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The Journey
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The Journey They say life is a journey and who am I to argue with they. Bi the way who are they? To my way of thinking you are on this journey called life and they have nothing to do with it. So why do we some times consider what they would think. The only opinions that really counts is yours and those you consider close. Because you are living it (life) not they. I have cum to the conclusion as I faux tong and cheek I enjoy almost all of it. So why should I deny my self pleasure for my self and those I come in contact with while I am still here on this earth. I can understand that people like to place them selves in a box. After all we are born in a box, live in a box, and die in a box. Sorta plant your flag making the statement "This is who I am". "This is what I want". Even if their not really sure. It's all cool. For me I want to experience almost all of it in addition to what I have experienced to date. And I have experienced quite a lot in my sixty two years on this third rock from the sun. With all of this experience the realization sets in that I'm in love with lust, pure unmitigated lust. With a deep sense of passion to go along with it. I am of the belief that I love top, like bottom, side, up, down, and in between. Almost every way but lose. Under the right circumstances with the right people in the right time nothing is impossible. (cue music; dum, dum, da, da, dum, dum, da). Have you ever wondered why sex is so popular? Besides the fact of procreation of the species. Sex is one of the most entertaining ways to get close to, see and feel the spark of creation that is us. Think about it. When we climax if the timing is just right we sense that shutter that is the spark of creation within us. Not unlike a star being born in a universe. And we feel one with all that is. If only for a moment. That feeling is so powerful and satisfying that if we leave our selves open, we constantly crave it. To date I have never been given a good reason for why we praise war and condemn sex. The standard explanation is: "We can't just have every one running around fucking each other. There has to be order and control of the masses other wise we will revert into savages and where would civilization be?" Wait a minute Bob a louie. I have never seen any one fuck them selves to death. They may have felt like it but they really didn't die from the act of intercourse. War on the other hand has murdered countless souls in the name of one dogma or another. Propagated by religion or some government entity for their own agenda. Which is not necessarily in alignment with the well being of its citizenry. It's all an undercover job. Tan only the parts that show. Hypocrites are us. All to deny the most basic fundamental part of life. They say there is no rhyme or reason to it. When in fact the universe screams most assuredly their is a reason and a rhythm to it all. You have only to be still and know that it is. Now back to our regularly scheduled programing. There are very few truths out there and many beliefs. One truth I have seen in life is every one deserves to be loved. And love has no bounds. Often we confuse love with lust. Lust on the down stroke and love on the up stroke. Lust-love, lust-love, lust-love pick up the tempo, you get the picture. So much for comic relief. However, there is a grain of truth in there. Once we discover lust we fall in love with it. Unconditional love does not exist, there is only love. An example of unconditional love that is often cited is that of a pet. Most closely associated with dogs. As long as you feed them they love you. Take away the food and their gone. Right to the next person with food they can get. Sorta thanks see ya, I'm outta here. And to some extent human beings do likewise. As long as we stay open and pliable we can feel love. Its when we harden our harts and close our selves off and can no longer feel. And Love requires feelings to be Many times we put conditions on love where as lust is free wheelin' with no chains to bind. I think we have it backwards. Love should have no conditions on it. For when you love some body their happiness is paramount. And if you are not a selfish person you takes second fiddle to their wants. The rub comes when you make promises and they are not keep. Here is where those two wild and crazy brothers Ego and Jealousy go on a rampage. And things quickly get out of hand. And you feel cheated when in fact you are deluded and set your self up for failure. When you lose respect for each other then it's time to walk away, hopefully parting as friends. Another truth that is misaligned is you have a relationship with everybody you come in contact with. It's a mater of how much of your time and self you are willing to invest in that relationship. Relationships should be built on the pillars of trust, respect, and communication. Most important is communication. For once communication is compromised trust and respect erode and erode quickly. Respect is always earned never given. You can command respect but not demand respect. You can never really own another human being. The only exception to that is unless they give their expressed consent. Sexuality, ya hear it all the time "Man she is so sexy". "He is so hot". And lets face it, sex sells. Sells everything from cars to bars and all points in-between. Sex and love go hand in hand often times off into the sunset. Love, sex, and lust three brothers or sisters depending on your take that mankind revolves around. I know, I know I have deliberately left out Hate, Jealousy, Envy, Greed, and Gluttony. Their the dark sick side of man and a disease mankind is afflicted with. Now Lust being the special that Love and Sex don't talk about too often. Though sex sorta understands lust. Lust is like the Van Go of the three. Where passion and often times insanity co-habiate. Sex is for the most part detached and a mater of fact and by the numbers. Love is the emotional one and the dreamer, but an optimums at hart. Love figures it can cure all and anything is possible if you only believe. "Dorothy go get the red slippers". The difference between man and woman. First off let me make it very clear Woman is the cradle of all human kind. From her the re-generation of society is possible. Man does the shake and bake and I helped. Woman is the one that generates new life from mans spark. If you know anything about oriental<b> philosophy </font></b>and chinese medicine or have ever seen a Kung Fu movie then you have seen the symbol of Yin and Yang. Both man and woman according to<b> philosophy </font></b>of Yen and Yang are of varying degrees of both. Yin is the female side while Yang is the male side. The two make up the whole and is divided into four quadrants. Yin is the female, passive, negative principle in nature. The moon, shaded orientation, north or shady side of a hill. Yang (pronounced Young by the Chinese) is positive, active, male principle in nature, south or sunny side of a hill, and north of a river. All life is made up of varying amounts of one or the other. Yin-Yang are opposites. They complement and counter each other. The one constance of both is flow. This flow is a undulating ebb of energy between the two poles. under "normal" circumstances this flow is balanced. It is when we get out of balance and the flow is interrupted that problems occur. If you want to delve further into it you can look up 5 Element Theory written by Tsou Yen. My thorium here is that some people have more Yen than Yang and vise versa. This goes to traits for lack of a better word. As an example look at the human form. The body does not have exact symmetry. One side is softer and larger than the other. Left side is Yin (Female). The right side is Yang (Male). Having been a body builder, body builders strive for symmetry. We are judged on how close to perfect symmetry are you. The balance and flow of Yen and yang has a profound effect on how your body reflects it's self. I think that this balance of Yen and Yang has not been seriously considered as a prime motivator to the attraction of alternative life styles and their varying degrees of intensity. My life is the only bench mark I have to measure this theory by with any kind of context. Had you talked with me two years ago the attraction to the male form would have been detestable and vile. Today not so. All of a sudden I do find CD's, Trainees, and some shaven men attractive and desirable. I have asked myself this question of why often to no avail. Then I started considering the yen and yang of it and some of the trials and tribulations I have gone through. There are some crossroads and intersections that stand out. This along with new medical info squarely puts the cross hairs on my theory. about three weeks ago I was informed that I have been afflicted with a rare disease from birth. A hormonal imbalance from my mother that was transferred to me in the womb. This imbalance causes enlarged male breast (Oh Goody yuck). It is prevalent at hood and adolescent. Then becomes dormant until between the age of sixty and eighty. Add to this going through 26 weeks of treatment for hepatitis C which ravages the body and throws everything out of whack. I worked for a solid year with a ferocity and intensity to build my self back up with very little gain. I can not begin to express my frustration at this lack of progress. I used to work out with Frank Zain and the Weedier bros. I used to be buff as a young man. Now I am the Stay Puff marshmallow guy. I still have inner strength I press 185 but you would be hard pressed to tell from the looks of my body. That and the fact I am growing fucking tits quite frankly had me depressed and demoralized. Thats when I began to understand that this theory might be possible. To date I am on T shots and a special diet to limit the estrogen. And all estrogen is is fat. And when I can afford it do acupuncture at Two Frogs. It occurred to me a couple of days ago that this disability may be an opportunity. To turn a negative into a positive. I owe this courage to a friend who is going through something similar and his ability to embrace it. I have come to the rationalization I like anal sex as well as oral. Of corse not all the time. (Gotta go to the bathroom every now and then.) That's a joke. This puts me in a special place according to some people with more experience in this life style. I have been told that with natural breasts I would be considered as a true she male. If I am not twisted up enough now this just ups the anti. I have never had a fancy to ware women's clothes. I am old school simple kinda guy. I want something cold to drink and necked too look at. This may afford me the opportunity to go south of the border every now and then just to feel what it is like. I don't know maybe I am. As an aside their are some fine trainees out there that don't want to play with men that I am dyeing to play with, but not the main reason nor a good one. Sorta like an Emersonian way of looking at the positive side of life. You know I keep thinking it can't get much weirder but it does. Despite my jovial comic attitude which is an effort to stay on a positive note when I could be very easy to be depressed confuses some and bewilders others. I am at a loss to explain it all. If it were not for humor and good friends I would have though maybe I should have committed ritual suppukui for dishonoring my families name. Na that an't right. And given my Catholic up bringing it would never happen. But thats what happens when a Judaea Christian up bringing melds with Buddhist/Shinto<b> philosophy. </font></b>There are times that my imagination runs wild and almost uncontrollable.It is like I am traveling at warp eight all the time. Having such an active mind it is difficult to get every thing out in context. I have been told I would have no problems improving with Robin Williams. I am not too sure of that but the complement strokes my ego nicely. Some times my inner ego plays games with me. "Now here he is, you know him, you love him, a great humanitarian, and a close personal friend of mine for twenty five years." Kinkier than a roll of barb wire. More fun than a high pressure emma. Able to meld minds without a thought. You know him, you love him, you can't live without him. Star of stage and screen heeeers ME! If I don't believe in my self how can you. Share something with all of you. Very profound and shifted my perception of life and being. "All the powers in the universe are already ours. It is we who have put our hands before our eyes and cry that it is dark. We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far. When an idea exclusively occupies the mind, it is transformed into an actual physical or mental state. We reap what we sow. We are the makers of our own fate. None else has the blame, none has the praise. There is no help for you outside of yourself; you are the creator of the universe. Like a silk worm you have built a cocoon around yourself... Burst your own cocoon and come out as the beautiful butterfly, as the free soul. Then alone you will see Truth. In one word, this ideal is that you are divine. God sits in the temple of every human body." Swami Vivekananda, (1836-1902) |
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