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| Blogs > keithcancook > The Venting Blog |
BlogLand's Most Unusual Sexual Experiences #6
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BlogLand's Most Unusual Sexual Experiences #6 Hi ! Welcome to another installment of BlogLand's Most Unusual Sexual Experiences, brought to you by The Venting Blog. I conclude this series with a little slapstick courtesy of one of my longtime friends here, candysoveryverysweet. She originally posted this as a two part story. In part one, [post 29423], she provided a copy of a steamy cyber sex experience, giving us the play by play. Part two, [post 29458], is the stuff of legend, and is the focus of my post here. I have edited it for brevity and cohesion, but please visit candy and read it in the original sometime. We pick up this story just as our heroine has massively climaxed after a lengthly cybering session under the direction of her cyber lover. She has a vibrating egg stuffed up her twat, and another one banging away in her ass... [blog candy69sosweet] Okay, so I'm sitting here, just coming down, my heart is starting to beat semi-regular, and #1 comes in. She's the 23 y/o, and she just had to tell me about her weekend camping with the boyfriend. Here's me with the eggs still inside, but turned off. So I'm trying to listen to her, but I was still online with my cyber lover. Then in walks #2, the 18 y/o pregnant one. She plops on the floor, right next to the computer. So I'm sitting there, shoes off, panties soaked. The eggs? Well, the eggs are still buried inside me. The cord? Yeah, hanging down one leg. So, I can't cross my legs because the cord will show to #2. I can't get up, since the controller will be dangling between my legs. The egg in my ass is starting to get a little uncomfortable, as it's not wet anymore. And through it all I'm trying to act like nothings wrong! My daughters are now talking about the baby shower and all I want is for them to GET OUT OF THE FREAKING ROOM! But i gotta be a nice mommy. I gotta smile and laugh. Then they start telling jokes, and I'm laughing, but I'm also getting nervous. It's getting close to the time my husband will be home. #1 starts telling dead baby jokes to her pregnant sister!!! They're really bad, but #2 is laughing. All the while I'm screaming inside, "GET OUT!!!" Next, I forget that I can't cross my legs. So of course I do. The controller falls... KLUNK!... and hits the floor. Thankfully, #1 just got to the punch line so they don't hear it. But I sure did. Now, I'm aware of the fact that hubby will be home any second. So I try to retrieve the controller by pushing it toward me. I reach down and pick it up. I Tuck it under my skirt just as my husband walks into the room. You'd think that I'd covered my bases, right? No problem, right? WRONG!!! When I tucked the remote under my skirt, I accidentally TURNED IT ON!!!!! OMG!!!! So now here I am. I know I can smell my scent, and I know it's on my hands since I haven't been to the bathroom yet. Here he comes over to kiss me goodnight. Oh! I have the eggs vibrating inside me. I almost shit, but I couldn't coz the egg was up there vibrating. Driving me crazy. Well thank goodness he didn't notice. I'm an Oscar award winning actress. Finally the girls decide to raid the kitchen, and hubby heads on up the stairs. Myself, I made a mad dash to the bathroom. The pussy egg comes out nice and easy. Believe it or not, I'm still wet. But the anal one is stuck. I'm pulling on the cord, but not too hard as I don't want it to break. Imagine having to go to the ER with an egg up your ass, trying to explain how it got there. So I sit on the toilet, and try to push it out. The lube is in the den by the computer, so I can't use it. Then I remember.... there's baby oil in the bathroom closet! So I pour some on my finger and go digging for gold, or in this case, silver bullets. I managed to get it out at last. Oh! What a relief! So, I'm standing there washing them when hubby comes back downstairs and asks to turn the music down. Thank goodness the door was shut, coz I'm standing at the sink with my panties around my ankles, washing out the bullets. "Yes, dear, I'll turn it down as soon as I'm done", all the while thinking, "get the heck upstairs so I can get outta here!" He went back up, and I heard the door close. Taking the opportunity, I made another mad dash back into the den with my toy in hand, hurrying so my daughters won't see. I got in there, put the toy away in a bag, and here I sit laughing my ass off coz it was just too funny!!! I'm just too depleted from reading that to come up with a smart assed comment. I swear it leaves me breathless every time. Maybe [blog 1hotwahine] can fill in for me on this one. So, drum roll please... Take it away, wahine! Want more? Check these out... BlogLand39s Most Unusual Sexual Experiences 1 BlogLand39s Most Unusual Sexual Experiences 2 BlogLands Most Unusual Sexual Experiences 3 BlogLand39s Most Unusual Sexual Experiences 4 BlogLand39s Most Unusual Sexual Experiences 5  |
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10/9/2007 11:18 pm |
-laughing- too funny... The Giver was alone and the Gift unused: the Giver felt lonely and sought someone worthy of the Gift Touch my body own me tonight.. Touch my Mind, own me forever     
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OMG! Hilarious! Pull My Fucking Hair! 
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It's classic slapstick for sure, seeking.  Distress was building and gathering momentum right from the get-go, playrigal. blog on!
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Ha! I bet you mostly relive the stuff in Part One, candysoveryverypluggedin!
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10/10/2007 1:43 pm |
Hilarious! 
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Thanks, Truman! Good to see you, my friend!
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Hi there, purp! Enjoy the show!  blog on!
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just too funny for words Just a little food for thought............. If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you... {=}
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lol...that was so funny...i am still laughing...Candy....your a hoot...  []   Seduce my mind and my body
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That is hilarious....Keith, remind me to tell you about my fuscia vibrator that buzzes in my purse....ha!
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I haven't laughed so much doing a series for this blog in a long time, goddess! These posts are priceless gems. I'm chuckling right along with you, sexymermaid my love. Hello there bella_! Perhaps we will read about that small appliance in your blog one day... Hey! I wonder if it's the cosmetics that are setting it off?  Naw, that can't be it. ...Hmm...Do you keep panties in your purse? That would turn it on for sure!  You are very welcome ynot, my friend. Um, would you deign to elaborate on that memory? 
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That line cracked me up too, romantic! (groan, sorry)  blog on!
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All the kings' horses and all the kings' men... Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
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Huh? I don't get it. You musta poached that from somewhere else. Either that or you came in here fried with your brain all scrambled. 
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... and furthermore... don't even TRY to tell me I just laid an egg with that comment! 
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Huh? I don't get it. You musta poached that from somewhere else. Either that or you came in here fried with your brain all scrambled. ..Humpty Dumpty got stuck in her ass type of thing...I was in stitches reading this story also...
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I know, candysoveryverysatisfied. Your metamorphasis has been a wonderful thing to see. 
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I think it's a twisted reference to dealing with the "eggs" Keith... ..Humpty Dumpty got stuck in her ass type of thing...I was in stitches reading this story also... Take that old nursery rhyme for instance. What they don't tell you is that Humpty Dumpty wasn't alone. There was a witch that helped him. Plus he was able to launch himself and land on his feet. Alas, I never could decide which came first. The wiccan or the leg... (runs and hides)
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I just finished reading all of your posts in this series and I've been laughing so hard my side hurts! These are too funny! {=}
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LOL, tell your friends, Whisper darling. blog on!
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I know, candysoveryverysatisfied. Your metamorphasis has been a wonderful thing to see. Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
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10/11/2007 1:05 pm |
Oh my gosh!
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Yeah, it's sorta startling to see your BlogLand idols laid bare isn't it, BusyBeauty my friend? 
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Yes, it has been great to watch her come out of her shell. blog on!
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Presenting them has been a pleasure, Barbiebunzysweetiepiesugarplumalicious! blog on!
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