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| Blogs > wickedeasy > wicked and that ain't so easy |
the forbidden dance
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the forbidden dance if someone tells you not to do something, what is your reaction? i am reminded of eve in the garden. you have everything. the only thing you can't have is the apple. so you want the apple. the apple is now the ONLY thing you want. why? because you can't have it? is that all it takes? i've watched told not to touch something sneak a finger out and touch it within seconds. it's almost impossible for them not to do it. when i was in school if i had to read a particular book, and i am an avid reader, i found it next to impossible to read that book. if they'd told me not to, i'd have been on it like white on rice. is it just being contrary that makes us go against a directive? or is it something more deeply seated? at work, we have a management meeting monthly at which we frankly discuss all of the issues of the agency and it's a given that what we discuss does not go outside that room. at our last meeting we reviewed some personnel issues that were impacting program and one of the directors re-asserted the "stays in vegas" clause. within 15 minutes of the end of the meeting, one of the people who had been discussed was calling me. the director was later asked if he intended to fire her. he was of course upset as the discussion was private and there was no mention of termination at all and he felt it compromised his relationship with a key staff person. i know who did it. what i don't get, is why she did it. so as a , or as an adult, we choose to go against a directive. i do so for cause (i.e the directive is faulty and potentially dangerous), for power, for vengeance or spite, out of sheer curiosity to see what happens. are there other reasons that you can think of that drive the behaviour? or is it simply that we really just don't much like being told what to do? or does the forbidden have an appeal that the freely given will never really have? my brother said that while he was a catholic sex was more fun because of the guilt. when he converted to Judaism and the guilt was gone, it was less fun. shrugs. thoughts? You cannot conceive the many without the one. |
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In this particular situation I don't know that it was so much about defying being told what not to do. Some people are just incorrigable gossips and can't resist passing along some piece of information that's supposed to be "secret". How sad that the director's relationship with his staff person was compromised as a result.   
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As for the work situation, some people have to build themselves up by letting others know that they are in the know, one of the insiders, part of the inner circle, is the go to guy for info. Every work place has one or two. The rest is "forbidden fruit". We want what we can't have. That's just human nature.
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Ya know, we... Eve never chewed on an apple.  The reason we defy directives... or rules, or even well-reasoned advice... is because we so easily deceive ourselves into believing there are no particular consequences for most of our transgressions. And generally speaking... that's pretty much the case. Ever defy a court order? You likely would have perceived such defiance as garnering much more damage than compliance would, and so... you declined to ignore the order. People do things they know they shouldn't do because they have little fear of any consequences. Throw in some truly painful repercussions and... voila! Compliance. Of course, that don't apply to breaking God's rules; or to hard-core criminals. Come to think of it, those sound kinda like hand-in-glove sorta things--to me. Solar...
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First...I'm a Jew and sex is still enjoyable..LOL (someone had to lighten it up here) Second, its a power thing. "I got info that will make this person hang on me..." Very sad indeed.
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I'll stay out of the theocratic part of the discussion. we are an exploring species: Space, time, place, rules, relationships, you name it. Each of us, to varying degrees, are always trying out new _____. Some people are satisfied with only at little bit of variation, some are never satisfied, no matter how much variety. How is Charlie's itch going?
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One of the lessons I love to teach in Sunday School is The 10 Commandments. It is true, we don't respond well to the "do not do this" edicts. We always rewrite the them to say WHAT SHOULD WE DO? We rewrite the commandments to things like being generous, sharing our bounty, being grateful for what we have, protecting each other's feelings, speaking kindly, honoring and respecting life. Etc. I am convinced any message that begins with "do not..." will be defied within a few days.
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10/26/2010 8:50 am |
I think when our lives become predictable and "boring" we need to find a way to make us feel alive. Some people bungee-jump...some people break rules, it all depends upon how much adreneline you need I guess.  As for the "tattling" at work...that was just plain out of line. No one will trust you with sensitive information if they cannot be sure that you will not keep it to yourself. And sometimes, in a workspace, there is just information that must not be shared.  "All you'll get from strangers is surface pleasantry or indifference. Only someone who loves you will criticize you." - Judith Crist, crack film critic
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Interesting post WE. I guess we are always looking for the one thing we shouldn't have or shouldn't do. We are just grown up spoiled brats! LOL!!!
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Canyaz has it right with the power thing. As free people, we rebel because we don't like to be controlled...because we have our own curious, stubborn minds, and want to do things OUR way. Assuming there is no brutality or beatings, the odd thing is, to be controlled, you really need to allow it to happen...in fact, then you are the one with the power because you are allowing someone to control your actions. You willingly relinquish power your control. If you don't do as you're told, however, you retain the power at all times. I'm a switch, so I enjoy it both ways...LOL.
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I suppose some people like to be told what to do and maybe even how to do it but some of us don't care for anyone exercising that much control over us. We prefer to think for ourselves and make our own decisions on what to do and how to do it. Some of us are sadly mistaken when they take that route and end up causing harm or injury to others accidently or in some cases intentionally. Others such as whistleblowers for instance may very well being doing a service to humanity and should break those rules regardless of the threats made against them. I for one am fine with rules as long as they don't get in my way or get abused and misused. Not saying I follow them by any means and in fact I tend to find them contemptible. I believe in using common sense and being considerate of others and generally don't need rules to do that. Hmmm... Sex, taboo etc. Maybe related to the adrenaline rush more than anything else. Who knows maybe that's why some people gossip... Because it's considered improper and so they get a rush doing it. Vive La Difference
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