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-I'm experienced with TPP- Edition
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-I'm experienced with TPP- Edition  I want to begin this post with a sincere apology if it offends anybody. It just popped into my head after my offering from yesterday and some subsequent reading. It's simply meant for fun. I just can't help myself sometimes. Greetings my lovely minions (even you Kissie), and welcome to The Beast Burrow. I've decided to use today to tout my experience and talent when it comes to the deft handling of a TPP. That's a Tight Pink Pussy for those of you not yet familiar with the term. Some men make the mistake of approaching a TPP in the same manner they would employ tackling a GVM, or Gaping Vaginal Maw, but I've learned they're completely different animals. A TPP must be approached and entered into with a bit of preparation and finesse, while a GVM can be dove into with very little warning, and no thought of lubrication. A GVM requires specialty weaponry listed in the Big Bore section of Guns and Cocks Magazine. I like to sneak up on a TPP from below and first attempt to ensnare it in a classic CSM, or Clitoris Sucking Maneuver. This normally takes the TPP by surprise and renders them powerless to escape further methods of subduing them. Once I've sufficiently caused their powerful muscles to relax, I begin my body quadrant by body quadrant attack on their yummy bits. I'll reach their breastal region and begin to employ GNS, or Gentle Nipplage Suckage, on them. This usually causes them to reach up and grab my buttocks and grind against me, signaling me that it's time to penetrate the TPP finally. I'll position my TPP boring device at it's entrance and ensure to spread a generous amount of the TPP's own lubricants around the opening to ensure a smooth entry. ...... Sorry minions. I just went and had lunch with an old buddy of mine and we fed sandwich crusts and cheese puffs to a group of squirrels. I can no longer think of an interesting way to finish my silly little TPP scenario. My brain is completely filled with visions of obese squirrels, addicted to junk food and sitting on my lap, burping. That would be massive cool!  Well folks, I was finally given a date for my final, retirement physical. They're going to give it to me the day that all of my retirement paperwork is supposed to be turned in to our admin department. Talk about cutting things close. With my luck, I'm sure they'll find some reason to tell me they have to wait another week before they can acquire form 23-Z14-NinerAlpha.7 or some shit like that. I'm going to consider myself very lucky if I'm actually out on the streets next month by the correct date. BEAST OUT Bonus Material! Increase your natural world knowledge base with OneStrangeBeast's Nature Corner Minute! Today's Topic- Squirrel Diets. Squirrels love their protein, carbohydrates, and fats. This is why human junk food is so appealing to them apparently. They cannot digest cellulose, and so eat a steady diet of nuts, pine cones, fungus, and fruit. Certain species include a heavy dose of insects on their plate as well, and still others will eat small snakes, birds, and fury things smaller than themselves. A favorite snack food of the Eastern Grey Squirrel is Herr's Brand Honey Cheese Puffs. |
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Considering the uniforms I make the minions wear around the burrow, that would certinaly be fitting. I swear I'm investing in some decent uniforms as soon as the new fiscal year begins and the burrow is back in black.
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i have to think that you have been too long in the military with all the acronyms.
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are you the author of Sex for Dummies??? 
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i have to think that you have been too long in the military with all the acronyms.
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are you the author of Sex for Dummies???
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What? And I thought I was distractable...LOL I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn
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Ninner is fairly petite of frame. I doubt she eats a great deal of squirrel chow. Maybe she just has a freakishly high metabolism. Happy to throw a Niner out there for you. I can work some of the entire alphabet in if it makes you happy. Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo - Oscar Alpha Tango Mike Echo Alpha Lima! Lima Alpha Tango Echo Romeo - Bravo Uniform Delta Delta Yankee
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What? And I thought I was distractable...LOL
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You are correct Jules. There are no GVMs, just men who can't fill the void. That is the reason I apologized at the beginning of this clearly satirical post. I still stand by my original thoughts on the matter.
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I laughed so much on this one i almost cried...lol Thanks for this post...
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on another note though, your approach to a tpp is heart warming seeing that i struggle with that damned condition!!  .
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