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| Blogs > MissAnnThrope > Misanthropic Ramblings |
Conversation Stopper
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Conversation Stopper Well, as I mentioned in the last post, I've been hanging out in religious debate rooms. When you cut away the insane fundies posting scripture and screaming everyone is going to Hell and the insane atheists who will probably be fundies sometime in the next five years, you get a good balance on both sides. For the most part. But even the most tolerable of the Born-Again crowd have some really fucked up ideas. For instance, a fellow Pagan who hangs out in these rooms with me is a bit obsessed with celebrity, as many people are. She made a comment this week about celebrities dropping like flies. So, one of the Jesus Crispy crowd decided to explain it to her. I am so not making this up. She explained that first Ed McMahon died. And that as he spent so many years bringing pleasure to people sitting on the couch next to Johnny Carson and then the joy he brought people delivering millions for American Family Publishers, when he got to Heaven, St. Peter met him at the pearly gates and told him he could have anyone he wanted to come join him. (Right about now, I'm thinking, "oh cool! I haven't heard any Ed McMahon jokes yet!") So Ed McMahon tells St. Peter that he was always really into the blonde from Charlie's Angels, the perky one, can he have her? So *poof* Farrah Fawcett dies. So she gets to Heaven and St. Peter tells her that he was sorry to cut her off before she could get married, but it was a special request. Was there anything she wanted to make up for it? So she tells St. Peter that her grandchildren are obsessed with famous people and that she wants to keep them safe. Especially from predators. Like that guy who likes little . So *poof* Michael Jackson dies. I'm sitting here waiting for the punchline and it's not being delivered. That seems to be the end. So I pipe up with, "So is the punchline St. Peter tells Michael Jackson he can have anyone and asks for a boy with a big mouth and that's why Billy Mays died?" Brought the conversation to a dead stop. I thought it was funny. Go figure. |
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 Happy Birthday! from an insane atheist (next five years?! shit!) John Lee Hooker Recommended: [blog lucyjane78]
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Hmmmmm I was expecting the punchline would be Jacko in hell so he didn't get to wish anyone dead.
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7/1/2009 2:14 pm |
Ok, I'll finish the joke. Michael Jackson gets to the pearly gates and Saint Peter doesn't see his name on the RSVP list so, St. Pete ask Jacko to wait while he checks with God. St. Pete comes back and asks Michael what he has done while alive to get into heaven. Jacko thinks for a minute and says, "I gave a nickel to a kid once for an ice cream". Saint Peter says, "You must have done more than that". Michael thinks some more and says, "I gave twenty cents to a bum for a cup of coffee". St. Peter goes back and tells God what Michael said. Now, God stops to think for a minute then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a quarter. It hands it St. Peter and says, "Give that little prick the quarter and tell him to go to Hell".
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 nice punch lineHappy Birthday hun I'm a   and i'm here to stay
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7/2/2009 10:06 pm |
Say what you wish about Michael, but he certainly did love children.
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Remember the little figurines of the little guy holding his arms as far apart as he could and the caption said "I love you this much"? Keep that in mind... btw my BF is going to hell, he told me this joke. Someone asked Mary Magdalin why she loved Jesus? She replied (remember the figurine) because he's hung like this! I have no MJ jokes, he was such a joke to me. He had Diprovan at his house. This is a medication we use in the ER to put someone down so we can do stuff to them without them being awake, such as intubation or putting a dislocated shoulder back in place. My daughter asked me why I thought he had it. I said maybe that's what happened to his nose, he kept injecting Diprovan and falling on his face, all while soaking in a vat of bleach.
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I'll miss Farrah a lot more than MJ...good joke!
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7/6/2009 9:53 pm |
But you left out David Carradine!
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You are quite welcome.
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Well, it wasn't just the fanatics who had that reaction. No one could believe I said something like that. In spite of the fact they should be used to it by now.
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You are very welcome.
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Thank you. I hope he didn't threaten you too badly.
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Happy Birthday! from an insane atheist (next five years?! shit!)
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Hmmmmm I was expecting the punchline would be Jacko in hell so he didn't get to wish anyone dead.
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Ok, I'll finish the joke. Michael Jackson gets to the pearly gates and Saint Peter doesn't see his name on the RSVP list so, St. Pete ask Jacko to wait while he checks with God. St. Pete comes back and asks Michael what he has done while alive to get into heaven. Jacko thinks for a minute and says, "I gave a nickel to a kid once for an ice cream". Saint Peter says, "You must have done more than that". Michael thinks some more and says, "I gave twenty cents to a bum for a cup of coffee". St. Peter goes back and tells God what Michael said. Now, God stops to think for a minute then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a quarter. It hands it St. Peter and says, "Give that little prick the quarter and tell him to go to Hell".
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I've heard the Farrah, and Michael one but this is the first time I've heard them all tied in together. Q: What do Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson want for Christmas? A: Patrick Swayze.
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Now, now... Janet hasn't had that much plastic surgery. But LaToya... Hey! Maybe the rumors that he's not really dead are true! Has anyone seen him and LaToya in the same room in the last 20 years?
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nice punch lineHappy Birthday hun
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Thank you.
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Say what you wish about Michael, but he certainly did love children.
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Nah, what's worse is those going ballistic saying why are people saying such 'tasteless' things, he just died, he was human {just barely } and so on.I saw a few online, though {jokes}. Some argue that he died of a heart attack from disappointment after hearing that Boyz II Men was a band, not a delivery service. 2. Michael Jackson contains so much plastic that he will be melted down and turned into Lego, so children can play with him for a change. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag? One's white, made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with, but the other carries your groceries. PC found some better ones; I'll tell him to pass them along. 
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Remember the little figurines of the little guy holding his arms as far apart as he could and the caption said "I love you this much"? Keep that in mind... btw my BF is going to hell, he told me this joke. Someone asked Mary Magdalin why she loved Jesus? She replied (remember the figurine) because he's hung like this! I have no MJ jokes, he was such a joke to me. He had Diprovan at his house. This is a medication we use in the ER to put someone down so we can do stuff to them without them being awake, such as intubation or putting a dislocated shoulder back in place. My daughter asked me why I thought he had it. I said maybe that's what happened to his nose, he kept injecting Diprovan and falling on his face, all while soaking in a vat of bleach. You know, within hours of the death of the child molester, I had already heard his doctors made Elvis Presley's doctors look like rank amateurs. Why no one in his family put a stop to it, I don't know. It's called a Power of Attorney.
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I'll miss Farrah a lot more than MJ...good joke!
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But you left out David Carradine! I guess it's ok to go to heaven if you're a pervert, but not if you die while being a pervert. So MJ goes to heaven and David Carradine burns.
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ah no, I was never in the religious debate rooms. I sort of read that as all atheists are insane, but I knew all along that wasn't what you really meant, so I was only kidding. I guess I'm lucky I never met this more obnoxious set of atheists; here's hoping they're rare. John Lee Hooker Recommended: [blog lucyjane78]
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