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That Dark Hole Within
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That Dark Hole Within So today (actually the day before i wrote this) i got sent home from college for "acting out", this was because i have had enough with feeling so empty. my work ethic has gone, and i feel a lack of wanting to do anything other than sit around playing my<b> guitar. </font></b>But even then i still feel empty. As best as i can, i have traced it back to the holidays just gone past (Easter). I broke up with someone who i trusted and thought worthy of my heart. because of this break-up i used my upbringing and transferred the feelings that i had for this person into a ring that i then gave to a friend, but by doing this i left a hole within myself. This hole has now widened and is starting to pour out of just my sense of love and is starting to make me feel less inclined to do anything. like i have just said, i love to sit and play my<b> guitar </font></b>but now when i do i just end up sitting there thinking of why i can't be bothered to do anything. I want to do well, i want to go out, i want to be me again but i just can't. Even though i cut these feelings out, not all are gone. Every time that i see her new Bf's profile pic, it hurts. She told me that me saying how i truly felt for her scarred her. I loved her, she was the reason that i would get up early just to say "good morning" and why i would stay behind after class, just to walk her home. But now that she is gone, i feel lost. I need to find that again, if i could i would go out to new places but my isolation for the last decade has left me socially numb outside of school/college. I am here to find that person, the one who will take me and push me to my limits. Give me a reason to do more. Get me out of my shell and introduce me to new people. Get me to try new things (some naughty, some nice). I need to find someone and this is my lifeline to the outside world, i am limited on where i can go, but i would very much like to meet most of you who have read this. the more i can get my name/account out there, the more likely i am to find someone. i know that this isn't the best place to write this, but this is probably the place that i would be mostly accepted. Thank you for reading my feelings put into words, i sometimes find it hard to use words to express what i feel, instead opting to use unintelligible sounds that express it better. if you would like to add me as a friend then by all means, and i don't mind meeting up with people for a drink or two, provided i bring someone along (just in case, can't be too careful. this is the internet)............  |
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