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| Blogs > rm_kissmeplz63 > Musings, Rants and Raves... |
Maybe I am a repressed closet slut...
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Maybe I am a repressed closet slut... I seem to be on a personal quest these days to understand the grey areas of sexuality. Let me say first, that I am no prude, but neither am I a self professed slut...I am somewhere in the middle, I think, depending on what your extremes are and what you view to be middle ground. To be perfectly honest with myself and you, I have noticed that I have a certain, how shall we say, aversion, or dislike, or judgment against self defined sluts and sexually promiscuous people. But equally so, I ruthlessly question my own reactions... So I scour the internet for articles on the subject of sluts and promiscuity, hoping to find answers to my questions, hoping to bring illumination to my own thought, but nay, only more questions... There was a book written called "The Ethical Slut" which I have not read, but may do so... An excerpt from Wikipedia... "The authors define the term slut as "a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you." The term is reclaimed from its usual use as a pejorative and as a simple label for a promiscuous person. Instead, it is used to signify a person who is accepting of their enjoyment of sex and the pleasure of intimacy with others, and chooses to engage and accept these in an ethical and open way – rather than as cheating. The Ethical Slut discusses how to live an active life with multiple concurrent sexual relationships in a fair and honest way." Perhaps what I have a problem with is what I perceive to be the unethical slut... Is there such a thing as an unethical slut, or is it that the person is unethical and also happens to be a slut? Are there variations on being a slut? So many questions... What are your views on sluts?  |
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5/10/2009 10:02 am |
I'm kind of undecided on sluts, I don't really want them around my man or nothing, but they can be some what entertaining to watch when you walking through a mall or at a club, but for the most part I got them on the pay no mind list.
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I'll get back to you all when I can formulate an intelligent response...
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Wow, big topic. And it happens to be one of my soapboxes so I'll try not to go on and on and take over your blog. You say you have an aversion to sexually promiscuous people. I have three probing questions for you on that. First you have to define what sexually promiscuous means. Is it a woman who has had more than 5 partners? More than 10? More than 50? How about 75? Secondly, What makes a slut a slut? Is it the fact that she engages in sex without love? That she will be adventurous and try non conventional sexual practices? Or are we back again to just the number of men she has had sex with? Lastly, What is it about sex that society has defined as so much more of a taboo past-time than say tennis or swimming? Why is participation in this behavior judged so much more than other activities that require interaction with people? My thoughts on those three: What number is considered ok? As a single woman in her 40's who has never been married you can imagine Ive been on quite a lot of dates. Now I don't keep a tally, but say for argument I have slept with 45 men. You'd say WOW. She is promiscuous. It sounds like a lot. But look at it again from another angle. I refuse to settle for less than I deserve. When I marry it will be forever. In order to do that I must kiss a few frogs. Or quite a few. 45 men would mean I had slept with an average of 2 men a year throughout my adult life. Is having sex with 2 men a year considered such a bad thing? What makes a slut a slut? For me it is motivation and ethics. Not number or sexual practices. Is she honest in her dealings with people? Does she stay away from cheating and cheaters? Is she discriminating? To have sex willy-nilly (pardon the pun) with no regard for standards is behavior linked to low self esteem and attention seeking. However if she is looking for specific things in a guy, if she is having sex with someone she actually LIKES and can have a conversation with, does the number count really matter? Why is sex "bad" and taboo"? For a long time people have regarded sex as something that we can't admit to enjoying, must be associated with love or marriage, must be kept hush hush. My opinion is that it all began on the religious foundations of societies. Many religions advocate no sex outside of marriage and this view has permeated throughout society down the ages. Things are changing. Slowly. It is now considered okay by many to have a sex life as a single. However a lot of stigma remains in a gray cloud around the whole concept. What is sex? It is two people who like each other, sharing an intimate moment and making each other feel good. What can be so wrong about that? If there is no cheating, lying or betrayal involved, why is it such a bad thing to do this again and again and again? Stepping off of soapbox. My apologies for the length of my comment. But excellent thought provoking post. Thank you. P.S I had touched on this topic some time ago in my blog with a post SEX AND INSECURITIES Freedom Live. Laugh. Love.
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5/7/2009 10:08 pm |
The simplest way I can explain my definition of it...is I can be a real Slut to my Man only....no one else. I have had GFs who are SLUTS with any man who may fancy them....that I can't do... TASTE LIFE IN ALL IT'S FLAVOUR
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5/7/2009 4:43 pm |
"What are your views on sluts?" Usually when I hear this term used in its derogatory form, the user either has some concealed envy issues or their significant other has cheated with the person being 'called out'. Now you may say the term can be used just to show disgust with a person's lifestyle but I say in those cases although the person may in fact disapprove, they are also subconsciously (or consciously) jealous the other person is enjoying themselves (or seem to be). I'm not a fan of Wikipedia and the definition they have of the word slut is mystifying. Why would 'having the courage to lead life with the attitude that sex is nice, pleasurable, and good for you' be considered a 'radical proposition'? What's radical about that? "To be perfectly honest with myself and you, I have noticed that I have a certain, how shall we say, aversion, or dislike, or judgment against self defined sluts and sexually promiscuous people. So I scour the internet for articles on the subject of sluts and promiscuity, hoping to find answers to my questions, hoping to bring illumination to my own thought, but nay, only more questions..." I think it's great that you are being honest about your feelings and I am glad you're comfortable sharing your thoughts. However, I don't think you're going to find the answers you seek in a book, on the internet, or in a medical journal. The answers to your questions are within. The real 'question' is are you prepared to confront your feelings and convictions to really know the answer? "Truth only reveals itself when one gives up all preconceived ideas." ~Shoseki "If a thousand old beliefs were ruined in our march to truth we must still march on." ~Stopford Brooke
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How is it you relate with that special someone!!! We are Relational Beings and How to Communicate A moment of lust does not equal The eternity of true LOVE Keep your heart true and pure Get it RIGHT Or get LEFT        
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