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Another Crass Horoscopes You Untalented Hacks
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Another Crass Horoscopes You Untalented Hacks Just when I was tapped for ideas and ready to retire this whole crass horoscope thing, MissAnnThrope once again dons the paper trainee hat and pulls through with a few good ideas. We had got our sinister heads together and our affinity for causing verbal harm and came up with an all new edition of the crass horoscopes. We’ve got to get our heads together more often, MissAnn and I. Turns out we work well together. Plus she makes me seem…tall. Yeah…its true. That chick is like a cuddly little ewok until she jams her sharpened stiletto heel into your temple and calls you her bitch. Then who’s the one begging for more lube? Huh? Anyway…comment here and MissAnn and I will come back with your very own (possibly recycled but maybe not) reading as soon as we’re both unchained from the dumpster. Long story. Don’t ask. It just seemed like a good idea at the time. Aries March 21-April 20 You’ve made it your goal to date a cougar but you’ll find the sex to be not what you had expected when they discover your body mauled at the zoo. Taurus April 21-May 21 They say that a little hard work and perseverance never killed anyone, but you and your trusty knife are about to prove them wrong. Gemini May 22-June 21 While he was nice enough to pay for drinks, dinner and the movie it is you who will ultimately pay for this weekend's date. Cancer June 22-July 23 You’ll be played as a pawn in a game of love, deception and intrigue…which is unfortunate for you as you’d rather be one of them jumping horsey guys. Leo July 24-August 23 After years of meditating on the quon, you’ll learn what is the sound of one hand clapping when you get yours caught in a thresher. Virgo August 24-September 23 The cordon bleu may be a tad too insipid and the wine may be a bit audacious for your seasoned palate but as last meals go you could have done worse. Libra September 24-October 23 Turns out it's neither the heat nor the humidity, but rather the spicy enchiladas that will cause all the sweating. Scorpio October 24-November 22 You didn't get into plumbing for the fame, the fortune, or the women. But one severely backed-up toilet will soon change all of that. Sagittarius November 23-December 21 The memories of your first masturbation session will come flooding back this month, when your mother, your brother, the mail man, some meter reader guy and the Midland High School marching band come barging into your living room unexpected. Capricorn December 22- January 20 Your life long wish to be regarded as hot will be finally granted, when the EPA deems your property a Super Fund Site and you discover you glow radioactive green. Aquarius January 21- February 19 Its usually not like you to be swayed by bribes but the $600 Economic Stimulus check will prove to be enough for you and millions of other morons just like you to vote Republican again. Pisces February 20-March 20 A few wrong turns and your unwillingness to ask directions will lead you, twelve other guys and a gay parade float through some very unfriendly neighborhoods.  |
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lol ... see I woulda thought that seeing an old Captain Kangaroo clip would've gotten me all nostalgic! Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale Her infinite variety. Other women cloy The appetites they feed, but she makes hungry Where most she satisfies. For vilest things Become themselves in her, that the holy priests Bless her when she is riggish. ~~ from Antony & Cleopatra
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9/1/2008 6:06 pm |
Cancer June 22-July 23 You’ll be played as a pawn in a game of love, deception and intrigue…which is unfortunate for you as you’d rather be one of them jumping horsey guys. Id rather be riding one of those jumping horsey guys.. 
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hehe,im Aquarius and i beg you for a different horoscope.. even though the rebate made me a lil happy...i dont WANNA vote Republican..hehe She's Dangerous cause she's Honest-(U2)
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bite your tongue off.... Check.... what check? Just give me my half indecent horoscope, Thank You Baby....m.
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I was supposed to get a freakin' check!??! Damn it!!! I never check my mail!!!
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I finally got myself unchained from the dumpster. You could have at least unchained me when you escaped. I feel like such a pawn.
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9/3/2008 4:46 pm |
Gemini May 22-June 21 While he was nice enough to pay for drinks, dinner and the movie it is you who will ultimately pay for this weekend's date. LOL. Sounds like an interesting evening! Well, depends on how I'm gonna pay. Pregnancy and STD's ( well not only on BC but no nookie without condoms for nobody...and if looks scary it isn't going in any of my orifaces)....I love a little BDSM....what are you gonna do to make me pay for that date? lol. Lock me in a room with a McCain supporter? Make me listen to some Mormon missionaries? I'll have you know I can make telemarketers hang up on me....so bring it on...bring it on.....Later! {=} ~~"I can scream as loud as your last one, but I can't claim innocence."~~
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_____My "cougar" days are in the past. When I was 25, I had sex with a 63 year old {three times}. The first time she said "Oh, baby." the second: "Oh, darling." third: "Oh, honey." I figured "oh, lover." was next...so it was time to leave. She looked better that a lot of women younger that her. If she only didn't douche so much. She tasted like vinegar. Her bed was hard as a rock too.
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This is my birthday month, goddammit! And I want my Whore-OH-Scope now!! Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde
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What about one gland crapping?  insert exploding bomb image here
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