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Blogs > secret_lade > Ramblings of the depraved..... |
And... She's off!!
And... She's off!! I received a bizarre phone call yesterday.... When the Ex Mother-in-law's memory depleted to the point that she no longer remembered any of her and had started to become combative, requiring the aid of a full time nurse, the ex family decided it was time to put her in assisted living. It was a very sad day as my ex husband had been the last, remaining she could remember and that was now gone as well... He was simply The Gray Haired Guy. For her, the memory issues really prevent her from understanding the fact that she will not be seeing any family or friends until the COVID restrictions are lifted... She doesn't remember them. For the family, this has been tough. So, it was surprising to me to receive a phone call from an aide at the assisted living facility yesterday. For starters, I'm not even a part of the family anymore. Apparently the Ex Mother-in-law had staged an escape.... She picked her moment, knocked down her aide, and made a break for the door! The 87 year old, 4'11", 90lb woman was on the run! To her plan's demise, however, the doors have locking features on them preventing patients from being able to leave unattended. She is, after all, living in an assisted living facility where all of the occupants are experience memory issues. How does this involve me? Well, she'd apparently revisited a time, in her mind, when she had been needed to pick my oldest up from school while I was at a doctor's appointment. She was inconsolable and they were hoping that a conversation with me could help. I did talk to her.... And, whether it helped or not, I don't know. Over and over she had said she tried to pick up [oldest ], I could hear the despair in her voice. I finally cut her off and reassured her that she had. I thanked her for being such a caring Grandma and appreciated all her help. "I did?" "Yep, you did. Remember? Pat gave you my lunch tab for [oldest ] and you lectured me about it. You said I should always pay extra because I don't know when he might want to have a little breakfast at school." "Oh, I did. Did you pay that $5.25? I was going to give it to Pat but I didn't bring my purse in with me." I couldn't help but chuckle a little.. "Yes, I gave Pat a $20 bill today when I dropped him off at school." And, that was it.... At that point she'd handed the phone to her aide and the conversation was done. I know I'm not a part of the family anymore, but this is just heartbreaking for me... I hope to God I never have to experience the same memory issues she is going thought now. |
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Very kind of you and a well handled situation.
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Very kind of you and a well handled situation. Vive La Difference
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While it’s sad that she’s losing her memory, you did something wonderful. You even for the briefest time, gave her solace. That’s all anyone can do at this point. My mother had Alzheimer’s ,among other issues, and I had a ringside seat to her crumbling faculties and phases where she would think she was back in the past. She passed away in part from that illness. My father was diagnosed with pre-Alzheimer’s and while he hasn’t suffered extreme memory losses, he is slowly showing signs that his retention has eroded. Add the fact that there is a very strong possibility that I have inherited the genes from both of them, you get the drift. So keep being the good soul. Don’t fear the possible but embrace the impossible
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So first, it was nice you helped. Being ex family or not it was kind of you to help someone you knew. Ex family is a funny thing. My ex tried to cut me off. Her Mother and Father learned some things that changed that. It tore me up to find out weeks after the fact when they died. They were both good people and I still grieve for their passing. Some people out there divorce and hate the whole ex family. My feelings were that most of the Family stayed out of our marriage, so why hate them. Kinda along the line of the sins of the Father should not become the sins of his son. I hope you all the best for whatever the future holds for you.
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While it’s sad that she’s losing her memory, you did something wonderful. You even for the briefest time, gave her solace. That’s all anyone can do at this point. My mother had Alzheimer’s ,among other issues, and I had a ringside seat to her crumbling faculties and phases where she would think she was back in the past. She passed away in part from that illness. My father was diagnosed with pre-Alzheimer’s and while he hasn’t suffered extreme memory losses, he is slowly showing signs that his retention has eroded. Add the fact that there is a very strong possibility that I have inherited the genes from both of them, you get the drift. So keep being the good soul. Don’t fear the possible but embrace the impossible My name is MrWrong and I approved this comment
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So first, it was nice you helped. Being ex family or not it was kind of you to help someone you knew. Ex family is a funny thing. My ex tried to cut me off. Her Mother and Father learned some things that changed that. It tore me up to find out weeks after the fact when they died. They were both good people and I still grieve for their passing. Some people out there divorce and hate the whole ex family. My feelings were that most of the Family stayed out of our marriage, so why hate them. Kinda along the line of the sins of the Father should not become the sins of his son. I hope you all the best for whatever the future holds for you.
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I remember my Grandmother when she didn't know who was who. Sad times.
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You said exactly what needed to be said. I've worked in memory care, and while it is so very hard on the family...[in the field it's called "The Long Goodbye"], there are still some wonderful and tender moments to be made with a loved one! Kudos to you for your kindness.
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1/8/2021 5:37 pm |
I remember my Grandmother when she didn't know who was who. Sad times.
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You said exactly what needed to be said. I've worked in memory care, and while it is so very hard on the family...[in the field it's called "The Long Goodbye"], there are still some wonderful and tender moments to be made with a loved one! Kudos to you for your kindness. ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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That is sad. Nothing worse than loosing a lifetime of memories. Hmmm... Yep, THAT nightmare haunts me and saddens me when I see how it affects other families. This is different.
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Being a nursing assistant for many years, I have seen this too many times. It is very sad. I hope and pray I am not like that. To me that is worse than having cancer
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you are a sweet and kind person. actually made me hide a tear when i read your latest. being a good person is a tough job, but someone has to do it, lol. glad you can be that person. ty!
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You are right... The world would be a much better place if we all treated each other the way we would like to be treated in return.
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You're a good person. Been there, done that
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This brings back memories of when my mother had to go into a care home. She had this look on her face as if to say "I know what you're doing to me..". It was heartbreaking but she did have the best of care and was soon used to her new 'home'.
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and that's exactly what you do. you don't try to change the thought in their mind, you just go with it and reassure and say yes and all the other 'affirmative words'. YOU DID GREAT! you've said it in the past that you're "not part of the family anymore" but there are some ties that a divorce just does not break.
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and that's exactly what you do. you don't try to change the thought in their mind, you just go with it and reassure and say yes and all the other 'affirmative words'. YOU DID GREAT! you've said it in the past that you're "not part of the family anymore" but there are some ties that a divorce just does not break.
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This brings back memories of when my mother had to go into a care home. She had this look on her face as if to say "I know what you're doing to me..". It was heartbreaking but she did have the best of care and was soon used to her new 'home'.
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You're a good person. Been there, done that
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you are a sweet and kind person. actually made me hide a tear when i read your latest. being a good person is a tough job, but someone has to do it, lol. glad you can be that person. ty!
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Being a nursing assistant for many years, I have seen this too many times. It is very sad. I hope and pray I am not like that. To me that is worse than having cancer
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That is sad. Nothing worse than loosing a lifetime of memories. Hmmm... Yep, THAT nightmare haunts me and saddens me when I see how it affects other families. ... is there another way to look at it Going Too Fucking Far NEW Blog Features RevealeD O O A Foolproof Method Posted Over on that NEW site O O
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