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Everybody knows at least one. Edition
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Everybody knows at least one. Edition Beast Bulletin #346: The Post Your Minion Uniform page has had nearly 2500 views since it's gone up, and still has only one minion photo added. If you minions don't start getting naked and wrapping yourself in 2-ply, there will be serious consequences. (I need to preface today's post by stating that my choice of douche as the single best put-down term of all time has nothing at all to do with negativity toward women. Douche has become, to me, a separate entity from it's original form and definition. It simply slides off the tongue and fits so well as the apex of put-down terminology.) Good day minions. It appears we had a security breach yesterday here in the burrow. I'll be taking measures in order to beef up security so that we stand less of a chance for future break-ins by undesirable agents of mischief. If this keeps up, folks like Gottaring will be sneaking in, and I don't need to tell you all how difficult it is to remove nougat from carpeting. (Hee Hee that poor girl just hates when I tease her.) The Beast has been doing a great deal of thinking on the subject of douchbaggery. There's an obscene amount of douchbaggery in the world these days. I know I probably sound ike a ham-fisted tyrant at times here in the burrow, but out In the world, I am overly polite and all around nice for the most part. I'm the guy that purposefully leaves a two car gap between me and the car in front so that other people cane merge if they need to, while most other people drive bumper to bumper and won't allow anybody in front of them. I'm the guy that won't push and shove to get to the front of any event where something is being given away for free and supplies are limited. I'm the guy who doesn't assume you just opened the door of that store for me and barge past you. (I think my record is 5 people walking out of a store which I just opened the door of to walk in. Sure. Allow me to hold this for all of you.) I'm the guy who will eat the chicken dish the waitress brings me by mistake even though I ordered beef. She has enough going on that I don't need to stress her any more. Food is food. Unless it's liver. Then it's an internal organ. I'm the guy that will take the time to find a store employee and inform them of damaged goods, or a spill on the floor instead of saying it's not my business. There seems to be a tremendous amount of people these days, however, who either through self-absorbed indifference, or flat out malice, go out of their way to act as douchey as they possibly can. From the guy who begins honking his horn at the car in front of him .003 seconds after the light turns green, to the woman who steps in front of me to get an item off the shelf I'm browsing without so much as an "Excuse me", people everywhere seem to feel they're the most important thing in the universe, and their shit doesn't stink. From the people who park in the Fire Zone at the supermarket so they don't have to walk 50 feet to the Red Box, to the folks who throw entire bags of trash out their car window in broad daylight to save themselves a search for a trash can, humans continue to have an, "I matter! All else is trivial!" attitude. All of this, of course, follows us in here as well. If I've read one rant by a woman, I've read dozens about having to repeatedly ask a man to stop pestering them for a hook-up after they've already politely said no thank-you. These men can't apparently accept a no like an adult, and proceed to say all manner of rude and despicable things about the woman when they finally see their badgering isn't going to sway them. I imagine a few of the men here have even had similar things happen to them. The Beast had to tell the same man at least three times that I would not change my mind and accept his offer of a backrub and oral services, so I know the frustration from that first hand. The bottom line is that this world is teeming with douchbags galore. They saturate the landscape with their douchiness, and leave those of us who try to act differently, wishing we could secrete a little more douche at times ourselves simply to combat them with their own weaponry. From politics, to religion, to sporting events, and beyond, too many people are trying to loudly and douchtastically get their point across, and into your face. I wish they would all take a step back and realize they are not alone on this marble. They aren't the center of it all. ("The Beast is of course!").... "Quiet Beast." Maybe if there weren't so many douchenheimers surrounding us on all sides, women here wouldn't have to be offended by being linked to a site called -Fuck A Slut-. BEAST OUT Bonus Material! Test your douche recognition skills with OneStrangeBeast's Recognize Douche When You See It Test. Which of the following, is a major Douche? A). A woman who bumps into you and accidentally knocks something from your hands, but then bends to help you pick it up.  . A man loudly talking on his hands free phone in a doorway, oblivious to the fact you are patiently waiting for him to step aside so that you can pass through. C). A sitting up in their booth at a restaurant and staring at you over the top. |
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I almost included a complete list of douchified words in the post, but figured I had douched it up enough. 
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I'm sure I'm an optimist, but I tend to believe that for every douchbag asshole, there's at least one incredibly wonderful human being out there too. (You are proof of that!) I refuse to let the douchies ruin my otherwise optimistic view. The answer to your quiz is so obviously B...as I'm frequently the bumper into person I'm well versed in helping to fix my moment of clumsy, and I for one find it incredibly adorable when a child peers over the seat at me. Call me mushy... I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn
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I'm sure I'm an optimist, but I tend to believe that for every douchbag asshole, there's at least one incredibly wonderful human being out there too. (You are proof of that!) I refuse to let the douchies ruin my otherwise optimistic view. The answer to your quiz is so obviously B...as I'm frequently the bumper into person I'm well versed in helping to fix my moment of clumsy, and I for one find it incredibly adorable when a child peers over the seat at me. Call me mushy...
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I won't worry about it until my hand stops bothering to coordinate with me. 
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The douchebaggery in this world continues to amaze me.
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The douchebaggery in this world continues to amaze me.
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