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Better know a Dunatis2k, part 41 of 83: Married Couples
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Better know a Dunatis2k, part 41 of 83: Married Couples Looking through the list there are already 6-7 topics about swinging and open relationships so instead of talking about that I will talk about marriage in general and how it affects couples. A bit of history first is that I am a latchkey , my parent's divorce was messy and caused a great deal of stress to my brothers and I leading me to be a raging little<b> psycho </font></b>with terrible health problems and 2 of my brothers turned to drugs to help deal themselves. I was in a 6 year long relationship where we lived together for 5 of those years and were technically common-law but never married, and at least half of the people I know are married or engaged. I know swingers, those in open relationships, monogamists and cheaters and I have a lot of opinions on how people do relationships wrong and marriage is one of the big offenders in how people keep making mistakes. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying marriage is bad. But from what I see people attach far too much to marriage and it leads to problems. My best friend during his engagement would say how "yes my relationship has problems, but once we're married things will change." NO!!! Never ever think that marriage will fix anything! Unless one of you is about to be kicked out of the country and you need that green card marriage will not solve any problems. Marriage is not going to change anything as marriage is a promise. You are promising to be with that person forever in a formal setting, writing it down to make it all nice and legal, and for those of you who are religious doing so in the eyes of God. If your partner was looking at other people before it will not stop them, it will not help your finances (some taxation issues aside), it will not change anyone's thoughts or behavior and quite frankly it shouldn't. When you get married what you should be thinking is that everything is the way it should be now and forever. If there are problems and you are working on them now, you will work on them after and things that are good have no need to change. If when you get married your behavior changes in any way, you are doing marriage wrong. If you need a legal document to make you a better person why should your partner trust that? And if you see marriage as them being "locked in" so now you can let yourself go or not try so hard then a marriage has made you worse. Of course marriage gets a lot of flak it doesn't deserve. My same friend works with me and when he mentions a lesser sex life out co-workers all shout in unison "Marriage killed it!". This was not the case, their sex life was deteriorating long before they were married so marriage becomes a scapegoat. Many couples also choose to get married around life changing events such as the birth of a , moving in together or holding off on sex until marriage. All 3 of those events can drastically change a relationship. are a lot of work and demand time, energy and resources. Some people simply cannot live together as they do not have living habits that work with each other and if you are not sexually compatible this can also put a great strain on your relationship, which is why I advocate living together for a year prior to marriage and having sex as well. Know everything about your partner before promising forever. All of these stressful events can cause problems which can be then blamed on marriage or make people far closer which will be credited to marriage though I say it is all a coincidence. As for myself? The one reason I do not wish to get married is that I cannot in good conscience promise how I will feel in 20 years. I will promise to be there for someone forever, love and support them, but not that we will remain a good couple. I have helped out friends I hadn't spoken to in years at risk to myself and I will be there for any of my exes if they ever need anything because I care for them and all the people in my life even if we drift away and are lesser parts of one another's lives. But had I promised to be with my ex girlfriend of 6 years forever 2 years into our relationship, what would have happened when we realized she was a lesbian and not interested in me? I was emotionally neglected and abused and while we tried to work on that should I consider myself stuck to a promise made 4 years prior? Absolutely you should work on a relationship if you have problems, but we should regardless of whether or not we're married and marriages aren't forever nor should they be. They should last as long as they are good for everyone involved. Had my parents stayed married I'd be dead or in jail by now most likely, their divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me and my brothers. Once again I'm not saying don't get married, just to make sure that when you do it is for the right reasons and with the right expectations. But as for myself, I'd rather celebrate being together for 20 years than promising to be together for 20 years. Love/Hate me for who I am, not who you think I am. |
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