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| Blogs > greekphilosopher > Oh no, not again... |
So you want to learn chinese?
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So you want to learn chinese? Hey pips. Remember the original ad in the free notice board,the one about me been a real romantic never farting too loud on a first date..... well I am meeting someone soon for a drink.....( have I finally got my own personal stalker ? )After a few questioning e- mails ,told her all about how I gave up on that one ( ad and free message board,too many people,etc,scammers and all that) then I said I joined this place( is this jumping from the frying pan to the fire? ),and mentioned that ,at that stage, she probably thought I was a sleaze bag and would never message me again.Imagine my surprise when she did reply,expressing her appreciation of me been honest,with an invite for a... drink sometime...!Mind you she still has not send a picture....we will end up sitting in the pub for hours,at the same table,frantically texting.....well where are you then....and what do you look like... ? Today and for the next couple of days I have to keep away from this place during the day, while the...looters are in, looting. Funny how its always the ''valuable items'' that go first (?) when the looting starts.It will take a few days to finish and then,nothing left for any kind of pirate... I been associating with my new room today,don't want to get up in the middle of the night and go trough the wrong door ! Especially the big lady's bedroom,ha .Or the other blokes door for that matter.Oh yeah,I lost another couple of friends,from my network,you know the like,the ones who never exchange a message then appear and disappear at their own invisibility?What?What you mean it only happens to me?I been helping a couple of friends too, to improve their communication skills....damn ,they in either side of the world,why never locals? Suppose the whole world knows now about the textjpg or whatever trick...Oops, just realized the joke about the mans penis and the new kitchen is in here twice.Sorry wont happen again.Most of these jokes are from the internet,the politically incorrect ones , too,but you know ,in the name of a good giggle......Ooh ok here ya go then...... Learn chinese in 5 minutes That's not right... Sum Ting Wong Are you harboring a fugitive?... Hu Yu Hai Ding? See me ASAP... Kum Hia Nao Stupid Man... Dum Gai Small ... Tai Ni Po Ni Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan? I bumped into a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Ni I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat It's very dark in here... Wai So Dim? I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching? This is a tow away zone... No Pah King Our meeting is scheduled for next week... Wai Yu Kum Nao? Staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu EVER WONDER where we are headed... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?Why you don't ever see the heading "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?Why Doctors call what they do "practice"? Why you have to go to start to stop Windows 98? Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dish washing liquid is made with real lemons? Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food? Who tastes food when it has a "new & improved" flavor? Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes? Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box? Why sheep don't shrink when it rains? Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe? VIZ Top Tips! DON'T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favorite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a p*ss before the film starts. RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place. DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few bits of mess in the bin bags along with your old bank statements. WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains. SOLDIERS. Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial tomfoolery after a trip to Trueprint. MURDERERS. Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again. BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you. EMPLOYERS. Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin. MEN. When listening to your favorite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it. GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending GB50 to yourself by Royal Mail. BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small is approaching.BLIND PEOPLE. Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time. ALCOHOL makes an ideal substitute for happiness.DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way. PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again. CAR thieves. Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.DEPRESSED people. Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help', simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc. MOTORISTS. Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea. JEREMY Beadle. When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser disks. SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day. SINGLE men. Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside. BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph. After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan. ALCOHOLICS. Don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices. McDONALD'S. Make your brown carrier bags green in color so they blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows. And the absolute belter for last........ WOMEN. Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't give a shit anyway and you could use the saved energy to<b> hoover </font></b>the house after you've been banged. Now go make some one else laugh xxx  |
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