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Blogs > ChinRyder > A Life Less Ordinary

I Want A Break  

ChinRyder 47M
Ask me for a photo
233 posts
11/4/2007 5:19 pm

Last Read:
7/18/2011 6:53 pm
I Want A Break

I want a break from this life. I want to be in a place where I don't have to worry about things like relationships, finances, jobs, friends, sex and health.

I want to fell like I used to feel, back when I was younger and had a zest for life. Where the hardest decision I ever had to make was what I was going to play today, and where the decisions I made didn't come with major consequences.

Years ago I remember pleading. I pleaded to God to stop time, give me a chance to get things in order because I could feel myself falling behind. My world had been turned upside down and I was struggling to hang on. It never happened and instead of coming back into a world I once knew I feel like I've been stuck in one that is totally different. One that is real. One filled with pain, and hurt, one that is cold and lonely.

I want to know what happened. I want to know if the world changed or if it was just my perception of it. I want to know why I find it so difficult to be happy now when it never used to be like this. If I did change I want to know what it was that made me like this. I want to know if I can ever go back to the way it was.

I want to lower my own bar. I want to be able to accept others. More importantly I want to be able to accept myself. Contrary to popular belief I've never loved myself and probably never felt worthy of someone else's love. How many times have I done something knowing I could have done it better? How many times do I wish life had "do-overs"?

I think most of all, right now I just want to be left alone.

laydee2 45F
Ask me for a photo
31581 posts
11/4/2007 6:00 pm

 In my opinion, that's the way things just are. You become an adult and things go downhill from there. It's even worse when you are a parent - everything you do matters to those little ones and the pressure to just keep going every day is immense.

Having said that, only you can find your happines - and I really hope you do soon.

I know you want to be left alone but I'll be online for a bit if you want to talk.
~Shhhhhh.... I'm not really here~
[post 3969793]


rm_tara_ire 53T
8716 posts
11/6/2007 5:55 pm

 Lifes about changing, nothing ever stays the same.
But you can direct the changes C, & help guide them to where you want to go. So I ask you, where do you want to go?
Everyone goes through rough patches & some can be severe, but life changes & tomorrow is a new day with endless possibilities.
Spend some time on your own, because that can be healing, but not for too long because the world is full of good people who are only too willing to lift you until you re-find your way.
Be thinking of you, you know where to find me.


rm_atta_girl 52F
219 posts
11/14/2007 6:29 pm

 ATTA has felt like that at times. be strong


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