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| Blogs > wrMercury > Sanity of a madman |
My Creative Outlet
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My Creative Outlet What most people do not know about me is that at heart I am a writter. Close friends over the years have called me a philospher on top of that, despite a lack of any formal training in<b> philosophy. </font></b>I question a lot, I challenge, but the term of philosopher always reminds me of Mel Brooks History of the world, where Stand Up Philosopher is also known as a Bullshit Artist. But Writting is my passion. Really, creating is my passion. What new thing can I create today. I build model castles. No two are alike or based on anything in real life. I play Dungeons and Dragons and use them for game nights. I build entire stories around a castle, or a ruin, or an alter, each desiggned to be entertaining and challenging at the same time. In real life, I still write stories. Some are decent, but I would never claim to be a great writter. I have been told that I am my own worse critic, as many writters are. At the same time, with my heavy psyc background I know where have of my hesitation comes from. As a when I wanted to be a writter my father told me quite simply that I would never make it. There were too many talented people out there and I had to have a real job when I grew up. I won writting awards in middle and high school, awards for various Art projects in high school, but that was nothing to form a career around. My mother was more supportive, but did tell me to have a real job until I could be discovered, if I would ever be lucky enough to be discovered. Now, my own wife won't read anything I write as she is more interested in her own fan fiction for 80s cartoons. The fact that I actually dream of being published, of making a difference, that it is my passion on the line, is not as important as her sex dreams with the transformer Starscream. So I just don't have any suppoert in my life it seems. I write, and I can take constructive critisism to get better, whcih some friends from college give when they have time to review thigns for me in their busy lives, but no one in my personal life is pushing me to greatnesss. I know that I need to push myself, but I am just so tired of being what everyone else needs me to be, and never what I want to be. I just cannot be myself. So I come in here, play on a webcam for a little encouragement and entertainment. Post a new pic every so often. Write a blog which is often a bitchfest. All for what little attention I can get, and what little encouragement it garners. Someoen the other day told me in here that it would only take one story to change my life. I told him that every story changes my life, it is changing the world that is hard. After thinking about it, the world changes every day, in some small or large way. I keep changing for the world, to be what it needs me to be, but when will the world change for me? And how high of an opinion of myself must I have that I expect it to change for me? |
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A writer writes. Always.
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