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joke the raise
joke the raise The Raise -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor I work at great depths I plunge head first into everything I do I do not get weekends off or public holidays I work in a damp environment I don't get paid overtime I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation I work in high temperatures My work exposes me to contagious diseases Yours truly, Penis -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Penis, After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods You do not always follow the orders of the management team You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing You'll retire well before reaching 65 You're unable to work double shifts before you have completed the day's work And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags. Sincerely, The Management THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO Hmmmmm......................... Do blind eskimos have seeing eye sled dogs? Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container? What do they use to ship styrofoam? Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? Q: Why did the man cross the road? A: He heard the chicken was a slut. Q: Why did the cowboy love the moonshiner's ? A: She made him liquor every night. Q: What does a West Virginian do when his truck breaks down? A: He builds a house beside it. Q: What do lesbians do after an argument? A: The go home and lick each others wounds. Little Johnny is in Sunday school and the teacher asks the class where Jesus is today. Paul raises his hand and says,"Jesus is in my heart cuz I love him very much." Mary raises her hand and says, "Jesus is in heaven cuz he's dead." Johnny screams out loud, "You're all wrong. Jesus is in my damn bathroom," The teacher taken back says, "Why is that Johnny?" Johnny replies, "Every morning my dad pounds on the door and screams, "JESUS CRHIST, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE." |
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