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Terms of Affection
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Terms of Affection Someone called me "babe" in a comment last week – Oooo it made me go all melty, lol! But it set me thinking about terms of affection, and how we use them, what they mean. I don't normally use "babe" myself, although - for reasons not worth explaining - I did get into that habit with The Blogger Who Loved Me. We both called each other babe, or baby, and it did seem appropriate as she was American. It became like it was her name, but I don't know if I could use it again. All the same it did make me smile when I read it again last week – coming from that person it seemed just natural, and I really liked it. I'm not into silly pet names much, though I have used them in the past. I am prone to calling women I particularly like "gorgeous" or "beautiful," but only if I really mean it. Sometimes relationships just do generate their own special names, and they should always be kept secret I think. I can't stand couples who call each other "snookums" in public, and probably neither can anyone else. And they can belittle the sexiness of a relationship I think, if you are not careful with them. I think there are some terms of endearment which can be a turn on, and others which are somehow meant to convey a non-sexy affection. Maybe the terms you use to people reveal aspects of your emotions. There might be certain terms you like to hear from a lover, but not otherwise. I remember there was a spate of women calling me "hun" on this site for a while, but that seems to have died away again now. I wonder, maybe there are temporary fashions in terms of endearment? Now I think about it, I do think they can have subtle differences in meaning. I don't think I have ever been called "Hun" by anyone who was turned on by me. And maybe I call women I fancy and want to be charming to, "gorgeous," and reserve "beautiful" for women I feel more long term affectionate about as well, I'm not sure. Someone I became very fond of recently always called me "darling," but not in that long drawling luvvie sort of way, more a clipped first syllable which made it uniquely hers. Mind you, I think she calls everyone darling, but it seemed to have special relevance for me. She still does it when we talk and it always makes me feel special. It might not do from someone else, but is that because of how she says it, or just because it is her? My favourite aunt, for example, called everyone darling, in a kind of nineteen thirties way, and in the end confessed that it made life easier because she never had to remember any names. Everyone, I mean absolutely everyone, was darling. She would probably have called the Queen darling if she'd ever met her. My mother on the other hand called everyone "dear," and I can't tell you how lovable that was. Like Miss Marple calls people dear, but with even more affection. I don't think anyone younger could carry it off though, it's a generation thing, I know. But I will never forget the time I brought home a new girlfriend, (someone who, after we broke up, became a life long friend and even gets a mention on this blog now and again, ) who, on that particular day was looking like a high class – short clingy skirt, long fuckable legs and nipples poking out through the skimpy fabric. And my mother never batted an eyelid. All she said was, "hello dear, how lovely to meet you, do come in and have a cup of tea." And she sat there chatting, making her feel at home, and never once showed any anxiety about how this sexy young thing might be leading her impressionable astray. Which she was, gorgeously. |
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Lol, you are forgiven. She sounds like one wacky but cool English teacher!
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Yes, definitely. Your friend's wife gives him a wonderful gift by being secure enough about his relationship with you to make him feel comfortable about calling you beautiful in front of her. Perhaps, also because he knows there is no sexual tension between you, she can read how comfortable he is, which allows her to feel that security. These things are complicated, but when everyones feelings mesh neatly like that, it feels great.
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I love this post, but I must confess that I stressed out someone because I did not like his nickname for me. My friend from Arkansas started calling me TamTam awhile ago. I HATE it! However, I was nice and didn't say anything. So the other night I finally told him that he made me feel like a poodle every time he calls me that. He is now making a conscious effort to correct. I am definitely a "babe" or "baby" or "darlin" kind of girl. I use them all interchangeably, business or pleasure. It's habit. I have actually taught Europeans who have moved to the south how to "talk" to Southerners  If I have stopped by your blog, please be sure to sign my permission slip Pimp Me, Pimp My Blog, But Let Me Do The Same With You  
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I love this post, but I must confess that I stressed out someone because I did not like his nickname for me. My friend from Arkansas started calling me TamTam awhile ago. I HATE it! However, I was nice and didn't say anything. So the other night I finally told him that he made me feel like a poodle every time he calls me that. He is now making a conscious effort to correct. I am definitely a "babe" or "baby" or "darlin" kind of girl. I use them all interchangeably, business or pleasure. It's habit. I have actually taught Europeans who have moved to the south how to "talk" to Southerners I'm sure I would need to be taught lots of things if I came to visit the south.....
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Now this is more of the Dreamer I've been looking for I always end up giving my paramour a pet name or names usually particularly silly,... my little routagegah, furface, josep, and there is often the sexy name and the fun name,... I have had a couple of pet names applied to me but honestly I just like to hear my lover speak my name in that tone of voice... Babe is one of those terms de jour,...I detest hun i find it completely condescending,... I'm a terrible one for calling people sunshine,...I didn't even know for years that in some sultures its quite offensive, but it reminds me of a lovely lady mom of a friend who when I stayed at my friend's place used to greet me every morning with a big smile a home cooked breakfast and a heartfelt "good morning sunshine", so i never mean offense I'm just trying to spread the love. Good girls go to heaven,....Bad girls go EVERYWHERE! I love to travel  Come visit my blog tigger678902
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i like little terms of affection, except 'baby' or 'babe' and even 'sweety', until i hear them used on someone else. then it is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me when its used on me. i know... i'ma freak. using my favorites on others... like you, Dreemy... i use until i hear someone else using it. Then I have to change find another.  Respond to every call that excites Your Spirit ~Rumi  ..
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i like little terms of affection, except 'baby' or 'babe' and even 'sweety', until i hear them used on someone else. then it is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me when its used on me. i know... i'ma freak. using my favorites on others... like you, Dreemy... i use until i hear someone else using it. Then I have to change find another.
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Now this is more of the Dreamer I've been looking for I always end up giving my paramour a pet name or names usually particularly silly,... my little routagegah, furface, josep, and there is often the sexy name and the fun name,... I have had a couple of pet names applied to me but honestly I just like to hear my lover speak my name in that tone of voice... Babe is one of those terms de jour,...I detest hun i find it completely condescending,... I'm a terrible one for calling people sunshine,...I didn't even know for years that in some sultures its quite offensive, but it reminds me of a lovely lady mom of a friend who when I stayed at my friend's place used to greet me every morning with a big smile a home cooked breakfast and a heartfelt "good morning sunshine", so i never mean offense I'm just trying to spread the love. Babe seems more unusual to me because no one in my real life circles would use it, unless they were from Essex, which they are not. You are right, your own name said in a sexy voice is always good, and you can probably get away with sunshine in most situations, although you are right, over here in England it could sound condescending, but it would depend on the way you said it. Because it is normally used following some kind of belittling admonishment, as in: Teenage Boy: "Tomorrow I am going to have my girlfriend to stay the night" Prudish father: "Not while you're living in my house you're not, sunshine." But if you murmured "hello sunshine" in a soft husky voice to your lover as you slipped your naked arms around his waist and gently ran your fingers over his chest, I think it would probably go down okay.
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Hmmmmm, I do have a special name for you Zandi, but I can't use it here because it is your own real name, lol. You are the only person by that name that I have ever known, not that it is particularly unusual, and so it seems special.  Respond to every call that excites Your Spirit ~Rumi ..
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that's the sweetest thing said to me in a long time, Dreemy "Zandi is clever and sexy and gorgeous," how's that?
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That's quite right, I agree. Although there can always be exceptions. For example, I was about to say no one could say "dear" the way my mother used to say it unless it was in an English accent, when I remembered that the character Jessica Fletcher, in "Murder She Wrote" played by Angela Lansbury often calls young people she is fond of dear, in exactly the same way. At least I think she does. I can certainly imagine hearing her saying it in her New England twang. Of course Angela Lansbury is English.....but the accent is very authentic, or so I have been told.
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Awwwww, what? That sounds as if you are a bit short of someone to say sweet things to you right now. "Zandi is clever and sexy and gorgeous," how's that? thank you. it was Very sweet. Respond to every call that excites Your Spirit ~Rumi ..
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nooo, that wasn't what i meant, but ... thank you. it was Very sweet.
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oh, i totally LOVE this post!!!!!!  I've never been called anything good while growing up. Just had one uncle - Dad's youngest brother - he called me Child. I'd rather just remember that. =) Then there was my 'uncle' who wasn't any parental unit's brother, but he was about their age, so he got called uncle. He was American. He called me and my sister- sweetheart. that was a first and I can still hear it in his voice. I guess it was a last too, cuz there's no other voice in my head that says 'sweetheart'. Most recently, it was 'Honey' which was sometimes 'Honey bunny'. I was acutely aware of him calling me that, but i chose to ignore it, telling myself, he probably talked to everyone like that, because it just flowed out of him so easily. But it didn't keep me from getting all melty anyways, so i told him. Well, actually, i sort of tried to do it in a subtle way, and I asked him first, if he called everyone honey, and he said he didn't. That really confused me. so I asked him why he called me that, and he said i'm the type he can call honey, and then there's others, that he can't call honey. i'm not good with calling anyone anything other than their names. So, i only ever said his name, but he'd always chuckle when I did, and he said he liked how I said his name. not sure what it was about the way i said it that he liked. lol =) I do call my own kids sweetie. Even my teenage son doesn't mind that. or various morphasions of their actual names. and my daughter does the same to me - so sometimes, Mommy is Mahnuuu...!!?? lol =) --Author Unknown
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oh, i totally LOVE this post!!!!!! I've never been called anything good while growing up. Just had one uncle - Dad's youngest brother - he called me Child. I'd rather just remember that. =) Then there was my 'uncle' who wasn't any parental unit's brother, but he was about their age, so he got called uncle. He was American. He called me and my sister- sweetheart. that was a first and I can still hear it in his voice. I guess it was a last too, cuz there's no other voice in my head that says 'sweetheart'. Most recently, it was 'Honey' which was sometimes 'Honey bunny'. I was acutely aware of him calling me that, but i chose to ignore it, telling myself, he probably talked to everyone like that, because it just flowed out of him so easily. But it didn't keep me from getting all melty anyways, so i told him. Well, actually, i sort of tried to do it in a subtle way, and I asked him first, if he called everyone honey, and he said he didn't. That really confused me. so I asked him why he called me that, and he said i'm the type he can call honey, and then there's others, that he can't call honey. i'm not good with calling anyone anything other than their names. So, i only ever said his name, but he'd always chuckle when I did, and he said he liked how I said his name. not sure what it was about the way i said it that he liked. lol =) I do call my own kids sweetie. Even my teenage son doesn't mind that. or various morphasions of their actual names. and my daughter does the same to me - so sometimes, Mommy is Mahnuuu...!!?? lol =) Ooooh. "sweetheart," I had forgotten sweetheart, but I have used it a few times. Only ever for someone I have a relationship with at the time, and possibly for a while afterwards if we are still close. One you have to be careful with in writing - so easy to accidentally write "sweatheart" which doesn't sound so good, lol.
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Hey Voilette, nice to see you. Ooooh. "sweetheart," I had forgotten sweetheart, but I have used it a few times. Only ever for someone I have a relationship with at the time, and possibly for a while afterwards if we are still close. One you have to be careful with in writing - so easy to accidentally write "sweatheart" which doesn't sound so good, lol.  --Author Unknown
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