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Free Advice
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Free Advice The One Piece of Advice Id Give Is The Topic For The Fourth Virtual Symposium Free Advice, by PD Free advice is worth about what you pay for it, or so the adage goes, but maybe you shouldn't listen. I mean, isn't that a bit of free advice too? Most people who like to hand out free advice seem to be talking to themselves, so choosing and writing about the best advice I ever got is kind of tough. It's almost an oxymoron: Good advice. Really? Have you ever noticed that many of the pithy advice-bytes banging around out there are on some level completely batshit? Sometimes it's right out there, but sometimes it takes an analyst to point out the stupidity therein; an analyst like, say my eldest at eight. This was over 25 years ago, way before Facebook routinely flooded us with shitty advice memes, usually with illustrations of kittens or sunrises or Einstein in the background. My was complaining about something or the other that all the other supposedly had but she did not. This is what eight-year-olds do, it's their job, and if you can't take it, that just means you are a parent. Not 'apparent'--no, eight-year-olds are already beginning to suspect you make no sense, ever, and are completely obtuse--but 'a parent', as in, a person who is raising, or has raised . My sympathies. After I'd had enough of this whining, I tossed off this bit of familiar free advice for my dissatisfied : "I once complained that I had no shoes, and then I met a man who had no feet." Without missing a beat she countered, "A man with no feet doesn't need shoes." How can you argue with that? It reminded me of this friend I had for awhile who was fond of saying, "They can kill me but they can't eat me." He said this when he wanted to show that he didn't care about the consequences of some minor infraction or bit of rudeness that he was about to commit or had just committed. Every time he said it I thought, "But if they kill you, they can eat you. They can do anything they want with you, actually, including breading you and saute-ing you in butter." As a sociopath motto it struck me as exceedingly lame. I never said that to him. But it always bothered me. It bothered me so much that I never married him, even though my mother and grandmother thought he was wonderfuckingful, and this is saying something, because back in those days I married everybody. You know what they say, "Never a bridesmaid, always a bride." When he said he wanted to marry me so we could live in a trailer in his parent's backyard in the back country of Arkansas, I broke it off and took a shitty job in a factory that made camera bags. I operated an industrial sewing machine and never once made piece rate, but as one of the few white people at the factory who wasn't a "hill person", I was kind of an oddity and allowed to just be my weird self in peace, or piece. Whatever. They all called me, "hippy chick." Everyone had their own tribe there: The blacks were at the top of the food chain and were the fastest workers and the only ones who made money by sewing faster (sorry if that interferes with beloved stereotypes, but they were). The hill folk were second from the top and these two groups (blacks and hillbillies) got along great, proving that if you just get to know people you don't have to be a dick anymore. Then there were the Mexican girls. They kept to themselves and I mean seriously, no eye contact, no chatting, no mixing, nothing. Finally, there was a small group of Vietnamese and Cambodian refugees who sat on top of the lunch tables cross-legged to eat, and who were mercilessly teased by both of the top two groups. I say teased but it was worse than that. No they didn't understand what was being said but they got the gist of it. I befriended one of the Vietnamese girls named Celia Ju. Celia would call me at home and chat at about 90 words a minute, and I could understand none of them. I figured the least I could do was listen. While I was working there my latest boyfriend got into the FBI and decided to marry me before we took off for D.C. To my surprise everyone took up a collection for me, and brought cake and free advice. The free advice was two fold: 1) "Make sure you get yours first (orgasm), because once he has his it's all over," and 2) "Save a couple hundred bucks or so but don't let him know about it in case you need to get the hell out of there fast." These were good bits of free advice. I advise all of you follow them. Did I? No of course not! But those are good ideas, especially for women. But I think the best free advice I ever got was something that was given to me fairly recently. "Learn when not to give a fuck." It took me way too long to learn that. I made every mistake in the book, lots of mistakes that aren't in the book, and mistakes that are so far out of the realm of cognitive cohesiveness that they can't be properly expressed or understood without hallucinogens that are only found in the depths of the Amazon forest. But seriously, I don't give a fuck. It's been a wild ride. I regret nothing. And George Carlin didn't say that latest thing on Facebook so leave that guy alone for fuck's sake. Become a member now and get a free tote bag. |
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Thanks, Koffla. She moved on. I became infatuated with her here and followed her home like a stray mutt. She does NOT want to identify as a writer, but she's a good one! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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What a great read! I especially loved the quick-mindedness of the 8 year old. Kids are so switched on, it's a pity adults don't listen to them more often. The best advice I ever got came in a moment of extreme clarity when, after years of wondering about things regarding people who were no longer in my life, I suddenly just said to myself "Mel, stop giving a shit about things you are unlikely to ever get to know." I have found a level of emotional peace that I never imagined existed. It's a bit "Que sera, sera" but it works.  Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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That's my girl! (She can cook, too!) Really, thank you, dear Sweets! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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"Learn when not to give a fuck", is such an important piece of advise that it takes years to master, I must admit! Thank you! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Excellent advise here KZ! One of the hardest lesson learnt hugssssssssss V Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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That's a hard lesson to learn, we are raised and taught to give a fuck, but once grown, it is very valuable advice. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Excellent advise here KZ! One of the hardest lesson learnt hugssssssssss V Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Thank you! Advice definitely needs a fine filter. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Brilliant!  I'm reluctant to give advice. But I do know that when someone says they don't care, they often do! 
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Brilliant! I'm reluctant to give advice. But I do know that when someone says they don't care, they often do! Well, sure she cares, but you gotta let shit go, you know? She was someone who let stuff get to her, and she's better at saying the hell with it now. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Wow... part personal history, part debunking of aphorisms, and part genuinely smart life lesson... from the mouth of an eight year old. Can't speak to free advice piece number two, but I've lived by free advice piece number one (the male equivalent, which has to do with being conscious and assisting with it) for decades. PD, we need you and Bill to be tandem posters more often! I WILL start a grassroots movement for this, so help me! (No, seriously, help me: I suck at retail-level organizing.) Saul Alinsky who? Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Hippy chick had a good time working there. She didn't fit in any of the groups but instead of shunning her they all adopted her. She remembers that place fondly. As you say about yourself...she had two degrees and taught philosophy at a university, but the job she remembers most was at a bag factory. It was the women who worked there who made it memorable. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Wow... part personal history, part debunking of aphorisms, and part genuinely smart life lesson... from the mouth of an eight year old. Can't speak to free advice piece number two, but I've lived by free advice piece number one (the male equivalent, which has to do with being conscious and assisting with it) for decades. PD, we need you and Bill to be tandem posters more often! I WILL start a grassroots movement for this, so help me! (No, seriously, help me: I suck at retail-level organizing.) Saul Alinsky who? Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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GREAT READ!!!! I enjoyed it tremendously Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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i think that there might be a worry gene. And it can't yet be predicted where and when it will emerge. I also think nurture plays a part- environment can contribute to a tendency to worry over things. And we don't know ourselves well enough to say exactly what factors contributed. Do teach her this, if you can! Worriers distress me quite a lot. I feel so badly for someone who is just incapable of saying "FUCK IT!" Just let it go, let it be! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Thanks! And, you're welcome! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Smart girl...smarter than most, for sure! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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I've heard Advice #1 but thankfully have rarely, if ever, had to worry about it (My partners typically continue to play even if they cum first) and advice#2 is good. Of course my take on that when I was 20 was "I'm not getting married until I've lived on my own at least 2 years, preferably 4, to prove I CAN DO IT... if married life goes to hell I have the ability and the power and the confidence to walk out and start again". Of course I've now had 20 years experience... ah well. Overachiever me "Learn when not to give a fuck" gets easier as one gets older I think.
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I've heard Advice #1 but thankfully have rarely, if ever, had to worry about it (My partners typically continue to play even if they cum first) and advice#2 is good. Of course my take on that when I was 20 was "I'm not getting married until I've lived on my own at least 2 years, preferably 4, to prove I CAN DO IT... if married life goes to hell I have the ability and the power and the confidence to walk out and start again". Of course I've now had 20 years experience... ah well. Overachiever me "Learn when not to give a fuck" gets easier as one gets older I think. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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An enjoyable read! Thank you for sharing. Sadly I am guilty of always giving a fuck. I know I'm getting to old for that shit, but what the hell. Sooner or later everyone I must embrace your learned advice. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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An enjoyable read! Thank you for sharing. Sadly I am guilty of always giving a fuck. I know I'm getting to old for that shit, but what the hell. Sooner or later everyone I must embrace your learned advice. I hope to see you here regularly! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Thank you mmmmchocolat! I enjoy writing but haven't been at much lately. I'll have to drop in here more. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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