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The Columbo Effect
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The Columbo Effect The secret of being not okay In the town where I grew up there was an artist who did wood carvings who lived in our neighborhood. He would sometimes hire from the neighborhood to clean up and fetch things for him while he worked. He shared his<b> philosophy </font></b>on art and life as he worked. One thing I learned from him that I've found over and over again to be true is that "perfection is the enemy of good enough". The way he put it was "If I tried to make every carving perfect I'd never finish any of them. I'd always be seeing ways to make it a little more perfect. And I'd never get paid. When it looks like what it's supposed to look like it's good enough and I'm done." It's okay to not be perfect. This idea is central to the persona of detective Columbo in the 1970s TV series. He wore a frumpy old trench coat, drove a beat up old Peugeot, fumbled for his note pad a lot, often seemed forgetful, and just came across as barely competent. It was to lull his adversaries, the suspects he was investigating, into feeling comfortable talking to him. They didn't feel that he was a threat to them because obviously they had it more together than he did. Right up until they led him to the convincing evidence of their guilt, at least. Columbo knew the secret of being not okay. Have you ever spent time around someone who's always perfect? Maybe a family member or someone you've worked with? Don't you sometimes wish they'd do something, anything, to screw up like the rest of us do from time to time and get knocked off their pedestal? That's natural. Perfection gets on other people's nerves sometimes. It can make us feel not good enough. Columbo is a sympathetic character precisely because he's a caricature of the rest of us and our screw ups and imperfections. I don't recommend carrying this idea to the extreme that Columbo did in real life. The standard disclaimer goes here. "Just a working stiff, not a trained professional... offered for entertainment purposes only... don't blame me if this doesn't work for you... etc., etc." I do recommend not being perfect when you are getting to know someone new in IM chat or in a face to face chat. On this site or any of the other dating and hook-up sites. And in everyday real life including your business/work life. It makes people feel more comfortable. At a "coffee date"? Try spilling a little coffee. I don't mean knock your cup over and splash it all over yourself or the other person. You don't want to look dangerously incompetent. Just spill enough to have to mop it up with a napkin and make a fuss about "being such a clutz". Or wear something not quite coordinated or just a bit frumpy. Misstate some obvious fact and compliment the other on having a better memory when they correct you. Have trouble finding your keys when you're leaving. Be a little like Columbo. Admit your lack of knowledge or credentials on some subject that comes up. But don't over do it! And don't be afraid to be competent in your own fields of expertise. Don't act dumb about science if you've got a technical degree. Your purpose isn't to mislead or be manipulative. It's to show that you're a "regular" person and comfortable being less than perfect. It's natural when we're meeting someone new to want to put your best foot forward, to show your best "face", to accentuate the positives and attenuate the negatives. And I'm not saying you shouldn't still do that. Just that you should balance that with a little that's less than perfect. It makes you seem more real and more likable. And that adds credibility to the rest of the image you present about yourself. Remember, "perfection is the enemy of good enough" means it's okay to not be perfect and you'll have more success at whatever you negotiate over. (Did you notice where I used the Columbo effect here and in my previous posts?)  |
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