590 posts 1/18/2016 5:01 pm
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Crossroads
I went down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees.
I went down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees.
Asked the Lord above for mercy, "Save me if you please."
I went down to the crossroads, tried to flag a ride.
I went down to the crossroads, tried to flag a ride.
Nobody seemed to know me, everybody passed me by.
I'm going down to Rosedale, take my rider by my side.
I'm going down to Rosedale, take my rider by my side.
You can still barrelhouse, baby, on the riverside.
You can run, you can run, tell my friend-boy Willie Brown.
You can run, you can run, tell my friend-boy Willie Brown.
And I'm standing at the crossroads, believe I'm sinking down.
Well, this will be an unusual post. I don't really know how to describe everything, but I will just put it all out there and hope it makes some sort of sense. It involves me, Ralph Macchio, Erica, and that miserable abomination I once knew whom I refer to Dickhead! First, because I know you want to know, and because he's so central to the story, who is Dickhead! Dickhead, not is real name but an apt description of his mind set. was an acquaintance I once knew briefly in my early twenties. I could write an encyclopedia's worth of information for how stupid and insane he is, but I won't for times sake. I say " acquaintance " instead of friend because that's what he was. We were never friends, although I didn't realize it until I stopped associating with him and analyzed the situation. I only knew him for two years, and I didn't even associate with him all that much during that period. But, it felt like twenty years, and I now realize, every time I encountered him was like an assault on me and my mind. LIke I said, I didn't realize any of this until later. While I knew him, I treated him like a friend, which was a terrible mistake, because he did more damage being so close to me, then if I had kept him at a safer distance. This association culminated when we took a trip together, down south to Florida. It was only at that point, I finally realized who and what I was dealing with. Yeah, he had a real good front to fool people. But, on the trip, he was out of his natural element, and couldn't hide himself as he usually did. He totally weirded out, I'm still shocked by his behavior from that time. And I don't get shocked by anything. That's how fucking bad it was!   And now, after all this time, I see what he's done with his life. At the time, he just graduated from college and hadn't done anything yet, so there was nothing I could look at to show how crazy he was!  But after the trip, and I mean, right after it, I stopped associating with him, and made the assumption that he was abnormal and would probably do something that would prove that fact. And he did, he posted his resume on line, so I could see precisely everything he's done since association with me. It took him a few years to get his plan into action, but he's enacted and engaged in it ever since. What is it, you ask? Simple, he wanted to stay in school the rest of his life, and he's done it! Oh, no, it's not what you're thinking, because that would be normal! He didn't become a high school teacher or something rational like that, or like my ex did. He wanted to stay a high school student, but because of his age now, I guess it would be a little difficult to explain. So, he's stayed a college student, and goes to class with agers. He has about six or seven degrees by now. What he does, is takes a course of study in something, and then right after he graduates, he signs up at another school and takes the same classes over again. And he's been doing this for about twenty five to thirty years, or more if you include the time he did it originally! If that sounds strange or insane to you, it should, because it is, and that's only one facet of his total insanity!  Okay, I didn't want to dwell on him or that subject, but I have to, to give you some sort of insight as to what I was dealing with in him. Also, if you're thinking that's not that bad, or doesn't make him a bad person? You're wrong, he is a very bad person, in fact one of the worst I've ever known, but I'm not going to go into the list for all of the terrible shit he said and did, because it would take too long, and also I don't want to prejudice you, the jury in this matter. I will write a long prose sometime, about him and all the stuff I witnessed but in this instance I'll only allude to the things that are relevant here. But, so you know, I hate this mother fucker and wish him a slow painful death!
Anyway! I love the movie " Crossroads " because it dealt with<b> guitar </font></b>playing obviously! It's a story about a young<b> guitar </font></b>prodigy played by Ralph Macchio who helps an old black blues man get out of his deal with the Devil by going back to the crossroads and standing in for him at a head cutting dual with Steve Via with guitars. Ralph wins by playing a classical piece he learned in school!
I was watching this movie the other night again, and I realized I played out the same story in a round about way, with that insane Dickhead person I once knew. The events didn't happen in the same order or time line, but they all happened and I'll try to explain. When I knew that guy Dickhead, I was just beginning to learn and start to consider seriously becoming a musician. In retrospect, I should have done things differently or worked harder at it. But, I came to it in a round about way. Partly, because I didn't think I could actually do it. Playing the<b> guitar </font></b>is very difficult and takes a lot of time to master, if you don't have a natural ability with it. I eventually did master it, but I meandered around with it for a while. So, during this period, this guy Dickhead, did know how to play the<b> guitar </font></b>somewhat. He had taken lessons, and had the ability to figure out certain parts or riffs to songs. But, that didn't make him a musician! At the time, to me he was, because anybody who could get a tune out of a<b> guitar </font></b>was a musician! Later, when I met real musicians, I realized, he was nothing compared to them, or me now, for that matter. But at that time I didn't know that. Well, must have realized my naivety in that area, because he used to harp on me all the time about my lack of ability. So, in effect, he was acting as arrogantly as the character Steve Vai was towards Ralph Macchio in the movie. And like Steve's character, he was a better player then I was at the time. Well, like I said, we took a trip down south like the characters in the movie. But we flew, none of that road trip stuff. Although, now when I think about it in retrospect, I think Dickhead would have probably preferred to go that route. Even though he would have weirded off faster in that situation then he did by flying there. But, he didn't consider contingencies like that, and he never considered anything having to do with reality. He was just like that, you would have to experience it to fully understand. On the trip, he totally went sideways and I realized I couldn't associate with him any longer. But, I kept up my study with the<b> guitar </font></b>and eventually became proficient with it. I was up performing on stage within a couple of years of ending my association with that asshole. I played for years in bands and in bars, some of them with in close proximity to where he resided. But, I never considered contacting him to come to one of my shows. The main reason was, he would never have attended because he is a jealous little bitch, and couldn't stand to see me succeed where he wanted to, but never could because of his abnormal personality. Secondly, I never contacted him, because he was insane, and I didn't want to deal with any more of his insanity, even if it was to show him up, or get revenge on all the insults I endured from him for my lack of ability in that area at that time. So, I played for a long time, then sort of retired from it. As I've related many times, I was all but done with playing, until I met Erica, and for some odd strange reason, she re-ignited my passion for playing again, once more. But, this time, there was a new element to it. I started creating videos! Well, I was still resentful of all the insults I endured from Dickhead all those years ago. I would have like to show him my now stellar skills on the guitar, but I didn't want to have any actual interaction with him. The same way you wouldn't want to be exposed to a toxic poison is how I felt about interacting with him. That's how bad it was! Now, in addition to finding his resume online, I also found his you tube channel. I saw what he was viewing from his favorites channel. It was the same stuff he used to play when I knew him. I mean the exact same songs! If you're wondering, could he have excelled and developed better skills on the<b> guitar </font></b>too? Then answer is yes, and no! Like all of the paradoxes associated with this psychopath, let me explain. Yes, he had the ability to become good or a proficient musician on the<b> guitar. </font></b>But no, he wouldn't, because he didn't have the personality or the discipline to actually follow through with it. I realized that at the time I knew him. And later when I saw his channel, it just re-affirmed what I had always known about him. And a few other things I found out, just proved that I was right about how insane he was too. So, then after I created a few videos, and saw how good they were, I decided I would send one to him. You can do that through you tube, especially if the person you're sending it to, has a channel too! So I did, I sent him the Eruption, You really got me, video, and the Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap! Of course, I don't know precisely how he reacted, because I have no contact with the asshole. But, what I do know, is that he closed his channel on you tube the very next day. Which, to me, shows he's still the same, because that's about what I would have expected him to do. Like in the movie, when Ralph bested Steve with his fancy classical piece of music he played. The way Steve walked off the stage, realizing he had been defeated, was pretty much how Dickhead reacted when he witnessed me crushing it with the<b> guitar </font></b>work I now do. To describe what it must have been like for him, I'd have to say completely shocking! To give you a little more insight, when I knew him, he hated Eddie Van Halen, or anyone who could play well on the<b> guitar. </font></b>I guess because he was jealous or something. He wanted to be a musician or rock star very badly, even worse then I did if you could believe it. I used to tell him I was going to learn to play like Eddie some day! You should have heard the sarcasm and insults he used to lob towards me for my unrealistic ambitions. It wasn't just casually either. We'd be somewhere, and then out of no where, he'd start in on me with a barrage of insults about how bad I sucked on the<b> guitar. </font></b>So, when he finally witnessed me tearing it up on the guitar, not only playing exactly like Eddie at the same speed and velocity as he does, but also using the exact same guitar! I used the same amp too, but he wouldn't have realized that fact even if I included it in the video, he must have went ballistic, and crazy with jealousy envy and rage!  LOL! To him it was totally shocking! So, after all that time, I finally got some respite and revenge on that crazy selfish asshole. At the time, I thought we were going to work on becoming musicians together, and form a band. I now realize that was an unrealistic ambition. Only because I didn't realize how insane and abnormal he truly was.
But, there was something else too. This might sound strange, or like I'm making it up, but this is what happened. When he was insulting me about my lack of ability, I didn't always just sit there and take it. I told him things on different occasions that even surprise me now when I think about it. We were sitting in a booth at a bar restaurant once. And I asked him, "using the Beatles for a metaphor, who do you think I am, and who you do you identify with as a member of that group"? He replied, " I'm Paul, because he wanted to play the bass in the band, and you're George ". Probably because he was the lead guitarist? Then I said, " I thought you would say that, but the truth is, I'm John (Lennon) and you're Pete Best "! The drummer who got kicked out of the band just before they hit it big, because his personality didn't fit in with the other three. John himself stated, " Pete's a better drummer but Ringo's a better Beatle ". And that turned out to be prophetically true. I kicked him out of the band, before I hit it big! I think he must have known, on some level, that this was going to be the case because I remember him showing me something then. I don't remember if it was before or after we had this conversation? But I was over at his place, and he showed me a book he had, it was written by a friend of John Lennon's. I think it was Pete Shotton who ironically was in John's first band the Quarrymen. I always thought that was odd. Why was he showing me this book, of someone who was a friend of someone who made it? It was because, he understood, even if I didn't at the time. That I actually was going to do all of the things I said I would, and I did, and he never would. The only thing he could have hoped for was to be a hanger on or an associate. But, he was so bizarre, that he couldn't even do that. But anyway, I sent him the video, it had the effect of stabbing a knife through his heart. Which is good, because trust me, there was never anyone more deserving of his comeuppance as he was. He walked away defeated just like Steve Vai did in the movie. So, that's my rendition for how that movie reflected events in my own life.
Addendum
Okay I remembered a famous Dickheadism I wanted to add here that Dickhead once professed to me. This is typical of the jealous baby bullshit I endured with this guy, but there was a twist to it, that I eventually realized when I became a professional musician and performer a few years later. Well, like I said, this guy was a fucking asshole, and he never missed an opportunity to disparage or insult me for my ambitions for becoming a musician. I know, now in retrospect, what was I thinking even associating with this jerk. But, it was what it was, and here is what he said to me one time. We were riding in my car, and I was talking about music and playing as usual. So then asshole got this brilliant idea to create what it would sound like when I would be introduced to the audience someday! Now, I'm using a false name and place to explain this example, but just say my name was John Smith, and I was from Jonestown Pennsylvania. My name isn't John Smith and I'm not from Jonestown Pennsylvania. I'm just using it as a metaphor to tell the story. So, he talks real loud like he's introducing me to an audience and proclaims, "From Jonestown Pennsylvania, it's John Smith " and he said it really sarcastically like it was a big joke! That's what I used to endure all the time from this asshole. Anyway, a few years later, when I was playing in bands and different clubs, one night, a friend of mine, was introducing the band to the audience, and when he got to me, he said, " And from Jonestown Pennsylvania, it's John Smith on guitar "! Right after he said it, I thought of that time in the car with Dickhead, and how he tried to make a joke out of it. But, here I was, actually performing and being introduced exactly like he said it. Only it wasn't a joke, and no one doubted I was a musician or anything of the sort. I'm telling this story, because I know, a lot of people have dreams or things they want to accomplish, but you'll always be surrounded by losers and fucking assholes who will try to hold you back by making fun of you for even thinking of living out your dreams. Don't take what they say very seriously, and follow your own path. You will prevail in the end, always~
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Yeah, yeah, I know, it's legal there, but it's still a gateway drug that will cause young kids to sell themselves into sex slavery to feed their addiction.
Let's hope your lawsuit for your deceased spouse comes to a resolution soon, huh?
