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Being Single Is Hard
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Being Single Is Hard I started my morning reading a blog a friend posted on the f book place. It really touched a nerve for me. The author wrote about the advice or comments made by people when she says she is tired of being single. She is told; you need to be happy and comfortable with yourself to be happy in a relationship, you have to improve yourself, when you're sufficiently unbroken you'll attract a mate. She makes a fantastic point of people in relationships are not more mentally or physically healthy than the single people. So why is it a bad thing when someone says they are tired of being lonely and miss having a partner? She goes on to discuss one of the hardest parts of being single. Lack of touch. In her words, this is always overlooked and undervalued. There is no self sufficiency in this. None. Maybe this is why many of us are on here. We think we are unworthy of being loved and part of a couple. Maybe it is the temporary love we seek because it allows brief human contact. I MISS touch. I miss affectionate touch. When someone just puts their hand on my cheek, a hand on the small of my back. Rubbing my head to help me fall asleep. A kiss on my hand when we're driving down the road. All those are the things many coupled people take for granted. Like the author, I have done the things people expect of a single person. I have created a life of independence. I have a great career. I go out when I want, I stay home when I want. I drink milk out of the carton, yep, I do. If I want, I leave my clothes in the dryer until I need them. I get new shoes, clothes, books, purses when I want. I don't have to discuss with someone. Then I am told I am too independent. Over the years I have become less interested in the temporariness of what casual hook-ups bring. I am less interested in a few hours of pretending to be present with a stranger. I don't want just anyone. I don't want to be with someone I don't have the same feelings for. I don't want to settle just to have the touch because would it mean anything? So yeah, being single is hard. Sometimes it's one of the hardest things. |
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Nice post!  I think many (all) of us feel the same whether we're coupled or not. And I can't believe the direction your friend's F-book blog went. Perhaps I missed some context. Is her life in such a state that dating should take a backseat? Is she fresh out of a break up? Is she facing other challenges? Otherwise, she's right: People don't need to have the whole inner peace thing figured out before they date. In fact, most people are constantly evolving and looking for better answers throughout their lives.
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Ms jeep_fun , We enjoyed reading your well composed and thoughtful post here, but it does beg the question....What will it take for you not to be single? Because when people, be they single themselves, or comfortably paired up, start giving unsolicited advice on this subject, they very often discount the probability that the Single has something specific they're looking for. So while it might be pithy, and the cliche du jour to presuppose that the Single person lacks something within themselves, we believe it far more likely that what they lack is extraneous. It is something they seek, rather than something missing intrinsically. When the Lovely Siren and I were single, we had all sorts of people charting out all sorts of maps towards finding our happiness, but in the end, we discovered that the road to contentedness lay with each other. Through the fog of confusion and discontent, and with no real idea where we were going, we found each other. But while the flowery prose of a rare success story might look good in a blog response, what practical purpose does such a tale serve? Only as a reminder to you that what you've said here is completely reasonable. If it is Loving touch from someone who cares for you that is required for you to not be Single, then hold out til such time as that caveat has been fulfilled. As you have said, you answer to nobody but yourself. You have a Life, now what you desire is a Love. Touch is easy. Finding someone to give a Loving touch can, like being Single, be hard. But the former result is clearly more fulfilling than the latter. And well worth waiting for as well...
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9/5/2016 8:39 pm |
"One is the loneliest number you will ever......!
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I completely understand your feelings and missing the simplest of things that can make you feel so accepted and loved... a simple touch from someone who cares for you as more than just a temporary person in their lives. It is amazing how something as little as a touch can make you feel so many things.... accepted, wanted, needed, appreciated, loved and so many more things that cannot be put into words as they are all emotional and psychological. Some of you may not understand how someone like me can understand how jeep_fun feels as I am a married man with a wife who says she loves me. Our marriage has come to the point that when we touch, it is me who touches first. I am always putting a hand on her back or shoulders, or my arm around her. I take her hand when we go out just because I like to hold it and feel close to her. It is a rare thing for her to take my hand first, or put her arm around me, and believe me, it does make a huge difference when she takes the first move. Kind of like verbally telling someone you love them but never (or rarely) having them say it back to you or say it first. It is very possible to feel so very alone in the middle of a room full of people, even ones you have known for a long time. Jeep_fun... you have my fondest thoughts and my best wishes that when you are ready you find that special person who can make you feel loved and appreciated for the woman you are. I wish we were closer together so we could have the opportunity to talk and provide support when needed. It means so much to find someone who can relate to your feelings and know exactly how you feel. All the best, Lance_G.
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