hands and lips as your breathing increases and gets more ragged. I can see the flush in your face and hear your moans, this makes me even more excited and I pinch your nipple lightly... then with more urgency.. between my teeth. You begin to push your hips meeting each thrust of my my fingers in that wet pussy. My fingers find the clit and each flick across it causes little shivers muscle spasms over your body.
I can't take it anymore and move to position myself between your legs... placing your legs on my shoulders, I push your legs apart and lick from your ass to the pussy. Each stroke of my tongue gets a moan from you and a thrust as you try to get me inside you. I bury my face into you and hum slightly as my tongue finds your clit... moving back and forth rapidly with each swipe, flick and touch making you jump and lift your hips wanting more. You grind harder and harder against my face... pushing against me.. wanting more and more! Wrapping my lips around your clit I suck... lightly... harder... harder... flicking my tongue at the same time. I life my head and you push me back down.. moaning "Oh baby... yesssss..... don't stop! PLEASE don't stop!"
My fingers join my tongue and begin to plunge in and out... harder and harder... faster and faster... filling your insides. Your legs wrap around my head, squeezing it. You grind harder and try to pull me more inside.... and then you explode! Juices squirt out... running down my face. I lap as quickly as I can but they run down the crack of your lovely ass and puddle on the bed. A small scream escapes you and you clinch all your muscles, lifting your hips off the bed. MY head feels like it's in a vice and I moan and pull away. Getting to my knees, I grab your hips and pull you toward me. You spread your legs in anticipation as I position myself to enter you. My cock in my hand and I prepare to plunge deeply.......
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Fucking Rant!
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Posted:Feb 19, 2012 5:19 am
Last Updated:Feb 26, 2012 7:32 am
4086 Views
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It's getting close to my birthday and with that and my usual winter downtime, it's not fun lately. Not as pitiful as it seems since I know it happens and will soon pass....
I get so tired of alone! You might think that being married, that would not be a problem... but it is! What I desire is inclusiveness, a desire to matter and not be invisible... especially when it comes to play/sexuality/scenes. I do have a very lovely companion that is my best friend and understands me better than anyone in the world. She is there for me when the chips are down and cares in her own way.
The problem is that she is (and I guess always has been) very self-centered. It is not in a totally negative way... more like I am (guess that's why we are so compatible). It's all about what pleases her at the time. Our sexual drives have never been compatible... we do share voyuerism and curiosity in common, but that's it. She focuses on work, and has always required a lot of downtime to relax. It leaves me alone and at odds since I am a people person and need companionship, conversation and stimulation/interaction (not necessarily physical). I am looking for someone to help me fill the voids... to be my traveling companion, lover, friend and support. But this is in ADDITION to what she gives. Needy? Maybe...
Loving and wanting love? Most definitely...
Having tons of love/energy to share.... OF COURSE!
I am beginning to resent the notion that all married men don't have time or won't give of themselves... that they can't be there for you. I think that depends on how you define "open marriage" and the willingness of the partner to share. In other words, it varies according to individual circumstances. I don't have or pets... no job (on disability and run a small part-time DJ business) and have lots of time and freedom on my hands. Why is it so difficult to find someone that will take a chance? More friends are always welcomed but I desire friends that will include me/invite me to activities (and remember to do this), involve themselves in my activities and NOT dismiss any sexual attraction that might occur. It isn't all about sex but can it be about sex SOMETIMES??? Public... private.... SOMETHING????
Sumo-sized, married, friendly, fat men need love and interaction too!
Ranting over....
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10 things about me
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Posted:Feb 11, 2012 3:47 am
Last Updated:Feb 11, 2012 3:48 am
3849 Views
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I have been so busy feeling down on myself that I forgot this happens to me every winter. I write to express my feelings and help me out of the funk. This is real talk, no bullshit involved. Be warned it might be more than you want to know about me. Therapy begins below... and no, I am NOT pitiful. Save the pity for folks that need it....
1) Safe and consensual are 2 words that I take very seriously. I tend not to let go of all my kink feelings and desires because I don't trust people. Would HATE to hurt someone accidentally and have to go to court (read: jail) for issues. Maybe one day I will get over that fear.
2) Just because I like to flirt doesn't mean that I am available to you or that I am a slut. Flirting is flirting, relationship is relationship.
3) My life is busy at times but I ALWAYS make time for my friends.
4) Friends doesn't mean friends with benefits. But friends with benefits always means friends first. There will always be some sort of feelings involved when I make a FWB connection... don't abuse them or take them for granted.
5) Feelings are important to me, both mine and yours. I respect them and will abide by them whenever possible. Honestly though, if it comes down to you or me... it'll always be me. Self preservation and all that....
6) Niceness and politeness are expected. I think most protocol can be eliminated with those two things. HOWEVER, I do enjoy a high protocol situation on occasion. It is so nice to be served by a righteous sub.
7 )My wife and I have a poor sexual relationship. My tastes are toward kink and my libido is MUCH higher than hers. So I spend a lot of time frustrated and that's why I flirt so much. Deal with it... it's a part of me.
8 ) Just because I don't react to slights or insults, doesn't mean I didn't see it. Just because you have not seen me do it, doesn't mean I don't know how. Just because you have an opinion of me, doesn't make it true.
9) Yes I have some health issues and most of them are weight related. Yes, I can be Dominant and have some control issues in my own life. I know I need to lose weight to "feel better" and for my own health. You are welcomed to offer suggestions but realize that I might not accept them or make immediate adjustments. That does not make you wrong, make me stupid/unconcerned, make me helpless, unable to control myself, slothful or any of the other things that are associated with weight issues.
10) Find out who and what I am before drawing conclusions or dismissing me as irrelevant, overbearing, oversexed, needy, out of control, non-dominant, or any of the other things people might think.
Just needed to vent and get this out there. Tired of being invisible... my friends will understand
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Ponderings.....
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Posted:Jan 20, 2012 3:05 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 2:6 pm
4047 Views
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am old and fat... not dead!
When I found this menage of people we call "the lifestyle", I knew somehow I had found my place in the world. I have had D/s fantasies since I was a boy and lived some of them (my harem has yet to materialize). I do realize my limitations but damn! So many friends... and wanna be friends... people to get to know.
What is it about me? I LOVE PEOPLE... that's all!
I am open, honest, real, flirty, and a hell of a lot of fun (now here comes the pondering... or should that be pandering?) so where is my happiness? I am married and really pleased with how that is going. I can't find a better, more understanding vanilla partner. She TRULY gets me and that's why she allows me to participate (yes, ALLOWS as I take my promises to her very seriously). We have an understanding and that includes me having freedom to have playmates, friends, companions and more. She recognizes in me the NEED (not desire) to love harder, stronger and deeper than she can handle alone. She hurts for me and feels my pain at the lack of finding what I seek. What I seek is not just physical but an emotional need for me as well. The physical is mainly of which I speak now. I am not looking for a purely physical thing.... anyone can do that. It's what hookers, swingers and such are for. No, I desire to have friends (relationships) that REFUSE to take the physical off the table! I am looking for folks that will also allow for some time alone... be comfortable doing physical things.
I am always confused by the situations I see. People in bad relationships that they KNOW are bad relationships. We talk and they move on to another and another.... one after the other. I have even been told "I wish I could find someone more like you!" I mean DAMN... what an ultimate compliment and insult at the same time! So you recognize the qualities within me but would rather seek out those that hurt you and scar you emotionally than to be with me.... wow.
Now I am limited by my size... true. I am limited by my promises to my wife (no penis in the vagina intercourse).... true. I am not limited in my imagination nor in my kink. All of my past playmates have fond (even lusty) memories of me. Why do they leave? Well usually it because they want something I cannot give. What is missing for them is a one-to-one monogamous relationship. I do make it clear that a long term relationship is possible and it can even resemble monogamy (I can spend days at a time with you...maybe even weeks) but I will not leave my wife. Monogamy is NOT possible for me it is not my nature.
So where are all the poly, submissive, intense, ladies that love teddy bears??? I mean damn all this rejection is starting to break my spirit and push back my ego.... I'm just sayin' .........
Maybe I just need to get out more... more events... more travel... expand the circle of contacts... I don't know. I have made it my plan (I don't make resolutions) to get to more people this year. We shall see. If you seem me, don't hesitate to introduce yourself and you will find a good friend, a good Kinkster, a good Dominant and MAYBE a good lover as well......
By the way, REJECTION no matter how nicely put... is still REJECTION!
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update on the birthday week....
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Posted:Feb 27, 2011 6:41 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 2:6 pm
3832 Views
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Best laid plans and all that, it was a pretty good week and weekend. Had time with my wife as we both celebrated birthdays (we are 3 days apart). No physical gifts, but such connection with friends made it all worth it. I had an opportunity to begin a new weight loss journey that looks so promising! The results are similar to bariatric - without the surgery. I am excited and today is the actual beginning... wish me luck! So if you see me looking lustily at food and yet refusing to eat, you will know why!!! LOLOL
Day play at my favorite dungeon was relaxing and fun and it was sooooo nice to see some friends I hadn't seen in a really long time! Standing behind, nibbling on her neck and making goose-bumps all over her body was fun... ice down her pants made it special too. I also had the opportunity to meet and play with a new friend took her blindfolded to the bed and lay her down for orgasm after orgasm... she said she was multi-orgasmic and I just HAD to find out! hehehe (it seems she is correct) Saturday was a shared vanilla birthday party and it was lots of fun! Friends from around the triad gathered and we danced (I was DJ), drank and sang until the wee hours of this morning (and the food was fantastic). There were not enough hours for me to make it to the swinger or to the dungeon -DANG IT! Oh well, there is hopefully another weekend to come.
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Halfway there...
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Posted:Feb 26, 2011 8:53 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 2:6 pm
3798 Views
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day play! Yummy! Found a nice freaky lady that loved orgasms as much as I enjoyed giving them... hehehe. We had a blast and I got to get out a lot of frustrations as well. So onto the vanilla tonight and then back for more play tonight. I will try and jot down some notes and maybe get a story detailing the weeknd. Whew, looking forward to more. Fat is back! LOL
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Hmm... time to put it out there!
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Posted:Feb 22, 2011 7:33 am
Last Updated:Feb 23, 2011 1:35 am
3906 Views
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ok, what to say... or more appropriately how to say it? At present, I have been too busy and had some health problems so I haven't had any private time. Because of this, I AM HORNY! LOL
It's my birthday (Wednesday Feb. 23) and will be doing all sorts of kinky, sexy, wild uninhibited things this weekend. So I lined up some scenes... bondage, threesomes, cuckold, orgies, wax play, nipple play, spanking, or orgasm denial... whatever! I plan to day play on Friday, and then all night long somewhere! This weekend in Greensboro, NC - it's gonna be a blast! LOL
Happy Freakin' Birthday to ME!
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Damn, life sucks right now...
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Posted:Jan 26, 2011 6:51 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 2:6 pm
3810 Views
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crazy women... damn! Had chances to play with my lovely sexy one a couple of weeks ago. She was cool! She came so many times and that ass was sore for three days! (did I tell you she LOVES anal?) Streched her nice and wide and left her wanting more.
Got a new one but she is kinda afraid I think. She wants it so badly she called me and got off on the phone with me... all I had to do was listen and she did all the work! (Yeah, I got it like that.) I did have to "rumble" once in awhile in that "Barry White" voice, that really turns them all on. But she is so wrapped up in herself that I have had her cancel on me twice now. Don't know if she is gonna any more than one more chance... I mean, you do get three strikes, right?
Anyway, I am still on the hunt and ladies don't let the smooth taste and sumo looks fool ya'. This brother is good to go. I promise! Ask my friends... hehehe!
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F**K!!!!
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Posted:Jan 20, 2011 6:06 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 2:6 pm
3790 Views
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Why is it all the lovely, horny, BBW women live such a distance away? At least that's how it seems in my little world. I can find a few that love fat men locally, but they also want only one-on-one time. I am looking for some real freaks and people that recognize (as I do) the joys of playing with all the flesh available. WHERE THE REAL FREAKS????
Hmmm....? Maybe I need to tell the story of the recent encounters I have had and THAT will bring them out... hehehehe.
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Breaking up is....
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Posted:Dec 29, 2010 9:01 am
Last Updated:Dec 29, 2010 9:07 am
3903 Views
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not so hard to do when things have reached there inevitable course. I had a submissive (learn about that lifestyle) and we live far apart. Long distance and occasional meets does not work for my horny self, so we break up. It wouldn't have worked anyway since she wants eventual marriage and I am not leaving my wife. So now I find myself free(mostly) and looking for kinky people like me that WANT a huge fat man. I don't mind being part of a threesome, or group but I don't bottom. IF you looking for a fat daddy to play with, come see me and let's get it on. I like my nipples sucked, my cock sucked, I like to lick pussy, my fingers and tongue are magic and I will let you on top if you get scared. But you gotta be this tall to ride this ride.... Ride me baby....!!!! C'mon EVERYONE have a good time! Cumming and cumming and cumming some more!
In the meantime, I will continue my fun with all the available females I can find in the area. Talking with a couple about 50 miles away and hope to get to them soon. Also meeting with a potential tomorrow for lunch... it will be warmer so I think we will redezvous in the car. And for those of you that invited me to come north (like to NYC and Philly and such) holla back! That's the only way I know to make it work.
I seduce, sex you up and leave you pleased. Don't let the size or the smooth taste fool you... I will leave you sore and wet and wanting more! Come see a fat man that comes more than once a year down your chimney! (snicker)
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wow, what a good weekend
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Posted:Oct 31, 2010 8:19 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 2:6 pm
3945 Views
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Had a great performance Friday night. It is always fun as a performer when you can get a group of people to enjoy what you do. I sent about 6 women home horny from my singing... nice! LOL By virtue of a good set, I also got a return engagement booked. NICE!!!
I spent a nice relaxing day with my wife on Saturday. Because of her schedule and commitments, we seldom get to spend time alone. It was nice to be out of the house with her. Can't wait to do that again as well.
Last night I went out to my local party spot and hand some fun. I like adult BDSM fun, so I got to spank a gorgeous ass, get in some other play and got a nice tongue bath. Plus reconnected with some old friends... how cool was that? I met someone that I hope to take to the motel soon so we can get our orgasms on too! LOL
I am looking forward to meeting some folks here for adult fun. Contact me if you are interested. Not looking to fuck guys, but I could use a few guy friends it seems. You would need to be local (or available on kinda short notice) for daytime/early evening fun. Weekends are my busy time so not much play there. But I am gonna have to set up some parties and some gang bangs and such. I love fulfilling fantasies for my lady friends and most of them have this in mind. Preferences are for black men, but all men are welcomed to contact me. I will be picky... don't want all huge dicks, girth is just as important as length. Holla!
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Any takers???
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Posted:Oct 20, 2010 6:39 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 2:6 pm
3879 Views
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I am a dopamine addict! There, I said it. I love the adulation I get from performing in front of a crowd... the emotional response from giving orgasms. I can "feel" the energies of the person I am with and when it is genuine and they are aroused it sends me over the edge as well! I do hate fakes though... so never fake with me. Tell me what I can do to make it better.
OH... I also learned that I love having my body worshipped. Had my first experience with someone that loved playing with and manipulating my body. It was so nice to be the one lusted over instead of doing the lusting... lol. Hope to find more and do it again soon!
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To link to this blog (LaVoce48) use [blog LaVoce48] in your messages.
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