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Everything You Always Wanted To KNow About The Human Penis
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Everything You Always Wanted To KNow About The Human Penis As Blogville's resident observer, and part-time lifeguard at the local car wash, I couldn't help but notice that there seems to be an awful lot of penis confusion on this site. How big is big? What's the best technique in bed? Can the penis be used to form a cannoli? As a proud penis owner for almost half my life, who better to make sense of all this? First I want to Standardize penis length for everyone. I am creating the Standardized Penis Indexing Technique Numbers (S.P.I.T.N.). Place the testicles on the space bar of a standard computer keyboard. What letter does the tip strike? Ladies...never again will you be guessing. Just ask for the S.P.I.T.N. rating! B - obviously not too impressive G or H - still pathetic but the owner might be a good dancer and so forth. Now, Digs and a few others are going to have to put 2 keyboards together to get an accurate reading. Hence, the index would be rated as follows: 1-B - one keyboard the letter B. 1-7 one keyboard the number 7. 2-- 2 keyboards the second space bar. 2-F5 2 keyboards and the F5 key. (if you date a guy with this rating wear eye protection) Just makes sense doesn't it? Next, let's talk about penis safety. Ladies, from a male point of view, nothing is worse than getting caught in a zipper! Believe me, once a lifetime is plenty for this experience. Once you are caught in the zipper...the terrifying reality comes to view that you must now UNZIP. There's a toe curler! Hell my toes are touching my heels as I even type this. Ladies if this happens to your man you can help. Here's what to do. Calmly place your left hand on his face and talk reassuringly to him. Place your thumb and little finger on his cheek bones. Note exactly where your middle finger falls on his forehead. Mark that spot. Now abruptly smack it with a 2 x 4. Maybe twice. Then calmly unzip him. He'll thank you in the morning. Or next day depending how hard you smack. The next topic has to be penis accessories. Let's face it, guys just don't accessorize. We should. For example, wouldn't it be cool to have an old-fashioned AOOGA horn installed in your scrotum? A sly slip of the hand in a pocket and...AOOGA. However, baseball players can't have this option as it would slow the game too much. What accessories would you install? Finally, here's my love poem. When my eyes first found you my heart pounded harder than before I dreamed of endless possibilities of pleasures we had in store When I first touched you I shook and my mouth went dry I couldn't speak a word no matter how hard I'd try How things so quickly went bad even though I wanted you near You'd leave me for another and that was my greatest fear You hurt me and rejected me every time I pulled you closer I guess I should have known never put my dick in a toaster.  [blog talldarkavg1] |
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Are you saying that I shouldn't laugh while he's stuck in the zipper? Elevate me... 
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accessories.. how about a nice ponytail elastic for all that hair....... no not his goofy... or how about a nice mock turtle neck dickie and for those brave souls in the north that seem to forget it gets blustery in those nudist camps in the winter ......chaps Stick and one other thing, since we are chatting about nudists, for those really formal occasions, nothing sets you apart and noticed more than a really sharp black tie... and dont forget the french cuffs....oooohh laa laa  ok I am all accessorized out!  be well tender hugs...m. ohhhh I almost forgot.. that old farmers wife's cure all for the thingie stuck in the zipper.... Soak it in cider hmmm yes Sir that should cure any pain... ....m.
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hey! what about your dad and the 75 year old stripper??? Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
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You just crack me up!!!!! "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." 
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 I've heard the story of the zipper from someone who had the experience. Pliars help. 
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In your time as lifeguard at the local car wash, have you ever saved someone from his own zipper? <- Profile photo courtesy of Bonding with coworkers
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10/10/2008 3:29 pm |
hey! what about your dad and the 75 year old stripper??? 
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a 1-S? He pulls to the left a bit. LMAO, you know I almost addressed penis replacements. Maybe in an upcoming article. [blog talldarkavg1]
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You have a good point darlin". That does seem like quite a waste indeed! My wheels are turning... [blog talldarkavg1]
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Are you saying that I shouldn't laugh while he's stuck in the zipper? [blog talldarkavg1]
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No...I'm not. I had hoped it was genetic. Seems it isn't. [blog talldarkavg1]
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accessories.. how about a nice ponytail elastic for all that hair....... no not his goofy... or how about a nice mock turtle neck dickie and for those brave souls in the north that seem to forget it gets blustery in those nudist camps in the winter ......chaps Stick and one other thing, since we are chatting about nudists, for those really formal occasions, nothing sets you apart and noticed more than a really sharp black tie... and dont forget the french cuffs....oooohh laa laa ok I am all accessorized out! be well tender hugs...m. ohhhh I almost forgot.. that old farmers wife's cure all for the thingie stuck in the zipper.... Soak it in cider hmmm yes Sir that should cure any pain... ....m. [blog talldarkavg1]
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hey! what about your dad and the 75 year old stripper??? [blog talldarkavg1]
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I like the DVD drawer. Opens and closes on its own. Nice feature. Thanks for the heads up! [blog talldarkavg1]
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You just crack me up!!!!! [blog talldarkavg1]
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I've heard the story of the zipper from someone who had the experience. Pliars help. [blog talldarkavg1]
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In your time as lifeguard at the local car wash, have you ever saved someone from his own zipper? [blog talldarkavg1]
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Fashionable yes. But I'm not sure if the chest penis will catch on. [blog talldarkavg1]
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Ditto! Inquiring minds want to know, Tall! [blog talldarkavg1]
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LMAO, you're the first to pick up on that. It was leased with option to buy. [blog talldarkavg1]
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LMAO, you're the first to pick up on that. It was leased with option to buy. let me know when it becomes available for sub leasing... my last one wore out. hugs...and stuff........m.
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hmmm ... let me know when it becomes available for sub leasing... my last one wore out. hugs...and stuff........m. [blog talldarkavg1]
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Since I was born early last century this really doesn't apply to me. However, back then, scientists discovered a real threat to men at the time. Al Capone. [blog talldarkavg1]
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