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Blogs > yakimavalleyguy > My Blog

CHAPTER 4 – The Conflict  

yakimavalleyguy 74M  
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2/8/2019 5:41 pm
CHAPTER 4 – The Conflict

I had to resolve my conflict. There was too much stake for me to take on an extramarital relationship if I were going to have any guilt about it. I had been firmly committed to the idea of monogamy being a core and unbreakable commitment in a marriage all my life. There had to be a clear resolution.

As I was connecting the dots regarding my wife’s sexual<b> philosophy </font></b>and her approach to our relationship over the past several years, I realized there were a lot of dots to connect, but I was too naïve to understand what they meant.

The pattern of her commitment to having sex with me was completely in line with her attitude that sexual interest was ‘nothing personal.’ As she aged through her early forty’s and into her fifty’s her interest in sex had not only declined, but she would put up little road blocks and dodges to reduce her availability and my expectation. It got to the point that I didn’t view a sexual encounter with her as a normal part of our relationship, but an occasional bonus.

Even her bursts of interest in the last couple of years before menopause was in line with that. During those last years, after displaying no interest, she would suddenly come onto me, drag me back into the bedroom, strip my clothes off, and fuck with a passion I hadn’t seen since the old days. As she would come to explain it, those were ‘hormone spikes.’ They occurred every six to nine months, and caught me off guard in their suddenness. Of course, I didn’t understand what that meant and by the time I got my head turned around to the idea of having great sex with my wife again … it was over. After about 24 to 36 hours my wife started looking at me like she was done with her ‘one-night stand,’ and was ready to go home. So, there I was, all mentally dressed up, with no place to go. Not only was that pretty cold on her part, but cruel. I should have called her out on it, but I was still confused about the driving force behind her attitude. And so, it went on. Several months of no interest, a 36-hour hormone spike, and then back to no interest.

NEXT: Chapter 5 - "Why am I doing this?"

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