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Life
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Remember this my girl: As long as there is life, there is hope. Hope that things will change, hope that people will become different. Nope....not a horrible, rotten person at all. You just revisted and proved your re alive as your hope has not left you. The wounds...ahh well....we always get em....and we have remarkable reparative properties, we heal around the wounds somehow. Just like your lip...pretty soon it too will repair. Huggssss ~~
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Obviously there are some good things about the Hippie...things you like...or you wouldn't keep thinking of him, wanting to talk to him. But then the parts you don't like are brought back into focus when you do see each other again. If he wasn't interested in seeing you as well, I don't think he would meet you. Pagan  Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!
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Sending love and light. Take care. *. *. *
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5/16/2021 7:24 am |
Did you do more than talk Secret_lade? You deserve a guy that treats you right😘
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5/16/2021 6:59 am |
We live and crave the hugs and giggles..But it seems to be the tears we remember the most...Sometimes lifes a bitch..
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5/16/2021 6:45 am |
I really think our funky feelings are due to the isolation from this so called pandemic. Get outside do something with you hands. Plant something and watch it grow. Happy Trails
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Hang in there. Been there and done that, as have many others. Clarity will come in the quiet time, and then you will be better for the experience.
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Maybe you are just an eternal optimist. And you see the best in this man and you want to believe that it can work. Im sorry it ended up feeling bad but you tried to check in with him. Most people dont change much.....
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I think we are hard-wired to seek comfort in familiarity. It doesn't help that our memories are clouded by strong emotions. You're not alone in opening wounds from the past. Allow yourself to feel the pain from the newly opened wound, then give yourself some grace to start a new day tomorrow. “As with the butterfly, adversity is necessary to build character in people.” ~ JB Wirthlin 
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You know the feeling you get... When the tears spring to your eyes as you bite your lip in the same spot for the 9 millionth time... And you say to yourself, why in the FUCK do I keep doing this to myself?? That seems to be my life these days. Constantly revisiting all those sore spots and reopening those wounds. I saw the Hippie last weekend when I was in Petoskey.... I reopened that wound. I had been feeling nostalgic, the 10 year anniversary of the first time we met was coming up and I just needed to talk. We'd had lunch and it was like old times.... talking and laughing. Also like old times were the conspiracy laden angry texts afterward about how much he hates his family, the world, and the end of life as we know it. Just like that, those tears sprang to my eyes as I bit my lip in the exact same spot for the 9 millionth time. Oh My Fucking God! Why do I keep doing this to myself?? I'm a horrible, rotten person to boot cause I revisited that old, bad situation and pulled off that scab for someone else as well.
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