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Sexual Preferences and Closed Mindedness
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Sexual Preferences and Closed Mindedness Having been away from the online dating scene for a bit, I ventured in over the weekend. I chatted on the phone with one woman last night, who left a bit of an impression. Considering writing about it, that impression clearly wasn't positive. There were positives, though. She was engaging, incredibly smart and knowledgeable across a realm of topics, and funny. Long story short, we ventured into the topic of sex, where she portrayed herself as insatiable, doing it everywhere at any time. Regaling me with stories of 48 hour fuckfests. Not so bad, right? Except I forgot one of my universal truths I'll share at the end. Because she was being graphic herself, and seemed to enjoy the exchange, I violated one of my rules and waded into the 'higher level of difficulty' portion of the sexual floor routine during the first conversation. This included women enjoying being treated as fuck toys in the bedroom. I've written about this dynamic before in my entry celebrating sluts. Eventually, she told me that she had no interest in being degraded that way and the concept of degrading a woman during sex was foreign to her. She went so far as to question what kind of women I spent time with that would enjoy such treatment. I responded that the only woman who didn't enjoy that dynamic had some hefty self-esteem issues and couldn't separate in and out of bedroom dynamics. ?They were the same to her. Back to last night, I threw out my personal observation of the more successful, intelligent, and self-assured a woman was, the more likely she wanted to be submissive in the bedroom. Toward the end, she made a comment about how such behavior was out of line (I forget the exact word she used) and asked if I could only get off by degrading women. Then, she stated 'the best sex of my life was during that 48 hour fuckfest, and we never had to resort to that sort of behavior'. Resort to??? That was the proverbial straw... I told her I took exception to her characterization that the power exchange dynamic was in any way abnormal or aberrant. I explained that the most recent partners I had were a VP of HR with a multi billion dollar company, an attorney, a senior policy adviser to the VA House, a university professor, and a psychologist. All very successful and intelligent women and all wanted to be whores for me. Two of them used that word, unsolicited. What she said was in a not so accusatory manner; in fact, we ended the conversation with her indicating she still wanted to meet me. Yeah, I'll get back to you... There are a lot of sexual activities I don't find to be of interest. Full on BDSM holds little interest to me, but I'd never consider insulting those who partake as aberrant. While I initially kicked myself for violating my 'save the high level of difficulty' material for later, it's probably good to have exposed this up front. Finally, this episode became another data point to validate one of my universal truths, which is the more a woman brags about liking sex, wanting sex, and fucking at the drop of a hat, the less varied her sexual experiences have been. Happy dating, friends. |
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Love dating!
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I try to stick to a policy of not talking about sex at all, prior to a first meet....except for saying that I enjoy it. No sense in getting hopes up only to find there's absolutely no chemistry. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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10/29/2018 5:35 pm |
Everyone basically wants a gentle dom like how I am reading what you wrote. Anyone that is anybody wants to be a submissive. I know I have always enjoyed it, a lot, being submissive to alpha male straight guys...being a slut, so to speak, and we recently got into this discussion how like 90% of the gay and bisexual men are actually submissive bottoms. Why is that? If it is a full fledged orientation one would expect to find an equal distribution of tops and bottoms. However, it is not an equal distribution of tops and bottoms in the gay bi scene, it is mostly men that want to be submissive to more masculine powerful dominant men....It occurred to me in having this discussion that perhaps gay and bi men are more female minded since almost all women I have ever known, and the ones I've seen, are "submissive bottoms" so to speak to men. In fact, the whole dynamic of men and women together is always the male as the one that pursues and "tops" the women. Going further, women have expressed to me clearly they are very turned off when they meet men that want to be dominated, pegged, or have a woman do them with a strap on etc. There are those that do, of course, but the majority want to man to dominate, whether that is full out bdsm, or the lesser gentle dom. Further, one time when I did meet a woman and approached sex as a more romantic, loving, missionary type exchange; she said being from NY she would have thought I would have been more wild and kinky? She was expecting a more dominate creative lovemaking with plenty of humiliation to her built into the mix. I think you should have immediately ended the call once it became apparent that her conversation style was on the accusatory level. You clearly have had great partners in your life and much experience pleasing women. Her loss.
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She sounds a little prudish and certainly hung up on something. I've always loved a little variety in the bedroom so can't relate to her seemingly fantasyless sex life. If you wanna be a dom, be a dom. If you wanna be a sub, be a sub. I'm game  .
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This dynamic is common. Putting things in order: (1) She called you out on your sexual preferences. This was a classic Shit Test. She was trying to shame you. (2) You defended yourself by telling her how it wasn't deviant, and how very successful women in your past have enjoyed it. (3) She abruptly ended or otherwise derailed the conversation, indicating that you failed her Shit Test. Shit Tests aren't inherently bad. Women do it to establish a man's worth. If she's doing it to you, it means she's giving you serious consideration. These are the moments where you have an opportunity to score big time points. By defending yourself, you recognize the need to defend yourself (thus acknowledging shame). You also recognize the need to respond to everything she says, establishing her as the superior in your dynamic. She can't be the superior in the fantasy you're trying to play out! When the Shit Test is in the form of shaming, you establish that you feel no shame by simply redirecting the conversation. You end up just ignoring the question. You don't have to change subjects completely, but bypass the question entirely and keep the conversation moving. Now you're in control. The thing about Shit Tests is that we women don't always do them consciously. Personally, I sometimes I do it deliberately, other times I know I'm doing it and somehow can't stop it ... and yet other times I'm not even aware of it, its only in retrospect that I can see it. I can't say which is happening here. The good news is that she's still letting you play the game. You lost points, but not enough to lose the whole game. I don't blame you for walking away (she does seem like a handful), but there's an opportunity here to get those points back. The best thing you can do now is be disinterested for a little while. She's probably still acting out the fantasy. She WANTS to be a slut. But understand the fantasy -- its the prim and proper lady who, despite herself, succumbs to her baser instincts and finds enjoyment and satisfaction in these "vile" and "disgusting" acts. It's all part of the game. This fantasy only works when playing a long game. If you're wrong and this isn't the game she's playing, you come across as a stand up guy who is able to keep things cordial. Either way you end up looking good. The only risk is if she's bat-shit crazy (those are the times you don't want to "win").
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I applaud your opportunity to find intelligent, well to do women who bared their souls to you!! I usually get the ones who are PILLOW PRINCESSES who feel the need to give the impression that they are SEX GODDESSES and only a SEX GOD will be enough to satiate her thirst for pleasure....SMH These are the ones who cant ride a dick... cant touch a dick the way it needs to be touched.. (Jacking the dick like youre at a water well in the country is NOT it) Verbally awkward in bed Im slightly jealous of ya man! ~Linc was here.~
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