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Blogs > MichelleS1968 > Michelle's Fun House

So confused...  

MichelleS1968 55T
32 posts
12/11/2016 8:48 am
So confused...

When I was in college I met someone and fell in love. I had never been attracted to men before I met this guy. We lived together for two and a half years and dated for three years. The relationship would turn abusive in year three. First it was the verbal abuse, then the mental abuse and finally physical abuse. It would finally lead to my being violently assaulted and nearly killed by him...

I decided after this trauma to stop transition and live my life according to what society demanded I should be. I spent 23 years hating myself every single day of my life.

I tried to date women, even getting married twice. Every single relationship ended badly. Every single woman I had dated or was married to knew that I was living a lie, that I hated myself, and just could not love them back the way they wanted me to.

Let me make something perfectly clear - therapy can not fucking change how your brain gets wired during fetal development. One does not suddenly wake up one day and for shits and giggles decide they are the opposite gender. The thousands of birth defects and issues that happen during fetal development aren't the choice of the . It's just how nature happens sometimes.

When I started transition again on Nov 5th of 2015 I felt absolutely zero desire or interest in love or a relationship with another human being. None.

Then I met a girl through a Facebook group I was in, we became close friends, we visited each other, I fell mad head over heels in love with her. Sadly the friendship ended.

As I have improved mentally over the last while I have started to dream about men again. I sometimes catch myself looking at them with that lusty eye when I'm out and about. Porn with men and women are both sexually arousing now.

I feel an attraction to both sexes and frankly I am confused as fuck as to why...

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