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I'm Going To Be a Lady
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I'm Going To Be a Lady I got bored writing the second part about alligators and since no one commented on it, it will remain in fragments on my hard drive. When we welcome someone new into our lives, it’s usually because they fill a certain need we have. These needs can include having common interests (i.e. an activity companion), financial, the need for a trusted advisor or confidant, and of course, sexual needs. In the marketing world, this is referred to as the value proposition. In the case of dating, understanding a potential date’s value proposition tends to be paramount. If a potential date / partner / companion didn’t serve at least one important need, you likely wouldn’t have an interest in them. Of course, the Holy Grail for all of us is to find that one person who ‘ticks all the boxes’. Many of us will accept an ‘interim’ companion who fails to meet many of our needs, yet fills our most pressing needs, at the time. The perfect example of this is a fuck buddy. They typically aren’t LTR material, but they meet our sexual needs. Over time, a ‘companion’ may come to meet needs beyond those that attracted you to them. You find your fuck buddy shares some interests with you or your conversely, activity partner is amazing in the sack. However, when a new companion decides they want to shift their value proposition before you’ve really gotten to know them, it can be maddening. This is all a nice way of leading into my rant of the week. I think most guys, who do the online dating thing, have encountered this scenario. You begin chatting with a woman and the conversation turns to sex. She shares some of her many, many instances of being slutty (which I use as an adjective and not a pejorative). She can’t help but sleep with someone on the first date, if there’s chemistry. She’s excited to meet and do all of those things with you as soon as possible. She may even say ‘let’s skip dinner and go right to your place’. Then comes the appointed day of your interlude and she leads off with ‘I’m don’t want to be slutty anymore (for one reason or another). Instead, I’m going to be a lady. We’ll wait to have sex.’ Wait, what??? You just now decided to make a change in your behavior? You’ve slept with half the free world but you want me to wait? In short, she’s attempted to change her value proposition before delivering any benefits. The woman who makes this proclamation is invariably someone who you wouldn’t be terribly interested in without the sexual component. Before I go any further, let me be clear that I respect everyone in my life and value them uniquely. If I don’t respect someone, they’re not in my life, period. Before I get raked over the coals for trashing women, I’ve heard more than one talk about a boy toy who was so nice to look at and was great so long as he kept his mouth shut. The most recent offender was the perfect example of the above. She was stuck in all sorts of drama with her ex; and loved to talk about it. A lot. She said up front that she wanted something semi-casual and definitely physical. Perfect; I just finished a less than pleasant relationship experience myself, so that would fit the bill nicely. We exchanged dirty talk and at one point, she said she wanted to meet at my house (‘dinner would just get in the way’), where I’d immediately shove her to the floor and fuck her mouth. We were to get together this past Thursday. A few days before, she began to waffle a bit and asked to meet for dinner first. No problem; we’ll have a lovely dinner before heading to my place. Then, the day of, she tells me that she’s decided to be a lady and will not, under any circumstances, come to my house. To recap, we had agreed on what needs each of us would satisfy and at the last moment, she decided to change her value proposition. Except that she’d really lost any value proposition at that point. I wanted to grab her and tell her that the only reason I tolerated her constant tales of woe was because sex was imminent. Of course, I’d never actually say that to someone. I understand why women make these leaps. In every case I’ve encountered, their self-esteem was trashed. They see not jumping in the sack as a way to gain back some of that self-esteem. You’ll respect them more if they withhold sex. Actually, I’d respect them more if they remained true to themselves and didn’t subject me to their swings in insecurity. Unfortunately, in addition to losing respect for them, it’s frankly difficult to not get angry for what essentially turns into a bait and switch. There’s no moral or wisdom to come from the above. Actually, in terms of dating on vanilla sites, if you want sex, skip the women who say that’s what they want. In fact, I’ve found the ones who complain loudest that all men want is sex are the most likely to ‘skip dinner’. Strange but true… Update - OMG, two times in one week! Yesterday, I began trading notes with a woman, yada yada yada, I want to be your dirty girl. We agreed to meet at a local cafe, before heading to my place. Except, she rolled in and shares that she's not dated in 15 years and is nervous as hell. Long story short, we never left the cafe. For the love of all that's holy, know what you're open to before you make a commitment to someone. |
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