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The Swinging Paradigm
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The Swinging Paradigm The Swinging Lifestyle is as diverse as there are species on this earth. Attitudes, cultures and expectations vary from one end of the spectrum to the other. While recognising this fact and accepting it, and after years of experience in this lifestyle we are going to opine from our particular point of view. Having discussed this often with others in the Lifestyle it is an opinion which is widely espoused. And that is aggression – in particular, male aggression and pressure to have sex. The latter is no one’s right, it is a privilege not to be abused. We have experienced situations where the male sex partner seems only interested in one thing to the shut-out of all else, and that is his own cravings, satisfaction and performance. Many will assert that aggressive males can be appealing in fact, some women we have spoken to have told us that they like male aggressiveness, however, the majority go on to point out that only when they (the partners) are wanting it. Love-making or sex moments are ideally meant to give and receive sexual pleasure but if either of the partners is unduly aggressive in their sexual acts, the entire experience ends up causing discomfort and marring sexual bliss. Research has established that generally speaking, women must choose between two types of men: dads and cads (Psychology Today). On the one hand, dads are typically more respectful, warm, caring, and aware of their partner’s needs and feelings. Yet they usually appear as less charismatic and dominant than their caddish counterparts. On the other hand, cads can generally speaking be – or appear to be sexier, with their narrow eyes and strong jaws but they also tend to be flashy, shallow and exploitative of others. Even worse, these masculine men often embody the Dark Triad, a personality constellation that encompasses Machiavellianism, psychopathy, and narcissism. This in turn leads them to resort to painfully satisfying their sexual cravings. Sadly many men do not even recognise that they have this problem. Some gender theorists go as far to argue that ostentatious displays of aggression are not because men feel powerful, but precisely the opposite – because they lack societal recognition or power. This generally has a parallel with antisocial behaviour. All relationships require some measure of reciprocity. Sex partners should enrich each other’s experience not merely perform, otherwise ‘objectified’ becomes the result and the woman feels used - not necessarily abused, but used and it is as if she was there merely to be the chattel for being fucked. If this is the case and since brothels are legalised in this country, they are an option for the aggressive male. Don’t bring it on my wife/partner. Treating your sex partner with respect, reverence, kindness and caring – that’s where the magic of pleasure begins. And this is precisely where we as a couple in the lifestyle fit in! We just love the friendship aspects of this style of life, talking openly and being ‘sassy’; meeting for a meal or drinks with our friends when the meeting is not just a means to an end but rather is the ‘end’; just sitting around talking with no sex involved; the soft-sex times; interesting and intelligent conversation and storytelling; pash-ups in the kitchen; a good old ‘scrag’ on the living room floor; our hot-tub sessions; sex under the stars; romance and foreplay; naturally bedroom play; the occasional pink bum; puppy piles when no one knows whose hand is on whom or on what; not really into one nighters except when we are travelling; and generally as we say, ‘to enjoy our sexuality and to share it in as many ways as may fit for us.’ So what do we ideally look for in this way of a modern open and accepting life? Ideally, we look for like minded intelligent couples that love and respect their partner and are ready to enjoy new friendships and relationships in and out of the bedroom. We are a fun loving, mature, professional couple with an incredible group of friends all over the world – aged from 28 to late 70’s and across the full culture, social and economic spectrum of life – after all, it’s the individual that counts ... ... the people we have great synergy with tend to be friendly and social; open minded rather than hard-core; laughing rather than full-on intensity; intelligent and interesting; no pressure or drama; are not aggressive and have absolute respect for the individual. And we are quite happy to lead those feeling their way. We are not a pressure, must fuck couple! We are in NZ - amerikiwi2 at gmail. Aggression is not on our list! In fact, a partner that turns out to be aggressive is afterwards picked up by the collar and flicked like a weasel into the disregard-until-change bucket! We enjoy hosting compatible travellers from out-of-town with no pressure, no expectations and definitely with no strings attached! We know from our experience this scene is amazing for the deep friendships one can form with friends from near and far - and the benefits are definitely a plus! Comments ... ... What are your experience/s? |
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Welcome to the blogs. I am making your first comment to get this into the mainstream so others can read a nicely done post. You have to remember to make the first comment after you make your post so it will move into the stream. This is a site glitch so do not forget. Welcome and have fun (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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1 post 9/1/2016 3:21 pm |
Some additional thoughts: As for male dominance and fatherhood, there have been a few studies that concluded that dominant men that enter into a relationship with a partner and have children with that partner, actually do experience some changes in their chemical composition that enables joyful focused nurturing, and that shared nurturing of their offspring tightens the bond. Interestingly enough, those same studies suggest that alpha males, who had a larger dose of prenatal and developmental testosterone were the most likely to have that sort of life experience. There is a difference between a confident masculine alpha male and a male who displays a blustery 'don't-tread-on-me' display. Most of the punks we all knew in our adolescence that made such displays, were pretty absent of athleticism or intellectual pursuits. Guys like that often become aggressive maybe to compensate for their own awareness of their deficits. Exclusion from the human herd often follows, and that exacerbates the problem. Our experience is that does not change much for some men as the years go by. There are a lot of great guys involved in the lifestyle, both married and single. Great guys can come from all sorts of backgrounds and have really varied interest. We know that great guys usually make great lovers! Really aggressive pushy males, be they married or single, probably push because they recognize they have insufficient social and sexual skills to really win a woman's interest ... ... the 'you-just-lie-still-and-let-me-move' males. As for antisocial behaviorist, male or female, thinking that swinging will be a gold mine, they need to think again. Swinging requires excellent social skills. We suspect that quite a few predatory sorts inhabit the online swing community, because all you have to do is buy a membership. They may even find their way into the larger events. As for inclusion into the more intimate social circles, hell no, we have found the community looks after it's own.
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