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| Blogs > shavedpubes1971 > Honesty, Finally |
Suicide
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Suicide Hi Again Everyone, Well, I did a stupid thing on Nov 10, 2010, I attempted suicide. I had gotten so far down that I did not see any possibility of seeing up ever again. There were a couple of things that led me to that moment. Firstly, I started playing with my medication, when I quit my job 10 weeks ago, I knew I would be financially challenged to purchased my meds due to the $900+ / month they would cost, so I cut them back on my own without consulting my doctor for advise or options. At first I didn't see any change in my moods so I cut them all down to a 3rd of the original dose trying to make them last as long as possible. Well was I ever mistaken, I did not notice because I wasn't able to notice what was happening, I hit some very bad lows, looking back now, what happened during that time amazes me that anyone can live through something like this without snapping. Secondly, I finally got in contact with my workplace to find out their decision regarding the allegations I made of harassment and discrimination, I knew this to be a futile action because of my results in the pas with them, but the woman I spoke to was less than pleasant and very rude to the point that I know she believes that she has the only opinion that matters, Well, I felt that I was harassed and discriminated against, does this matter to anyone but me?, I think so, currently I have a complaint with the Human Rights Commission, and am awaiting findings from their investigation. Thirdly, I let a group of individuals who are not important get under my skin. I should have known their opinions were clouded and could not make a competent decision on their own, unless it was told to them. For some reason I have always allowed others opinions to effect me, when I should know better. These 3 reasons and a few other led to the events on Nov 10, when I attempted suicide by overdose. I had taken a full months worth of my meds for depression, without thinking of how the impact of what I had done would effect those I leave behind. I had selected the clothes I wanted to wear for my funeral, selected a song to be played and wrote my good-bye letters to my mom and a few close friends, all this I had left on my kitchen table. Well, someone is watching over me, my attempt failed, my mom found me a little later, she called 911 and got the assistance she needed to keep me from dying, Thanks Mom. When I awoke, I was in the local hospital hooked to an array of equipment to monitor my condition and supply my body with meds to counter those I had taken, I lost 2 days of my life that I cannot recall, and for the best, I am glad I don't remember. One of my closest friends was working as a nurse at the hospital at the time, I am so grateful for her being there to comfort my Mom through all that she was seeing happen to me, to my friend, Thank-You, you are an angel in disguise, I now see you are more than a friend to me, you are my guardian angel who when I look back has always been there at every turning point in my life, love ya sweetie. Well I am home again and back on my proper dose of medication, coping to get by each day, some things are more important than money, life is one of them. |
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