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Your Layman Whitey's Guide To Black Culture
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Your Layman Whitey's Guide To Black Culture Is your idea of a good time line dancing at the 4H Club County Fair? Do you reminisce fondly on making out in your ’78 Camaro while listening to Led Zeppelin’s Kashmir? Do you go to Starbucks and buy a non-fat venti soy latte…with your credit card? Have you ever been to a Monster Truck Rally? A PTA meeting? A Tupperware party? Do you fancy yourself as a great swimmer…but a poor dancer? Do you live in Utah? Did you find the last post before this one to be really cryptic and indecipherable? Then chances are…you ain’t know shiznit about black culture! But fret not, my pasty white hockey fans…don’t go cashing out your 401Ks in panic just yet, you have a friend who’s willing to teach you the intricate lingo and culture of the black man…a friend who will cast a bright light onto all this black bizsnatch and make it as easy as hailing a cab. You have a friend willing to do all this…and no, dumbasses, I don’t mean Jesus! I’m talking about me. Follow along and enjoy these terms and definitions I have laid out for you. I dug deep for these references and some may be head scratchers even for some of our African-American friends. Here they are… Badonkadonk…a word often used to describe a black girl’s ass and some white girls asses also. It should be big, round, firm and juicy and often accompanied by a narrow waist and wide hips. Not all big asses are badonkadonks, they have to have a certain look and firmness to them. Just because you squeeze your ass into a pair of Lane Bryant stretch pants doesn’t mean you have a badonkadonk. Shorty…originally a or a novice young man but now is an affectionate term for your girlfriend or an attractive woman. Boxing a Donk…a donk is a term referring to a type of highly customized car, typically an inexpensive American-built sedan from the 70‘s or 80‘s. Donks originally grew out of the Dirty South hip hop subculture said to have been coined by rapper trick Daddy. Vehicles customized in the donk style are distinguished by their outrageously disproportionate rims, ranging from 24 to 30inches or more in diameter, as well as flamboyant custom paint-jobs and expensive audio hardware. Often the suspension is modified so the front end sits slightly higher than the rear end, giving the car a swaggering, snooty appearance. Because of the almost comically exaggerated look gained from installing a lifted suspension and enormous rims, donks are also known as "hi-risers" or "sky-scrapers." A “box” donk is an 80’s era car with a boxy or squared off front and rear end like a Caprice or Monte Carlo. When you drive such a car you are said to be “boxing a donk”. Fo’shizzle, My Nizzle…When asked the meaning on The Chelsie Handler, Snoop Dogg gave this “official” explanation… “(Fo)r sure, my dude…or a phrase to express a reached agreement with your fellow man. But even I know that was the TV friendly version of the term. Part of the complex formula for interpreting Snoop speak is to replace the last syllable of a word with “izzle”. If “sure” becomes “shizzle”, then “nizzle”…well, you can figure it out. Grown Men…Another term from black car culture; you’re said to be a grown man when you reach the age of 18 and over and the same can be said for large, outsized rims 18 inches or more. Nowadays rims are not considered grown men until they reach 24inches and beyond and are seen most often on Escalades, Hummers, and Donks. One can say…“my ride rolls on grown men.” Chickenhead… a female, usually a skank who likes to give frequent blowjobs. Usually accompanied with the word ho. The word comes from the movement that the females head makes while performing oral sex, similar to that of a chicken bobbing at feed. True story…I learned this term from my mom. She was explaining that a gang of angry girls were shouting that at my cousin as they were throwing rocks through her window…and no, you can’t have my cousin’s number. Black Mattress…a white woman who seeks sexual company with exclusively black men. She can also be known as a Bro Ho, a Petrolera or a Coal Burner. Crunk…A style of urban hip hop originating from the black south, mainly Georgia and the Carolinas and pioneered by southern rappers such as Lil John, the Yin Yang Twins and Outkast. Its known for its hoarse chants and repetitive, simple refrains. Lyrics are based on a rhythmic bounce, which is very effective in a club environment. Crunk is said to be a derivative of “crazy” and “drunk” and crunked up is a frantic high energy state of mind. Aight all y’all. This has been another post for Black History Month all up in this piece. That’s all the time I got for this one, who knows, maybe I’ll do another guide to black culture for the layman whitey. While you’re here, if you have any terms for me that I can test my wits to leave ‘em in your comments. For now, I’ll catch you on the flip side, boo.  |
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An excellent primer, Atomic. And now all of these terms are probably outdated and no longer cool. The most amazing thing about any slang term is how quickly it evolves and changes. Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde
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~blinks~ uhhh... ok  take care... sorry I dont have any witty comeback tender hugs...m.
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2/16/2008 1:28 pm |
Right on cracka..you sho know how to lay it down to the man! Fo Sho! We should go hang out at a crib in the hood and sit back watching them shorties with their badonkadonks in them apple bottom jeans. While sippin some gin and juice or maybe a couple OE double dueces. We could compare rims if you had yourself a car! I got stationaries maybe one day they'll always spin! `Velvet Hell is when u should have walked away, but u didn't.
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2/16/2008 7:47 pm |
Thanks for enlightening me on those slang terms.. Chickenhead..  ))more like a turkey..gooble..gooble
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I am curious to know...is there a sure fire way for a slightly over weight, on the cusp of middle aged white guy of average means to walk up to a Black girl and say something in her launguage, that will guarantee a lay for said white guy? I have a friend who's interested, just so you understand.
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You know, I've been thinking about writing an Ebonics to English dictionary. Wanna help?
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2/17/2008 10:59 am |
...says nothing and walks away after squeezing my ass into a pair of Lane Bryant stretch pants...  ***tee  hee***
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I'll go way way back (it's Black History month after all) boogie originally meant syphilis--hence boogie man juke was originally joog and jook--West African for wicked many juke joint signs in the rural South are still spelled jook can you name a famous white girl with a badonkadonk? can you box a badonkadonk? John Lee Hooker Recommended: [blog lucyjane78]
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2/19/2008 12:13 pm |
Oh my land, Toto we're not in Kansas anymore. (Good job Boo, I'm down wit dat.)
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atomic: OutKast don't make crunk! puh-leeze! regards, former ATLien [image] Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale Her infinite variety. Other women cloy The appetites they feed, but she makes hungry Where most she satisfies. For vilest things Become themselves in her, that the holy priests Bless her when she is riggish. ~~ from Antony & Cleopatra
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_____I thought Badonkadonk was redneck. You know...Honky Tonk Badonkadonk. OK. Now that I'm educated in "Ghetto Speak", where can I use it?
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