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| Blogs > Drinkurwater > Just Avoiding Life. |
A Week Of Layers
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A Week Of Layers There is a lot going on, as usual. A lot, and still so little -- but somehow here I am with no status change in general. I have come to the conclusion that I've become both happier and more distressed. As far as relationships go I'm in the category of those you find quite annoying in their contentedness. I'm content. It's good. It's not too good, and it's not just good. Nothing quite new so I'll contentedly skip this part besides mentioning that my list of acquaintances has pared itself down significantly as each day I list "is a prick" after a guy tries to convince me to be unfaithful as "our little secret." Men, get your shit together and stop trying to get me to sleep with you when you know full well I'm in a monogamous relationship. It is disgusting. The distress is moreso in my other facets of life. I've hit a plateau with my recovery, I was evicted this week and need my items gone from the place by Friday, I'm still flat broke and still looking for a job, I have no place to live nor any prospect in the near future, I'm attending a funeral on Thursday for a childhood friend, and I have no vehicle or money to transport or store my furniture or childrens' things. These situations are hard on a soul just by themselves, but combined I am overwhelmed and ... distressed. So very distressed, so distressed that I'm basically numb. On top of this, I hear my estranged husband is planning on moving back into my newly evicted house with his girlfriend (who he was with for a few years prior to meeting and marrying me) who is as manipulative and terrible as he is. Life cannot get any stranger nor fucked up as it happens to me. A bit of a strain on the optimism, but I am still content. I have people around me who strive to make others happy, to make the world a bit better, to live quiet and beautiful lives. This is where I should be and where I am - if only I weren't the one bursting onto this idyllic scene with my plethora of problems to disturb them all. It makes me feel like maybe I should quietly back out of the room and find my own tiny dark space to fuck up instead of this one. No - I am content ... a very forced and steadily headstrong content, whether I want to or not. There is no way I should be anything else, lest I upset this little microcosm of hope in this new town, right? |
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"I'm in the category of those you find quite annoying in their contentedness" I wanna be one of those annoying people too. 
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hmm was evicted, no vehicle, no money...... an where is this man that your in relationship with ????? doesnt sound like he is to concerned to let you be like this
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